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Ash swirled around Dominator's sneaker as she stepped out of the Gate and into The Ashen Steppes. It was like stepping right into a burning oven, a blast of hot, dry air greeting her as she made her way into this new and strange land.
Except that, immediately, she felt at home. Not so strange at all. The blackened, scorched world all around her, the magma swelling to the surface... oh, yes! This was good. It wasn't Volcanium X, but it was close, and the incredible heat radiating from the ground helped her to feel comfortable for the first time since she got here.
It seemed like the Stormtroopers hadn’t lied to her after all. This place really was, in their words, ‘A blasted hellscape of lava, misery and despair which no sane person would want to spend even a second in’. Lava was the perfect place to find Volcanium X … if this place didn’t completely throw every single rule she knew to the winds. She couldn't blame Mysterio for deciding to give it a hard pass; the man had his own priorities and none of them involved sifting through ash and molten rock for hours on end. He had gone his way, she had gone hers - their paths, she was certain, would cross again. But for now, there was important work that she needed to take care of herself. Getting a good store of Volcanium X was vital if she was going to scrape together anything like her old capabilities.
“You know, I could get used to this place.” She said, waving a hand vaguely around to indicate the scorched and broken world laid out before her. “Maybe a throw rug over there, an unstoppable robot army over here, cages full of wailing and broken captives up the top of that mountain there… yeah! Yeah, this place has potential.”
The blood red sky, barely visible through roiling clouds of darkness, added a pleasingly melancholic air to the place. "Now which way should I go?" She wondered aloud, before shrugging, and spinning on the spot. She came to a halt facing, roughly, to the east, and thus began her trek.
It did not take long for Dominator to get bored walking in a random direction, having walked perhaps a mile from the initial gate. The green-skinned woman yawned, and knelt beside a river of boiling magma. The twisting ribbon of bright orange was relatively thin, but still a delicious source of warmth. Her gloved hands spread over the river, and she let out a soft sigh as she let the heat wash over her, yeah, that felt really, really nice.
Concentrating, Dominator brought her hands in front of her, and once more tried that neat little trick which had got her the Volcanium X she needed to fuel her armour. It had been... decades, really, since she'd needed to stoop to this level herself, but desperate times called for desperate measures. She could picture the device she needed very clearly in her mind, and it was far easier to summon that than it was to bring raw Volcanium X into being. Later, perhaps, she could investigate summoning some Probes to take care of this for her... but for now, it was imperative that she gather strength; she couldn't afford to waste a single drop (did it drip?) of this 'Omnilium'.
After five minutes, the tool formed in her hands - a hardened drill attached by a hose to a glass container on straps; two, actually, with a small orb the size of a soccer ball on the top and a larger tank on the bottom.. She shrugged the pack on, and then dipped the drill down into the magma. The machine whirled into life with a high-pitched squeal, boring into the vein of molten rock. She had to grip tightly to keep it on track, tiny droplets of searing-hot magma splashing up from the stream until she found the right angle... and then, slowly, it began to work. Siphoning through the magma, the Extractor Drill parted the valuable Volcanium X from the molten rock, venting off the useless slurry into the larger container whilst the smaller one received tiny droplets.
"Geez, could this work BE any more boring? Didn’t I used to have people to do this for me?"
Despite her complaint, Lord Dominator was happy to continue the mining until the orb on the top of the tank was roughly half-full. By then, her arms were burning and exhaustion setting in, so she raised up the drill and shrugged off the pack. Dumping the slurry back into the exposed magma pool with a 'hissssssss', the woman yawned, and settled herself down against the floor.
"Maybe a nap wouldn't be the worst idea in the world..."
"Do you think she's dead?"
The voice that posed such an impertinent question was - there's no nice way to say this - fairly dumb-sounding. Deep and gormless, it was coupled with a nudging against her stomach that had Dominator's eyes opening a crack. Two squat, mushroom-like creatures with thick, brown heads were peering at her. Fanged and armless, one of them nudged her with his boot again.
"Nah, look, she's waking up!"
Which was when Dominator noticed the other was poking at her Extractor Drill with his foot.
In an instant, she was on her feet, and the two goombas found themselves dangling upside-down from her grip. Her suddenly rather fiery, burny grip.
"Do you two want to give me one good reason not to give you a magma dip?"
One of them burst out laughing - thankfully, the other was just about bright enough to realise that the woman threatening them ... wasn't joking. He swallowed, and tried to put on his best winning smile - which meant that both of them were lowered another few inches towards the pool of bubbling, molten rock.
"Wait!" He squealed, "We're goombas. From the Koopa Kingdom!"
That worked to at least reel the pair in to look Dominator more fully in the eye.
"You say that like it ought to mean something."
"It does!" The goomba protested, "The Koopa Kingdom rules all this land! If you want to mine it, you have to get our permission! Or, well, our bosses permission, we can't actually give permission. George there has been trying to climb up the ladder, but you know how it is, you get passed over for promotion because the boss' son is coming up through the ranks and--"
"SHUT UP ALREADY!"
The bellowed shout had the desired effect of ceasing the goombas prattling, and Dominator dumped both creatures back down onto the ground. Stepping over them, she picked up her Extractor Drill and slung it back over her shoulders.
"I'm not giving up what is mine. You idiots don't even know the goldmine that you're sitting on."
"Actually." George said, "There's a gold mine the King has had us building for ages, and--"
The goombas were learning; the withering look that Dominator gave him was enough to still his tongue before dumping him back into the magma seemed like the more appealing option.
"But." She continued, "I'm not looking to pick a fight. Today, anyway. Why don't you take me to your boss and we can have a chat about this whole, mining rights situation."
The two goombas shared a nervous look, until Dominator clarified.
"That wasn't, actually, a question."
"Oh! Right!" "Should have guessed, yeah, you're pretty scary." "Follow us!"
The two creatures turned and started to shuffle away on the ashen ground. The moment that they did, Dominator let her hand slap her face. Ugh. This ... was going to be annoying. She could tell already.
“So, you want to mine our land?
Dominator had to admit, the palace had been impressive – and this garrison was equally impressive, in its own way. Compared to much of what she’d seen, anyway, these ‘koopas’ seemed pretty organised. These guys didn’t look like much, but there were a lot of them, and they had some nice fortifications… she was willing to bet it’d be a huge hassle to deal with them. Better, then, to play it cool and get what she wanted.
“Yeah, that’s right. You’re not using it, and I can. Seems like everyone wins.”
The Lieutenant she was talking to cocked his head to the side, looking at her curiously. “Do we? What do we get out of this, exactly?”
Dominator shrugged her shoulders in response. “Well, you don’t annoy me. That’s a good start.”
The koopa pinched the bridge of his nose, and shook his head.
“Alright, fine, let’s see… I think we can come up with something. How about you take the test to become part of the Koopa Troop. If you join our army and help us out, we can probably let you take what you want from these lava streams.”
Dominator frowned faintly as she considered that. Signing up to someone else’s army didn’t exactly sound like her idea of a good time – on the other hand, once she’d got what she wanted, she could always just completely ignore whatever obligations came with it if they were things she didn’t want to do. Yeah. That’d probably work out fine. What could go wrong?
“Sounds like you have a deal.”
“Great.” The koopa replied, waving his hand vaguely in the direction of the waiting room. “Go sit with the other applicants until we’ve decided what we want you to do.”
The waiting area was… less impressive. Dominator settled herself down into one of the seats, and looked around at the vast array of other beings waiting to have the opportunity to try out to join the Koopa Troop. Dominator towered above most of them – why was everything so short around here? – and yet that didn’t seem to prevent one particularly irritating turtle-like creature from sidling up to her and settling into the seat next to hers.
“So, you’re trying to join the Koopa Troop, huh?”
Dominator narrowed her eyes, looking sidelong at the little turtle. This did not seem to dissuade him in the least. Instead, he merely adjusted his glasses and kept on talking.
“Naturally, I have been preparing to join the Koop Troop for years! My name’s Kyle, by the way, Kyle Koopa, and you should remember that name because I am going to be a Lieutenant before you know it!”
Dominator’s silence only seemed to infuriate the frustrating little koopa all the more.
“You think you can just breeze in here because you’re a Prime, right? And we’re just Secondaries? But that doesn’t make us less than you! That just means we can’t use your weird tricks to get ahead, we have to use brains, and power, and brawn, and smarts!”
Finally, Dominator turned her attention to the koopa, scooting in her chair so that she could look down on ‘Kyle’ directly.
“You know, that’s really only two things, you counted each twice.”
The koopa’s cheeks turned a dark shade of green and he stood up suddenly.
“Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, you… your helmet is stupid!”
Immediately, Dominator was on her feet, towering over the far shorter creature with her hands on her hips. Her armour formed up around her instantly, thick metal covering every inch, and her helmet closing up so that a brilliant green visor could stare down at the suddenly much, much smaller creature.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY HELMET?!”
Glowering down at him, she was quietly impressed that the koopa didn’t even flinch – though that wouldn’t save him from her terrible wrath.
“I said your helmet looks stupid!”
One burning metal fist closed tight around the koopa’s midsection and she lifted him up to meet her visor. There was a low snarl from behind the visor, and a rather higher-pitched one from the little turtle monster as they glared each other down, the koopa’s features reflected in the shiny helmet which – though impassive – could not quite hide the growing anger bubbling beneath the surface.
Suddenly, a sharp voice cut across the room. “That’s enough you two!”
The Lieutenant Koopa was no more intimidating to Dominator, but he did at least cause Kyle to back down.
“Sorry Sir.” The bespectacled turtle-beast said.
“Yeah you are.” Dominator agreed, which got a clap from the Lieutenant to draw attention back to him.
“That’s enough of that!”
The Lieutenant checked his clipboard, and huffed. “Alright you two, since you’re both getting on so well, you can compete with each other. Whichever one of you gets to Garrison 38 first, and retrieves the golden turtle shell from within will be granted entrance into the Koopa Troop. The other one? Failure. Ignominy. Disgrace.”
The Lieutenant paused to let that sink in for a few seconds. Kyle looked worried – Dominator was inspecting the fingers of her gloves, as though she might need to clean them for some reason.
“You’ll each be issued with a map, a compass, and you’ll have twenty-four hours to get back here. If neither of you makes it? You’ll BOTH fail. Any questions?”
Kyle stood to attention sharply. “Sir, no Sir, very clear, Sir!”
Dominator raised her eyebrow and looked from the saluting turtle to his boss. “Yeah, I have a question. What does this shell look like, exactly?”
The Lieutenant turned around, and tapped his koopa shell. “Just like this, but golden.”
Dominator nodded her head, “Excellent. And is it against the rules for me to kill this guy.” She jerked her thumb towards Kyle. “And make life a lot easier for myself?”
The Lieutenant spluttered for a few seconds before finding his voice again, “Yes! It is totally against the rules! No maiming or killing one another! You’re rivals, not enemies! We can’t go letting the recruits stone-cold murder each other! Now, stop asking stupid questions and take this stuff!”
The Lieutenant shoved the pack of gear into each of their hands, and both of them found themselves shoved out into the volcanic wasteland outside.
The world outside was a mass of flames and destruction, a seemingly endless expanse of ash and fire which clung to every surface and made Dominator’s eyes water. The idiot koopa had sped off almost immediately, apparently far more familiar with this terrain than she was. That wasn’t too much of a surprise; the creature had been here far longer and presumably knew where this other outpost actually was. She had to analyse this flarbing map, and it had been years since she’d needed to look at a map on anything other than a galactic scale. Mining had been annoying, this? This was incredibly frustrating.
The map was spread out wide, the green-skinned woman waving the thing around as she tried to figure out the landmarks that were made on the map compared to the terrain. As far as she could tell, it was all just one long mass of samey terrain – and yet the map was full of landmarks showing peaks and troughs as though she should be able to tell one sudden dip from another!
“This is so stupid! Why aren’t there roads between these bases? Don’t they know how to put in basic infrastructure?!”
Trudging into the wilderness, Dominator crammed the map into her pocket and tried not to concentrate on that. The quicker she got this ridiculous test over and done with, the quicker she could return to the far more important work of mining Volcanium X. Once she had enough of that, she could build up her forces again and start the long, long climb back up to greatness. Yes, it was annoying that she was having to lower herself so much – but every journey had to begin somewhere, and it would all be worth it when she was burning that grinning lunatic alive in a sea of boiling lava. If she could just keep her eyes on the prize, she’d get what she wanted in the end – she always had before.
Wilderness soon turned out to be a rather optimistic term. Dominator was used to dead planets, but even some of the ruins she’d left in her wake had seemed more hospitable than this place. The ground felt disturbingly brittle under her feet in places, and the further she went, the more she understood why the koopas hadn’t built a road between the two outposts. The ground kept shifting, and bubbling pockets of lava burst to the surface to interrupt her progress and threaten grievous injury.
Picking out where the rock seemed strongest was a skill on its own, and as she started to get the hang of it, Dominator found herself noticing scuffs in the dirt – neat little lines disturbing the ancient ash. Someone had passed through here not long ago, and their legs were small – a third mark regularly swishing as though of a tail…
Yup. She was sure of it. There couldn’t be any doubt – Kyle had come this way, which meant that she was on the right track.
She just needed to pick up the pace if she was going to beat the little loser to the punch.
It was interesting how there were times when one’s perspective could change utterly. For the most part, Dominator hated the fact that she didn’t have her robot army; her legions of obedient, mindless Dominator Robots were the closest thing to friends she had, and they provided both her company and the endlessly loyal weapons of war she needed to dominate the galaxy.
Right now, though, she was happy that she was alone, because this was not a dignified situation.
Having sprinted for as long and hard as she could, the bright green alien was a complete and total mess. The red sky burned above, baleful with heat as the clouds swirled apart to let more light beat down on the darkened terrain. Dominator had even allowed her helmet to retract, her brilliant white hair plastered thick to her face, drenched in sweat and nowhere near its usual lustre.
The woman was nowhere near full speed any more. Every breath felt like it was an effort, the thick, arid air burned her mouth and she had a thin film of ash on her tongue from the laboured breathing. She was practically bent double, with her sneakers digging in deep to the ashen ground with each step. It was all she could do to stop from just collapsing, and – worst of all – Kyle’s tracks didn’t seem to be suffering to anywhere near the same degree. The obstinate little turtle-monster was carrying on at the same steady pace he’d been taking for miles upon miles!
“Gonna, make me some koopa soup…” She hissed to herself, and then, quite simply, she fell to her knees. She just couldn’t go on like this! And at last she collapsed, staring up into the angry red sky. What had she ever done to deserve such a horrible situation?
Well… you know… except literally everything?
Oh, what she wouldn’t give for a cool refreshing drink right about now. Closing her eyes, she could picture it so clearly in her mind’s eye. A nice, hollowed-out pineapple, maybe, filled with something fruity and alcoholic and – importantly – a lot of ice. One of those cute little flags in the top, black, with a bright red D to signify that it belonged to her and her alone – Dominator! And, and—
There was a brief flash of light and Dominator opened her eyes again to find the pineapple floating in front of her face. Her eyes opened wide and she reached out with trembling hands to take the delicious beverage…
Which immediately fell to the ground and tipped over, spilling its delicious contents over the ashy wasteland.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
The second drink was – Dominator felt sure – nowhere near as good as the first she’s summoned, but it worked to put a spring back into her step.
Holding the map in her hands as she went, Dominator actually began whistling a jaunty tune. Sure, the ‘omniverse’ (what kind of JERK names a whole plane of existence after himself? And more to the point, why didn’t she think of it force?!) might be a frustrating, annoying place… but she had the ability to summon infinite drinking pineapples, so maybe it wasn’t all bad.
Then, suddenly, the ground gave way beneath her feet, and Dominator was once again reintroduced into a world where nothing was good, everything was terrible, and there was no end in sight to her misery.
Thankfully, it didn’t last long – because her bare skull impacted the bottom of the pit and darkness rushed up to overtake her.
When she came to, she was at the bottom of a deep hole. Her vision was blurry, and she could barely make out the top of the pit – and the sneering face of a particularly self-satisfied looking koopa above her.
“WHY YOU LITTLE SNABLAK!”
Instantly, Dominator stretched her arms up, aiming to grab the sneering little koopa and drag him down into the pit – but the moment she got near the top, a snapping plant burst out of the ground and BIT down hard on her hand! Since when did plants have teeth?! The green-skinned alien shrieked with pain and jerked her hand back, only growing more furious when the koopa’s high-pitched laughter reached her ears.
“When I get out of here, you’re DEAD, you hear me? DEAD!”
Kyle had to wipe a tear away from his eye, looking down at the arrogant Prime in the bottom of the hole he had prepared.
“You think you’re ever getting out of here?” He crowed, “You’re more stupid than you look, ‘Lord’ Dominator, and that’s pretty stupid. These buddies of mine…” He paused to stroke the head of one of the piranha plants, which she could now see ringed the lip of the pit. The monstrous plant was actually purring! “Have agreed to watch over you until you starve, or you decide to try and climb out and become plant food instead.”
Dominator’s eyes narrowed, and she rubbed her hand. The sharp teeth had actually managed to draw blood. She could probably risk it with her armour, but how was she going to climb twenty feet? And if she tried to stretch up there, they’d have plenty of time to gnaw through and bite her arms off.
She hated to admit it, but the annoying little twerp had managed to build a pretty good trap.
“I should thank you for being so stupid.” The koopa continued, adjusting his glasses. “If you knew how to read the map instead of following me in circles all day, you would have gotten to the barracks long before I did. Instead, I tired you out, got you distracted, and now BAM! I can take all the time I want!”
The green-skinned woman folded her arms beneath her chest, and glared upwards.
“I thought we weren’t meant to be trying to kill each other.”
“Well, you know, it isn’t my fault you were so pathetic you got lost in the wasteland!” He shot back, “Besides, I’m a proper Koopa. Unlike you! Have fun starving to death!”
And with that, the turtle waved over his shoulder and walked off, leaving Dominator to stare up at the ring of plants as the light in the sky above started to die away…
Dominator sat cross-legged at the bottom of the pit, seething. It had been at least an hour since she was abandoned, and darkness had set in as night fell. She was tired, but the strength of her fury kept her awake – and even if this place wasn’t practically on the verge of bursting into flames at a moment’s notice, her anger would keep her warm. It had been a long time since she was quite this enraged.
Despite knowing the danger, the woman had tried to pull herself from the pit three times – and each time she had been unable to see where the plants were coming from before they were gnawing on her forearms. Her hands rubbed over her arms, and she scowled to herself. This was… infuriating, and even more frustrating, she was sure that she was missing something blindingly obvious.
Standing up suddenly, the Greatest in the Galaxy let out an angry shout, and KICKED the side of the pit as hard as she could. Which hurt her foot, and she jumped backwards, hopping, with a yell – her sneaker really hurt!
“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid thing! I’ll DESTROY YOU! Do you hear me?!”
What was she even shouting at there? The pit? But as she jumped around, the glass contained with her Volcanium X dropped out of her pocket, rolling onto the floor. For a moment, Dominator just stared at the little red orb, glowing merrily away… and then her eyes widened as the lightbulb moment struck.
“Oh yeah! I’m a Prime!”
The ring of piranha plants had fallen asleep – snoozing content in the knowledge that they were helping their good buddy Kyle get everything he wanted. When all this was over, he’d promised them all the fresh meat they could eat for a week! Not a promise to be made lightly, that was for sure.
There was a low rumbling noise, and one of the plants began to stir. It made a hissing noise, and the others twisted in their dreamy slumber… the one which had awakened grew more frantic, making a noise like a snake in a frying pan as its leaves trembled and its teeth snatched at the air.
The bright red drill burst directly through the panic-struck plant in a shower of plant matter and teeth. The other plants snapped to attention instantly.
But this time, the seven-foot tall mass of metal and hate which emerged from the ground could see exactly where they were, and this time, it’d take a lot more than a few desperate bites for them to save themselves.
Lord Dominator did not win that name by showing mercy to her enemies; she was not prone to excessive bouts of restraint. These creatures weren’t even amusing, they didn’t cry (although they did scream, and she enjoyed that) they were plants, not people, and they had bitten and gnawed at her for the last time.
When the carnage of the most violently-prepared salad the Omniverse had ever seen was past, Dominator sat next to the pit, wiping sap and goo from her body with a large scrap of leaf. The sun was rising again – at least, that’s what she assumed was happening as a ruddy glow returned to the blood red sky above – and she pulled out her map. Assuming she even knew which way she was supposed to be going from here, there was no way she could catch up with the Koopa – and if she did, what was she going to do? Beating him up and stealing the shell back was probably outside the remit of the game, and they’d never believe that he got lost the same way she was supposed to.
She was tired, too. She’d spent a lot of that ‘Omnilium’ stuff to make the drill – at least, if she was reading the level of fatigue she was experiencing correctly. Laying her hands on the metal tool, she closed her eyes and willed it back inside her – which, after a few minutes, it was happy to oblige to do, swirling away into sparkles of light which merged once more with Dominator’s body.
All this was going to take some time to get used to. She was starting, though, to get an idea of the purpose of all of this. The being that had dragged her here – Omni – hadn’t he said that he had done so because she ‘interested’ him? He’d said he’d be watching, and that so long as she interested him, he’d keep bringing her back to life.
So all this was a game to him, clearly. He wanted her to amuse him, and this Omnilium was a way of … what? Keeping score? Giving her the tools she’d need to be entertaining? Ugh.
Rising up to her feet, she tucked her helmet back onto her head, and looked up at that bright, scarlet sky.
“Can you hear me, Omni?” She shouted, “You want me to be part of your little game? Well, then, watch this closely because you’re going to learn how I play! You think you’ve set the rules? But me? I play the game I want to play!”
Cracking her neck, she flexed her fingers and then punched one hand into the other. Closing her eyes, Dominator had to really marshal her thoughts. This was not something that came easily to her; ordinarily, her thoughts turned much more quickly to destruction, to the beautiful way an explosion could light up the night or the sight of a world cracking in two… those were the things she loved to see more than anything else; things breaking, bursting, boiling away under her unstoppable power!
But if she was going to get what she needed then she’d have to learn to create just as thoroughly as she destroyed. Sweat beaded on her brow, and she pictured what she needed in her mind’s eye. She wanted it. Oh, how she wanted it! She would use this to get revenge on everyone; a first step in her plan to wreak revenge on Omni himself, but even more importantly, it would give her the tools she’d need to get her own back on Kyle, and make his life a misery. For the short, short amount of time she’d allow him to have it!
As her desire crystalized in her mind, Dominator could feel the Omnilium inside her coalescing, trying to form the object of her desire, but there just wasn’t enough of it there – in fact, the more she pushed, the more she tried to force it, the more there was a … pain, replacing the desire. It began as a gnawing in her gut, a hunger that she hadn’t experienced before, and rising up as nausea. With a frustrated squeal, Dominator collapsed to her knees, and huffed, breathing hard.
“No, no no no no no!” She cried, “I won’t let you beat me, I’m going to win this no matter what it takes!”
Of course, she knew what it would take – she just didn’t want to give it up. Punching the ground again, Dominator’s mascara bubbled a thicker black than usual. If she could just suffer to get it, she would have, but no matter how much she pushed, all she got was a deeper and deeper sense of growing, gnawing inadequacy.
“You’re sick.”
Those spiteful words uttered, she reached into the pocket of her skirt and produced that tiny glass orb. The precious Volcanium X that she had laboured so intently to bring into being. She’d worked hard for the energy source, and she had such big plans for it – even this amount would have been enough to power her armour for hours, and if she could get a little more, she might have been able to set up a containment orb somewhere, begin actually collecting it on a vast scale… begin rebuilding her army, her power, her home!
But all of that would have to wait, because if she was ever going to do it, she needed to win this stupid little competition. She simply didn’t have the strength to take on a whole army by herself right now. Raising it up to her eyes, Dominator looked deep into the swirling Volcanium, and the dream that it represented. A dream of independence that she would yet have to struggle to achieve.
Sighing, Dominator closed her fist around it… and urged the material to become one with her instead.
The rush of energy was immediate, like a shot of powerful caffeine right to her heart. She jerked upright, both eyes open wide, and her hands twitched at her side. Okay. That? That was a rush.
Both hands came together in a sudden clap, and she strained to focus this new energy buzzing in and through her. When her hands came apart, this time, she was left holding something – a bright, shining golden turtle shell.
Now that? That would do very nicely indeed.
The trek back across the wasteland went far more smoothly than the journey out on the trail of her koopa nemesis. This was, at least partly, because it was far easier to navigate to the giant tower which she had come from than it was to trek off into the unknown looking for who-knows-what. It was also helped, somewhat, by Dominator’s newfound ability – and willingness – to summon delicious drink-filled pineapples, which kept her spirits (and her hydration) up.
Still, the bubbling magma lurking beneath the surface was a difficult thing to navigate, and she was forced to take a more looping, twirling route than she would have liked. This was in no way related to the fact that she had left – easily – half a dozen pineapples discarded in her wake.
The gate guard were used to the strange habits of outsiders – most of them carried things that they couldn’t understand, and spoke in strange ways, let alone the clothing (clothing at all being something of a rarity amongst many of Bowser’s minions) but… this was the first time that a very obviously drunk, green-skinned woman had arrived in front of them, waving a golden shell in one hand and an empty pineapple in the other.
“I got the THING!” She declared, loudly, throwing both arms open wide, “So why’re you guys being so lame? I haven’t even destroyed anything in like, an HOUR!”
The two guards looked to each other with obvious confusion.
“Come OOOOON!” She whined, waving her arms around wildly. “I got your stuff! I did the thing! What more do you want?!”
“Uuuh, you just wait here, and we’ll get the Lieutenant.”
Lord Dominator sat sprawled across one of the seats in the Lieutenant’s office, the shell glinting gold and beautiful on the koopa’s desk. She… was less elegant. Both arms dead weight, head back, snoring loudly as she slept off the effects of the alcohol.
And next to her shell, was the one that the pair had actually been sent to fetch to begin with.
“This is ridiculous!” Kyle complained, loudly. Not that Dominator was in any fit state to actually give a decent accounting of her actions. “You told us to go off to the garrison and bring back that shell, she never made it! She cheated! How can you even want to ask any questions?”
The Lieutenant looked between the two shells, peering closely at each golden trinket.
“Can you tell these two things apart?”
Kyle spluttered uncomfortably, looking between them both as well.
“Well… but… that’s hardly the point!”
The Lieutenant reached out and shook Dominator by the shoulder, and the green-skinned woman suddenly jerked upwards, eyes snapping open wide as she protested:
“What? I’m awake! I wasn’t sleeping! Shut up! … auugh, my head…”
Her eyes closed, and both of her hands came up to rub at her temples. The pain was excruciating, she felt as though she’d tried to head-butt down a wall or something. What had she even been doing?!
Dominator’s vision swam with the two koopas in front of her, and she groaned as memories began to resurface. Oh yeah. She’d been taking part in that stupid competition.
“Well, what do you have to say for yourself?”
Dominator’s eyes focused, with effort, on the Lieutenant after he asked the question, and slowly she managed to urge herself back up to her feet. Her eyes were bloodshot, her head pounding, but she wasn’t going to let herself be talked to like that. Time to turn on some of the old… Dominator charm.
“I got you your stupid shell, now hold to your end of the bargain!”
Kyle jumped up onto the chair she had just vacated, so he could look at her on something approaching the same level.
“But you didn’t!” He squealed, “You cheated! I know you did! Because I brought back the real shell!”
Dominator cracked her neck, working out some of the tension that had been building there, and let her eyes drift from the protesting idiot who had tried to get her killed, to the Lieutenant who would determine whether this was all just a horrible waste of time. Fascinating. The Lieutenant clearly hadn’t made his mind up just yet, which meant that he was considering his options. A wise man.
It took a real effort to summon up her armour – unusual, because it normally came with barely a thought. The strain as she let the metal flow over her body brought a grunt from her lips, and she took a deep breath as she bulked out, the horns of her helmet almost touching the ceiling of the Koopa Lieutenant’s office.
“Yes.” She boomed, “I cheated. And I’d cheat again in an instant. Because I, am a Prime. I can do that. You can’t. So now you, Lieutenant, have to make a decision.”
She turned her back on Kyle, completely ignoring the frustrating Secondary, at least for now.
“You can have me as an ally, and I’ll help you and your little army do whatever it takes to make us both stronger. Or you can choose this idiot over me. In which case, I will be … offended.”
Leaning down, the green slit of her visor stared implacably into the Koopa Lieutenant’s eyes. It took all the effort Dominator could muster not to just collapse right then and there. She was in so much pain. All she wanted to do was find somewhere to curl up and sleep it off, maybe dream happy dreams of showers and violence and definitely no rum-filled pineapples. But she could still put up a good act, and her thrumming, powerful voice still sounded the part as she made her demand:
“Well? What, is it going to be?”
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