Hello everyone!

I hope you're enjoying the latest chapter in Mad Bull's madcap adventures - CIVIL UNREST.

I was looking to collect your constructive criticism on the writing and story. I've tried a few things in particular I'm looking for feedback on:

1. One item that will likely stand out to many is the use of a foreign language. My intent was to create more immersion in this barrio-style setting, while also using language as a means of drawing a line between the police and the public (and reflecting that in some ways Reyes and Estes are a part of both). Does it work? Is it more irritating than its worth? Do you prefer to scan back to the glossary after each phrase, or wait till the end of each chapter and see the translations?
   
2. The digestability of each chapter is something I'm also playing with. On one hand, longer chapters feel like a more complete stand-alone read, but on the other hand breaking them up into smaller 600 word chunks seems to be easier for people to stay focused on. What's your preference? Long walls of text or a few paragraphs at a time?
   
3. Its my hope that you've gathered from subtext that Mad Bull's author has very different views on police brutality than his subject. Writing stories for this character is a intended as social-commentary through the satire of hyper-violence.  Does that come through to little or to much?
   

Quote:Here's a chapter-based story of my Miitopian adventures in the style of a 4chan post. Feel free to comment.

Character name: Heidi

Character source: OC

Character history:

Species: Acid-Girl
Terror Group: Psychedelic Sunshine United Party
Power Type: Girl
Power Level: High
Threat Level: Moderate

Heidi is a native of a psychedelic urban dreamscape called Udditi. The Udditi is a plane overlapping the real world that only certain individuals can perceive and exist in, like a radio station that someone can "tune in" to. The Udditi is a trading hub, attracting dreamers, meditating monks, aliens, demons, angels, wizards, drug users, ghosts, and personifications of abstract thought. In the Udditi there are salesmen and waitresses and gangsters and guitarists and saints, just like many other universes. Heidi is an Acid Girl.

Some universes are absurd, and it’s inhabitants have a tendency to find patterns in the absurdity and imprint their own meaning onto it. In the Udditi universe, it is the opposite. The inhabitants are absurd, and the Udditi finds meaning and patterns among them. Sometimes an inhabitant of Udditi, under the influence of certain strong psycadelics, will have a thought or a feeling. That thought or feeling will be picked up by the Udditi, shaped and molded, imbued with tremendous power and feminine energy, and dumped back into the Udditi as a sentient being. These beings are called Acid Girls.

Heidi is not much like the other Acid Girls, with their amazing psychedelic powers and deep philosophical insights and strong political bent. She is a simpler girl who prefers simpler things, and used to work as a bartender in Udditi. Her hobbies include chewing bubblegum, accessorizing, the color pink, excessive drinking, and cheering people up.

Heidi only reluctantly joined the Psycadelic Sunshine United Party, a terror group comprised of other Acid Girls determined to destroy the Udditi government, but she was always a fringe member. Heidi acted as muscle for P.S.U.P., as the physically strongest member and an experienced street brawler, and wracked up a series of criminal charges in Udditi.

Heidi was arrested during a roundup of P.S.U.P. agents. She was gazing out the back window of a police car when Omni took her.

Physical Description:

Heidi appears to be a beautiful young human woman, instantly noticeable by her bright pink pigtails. Her makeup and hair are always immaculate, from her perfectly curled eyelashes to her permanently pedicured toenails. She has a very modern fashion sense, favoring conservative urban minimalism influenced by modern asiatic street trends. Her favorite accessory is her polkadot bow, the same neon pink color as Heidi’s iris’s.

Stats:
ATK: 3
DEF: 3
SPD: 2
TEC: 2

Starting Proficiencies: Physical Strength (1000)

Starting Powers: Master Super Jumping (800), Master Acrobat (400)

Starting Moves:

I confirm that I have read and agreed to the Rules of Conduct. I did, carefully

Where did you find us? I forget

Harry Potter Earned OM: 8614.11
Heidi Starting OM: 6807.05
Spent OM: 2200

I... seem unable to post a reply to any thread in Discussions. It may be happening in other threads, but the little reply box and the Reply button show up in IC posts, but not for Discussion. The Vision is fine though. Any idea why?

Like his relationship with his father that he used the phone to talk to, his communicator was in pieces after Jak snapped. He angrily wiped away the tears from his face and began to pick up the fractions before getting frustrated again and tossing them off the balcony. He then stumbled towards the kitchen. With all the strength he had, he ripped open the fridge and reached in. He sought comfort, something to cling to or clear his mind once more. It was a mystery as to what he'd pull out, but when his hand touched the cold bottle of a good brew he collected it without hesitation.

He began to sip it after pushing the sealed cap off with just his thumb, but after a couple of sips while gathering an arm full of them he he began dumping them down his throat. Forcing himself to gulp it down.

One in particular he threw back and downed it as fast as he could, ready to embrace the quiet and the stillness of a drunk mind. As he leaned back to allow it to empty it into his gut he fell flat on his ass. He didn't seem to care as he threw the bottle against the now open fridge. It shattered and the brown piece of glass rained down on the floor. He couldn't muster any effort to care... Jak just popped open another one and leaned against the cabinets behind him as he drank another one.

At some point the girl who'd been scared shitless by his anger slipped into an elevator and desperately hit the button for the bottom floor, the floor she observed as the one the other's got off on. He couldn't be bothered to even think about Ashelin at the moment. Too absorbed by his own pain and anger.

"Daxter... Come back." Jak whispered to himself before throwing the bottle across the room again. This one turned into a spray of brown glass just the same, but the fraction of the beer left inside was left behind as well. It trickled down the wall and formed a puddle around the fractured bottles.

"What did I do to deserve this shit?" Jak asked the silence in the room, his mentality spun while his head swayed one side to the next. "I'm a fucking hero.. I've saved the world!!" He screamed, letting the tears run down his violet colored skin. "TWICE!!" He roared as he threw a full beer at the wall. The sound of glass plinking against the tile drowned out the sloppy wet sound of a full bottle of beer worth of liquid splashing on the floor.

Jak grabbed another and poured it into himself, pulling the lip of the bottle away from his mouth and not caring that some of the drink is spilled onto his chest. "Twice! I think even a third time. I can't fucking remember anymore." And that was just his world. He saves a city of strangers, and he in return he loses everything dear to him!! "BULLSHIT!!" Jak screamed, drinking the rest of the beer before spiking it on the floor beside him.

The weight of the drink was heavy, and it made Jak finally lay down. His back slid across the cabinet doors before his body impacted the shardless floor like a sack of potatoes. He felt his touch the cold ground as his head slammed into it next. As his lids became impossibly heavy a sick greenish yellow light swirls around in his black eyes.

-

In the chaotic darkness of his mind, Jak's image appeared the same as it did in reality. A broken man laying on his side, surrounded by shards of the only comfort he could grasp at that moment. In the dark pieces of glass Desman's and Ash's image appear as Dark Jak approached the untransformed image of his host.

Pathetic. He gave the beaten man a harsh nudge with his boot. "Get up, asshole."  Jak just layed there, crumpled and unresponsive. "Damn you. I SAID GET UP!!" He growled, his image already much more bulky than usual, his horns bolder, darker, thicker and harder. His pure white hair almost mane-like.

"Hey.." Light weakly defended their host. "Back off."

Dark's newly poison-yellow colored eyes come over his shoulder to look at Light, to glare at him. He's had about enough of this pansy too. With heavy foot falls that break the glass under him even more, the beast turns to face his counterpart. "What are you going to do about it?" He challenged.

Light could feel his grip on the situation slipping. He had to do something to keep the balance at the very least. His pur blue form moved to accept the challenge, ready to fight if he must. He was confused, however, by how big Dark was suddenly.

Anger flashed through the demonic figure, and with a flash of speed he seizes Light be the shirt and picked him up off his feet, bringing the weakling nose to nose with him. Light could see his own fear reflecting back in the sick eyes. "You are just as pathetic as our host." Dark sneered before shoving the light half into the glas coated tiles. "It's time I took the lead." He growled, lifting his boot and stomping on the back of the weakened figure.

Light grunted under the new weight of Darkness and felt his the glass pierce his face but not his armored body. He looked to their host with some hope. Jak just laid there in a drunken daze, drool spilling out the corner of his mouth. He cringed at the smile that crawled across his sleeping face, he looked more and more like the insane demon on top of him. Briefly, Light wondered if there was any way out. "Leave him alone, Jak's been through a lot already."

"Not enough." Came the demon's voice above him, before Light felt the pressure of his boot let up. A moment later the Dark King grinned as he kicked the boy across the mind space. It felt good to be his old violent self. "You have some nerve standing between me and my rightful place."

Light was a blur of blue as he is tossed across the mind space, there was a loud crunch upon impact of his body and the walls of Jak's mind. He grunted as he hit the floor, his face landing in the piss water that was the beer. He laid there a moment, before mustering up the will to slowly pick himself up. He stared at the puddle as he stayed on his hands and knees. Contemplating what to do. He saw Daxter's bloody image again, lifeless on the street. Light clenched his eyes as even he felt the pain resonate in all of their hearts. "Maybe Jak doesn't' want this! Did you ever think about that?" He argued, then forced himself to get back to his feet, only to fall on his back against the wall for support. "Huh? Maybe he wants to be happy."

The beastly man scoffed at him. "Who's going to stop me? The kid?" His clawed hand motioned to the still comatosed host. "He doesn't have any fight left in him. So then, who?" His sickly yellow eyes search the ghostly figure against the wall. "You?" Then a hardy laugh exploded from his thicker chest. "YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCKING DO ANYTHING!?!" His voice shook the room in Jak's head. "Daxter's dead, buttercup! Thorn's gone!! And this little shithead just chased off the only other two people he cares about!!"

"D-Des..." The crumpled man behind the Dark King muttered in his sleep when the thought of reliable friends came to mind. "Ashhhh..." He whispered. Their names echo off the walls, and they both saw the robot sitting on the beach towel with ice cream waiting for them in the reflective surfaces throughout the room. In the next flash, Ash; as she was when they woke up from their dirt nap. She was mysterious and interesting.

Dark glared at Light who was chuckling through the pain of a crushed rib or four. "I guess you forgot about his new friends, eh Dark?"
"What? The obnoxious robot and the slut?" The Dark King grinned menacingly. "Desman's so weak it's laughable." He was drunk on power, like their host was drunk on liquor, pain, and frustration. "Can't say I hate having the bitch around. She puts out, and she's pretty good at it. I get the feeling she likes it rough, too. Point for me White Knight." The sound of glass crunching under his boots paved the path he took towards his opponent. Light looked like he wasn't yet ready to give up. "The harder you resist me, Light, Jakky here is going to suffer." But the source of hope and light just remained defiant.

Anger flashed over the already snarling face of the Dark King, before he balls his fist tight and sucker punches the smaller figure. Light coughed up all his fight in the form of spit and air before hitting his knees and bowing to the Dark King.

"See? That was easy." Dark said before summoning featureless shadows to Light's side, they grabbed him and bound his hands behind his back, one grabbed him by the neck to keep his head down. Meanwhile, the beastly man waved his hand and the room turned black with a single feature. A throne of cold steel and dark gems. His majesty approached it, but did not sit in it yet. His deadly claws come together behind his back before he issued another order. "If I recall though.. Ashelin should be around. Let's take care of her first." Then he turned to sit on his throne, an evil grin splitting his face in half.

The idea of finding Ashelin dead in the penthouse must have been just disturbing enough to shake Jak from his stupor. He grabbed his head and groaned. "N-No.." He whimpered.

Hearing his host reject that empowered Light enough to try to rise, only for the shadows to force him back to his knees, and then lower. Again, he found his face smashed into the ground. Dark Jak snarled. "Give up already." He then grinned evilly as he stroked his own purplish goatee. "Be a good bitch and get me-"

"Fuck you!" Light spat.

He looked annoyed at best as he placed his hand back on the arm of the throne. "That's a bit too dark for you, isn't it Light?"

Light smirked. "Bite me, Beast." Then he felt the cuffs being latched onto him.

"N-no... No! NOOOOOO!!" Their host rolled over in a nightmarish fit, gripping his head. Jak envisioned Ashelin's lifeless body on the floor of the hotel floor. Her blood seeping out of a slash in her throat. His claws covered in it as well. It was all terrible to see, but what was worse was the dark feeling of nothing about it. He didn't feel remorse, that felt horrific.

The Dark King smiled, relishing in the idea. "Let the dark consume you, Jak. I promise you will feel so much better." He taunted, "You won't feel much of anything." He grinned. "Give into your hate. Let me win, I will give you power. Power to do anything you want, the one thing you crave the most. With me, the only people who will hurt the ones you care about will be you.." When he smiled, his teeth were razor sharp.

Hope pierced through the shadows that pinned him down, free from their grips, Light stood up again facing their host. "Don't do it, Jak. Don't give into his demands! Think of everything you've done for the Omniverse, why ruin it now? Think of your past, don't let your friend's deaths be in vain!" He would have said more, but he was yanked off the ground once more by the cuffs. Gravity shoved his weight into his shoulders, he gritted his teeth.

"You think your feeble attempts can unravel my grip on him!" Dark Jak mocked.

"He's a hero!"

"He's a failure! You've made him weak!"

Jak muttered in his sleep, slowly letting the Darkness of his life consume him. "Pa-thet...ic. W-Weak.."

This submission bothered Light. To the point of being desperate. He wanted to throw something at the Dark King, instead his only option was to spit in his face.

There was a long pause of nothing happening as his Majesty dealt with the insulting blow. He ran his hand across his face and scooped the lugi out of the corner of his nose. He shook his hand free of it, and then summoned a dark looking scepter. It looked more like a war hammer. "Time to teach you a lesson. Finally." He dropped Light to the ground, then used his boot again to flip him over with a kick. Dark straddled the Light side of Jak, grabbed him by the shirt, and lifted the iron maul high above them.

The sound of bone cracking under the weight of his weaponized Kingly item resounded through the space. Followed by a sickening wet sound of blood splattering the floor. Dark Jak continued to beat the cuffed man until he was a mess.

Dark paused, breathing heavily and enjoying this all a bit too much. "How's it feel, slave!"

Light coughed up some blood, then weakly spat in Dark's face again. "Remember... Dark... We.. Are.. One.." He smirked weakly, before Dark slammed him in the face again with his scepter

So, Since I felt like the official Omniverse Discord channel is more about discussing the Omniverse and it's world, I decided I'd create one where people could organise game nights and shit. 

https://discord.gg/kzN4sfG

plus it'd be cool to organise some sweet game nights/ days every now and then.

I am requesting an exemption from the cooldown switch rule. Gardevoir is not holding my interest at all and I have more of a foot hold with Pyrrha, I believe. I haven't changed characters in over a year, but if I must wait out the cooldown I understand.

Character name: Pyrrha Nikos

Character source: RWBY Series

Character history:

Pyrrha Nikos a student of Beacon Academy, previously she was trained at Sanctum and graduated at the top of her class as an amazing warrior and student. She is a well known figure through the circuit of hunters and many vy for her status on their team in hopes of strengthening themselves. It's also well known that, because of her prestigious status, people have always viewed themselves on a level below Pyrrha, meaning she has not had much personal interaction through friendships and relationships.

Upon entering Beacon, she was placed on a team with a boy named Jaune Arc, who didn't even know who she was before. Jaune was extremely inexperienced, but was promoted to the title of leader for Team JNPR. Despite his inability fight, Juane proved to be a formidable strategist and decent team leader. When he was going through rough times, debating his capabilities as a fighter, Pyrrha attempted to train with him and teach him proper combat. He refused help at first, but soon came to accept her offer after realizing that he was being stubborn.

RWBY plot spoiler - Warning
[spoiler]Prior to the Omniverse, Pyrrha was to become the ‘Fall Maiden’: A warrior imbued with power of the season, able to use magic without the normally needed dust catalyst. Everything was shot down when the invasion of Beacon brought the school to it's knees, and Cinder Fall claimed the power of the Maiden. In a final attempt to stop her, Pyrrha challenged Cinder on top of Beacon Academy’s summit. After a hard fought battle, Pyrrha was soon overwhelmed by the power of the Fall Maiden and was disintegrated into a pile of ash and golden armor. She now appears in the Omniverse, with no memory of who she was before beyond her name.[/spoiler]

Physical Description:

Pyrrha is a teenage girl, about 18. With her heels, she stands 6ft tall(1.83m) and would probably weigh around 150-160lb. Her hair is a fierce color of red, only calmed by the deep-green eyes that her bangs somewhat hide. She wears mostly colored brown clothes made of leather with accents of red and gold. Traceable amounts of armor can be seen on her limbs. Her hair is usually put up into a long ponytail, and shows off a golden circlet that wraps around her head.

Miló
requires Physical Strength, Ranged, Semblance
900OM

Miló is the three-way weapon of Pyrrha Nikos. It has three combat functions between a single frame: Xiphos, Javelin, and Rifle. All forms of Miló have been seen to be used with Akoúo. To switch between forms of Miló, they must go through the full motions. Xiphos must transform into Javelin, and Javelin must transform into rifle. This means Xiphos cannot transform into rifle instantly and vice versa. It takes 2 seconds to switch between each form.(4 seconds to switch from Xiphos to Rifle, vice versa)

Xiphos (300)

The Xiphos form of Miló is a shortsword. The blade reaches about 2ft long and is made of some very sturdy material. The Xiphos form of Miló is relatively the simplest, but is seen to be the version Pyrrha excels the most in.

Javelin/Spear (300)

The Javelin form of Miló is around 5’ 6” long. It is a bladed spear-type weapon that has been seen used in many ways including being thrown, using in a brisk slashing motion from a distance and for the simple purpose of stabbing. The gun version of Miló can be shot through the back end of the spear. Pyrrha uses this to throw the Javelin with extreme force and over fields of distance(my guess is around 50m). It can be thrown without firing, but at decreased range(20m) and strength. Firing to throw does cost ammo and it must be reloaded when emptied. The number of bullets and clips are equal to that of the rifle form. Once thrown, it must either be retrieved or brought back to her using her Semblance(Polarity, which is described through Telekinesis).

Rifle/Gun (300)

Miló’s rifle form the least used variant of the weapon but it still serves it’s purpose. It holds a clip of 10 bullets which must be reloaded after draining. This takes Pyrrha about two seconds. Pyrrha carries five extra clips on her for her bullets, and it takes five seconds to summon a new clip if she runs completely out.(25 for all 5) The range on the gun has not been canonically confirmed, but my guess is that it relates to an old fashioned rifle/DMR. This would put its range around 50m effectively. Lastly, it is semi-automatic, which means Pyrrha can fire as fast as she pulls the trigger.(~2bullets/sec)

Akoúo
requires Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency and Semblance
300OM

Akoúo is the golden round-shield used by Pyrrha Nikos. When idle, the shield rests on her back along with Miló, but when she deems she needs them, Pyrrha uses her semblance to pull them off her back and into her hands. Miló is held in her right hand, while Akoúo is ‘chained’ to the bracer on Pyrrha’s left arm. This leaves her left hand free and usable, but it is too difficult to wield a second weapon. The shield is 1ft long in radius besides the indented ends which are 3in shorter at the tip of the arc. It has been seen numerous time that Pyrrha uses Akoúo as a weapon as much as she uses it for defense. She is capable of throwing it up to 10m at anything, which she then uses her semblance to retrieve it, which can be fatiguing if overused in rapid succession.

So I'm sure you all know of the DC Lantern Corps. The space organisations powered by emotions. To me, though, it seems like they kind of used the actual emotions, in regards to power, too little. Every Lantern Corps felt like they had the same abilities, with minor differences. This is somewhat based off of that, but where the powered are actually based off of the emotion. So to start with, each member of any emotion's group gains increased durability, strength, and speed, but not to superhuman levels. Think ATK, DEF, and SPD of 3, in OV terms. From there, there's the emotional groups, each with special abilities. Here's a list:
Willpower-This group gains increased durability, and the ability to shrug off damage (like with survival power in OV).
Hope-This group has the ability to power up other people, inspiring them with hope.
Compassion-This group has the ability to heal other people.
Joy-This group has the ability to fly.
Despair-This group has the ability to weaken others, making them filled with despair.
Rage-This group gains increased damage, and the ability to fire blasts of energy.
Greed-This group has the ability to 'absorb' items. This lets them take an item, make it theirs, and then summon it at will, like a hard-light construct.
Logic-This group suppresses their emotions, and gains increased intelligence.
So, as you can see, I've changed up the groups and their abilities. I'm thinking of writing short stories about these groups (if I do, they'll be posted in Creative Corner), but would first like to flesh out the list. So, right now I'm trying to think of what should actually give them their powers, some more universal powers, and some more unique powers (especially for joy, logic, and compassion). Anyone have suggestions?

I know space marines are popular to people and stuff but wanted to clear it up.
Are these ultra marines or can they be any colour? 
They can sometimes be in other verses right?
How many are usually in a group? (Rough estimate is fine like do they travel far in single squads or what)

Just asking in case I decide I want to fight them in the future or even fight along side them.

“I don’t understand,” Ogong mumbled.

A voice was speaking to him. The voice was attached to a giant hand in the sky. He’d seen this place before, when he had been cursed with the “Mah” spell. He had almost turned into a demon. That wasn’t fun. This voice, he recognized as his mother, Sun Hyun-In, from when she tried to save him from the coma he fell into as he tried to fight the curse.

“My child,” the Virtuous Sage* whispered, “You have overburdened your hon.”

“So I spoke a couple Words of Power,” Ogong grumbled, “I thought I was celestial. I thought I could take it.”

“You knew very well that you could not, my child,” Sun Hyun-In lowered her head sadly, “Not when your access to our magic is as isolated as it is.”

“Yeah, you kinda overdrew your account there, kid,” Mi Hyun-In admitted, standing next to Sun Hyun-In in his true form.

“Mi Hyun-In,” Ogong groaned, “I liked you better when you were a bendy stick.”

“One of these days, I’m gonna just drop your ass over a cliff,” Mi Hyun-In snapped.

“Mi Hyun-In, please calm yourself,” Sun Hyun-In whispered, “He’s facing a very difficult truth.”

“What truth?”

The two Sages glanced at each other nervously.

“Ogong, you know that the two of us would not appear to you like this if this wasn’t very important,” the monkey’s mother said.

“Yeah,” Ogong responded haughtily, “And?”

“So...” Mi Hyun-In stammered slightly, “You’re probably gonna get your soul replaced.”

Ogong nodded. “Yeah. I figured.”

The two Sages frowned.

“I mean, I was told not to go beyond my limits,” Ogong sighed, “Master Barley taught me as such. But you didn’t see the monster I was fighting-“

“Well, I did, actually,” Mi Hyun-In said matter-of-factly.

Ogong fell silent. The little boy was now beginning to understand that he was going to die.

“Do you think I’ll be able to come back?”

“Absolutely,” Sun Hyun-In lied.

“P-probably,” Mi Hyun-In stammered.

Sun Hyun-In shot her fellow Sage a glare. Ogong smiled sadly.

“Yippee,” Ogong mumbled.

Quote:Sun Hyun-In (Virtuous Sage), Sun Ogong's mother, and Mi Hyun-In (Beautiful Sage) are two of the Three Sages of Heaven. They were the Heavenly Emperor's advisers. 1000 years before the events of the books, they defied the Emperor's orders for what they thought was the greater good. It didn't work out. Sun Hyun-In sacrificed her life, the third one got turned into the avatar of demons, and Mi Hyun-In was turned into a stick.

1484/7500 words.

• Meet the Council of Dalaran
  
• Be assigned a Master
  
• Train
  
• Train some more
  
• Train even more
  
• Earn respect of superiors
  
• Be admitted into Mages' Guild