The inhabitants of the Omniverse are bound to have brought some fairytales from their respective cultures, and maybe mothers have made up "If you don't eat your broccoli a big bad Prime will come and eat you" types of tales and bedtime stories to their kids which have turned into fairytales - inspired to no small degree by the numerous Primes that inhabit this world.

I mean, somewhere out there there's BOUND to be a "Amaterasu and the seven dwarves", wherein Ammy hides in a house in the Frozen Fields that's inhabited by seven dwarves, all named Urist, who first think she's a troll. At the same time Karl Jak, who's jealous because Ammy is almost half as hot as he is, has one of his employees present Ammy with a cursed katana to put her to an eternal sleep when she touches it. Finally Dust comes around and kisses her back to life, then runs away into the sunset, chased by imperial Stormtroopers because he has 217 instances of sexual harassment in Coruscant ("unwanted french kissing of civilians, Stormtroopers, Space Marines and Judge Dredd") resulting in a massive bounty on his head.

... right?

So then, what stories do you think are coursing around? Tell us one! (or more)

(Or if you prefer, re-tell a fairytale in which your character is the protagonist, and tell us how it would go!)

The darkness yielded to light after the god released Pyrrha into the Nexus - A blank white canvas of nothingness. She fell to her knees and stared down at her hands calmly before looking up to investigate her surroundings. Many people travelled back and forth, in all directions, to random, unknown destinations. Further inspection led her to believe that the colorful sway of pearlescent hues in the distance were more than they appeared to be. It was hard to tell from distance, but many people were heading towards, or coming from, those points of interest so they were probably doorways to other areas.

While this was all great and good, Pyrrha still didn't know why she was here. In fact, who is she? It hits her that she has no recollection of who she is before meeting Omni. She sits up on her legs and takes a fee deep breaths, trying to pull her memories out from nothing. Unfortunately, nothing she did helped. Her memory was as empty as a void.

She stands up and investigates her surroundings a little more in depth and notices a statue of white. A kite-shield and a sword scaled by twenty of its normal size. Something about it seemed familiar, but she just couldn't name it. Nevertheless, standing around here wouldn't be a very good idea, especially with her amnesia. Her best course of action would be to move on and just be careful for now.

Name: Pyrrah Nikos
Spent OM: 5400
Proficiencies (3200); Physical Strength (1000), Ranged (1000), Ranged Materialize (600), Remote Control (600)
Powers (400/8000); Telekinesis – Basic (400),
Moves (1800); Miló (1200), Akoúo (600)
Super Moves (0);
Transformations (0);
Assists (0);
Items (0);
Artefacts(0): None
Consumed OM (0); (for consumed items or OM permanently lost from respecs, etc)
Bases (0);
Unlocks (0);
Base stats:
ATK: 3
DEF: 3
SPD: 1
TEC: 3

For neither the first nor the last time, Heidi awakens face down naked on a cold floor, with bubble gum in her hair and no recollection of how she got there.

With grit and determination she pushes herself up off the floor, her head spinning, a dull haze obscuring her vision. She blinks her pale pink eyes, then blinks again, and still the world doesn’t come into focus. She shakes her head, her blonde pigtails swishing as she does, and the Nexus comes into view.

She is standing on the wide rim of the Fountain, facing the gate to Coruscant and a pair of stormtroopers. Heidi keeps her head tilted as she scans the entrances to various verses, but does not go around the rim of the fountain to check the other side. The only signs of life she sees are the stormtroopers.

Heidi smiles hopefully as she she decides to approach the men in the white suits, and then catches sight of her reflection in the Nexus fountain. She pouts cutely as she eyes her glorious nakedness, and decides she needs come clothes.

She begins to blow a big pink bubble with her chewing gum.

***

The storm troopers do not even whisper to each other as they watch the naked young Prime huff and puff for three minutes straight, slowing blowing a gigantic pink bubble with her gum.

***

Heidi is beginning to get light headed as the bubble grows. Her feet start to lift from the ground, and then it pops, sending an echoing bang around the Nexus and splattering gum all over Heidi. She straightens her blonde pigtails as she observes her new outfit in the reflection from the fountain.

A high pink and white striped top to cover her ample cleavage, a fun and flirty pink miniskirt, and her sparkling white tennis shoes, the soles glowing softly with light. A tiny and extremely fashionable pink evening bag hangs at her hip by a thin strap. Satisfied, Heidi hops down off the rim of the fountain and makes a beeline for the stormtroopers, her pigtails bouncing.

She chews her gum as she walks, occasionally popping a small bubble and listening to the satisfying, resounding crack echo around. The Stormtroopers get nervous as she approaches, Heidi’s big vacant smile doing precisely nothing to alleviate their concern. One of them manages to clear his throat and issue a question through his helmet.

“Are you new here?” he asks the Prime, holding his blaster tightly.

Heidi takes a moment to look around, chewing her gum nervously for a second before answering. “Where’s here?” she asks in an extremely high pitched squeak.

“That’s a yes,” says the other Stormtrooper. “Ok, we’re gonna have to run you through a background screen, make sure you aren’t a threat to yourself or others, get you set up to serve your military stint, and get you full Coruscant citizenship. Would you step this way, ma’am?” he asks, gesturing towards the gates.

“Oh,” squeaks Heidi, despite not fully understanding the Stormtrooper.. “Coruscant? Is Optix there?”

The Stormtrooper sighs. “Anybody in the Omniverse worth anything is in Coruscant. But if you think you might have friends here, check your phone. They might have kept the same number they did in your universe.”

Heidi nods and the stormtrooper, and then smiles. The stormtroopers shift uncertainly.

“Oh,” squeaks Heidi again in her absurdly high pitched voice, as she reaches into her tiny purse and pulls out a sparkling pink cell phone covered in gleaming plastic gems. She chews her gum loudly as she browses her contacts, hmmming to herself. After about a minute she squeals, causing the storm troopers to tense and grab their weapons tightly.

“Someone is active! My friend Luci!” Heidi exclaims. “I’ma call her.”

Heidi leaves the phone on speaker so the troopers can hear Luci’s cool ringback song.

Fuck the police, fuck fuck the police
Fuck the police, fuck fuck the police

Heidi wiggles her hips half heartedly, but the troopers do not want to join her. After a moment, the call goes to voicemail, and Luci’s voice comes over the speakerphone.

“Hey it’s Luci, President of the Coruscant T5 Westside Knife Ear Warrirors, wanted street terrorist and organized crime boss. I can’t be reached now, as I am probably committing violent acts of treason against the Empire or murdering its sovereign citizens due to their ties to rival street gangs. Leave a message under the full understanding that it will be intercepted. And if you’re calling about the couch from Omni-list, it’s still here, go behind the alley at the corner of 3rd and Asimov and ask for Roach. Thanks.”

There is a beep. The stormtroopers share a glance.

“Hiiiiiii Luuuuuci!” Heidi squeals loudly into the phone, causing the guards to actually jump back a step. “It’s me Heeeeeeeeidi!” she adds unnecessarily. “You’re in Coruscant, how coooool! I wanna meet uuuuuup with you, I’m headed in now. We’ll get in lots of trouble, it’ll be super funsies. Hit me back, biyas!”

Heidi grins happily at the guards. “Okey, I’ll come in.”

One of the troopers presses a button on his belt. A loud alarm rings, and a bright red flashing light atop the gates starts to spin. The storm troopers level their guns at Heidi, who rolls her eyes.

“You are denied access to Coruscant due to your communications with anti-empire insurgency forces and conspiracy to commit criminal activities!” roars one of the storm troopers.

Heidi just smiles, and cracks her neck, her pigtails bobbing. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them, they are glowing bright neon pink.

“I just want to see my friend,” she explains, in the same squeaky voice, but this time with a deadly calm.

“Step back or we will open fire!” the other trooper promises.

Heidi eyes the troopers for a long moment. Then, she makes as if to lunge at them. The troopers gasp and fumble with their guns, and Heidi giggles.

Heidi turns and walks away, her miniskirt swishing behind her.

This is one war Luci would have to fight without her.

***

So, when I write, I don't always write about giant three-headed golden assholes, or Kelly MacAryn, or ridiculous television. I actually produce quite a bit of other stuff - vignettes and short fiction. A novella I've been redrafting for several years. Some of its pretty good. some of it's not - a lot could do with more polish.  

I thought I'd share some of it here. Feel free to comment if the whim strikes you.

Note - the stuff featuring the Suspecting Traveler is not, necessarily, presented in chronological order.

Character name: Angeline 'Angel' Fisher

Character source: OC

Character history: Angel was a normal girl in a big city, on the outside she was gorgeous and appealing to just about anyone. Her attitude has always been positive and her personality enjoyable. She was all but perfect!

Except not perfect.

People loved being around her, but they didn't know her. Not the true her. Not because she kept it a secret, but because no one asked her more than once about her hobbies, likes, and the mountain of fiction that consumes her free time.

Her relationship with her parents was rather pleasant, and while they didn't approve of her staying in all day and night to watch movies and anime, read manga and comics, or play a stack of games she earned the money for by being a great help, she did her chores.

If only to be left alone to enjoy the spoils.

One day she finally saved up enough to go to her local convention for everything otaku and nerd. Armed with cash, her home-made Dust costume and a back pack big enough for all the awesome things she was going to purchase, and her 3-day pass; she was on her way!!

..It was there, between the fun and finally being able to be herself, that she found herself drawn to a booth in particular. As soon as she came in close, she could feel herself getting dizzy, the sounds and sensations of her world getting blurry, eventually the sensations got to much for her and she fainted. When she woke up, all she could see was the smile of a man the was about to change her life, the surrounding area nothing but a black void....

Physical Description: [spoiler][/spoiler]
Angel stands at a height of 5"1' and weighs in at about the 120 pound range. With this weight, the teenger is naturally slim; this and the angles blessed upon her body meant that she could easily become a model, of course she cause a more quiet life. Her long sky blue hair and messy fringe are her most distinguishing feature, though her pale complexion could also be seen as a trade mark of herself and her looks.

Stats:
ATK: 1
DEF: 2
SPD: 3
TEC: 4

Starting Proficiencies:
Physical stregth
Starting Powers:
Insight, Foresight
Starting Moves:

I confirm that I have read and agreed to the Rules of Conduct.

Where did you find us? Heard of it from a snouted and naked-tailed diving insectivore, for I am their alt

The scene of this advertisement begins after a brief yet dramatic black blank-screened pause. A man with freshly whipped orange hair combed into a perfectly set fo-hawk had been designed and selected because his features happened to pop and resemble the distinct Prime Gildarts Clive, however without being him so that the company didn't have to track down and convince the esteemed prime to sponsor their baseless product. What mattered was not that the audience did not know the model’s name, but that they knew the face of who he was portraying.

The actor’s jawline was covered in speckled dark powder to take the shape of Gildarts Clive’s classic and well-known five o’clock shadow. After appearing on Dante’s Abyss two times and the rumors of this being a prime of unrivaled power, the man’s face was well known and would likely elicit some sort of emotion or idolization through the unachievable “Strongest Prime” title. This advertisement was aimed directly to their product’s targeted demographic. The weak who felt inadequate, the ad would play to their insecurities whilst also inspiring a way “out” of them.

“Hello, I’m the strongest prime,” the imposter said as he casually strolled through a wall. Classic Gildarts. The wall however rather than disintegrating into cubes just exploded like some flashy action film and crumbled around the man's shirtless shoulders. “If you feel outnumbered in this world of crazy powerful and threatening beings, then stay tuned. I have a solution that will change your life.”

"Gildarts" continued to walk through an office building, his strut unaltered despite the cubicles and desks that his presence was ripping apart. Shreds of paper lingered in the air as, with every step, the camera swept viewing the “Prime” as he bulldozed all that lay in his path.

“I don’t bother sleeping at night because well I’m not weak," There was a smirk at the mention of the classic trope, "But that doesn't stop my morning routine. After spending the night trying not to destroy the verse I’m currently inhabiting, I make a smoothie with BUFF Powder©. I don’t bother reading the label, because that’s a waste of my strong-time but I use it every day to keep my powers beefed up and help better concentrate my rage.” The actor was now in the paved street again, the set was meant to resemble a relatable modern earth-city street. A car had screeched toward him but pseudo-Gildarts didn’t even slow his pace as his silver-painted hand casually flicked the car out of site and off screen with a loud explosion and the fire dazzled the pallor of his face.

“Like I was saying, I use BUFF Powder© so I can control and hone my skills, and you can trust me if I’m saying it works like magic.” Actor Gil had a twinkle in his eye as he winked at the camera and women who were nearly nude walked up to either side of the mage and started to gaze at him in adulation.

Sex sells. “So if you want to never have your woman doubt your puny muscles again, if you want to be able to protect your family or just punch that jerk who ate your sandwich at work, use BUFF Powder© and instantly feel stronger. Never let anyone tell you what to do again. That’s how you can become more like the Strongest Prime. Want to become a TUFF GUY? BUFF Powder©. It’s just like magic.”

Text showed up at the bottom of the screen tinily showing the stipulations of using the supplement but to distract the audience of this, fake Gildarts’ lips were kidnapped by the hot blonde lady underneath his left metallic arm and the five o'clock shadow began to messily smear as the kiss grew more violent and forceful. Wild theme music began to play and the screen faded to black as the next advertisement began to play.

SURE, in DA we've sponsored things before BUT DO WE HAVE A STRAIGHT UP ADVERTISEMENT THREAD IN THE DATAVERSE? I THINK NOT.

Let us amend this folly.

LET US SELL OUR PRIMES FACES FOR FAME AND MORE MONEY.

OR JUST RANDOM SECONDARIES. Y'KNOW, THAT WHOLE DEAL.

I'm sure advertisements of all kinds float around the omniverse and shapeshifters (as well as animation, or other illusions or robots) likely even impersonate our primes to make a quick buck and aren't held accountable for the forms they sign as our primes illegally because technically they ARE THEM when they're in that form.

LOOPHOLES.

ANYWAY, this could be really funny, inventive, random, zany, and unique as well as brief! Have fun with it?

SN: I'm just gonna make a new "Channel" /thread specifically for this, maybe the OVTV has its own advertisement or HSN channel.

SN2: I know my primes wouldn't "be down" to doing this, but I have had con artists try to use gildarts for endorsement in the past. I imagine that if I wanted to involve my primes in a way that doesn't actually involve them, I'd have an actor ACT as gildarts with outfit, make up, fake prosthetic arm, etc. and I will make this apparent because we don't want our primes in two places at once, or doing anything out of character.

Halfway through the ad his beard begins to peel off? In my opinion that can be comical as well as entertaining in the non advertisement aspect but it is quirky and such...

HAVE FUN.

THE LINK TO THIS THREAD WILL GO RIGHT HERE: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=8980