Scorecard Enel
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Description and Clarity: 4
When i was reading Enel's actions it was very clear to me what was happening at all times. Certain sentences painted a very clear picture in my head. I enjoyed that you were thorough describing certain details, but you didn't go too far with it, you kept it simple yet detailed. For example :
Quote:The bullet slips past my neck, my fist comes forward, wreathed in lightning, and I plant it in the mortal’s stomach
Clear yet simple, I very much enjoy this style.
Voice:3
Writing in the first person is a gift that not very many people have. Your writing comes across very naturally, it doesn't feel forced, which is a talent on his own. If I were to give a pointer in this section ( which is difficult in a post at this level) it would be the part that you took wrote as Shay felt slightly out of character, which is of course difficult to get right.
Characterization:4
Enel's goal throughout this fight was very clear. Every action he took he did with a reason, and these reasons were clear from beginning till the very end. The way you described his pleasure in hurting others was very exhilarating, as a reader I could actually feel his motivation to continue to hurt Shay, not a simple task as a writer. I hope to see more of this in future Enel posts.
Story: 4
You grasped my attention from beginning and kept it all the way till the end, at which point I was like, 'that's it? I want more.' Which is what you want to achieve as writer. Instead of just going throwing in attacks back and forth you actually did a nice amount of dialogue to balance the post out. Even throwing in the jawa's was a nice touch.
Technical: 4
Being a non native English speaker/writer, it's pretty difficult for me to actually grade people on this section. Though I can't say I found any huge mistakes when it comes to grammar or spelling.
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Scorecard Shay
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Description and Clarity:2.5
Te subtlety of your descriptions were pleasant to read, especially how you described Shay being struck with the bo staff.
Quote:Immediately, Shay felt not only his jaw and how it was misaligned with his face, but also the smug aura permeating from Enel currently behind him
This sentence is a perfect example of a subtle description but with massive impact on the situation. I can't give you enough props for that. Though there was one part that I had difficulty with.
Quote:In a mere second, the God watched as Shay Cormac swung the rope dart above his head, taking a step back, and throwing it.
This threw me off the first time I read it, allot happened in a short time and will be honest it confused me the first time round.
Voice:4
The way you recovered from Enel's post with the vulgar vocabulary which Shay would've normally avoid was a great recovery of character. Throughout the post you stuck with a nice high pace of events without lingering to long on a single action. Calculating Shay's move were nicely embedded without holding back the speed of the fight. Very well done in this section!
Characterization:3.5
The actions of both Enel and Shay were beautifully written with the right mindset of the character. I understood the reason why Shay was defending himself, yet the one thing i missed was the reason why he continued to go on the attack, the story lacked the motivation to either kill Enel or just wanting to incapacitate and run away, Shay's drive could've used a little bit extra attention.
The way you involved the Jawa's in the fight was a very nice touch which I highly recommend you keep on doing, involve the direct area in your posts, it worked out beautifully here.
Story: 3.5 The story was action packed, attacks followed attacks and there wasn't a moment that Shay wasn't busy attacking Enel. Personally I would like a sentence here and there to either build suspense or to take a breather from reading the chain of attacks. Other than that one point It was a well written story that had me on the edge of my seat
Technical: 4
As said, spelling and grammar is not my best point to judge others on. But according to my limited knowledge there barely is any room for improvement with this section.
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Final Judgement:
First of all, thank you for this story. Even though it was a one round fight it was amazing to read. I wish there was more to this than these fights. The writing of both posts were of a high caliber and i have to admit this judgement was VERY difficult, it took me several hours to get it down on paper. Without further delay I present the final score:
[spoiler]
Enel's 19 Points vs Shay's 17.5 points
Enel has defeated Shay in 1on1 combat. The writers will have to decide how they will finish this battle between themselves.
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