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+--- Thread: Shay vs Enel OOC (/showthread.php?tid=5963)
Shay vs Enel OOC - Enel - 05-05-2017
Fuckin' here it is, one on one, pound for pound, head to head ... it's the one and only SHAAAAAY CORMAC versus the devil himself, LIGHTNING ENEEEEEL battling to the death for your amusement!
SUDDEN DEATH!
ONE ROUND!
NO WORD COUNT LIMIT!
LET'S ... GGGET RRREADY TO RUMMMMBBLLLLLLLLEEEEE!!!!!!
Word Limit: None
Posts Per Player: 1
Time Limit: None
Random Elements: On
Damage Meter: On
Shall we assume both characters are fatigued/bruised already, and they each have ... 2 SP remaining? They would've regenned a little bit, but not much.
Do we have any volunteers to judge?
I have a short introductory post coming up, and Shay may choose to do the same.
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Todd Ingram - 05-06-2017
Ooooh snap it's happening! Unless a staff-member is volunteering, I would be more then happy to put some time in judging.
Looking forward to this fight.
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-08-2017
alright alright alright alright alright alright alright HEY YAAA
I'll make an intro post first and then we can decide from there who wants to meme on each other afterwards like
yeah
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Omni - 05-08-2017
Wanted to give you a chance to see this topic first, but I'm cool with Batsy judging if you are.
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-08-2017
YEP all is good, whatever works here
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-08-2017
'AIGHT intro post is done, you can post first omni, if we have everything set!!!
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Enel - 05-12-2017
There ya go. I wanted to make something longer, but I didn't want to labour it, and in the end, I think that post says everything I want to say. Have at it.
Enel is going full-power (tier 1 transformation - Sparking!) for the rest of the fight.
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-18-2017
Final post is done!
I tried.
i'm not good
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Yu Kanda - 05-18-2017
Thank you both! There will be a ruling up within 24 hours.
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Omni - 05-18-2017
Thank you for an epic fight Shay and thank Yu for the judging!
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Todd Ingram - 05-19-2017
Scorecard Enel
[spoiler]
Description and Clarity: 4
When i was reading Enel's actions it was very clear to me what was happening at all times. Certain sentences painted a very clear picture in my head. I enjoyed that you were thorough describing certain details, but you didn't go too far with it, you kept it simple yet detailed. For example :
Quote:The bullet slips past my neck, my fist comes forward, wreathed in lightning, and I plant it in the mortal’s stomachClear yet simple, I very much enjoy this style.
Voice:3
Writing in the first person is a gift that not very many people have. Your writing comes across very naturally, it doesn't feel forced, which is a talent on his own. If I were to give a pointer in this section ( which is difficult in a post at this level) it would be the part that you took wrote as Shay felt slightly out of character, which is of course difficult to get right.
Characterization:4
Enel's goal throughout this fight was very clear. Every action he took he did with a reason, and these reasons were clear from beginning till the very end. The way you described his pleasure in hurting others was very exhilarating, as a reader I could actually feel his motivation to continue to hurt Shay, not a simple task as a writer. I hope to see more of this in future Enel posts.
Story: 4
You grasped my attention from beginning and kept it all the way till the end, at which point I was like, 'that's it? I want more.' Which is what you want to achieve as writer. Instead of just going throwing in attacks back and forth you actually did a nice amount of dialogue to balance the post out. Even throwing in the jawa's was a nice touch.
Technical: 4
Being a non native English speaker/writer, it's pretty difficult for me to actually grade people on this section. Though I can't say I found any huge mistakes when it comes to grammar or spelling.
[/spoiler]
Scorecard Shay
[spoiler]
Description and Clarity:2.5
Te subtlety of your descriptions were pleasant to read, especially how you described Shay being struck with the bo staff.
Quote:Immediately, Shay felt not only his jaw and how it was misaligned with his face, but also the smug aura permeating from Enel currently behind himThis sentence is a perfect example of a subtle description but with massive impact on the situation. I can't give you enough props for that. Though there was one part that I had difficulty with.
Quote:In a mere second, the God watched as Shay Cormac swung the rope dart above his head, taking a step back, and throwing it.This threw me off the first time I read it, allot happened in a short time and will be honest it confused me the first time round.
Voice:4
The way you recovered from Enel's post with the vulgar vocabulary which Shay would've normally avoid was a great recovery of character. Throughout the post you stuck with a nice high pace of events without lingering to long on a single action. Calculating Shay's move were nicely embedded without holding back the speed of the fight. Very well done in this section!
Characterization:3.5
The actions of both Enel and Shay were beautifully written with the right mindset of the character. I understood the reason why Shay was defending himself, yet the one thing i missed was the reason why he continued to go on the attack, the story lacked the motivation to either kill Enel or just wanting to incapacitate and run away, Shay's drive could've used a little bit extra attention.
The way you involved the Jawa's in the fight was a very nice touch which I highly recommend you keep on doing, involve the direct area in your posts, it worked out beautifully here.
Story: 3.5 The story was action packed, attacks followed attacks and there wasn't a moment that Shay wasn't busy attacking Enel. Personally I would like a sentence here and there to either build suspense or to take a breather from reading the chain of attacks. Other than that one point It was a well written story that had me on the edge of my seat
Technical: 4
As said, spelling and grammar is not my best point to judge others on. But according to my limited knowledge there barely is any room for improvement with this section.
[/spoiler]
Final Judgement:
First of all, thank you for this story. Even though it was a one round fight it was amazing to read. I wish there was more to this than these fights. The writing of both posts were of a high caliber and i have to admit this judgement was VERY difficult, it took me several hours to get it down on paper. Without further delay I present the final score:
[spoiler]
Enel's 19 Points vs Shay's 17.5 points
Enel has defeated Shay in 1on1 combat. The writers will have to decide how they will finish this battle between themselves.
[spoiler]
Enel's 19 Points vs Shay's 17.5 points
Enel has defeated Shay in 1on1 combat. The writers will have to decide how they will finish this battle between themselves.
[/spoiler]
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Omni - 05-19-2017
gf gf ggs
So Enel is gonna offer Shay a choice: work for him, help him find Omni (after which he can do whatever he wants) or death. Look, he doesn't do nice deals. I will probably write this up soonish ... but if you already know the answer, lemme know and I'll write it all up :enel:
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-20-2017
Can't go off betraying my New Babylon folks, so...
![[Image: 74d.gif]](http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/508/178/74d.gif)
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Enel - 05-21-2017
Well, the deal doesn't necessarily mean you have to betray New Babylon. Everyone wants to take down Omni, right? Win-win?
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-23-2017
Thinking about it a bit more, I think Shay could respect that condition enough to at least walk with Enel knowing they're both fully capable of kicking each other's asses. as long as I don't suck, anyways
BUT
If, and only if, I can go to Nippur first and check up on my people, pls?
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Omni - 05-23-2017
Enel will probably allow that as long as you show him the proper respect.
On an OOC note, does this mean you'd be willing to come along for a Void quest?
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-24-2017
YEH, I like writing with ya!
...Don't be surprised if he mumbles a few things under his breath, though~ I'll have my post up by tomorrow at most.
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Omni - 05-27-2017
I gotta move on man! I'm sorry :x
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Shay Cormac - 05-27-2017
YEA life fucked me yesterday aaAaAAA-- I had to rewrite this post too, but -v-
Do I just end my own life here, or do you want to have the honors??
RE: Shay vs Enel OOC - Omni - 05-27-2017
You can finish the post! I just wanna have a chance to post, my rest points are capped and DA is in a week
