Omniverse Venting Thread

[Trixie]

I feel like I should be just keeping a journal elsewhere?

Asshole doctor called. They don’t do referrals. Made no mention of what he said. They didn’t care. Only told me they’d release records upon request to new place. So I’m fucked out of a doctor now.

Mildly annoying waking up in cat piss, but it couldn’t be helped. I feel bad.

I need a fucking break. I can’t take one. But I need one. Somewhere that isn’t Ohio so I can be in a room by myself without annoying roommates.

[Ezrihel]

I feel like I should be just keeping a journal elsewhere?

Asshole doctor called. They don’t do referrals. Made no mention of what he said. They didn’t care. Only told me they’d release records upon request to new place. So I’m fucked out of a doctor now.

Mildly annoying waking up in cat piss, but it couldn’t be helped. I feel bad.

I need a fucking break. I can’t take one. But I need one. Somewhere that isn’t Ohio so I can be in a room by myself without annoying roommates.

You could always just come down to SC and chill with me and Deme, you know we don't mind.

[Ari]

Also canadia.

[Trixie]

Since I've inquired about referrals that asshole doctor has sent me another bill doubling what I owe him with a final notice sticker on it.

Can I just drive into a concrete wall to spite the world?

I see my therapist today. Hopefully he can fill out some of the paperwork. I'm also bringing my huge ass journal like post I made on the last page to discuss. May or may not end up with me being admitted to the ER to be "watched." 

I've had non stop anxiety lately. I want to move out like...two weeks ago. I'm not happy or comfortable in my own home anymore and it's slowly driving me mad. The difference this time is that I'm not breaking on the depression side. I'm breaking on the manic side and I'm realizing that I'm fucking angry. 

Hateful angry.

[Trixie]

This is the most apathetic I've felt about myself and the world to date. I just don't care. 

I'm out on leave again, because the thought of work sends me into an anxiety attack. I'm not functioning when my brain is making decisions to avoid panic or anxiety attacks. 

This could spell the end of my job if my therapist can't certify the paperwork. My psychiatrist (the asshole) won't do it. I told him what's going on, because he manages medication. 

I've been up against this wall before, but this time may be it. Losing my job because of who I am and mental illness. I still feel like they all think I'm making this up. 

But I don't care. Yay free time?

I should probably stop posting here...

[Mickey Mouse]

I know this isn’t the most, like, comforting thing to hear, probably, but losing a job and losing a psychiatrist who don’t take you seriously and treat you like the true blue human being you are, Joe, is probably for the better. I’m still struggling with something similar.

The year I ended up leaving the OV (2015/2016) was the same year I was doing my apprenticeship at a theatre. I had sort of experienced mild anxiety symptoms before doing that, but the way I was treated that year exacerbated it. I committed so hard to getting in their good graces that I volunteered for extra duties all the time, just bc I loved them and wanted them to see my face, and lost my day job about it, lost touch with my friends here about it, and lost my sense of self-worth. They were telling me I wasn’t leading man material, talking behind my back about how they doubted I’d be successful as an actor after leaving there at the end of my contract, and telling me that in order to be successful I had to do things like change my speaking voice.

When my apprenticeship ended in 2016, they dropped me like yesterday’s trash. They barely came to support projects I was cast in (because I WAS more successful than they anticipated) and have yet to hire me for anything else, most of the time not even letting me audition even though I donated hundreds of hours of my time — for free — to them and until late last year continued to do so, volunteering there whenever they needed help.

That apathy from them destroyed me. I spent every waking moment trying to figure out which career move was going to get them to notice me again, to pay attention to me. I started having panic attacks because of the debilitating effect their words and their ignoring of me had on my self esteem.

Eventually, I had to decide to just separate myself from it. I don’t go there anymore. I audition if they call me in, but I don’t volunteer there, I don’t reach out to the people who hurt me, I just reach out to my friends. I still find myself jockeying for their approval sometimes and I have to shut that down. They’re a really prominent theatre here with lots of cool stuff happening, but interacting with them isn’t a healthy mode of operation for me anymore. I still regularly feel like shit because of them, and I can’t deal with that anymore. Sometimes situations just aren’t right for us, and it’s hard, and leaves us wondering what the hell to attach ourselves to next, but I’m slowly finding other things to help me hold myself up. Coming back to the site was a big healing thing for me, and I know that sometimes even being here can get frustrating for you, but at the core you’ve got a community of friends who absolutely adore you and will support you and help you with whatever steps you need to take, whether that’s finding a better therapist or psychiatrist or job, and we’ll be standing right here through all of that no matter what.

[Jack Darby]

A power outage woke me way too early.

[Trixie]

I know this isn’t the most, like, comforting thing to hear, probably, but losing a job and losing a psychiatrist who don’t take you seriously and treat you like the true blue human being you are, Joe, is probably for the better. I’m still struggling with something similar.

The year I ended up leaving the OV (2015/2016) was the same year I was doing my apprenticeship at a theatre. I had sort of experienced mild anxiety symptoms before doing that, but the way I was treated that year exacerbated it. I committed so hard to getting in their good graces that I volunteered for extra duties all the time, just bc I loved them and wanted them to see my face, and lost my day job about it, lost touch with my friends here about it, and lost my sense of self-worth. They were telling me I wasn’t leading man material, talking behind my back about how they doubted I’d be successful as an actor after leaving there at the end of my contract, and telling me that in order to be successful I had to do things like change my speaking voice.

When my apprenticeship ended in 2016, they dropped me like yesterday’s trash. They barely came to support projects I was cast in (because I WAS more successful than they anticipated) and have yet to hire me for anything else, most of the time not even letting me audition even though I donated hundreds of hours of my time — for free — to them and until late last year continued to do so, volunteering there whenever they needed help.

That apathy from them destroyed me. I spent every waking moment trying to figure out which career move was going to get them to notice me again, to pay attention to me. I started having panic attacks because of the debilitating effect their words and their ignoring of me had on my self esteem.

Eventually, I had to decide to just separate myself from it. I don’t go there anymore. I audition if they call me in, but I don’t volunteer there, I don’t reach out to the people who hurt me, I just reach out to my friends. I still find myself jockeying for their approval sometimes and I have to shut that down. They’re a really prominent theatre here with lots of cool stuff happening, but interacting with them isn’t a healthy mode of operation for me anymore. I still regularly feel like shit because of them, and I can’t deal with that anymore. Sometimes situations just aren’t right for us, and it’s hard, and leaves us wondering what the hell to attach ourselves to next, but I’m slowly finding other things to help me hold myself up. Coming back to the site was a big healing thing for me, and I know that sometimes even being here can get frustrating for you, but at the core you’ve got a community of friends who absolutely adore you and will support you and help you with whatever steps you need to take, whether that’s finding a better therapist or psychiatrist or job, and we’ll be standing right here through all of that no matter what.

Thanks Jacob for your words. I’ve been considering looking for a new job. Apple’s just treated me well through all my crap. The support from my managers for everything has been good. From those I didn’t immediately lose a week later.

Lately everything has been getting worse. My mind has been taking over again like that previous post I made.

Talking helps, but not when you’re mind is convincing you that every time you talk to someone about it you’re just annoying them or bothering them.

Viscious cycle a go go.

[Little Ghost]

I don't know if these words are of any use:

If your current therapist is giving you crap all when it comes to support, have you tried that BetterHelp.com site? It's supposedly pretty good as long as you don't need emergency psych help. Also, if you need to talk to someone, them getting paid for it might help with those "I'm an annoyance/bother" feelings.

[Trixie]

I usually call hotlines at least once a night for that sort of help when I need to talk to someone.

[Tyson Renegade]

Me and Clownpiece we're going to work on a thread...Don't know happen? Haven't heard back.....

[Handsome Jack]

It's only been 3 days. And CP is also doing DA at the moment. Have some patience, man. Not everyone has the time to drop posts on the daily.

[Greg]

Coming back and finding that so much of what I worked on was deleted (including my entire private forum where I put new ideas, both Omniverse and non-) is extremely painful. I suppose that hurts less than the principle of letting someone else violate my baby, which is what I feel when those who made me feel like shit and drove me to leave the site have been vindicated so happily. I knew this would happen but I didn't think it would be so quick. I suppose this site is the only reason I've kept myself and my friendships alive for the past five years. Necessity, and luck.

[Handsome Jack]

Are you alright, man? I'm really worried about you. You know I've never said a bad word against you, and I'm always the one to stick up for you when people try to knock you. I dunno what happened in the Staff Forum, with your private forum, because I'm just a member, but I haven't seen anything else deleted from the site. Aside from some Bannings and the like. I'm also not sure who you're talking about "people who made me feel like and shit drove me to leave the site", but this is a very dark side of you. One I've never seen prior to the fall-out a month or two back. In the decade or so we've been pals, I've never seen you just so angry at everything and everyone. And it concerns me. You know how to reach me, if you want to talk anything out. I don't like seeing my friends like this. It's not who you are, man.

[Mickey Mouse]

Are you alright, man? I'm really worried about you. You know I've never said a bad word against you, and I'm always the one to stick up for you when people try to knock you. I dunno what happened in the Staff Forum, with your private forum, because I'm just a member, but I haven't seen anything else deleted from the site. Aside from some Bannings and the like. I'm also not sure who you're talking about "people who made me feel like and shit drove me to leave the site", but this is a very dark side of you. One I've never seen prior to the fall-out a month or two back. In the decade or so we've been pals, I've never seen you just so angry at everything and everyone. And it concerns me. You know how to reach me, if you want to talk anything out. I don't like seeing my friends like this. It's not who you are, man.

We haven’t been friends as long as you and Jeff but I love you as well and hate seeing you unhappy and am also always here if you ever need ANYTHING.

[Alex]

Everything your mentioning was filtered into either the general staff forum or the R&D forum so that staff team could reflect, process, and see what to implement. The clearest example would be Phasing alterations. Some stuff likely may have been fumbled, I wouldn't want to say otherwise and then feel derpy, but if there was anything in there you can recall wanting and not having a local backup of, it shouldn't be that complex of an IT issue, if it's not in one of the two aforementioned forums.

[Greg]

Some stuff likely may have been fumbled, I wouldn't want to say otherwise and then feel derpy, but if there was anything in there you can recall wanting and not having a local backup of, it shouldn't be that complex of an IT issue, if it's not in one of the two aforementioned forums.

If you can restore my forum, pls do so. Let alone being "not that complex of an IT issue", I don't think it'll be possible, though, save for loading an entirely old instance of the server and then re-loading the current one.

[Sam]

#ivebeendealingw/depressionanditsucks

That's my vent of the day. come back tomorrow for a picture of an air-vent. #lamepuns