Direct Message to Warren Zimmer

[Summer]

[To: WZCantonQOC@DNBME.Net]
[From: DNBME0FFICIAL@DNBME.Net]
Subject: Thank you for choosing DNBME

Hello and thank you for choosing DNBME, The Omniverse's premier email service! Before we let you get to your business, we'd like to take a moment and let you know about our premium service. While a normal, free account is great, and we thank you for choosing to do business with us, its still missing a few important features. With your current account and all its permissions, you can currently:

• Send and Receive Emails
  

Doesn't sound like a lot, does it? Well, that's the case with most email providers. What separates us from the rest is all the amazing benefits that DNBME Premium offers! If you choose to upgrade today, you get access to wonderful features such as:

• Sending and Receiving Emails
  
• Deleting Emails before they get read by the recipient
  
• Editing Emails before they get read by the recipient
  
• Blocking certain Email addresses and/or domains
  
• Automatic filtering of Spam Emails
  
• Account verification and protection
  
• Advanced profile customization
  

So not only can you avoid those pesky emails that we're sure you've been, we can also protect your account from hackers, phishers, and the like. Never again will you have to worry about unsavory individuals contacting you and/or taking over your accounts and learning all your personal information. To upgrade to a Premium account, just click on the link below and follow our easy, intuitive step-by-step instructions. All it takes is one low payment of 500 OM, and all these features can be yours!

tinyom.ni/B12EAO9

[James Knight]

Yet again the Quarterback of Chaos stared long and hard at the email that had once more popped up - very unwelcome on his computer screen. A series of facepalms followed, and then he frowned. Oh yes, he was oh so very done with this problem. Someone was going to be punished quite dearly for wasting his time on a scale such as this one. The Quarterback of Chaos was not amused. In fact, a look was given to his computer screen that a more unimpressed look was not physically possible. Whoever was doing this was going to pay. They were going to pay dearly for this, because he was tired of it bothering him on a routine basis. Of course if the individuals had taken the hint, and stopped bothering him the first time he had changed his email address, he wouldn't have needed to go through with this. Yet again, and hopefully for the final time in as many days, Warren Zimmer once more changed his email address. Only this time he created his own email domain, and everything he needed in order to make sure he was not bothered by further spam messages for at least a few hours. 

wz@tamggrcanton.net was his new, heavily firewalled, encrypted, anti virused, and strong password shielded email address.

[The Emperor of Mankind]

To: wz@tamggrcanton.net
From: [Unidentified Sender]
Subject: New wonder product.

HEY YOU! Are you tired of having pockets to put things in but then your stuff falls out?

Well then get ready for the brand new, 100% natural, poison free and recyclable POCKET POCKET.

Yep, thanks to the flexible latex of the pocket pocket you can now put away all those old sewing kits, those pieces of tape and those numbers to sewing shops.

The pocket pocket's unique flexible latex allows it to slip into almost any pocket imaginable. And with all the sizes you have avalible to you, you'll never lose a single bit of change EVER AGAIN.

Email back now and I'll throw in an extra pocket pocket ABSOLUTELY FREE, email back within the next 5 minutes and get 2 pocket pockets, a roll of duct tape and 5 lil pockies, for the young pocket.

How much does it cost you ask, simple ONLY 15 OM, SIMPLY AMAZING.

[James Knight]

A scowl was on Warren's face. Whoever kept finding his email addresses was going to pay for this. A virus was coded by him, and emailed to the sender. Said Virus would crash the computer of the sender beyond any hope of maintenance. They'd have to replace the entire system, because Warren was not amused with this situation.

[Erik Vrell]

To: wz@tamggrcanton.net
From: [Unidentified sender]
Subject: Pocket Pocket review

Let me start by saying this. Wow! Before I got the pocket pocket, I used to drop things out of my pockets all the time. You wouldn't believe the embarrassment that I've got through so many times as I've dropped illegal blasters out of my pockets as I've tried smuggling weapons into Coruscant. But thanks to the pocket pocket, my days of being held at gunpoint and spending a quarter of my life in imperial prison are over.

The pocket pocket isn't just useful, but it makes a great gift for friends, too. I personally bought ten shipments and shared them with all my gang members. You should have seen their faces! You might be saying 'Oh, but isn't 150 OM a little expensive?' but to that I say the laughs we got when big Jimbo waltzed straight past imperial security with a heavy Bolger tucked into his pocket; priceless. 

I'm going to give the pocket pocket 5 stars, for its easy use, it's efficiency, and it's stunning capability of keeping militant rebels in Coruscant armed. Thanks pocket pocket!

[James Knight]

To: [Unidentified Sender]
From: RAQOC@Canton.net
Subject: Re: Pocket Pocket Review

Good Sir, I respectfully ask that you cease and desist the process known as sending me small, pointless, annoying messages. I am in a bad mood, and for the sake of your computer continuing to exist, it would be wise if you were to stop the spam emails. 

With a lot of Hatred,  and a desire to blow up your computer if you continue, 

Warren Zimmer.

[Crocodile]

To: wz@tamggrcanton.net
From: [Unidentified Sender]
Subject: New wonder product.

Seems like our usual email sending computer kinda exploded, and we were worried our valuable consumer base may not have received their important emails. Since we know this is no fault of your own, we've decided to offer you a special promotion with this email.

HEY YOU! Are you tired of having pockets to put things in but then your stuff falls out?

Well then get ready for the brand new, 100% natural, poison free and recyclable POCKET POCKET.

Yep, thanks to the flexible latex of the pocket pocket you can now put away all those old sewing kits, those pieces of tape and those numbers to sewing shops.

The pocket pocket's unique flexible latex allows it to slip into almost any pocket imaginable. And with all the sizes you have avalible to you, you'll never lose a single bit of change EVER AGAIN.

Email back now and I'll throw in an extra pocket pocket ABSOLUTELY FREE, email back within the next 5 minutes and get 2 pocket pockets, a roll of duct tape and 5 lil pockies, for the young pocket.

How much does it cost you ask, simple ONLY 15 OM, SIMPLY AMAZING.

Enter promo code: "Zimmer Rules" for 66% off our regular retail price! That's right, you can have it all for only 5 OM! We're practically GIVING these away!

[Erik Vrell]

To: wz@tamggrcanton.net
From: [Unidentified sender]
Subject: Re: Pocket pocket review.

Ok bruh, first I'm gonna drop a "no, u" on ya. I know, it sucks, but you know I had to do it to ya. 

Second, this is far from useless. I'm recommending an incredibly useful product to you. Frankly, I'm not sure how you can live without at LEAST one pocket pocket. How do you even fight with guns dropping out of your pockets like spaghetti, getting all over the place. 

Third, good luck trying to blow up my computer. Skeevy Kevin showed me how to encrypt my IP and I'm behind 7 proxies right now. I'd like to see you even try to find my computer. I bet you don't even know what a proxy is, let alone how to get around one. If you did, I doubt Kevin could find your system 32 so easily every time.

Yours truly, the pocket pocket pickpockets. (Trademarked)

[James Knight]

How dense were these buffoons, that they could not take the hint that he had been dropping to leave him alone? Warren Zimmer began running a program designed to trace the IP addresses, and physical locations of the individuals who had been spamming him - as he was tired of replacing his emails at every opportunity, and wanted this chaos to come to an abrupt halt. Therefore, for the sake of him being able to continue his trek to the Endless Dunes he had to find a way to make the spammers stop bothering him in the near, and immediate future. Ergo, the logical conclusion would be to do something to their computers so they could not continue to send him these annoying messages. 

"This crap ends here,"  stated Warren Zimmer creating a Jumpdrive out of Omnilium. This jump drive contained a malicious AI that would attack the pocket pocket company, and the other spammers, until they gave up. It would latch onto them, and flood their computers with so much malware, adware and spyware that they would be unable to do anything, except replace the computer. Which, if he did this enough times would make them take the hint that he hoped they would get the message from. In other words - he was in no mood for this crap anymore. 

To: Unidentified Sender (Pocket Pockets)  
Subject: Your Product 

If I buy your product - will you stop emailing me for good? 
----------------------------
Attached to the email was a virus that Warren had designed that the moment they opened the email address it would latch onto their computer. This virus would not destroy or damage the computer in the slightest. Rather, it would get him the information about the Execs of the company, including where they were located physically. It would then download another virus that he had created into their systems, that would commence crashing the systems so thoroughly it would take them weeks to rebuild, and would be cheaper to replace their computers. In addition no data would be recoverable. Furthermore, the virus would have planted something on their phones, or whatever they used for backups, that if they contacted Warren Zimmer again, it would happen again. 
----------------------------

To: Unidentified Sender (Pocket Pocket Pick Pockets)
Subject: Unwanted Customer Reviews, and Product Placement
-----------------------------------
I find your continual advertisement of the Pocket Pockets are something that I do not wish to deal with. Therefore, I am politely giving you this chance to stop contact with me in the entirety. 
-------------------------------------
Attached to the email was a virus that Warren had designed that the moment they opened the email address it would latch onto their computer. This virus would not destroy or damage the computer in the slightest. Rather, it would get him the information about the Leaders of the gang, including where they were located physically. It would then download another virus that he had created into their systems, that would commence crashing the systems so thoroughly it would take them weeks to rebuild, and would be cheaper to replace their computers.

[Crocodile]

To: wz@tamggrcanton.net
From: emaildaemon@omail.com
Subject: Undelivered Email

The email you attempted to send could not reach the intended recipient, as their email address does no allow for reply emails. We apologize for this inconvenience.

This is an automatic email message. Please do not reply.

[Erik Vrell]

To: wz@tamggrcanton.net
From: [Unidentified sender]
Subject: HAHAHAHAHAHA


You really tried to send us a virus? Roflmao, dude. Did you make that thing yourself? Kevin's antivirus blocked that thing instantly. It didn't even get to install itself. 

Seeing as you're somehow still not sold on the pocket pocket, let me tell you yet another reason to buy some. Not only do you have the promo code for 66% off, but if you give me your referral code it'll bump the price down to 3 OM! (Terms and conditions apply.) Just think about it, 3 OM and you never have to worry about getting into a firefight only to find out that the god damn dirty street urchins cut your pockets, and all you have left is a tiny bloody laspistol to fight off a dozen guys with plasma casters.

Seriously, consider it. 3 OM and your troubles just disappear. Yours truly, the pocket pocket pickpockets.

[James Knight]

Your email has failed to deliver.  wz@tamggrcanton.net  no longer exists. 

Warren had terminated his email, and had began the process of setting one that they HOPEFULLY wouldn't be able to find. In addition he was considering building a killer robot and sicking it on the spammers. His new email was QOCI@canton.net  and was on a secure server he had set up himself.

[The Emperor of Mankind]

To: QOCI@canton.net
From: [Unidentified sender]
Subject: HELLO FRIEND
I FINALLY MAKE IT INTO THIS CORUSCANT AND WANT TO MEET YOU FOR DEAL, I BRING POTATO AND YOU BRING ME MY GUN YES? WE WILL KILL DIRTY CAPITALIST PIGS TOGETHER.

[James Knight]

"How in the Omniverse do they keep getting my email address?" growled Warren, as he checked his mobile dataverse device for viruses, after deleting all of the Junk Mail that he had received up until now. His right eye began to twitch irritably. Oh yes, people were going to pay for the current levels of his insanity that he was having to deal with when he found a way. A Killer Robot was sounding more and more appealing.

[Erik Vrell]

To: QOCI@canton.net
From: [Unidentified sender]
Subject: It's not that easy

Hahaha! Oh man, you really thought you could get away just like that? It took Kevin about 5 seconds to skirt your firewalls retrace your IP through your system 32 or whatever the hell he does. If you aren't going to listen to me, then at least watch this video, I GUARANTEE you'll be convinced.

Yours truly, the Pocket Pocket Pickpockets

(Embedded in the email is an Omnitube link to a video titled "The Pocket Pocket, a revolution in transportation, live demo." by "The Pocket Pocket team")

The video opens to a brightly lit studio with a slightly short, chubby man standing in the centre and smiling brightly.

"Hey! I'm Johnny Tsunami and I'm here to talk to you about the Pocket Pocket, a revolution in small goods transportation. Let me ask ya', has this ever happened to you?" 

The video cuts away from Johnny to a black and white clip of a man walking past a lake in Camelot, only for his pocket to split and an orb of omnillium to drop from his pocket into the lake. The man turns to the camera with a devastated expression and utters the words. "Oooh noooo..." 

The video cuts back to Johnny, who seems to be smiling even wider than before. 

"Well, let me tell you, those days are in the past! With the revolutionary technology of the Pocket Pocket, you won't ever have to worry about dropping anything out of your pockets again!"

The video cuts to the man walking by the lake once more, this time in colour. Once again, his pockets rips as he passes the lake, only for the Pocket Pocket to catch his omnillium before it falls into the lake. The man turns to the camera and gives a wide grin before thumbs upping and saying "Thanks Pocket Pocket!" in an all too cheerful voice.

The footage cuts back to Johnny Tsunami once more, who is now holding a Pocket Pocket in his hand. 

"Thanks to the revolutionary latex-omnillium fibre technology, the Pocket Pocket is not just flexible, but is nearly indestructible, allowing you to keep your belongings safe in all circumstances. To demonstrate, I'm going to put the Pocket Pocket into my pocket, place an omnillium orb inside and then..." 

As Johnny puts the Pocket Pocket on and slips the Omnillium inside, a bulky man carrying a heavy bolter enters the room

"My assistant here is going to show just how durable the Pocket Pocket is!"

As soon as the word 'is' came out of Johnny's mouth, his assistant pulled the trigger on the heavy bolter, loosing a firestorm of destruction at the host's pocket, as well as the man it was attached to. After a few seconds, the man stopped firing and allowed the dust to clear. When Johnny came back into view, he was slumped against the far wall, blood trickling from his head but still conscious. 

"As you can see..." He mumbled as he reached into his Pocket Pocket and extracted the orb of omnillium. "Completely intact. The Pocket Pocket is perfect for both wear and tear and heavy firefights." 

A catchy jingle starts to play as the camera pans out and medical staff rush to help Johnny. 

"Remember, use the promo code "Zimmer Rules" for 66% off!" Johnny managed to slur out before the medical team dragged him away, leaving nothing but a blank set and the number '1900-pocket-pocket' flashing on the screen for the remainder of the video as the jingle seemed to loop in on itself every few seconds.

[James Knight]

There was mildly annoyed, which he had been before. There was angry, which he had been prior to this. But now, Warren was not sure what the emotion that was boiling inside of his chest was. Why would these idiots not simply take the damn hint? After all, Warren had gone out of his way in order to avoid having to deal with them. Changing his email several times had not been pleasant for him. At this point he was about ready to destroy his Mobile Dataverse Device and get a new one, because he was tired of them continuing to bother him like this. Logic in a situation dictated that he do acts that he normally found distasteful as a villain, but had no other choice but to use at present. This harassment of him had gotten to the point where he could not concentrate on anything else. Therefore, he had to put an end to the problem at the root of it. Such was not going to be easy though.
 
Warren then watched the demo for a moment. While the Pocket Pocket was a product he was never going to invest in for the actual product, perhaps the durability of the product could be replicated. It was the one aspect of the product that interested the Ex Quarterback of Chaos. If it could somehow be replicated into the armor that he planned to make for himself, the durability, he wouldn't have to worry about that blade. For that reason perhaps purchasing one directly might not be a bad idea. On the other hand, however, he wanted to nuke the computer systems of the individuals that were responsible for the continued harassment he was receiving. 

It was official. The executives of "Pocket Pocket" were going to pay the price for their continued harassment. The mere fact they used his name as a way of advertising their products was something he could not allow. In fact, he should sue them. Yes, there was a good idea of how he could deal with them in a manner that would not land him in any sort of physical trouble. Of course before doing any of that, he had something else he needed to do. Namely figure out how the spammers kept finding his email addresses, and prevent them from doing so in the future. Since he did not have time to continually deal with this, Warren decided he would take the simple approach to eliminate the unwanted spam because he was genuinely uninterested in the products. 

A reply was sent by Warren Zimmer to the Pocket Pick Pocket Gang,  as he was not convinced.
------------------------------------------
To: [Unidentified Sender] - Pocket Pick Pockets. 
From: QOCI@canton.net
Subject: Re: It's not that easy

Your continual harassment of me to purchase a product I am not interested will come to an abrupt, and permanent halt. I am not interested in the product in the slightest, save for one aspect of it I plan to replicate for my own purposes. In any case, if you contact me one more time, I will be hiring a lawyer, and you will find yourselves in court, as well as the Pocket Pocket corporation in court. You have been warned. 

----------------------------------

Once the email had been sent out Warren formatted his Computer System, and reinstalled everything that he needed. However, he was careful to screen it for any viruses, malware, or other forms of tracking that could be used by the Pocket Pick Pockets, or the flood of spammers he had received unwanted messages from. All in all, he was no longer amused about the situation. It had to stop.

[Erik Vrell]

YTo: QOCI@canton.net
From: [Unknown sender]
Subject: :)

You're going to take legal action against us? Hahaha, you know what, if you can track us down, go ahead! Take us to court, I'd like to see you try!

Yours truly, the Pocket Pocket Pickpockets

P.S. There's a 3 for the price of 2 sale for Pocket Pockets! That's just 10 OM for 3 Pocket Pockets, assuming you're using promo code: "Zimmer Rules" for 66% off! Seriously, dude, trust me, you NEED to take advantage of this, these crazy sales won't last forever!

[The Emperor of Mankind]

YTo: QOCI@canton.net
From: [Unknown sender]
Subject: Who Kevin is

Just so it's easier to put a target on your head, this is what Kevin looks like in case you want to reveal yourself and attack him. Just in case you're wondering why we're sending you this there's context in the image.

I'll even let you in on a little deal, if you use the code "The Senzu bean bandits suck", you can get 2 pocket pockets for only 2 OM, that's right, 2 OM!

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

To: QOCI@canton.net
From: S3lf13St1ck5@noreply.com
Subject: WINNER! You've won (10) prizes!

Congratulations, Warren Zimmer! You've been randomly selected to win our bi-annual prize draw, not just once, but 10 times! Your sheer luck has netted you all 10 of our top of the line prizes, congratulations! 

Please upload a video of you dabbing 10 times on OmniTube with your video titled #WarrenZimmerSoLitFams, and send the 10 OM postage fee to the attached address, to claim your 10 selfie sticks.

We hope to hear from you soon.

- THE REAL Omniverse Selfie Stick Corporation

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

To: QOCI@canton.net
From: Ransom4u@omail.com
Subject: RESPOND ASAP IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR [REDACTED] AGAIN

I bet you thought you were so smart, Mr. Zimmer. Hiding behind your viruses and proxies. Your layers of hardware. Your many defences. But you neglected to protect one thing. Your family.

Your Aunt Susan from Coruscant has been taken hostage by us.

If you ever want to see her again, immediately send 1000 OM to us.

---

We are Ransom4u! Offering ransoms for objects, data, and hostages to people all over the world. Do you have a hostage? Or something that belongs to someone else? Do you want them to pay you some sweet juicy OM to get it back? Are you tired with faffing about to try and find their email, or getting them to respond? Ransom4u maintains a 100% success rate where it comes to getting primes to pay ransoms. Simply tell us who you want us to contact, and anything you want to say. The say how much you want them to pay you, and we'll handle the rest. Easy.

Service comes with a 10% fee based on the size of the ransom in addition to a flat charge of 10 OM.