06-29-2017, 08:50 PM
Once he had recovered from the battle of the Heartless that had <which now> left the Replica completely exhausted, Repliku realized that he was out of shape. In his current condition, his chances of survival if another group of Heartless showed up were slim. (tweaked a few things for the previous sentence.) The odds were not in his favor, especially if any of the Heartless were turned out stronger than the weak Shadows that he had encountered. Was it right for him to do what he'd have to do in order to protect himself andas well the Omniverse from the very present threat of the Heartless? Repliku didn't have an answer. Another question came to mind, namely how was he supposed to get his hands on a Keyblade for his own personal use? Clones couldn't wield Keyblades to his knowledge, at least not normally. Roxas and Xion had been able to pull it off because they had some of Riku's memories within their heart. As the clone considered how few what had been made his few options were here in the Omniverse, he groaned. Getting up to the island was going to be more difficult than obtaining the power he wanted, that of a keyblade for himself. After all, he couldn't fly and he couldn't summon things with Omnilium properly.
His only attempts thus far, a Corridor of Darkness and a Book that was supposed to inform him more about the Omniverse had failed. They hadn't just failed, fallen short, <but things felt> miserably irredeemable for the young Replica. "What does it take to become able to fly or use Corridors of Darkness in this place?!?" asked the clone in an exasperated tone of voice. For he did want to know, but he was also irritated that some other hero type hadn't popped out of the woodwork and done something<, >anything against the Heartless. Apparently only he +could handle that particular menace. Perhaps... if he did it might help him to become real... To become more than a Replica.
Yet before he could commence creating anything, a sharp kick from a man in a black coat that seemed to be made out of darkness itself hit him in the side, <the sudden pain> sent him into the ground.
"You're nothing but a replica, a pale imitation of the original!" The man said as he took the Soul Eater from Repliku and snapped it like a twig, before incinerating the remains of the sword for extra cruel measure. The sound of the blade shattering caused a burning liquid to well up in Repliku's eyes. Without the Soul Eater<,> how was he supposed to protect himself from the powers the Heartless had? How was he going to prove he deserved his own identity without that blade? "I summoned the Heartless by the way, and there's nothing you can do to stop me... Especially without this PITIFUL piece of crap imitation you call your blade!" The man then punched Repliku and left him out cold there.
When he woke up three hours later, Repliku attempted to summon Soul Eater into his hands, but it wouldn't come. Why wouldn't Soul Eater come when he called for the blade? It was then that he remembered what had transpired.
As the memory of what had transpired assaulted the senses of Repliku's senses, hot salty liquids began to form in his eyesthe eyes of the Replica. Without the power to summon the keyblade of what use was he here? With Heartless on the loose and not too keen on playing nice, if there were any stronger ones out there, plus a mysterious individual he didn't know about who was somehow capable of summoning them also out there causing problems, the clone wasn't sure what he could do with himself.
Also, he wasn't sure WHAT he could do now that he no longer possessed the blade Soul Eater. Sure Soul Eater had only been an intermediary to the Keyblade, but the keyblade was something he could perhaps have wielded if he had remained able to summon the Soul Eater.
His only attempts thus far, a Corridor of Darkness and a Book that was supposed to inform him more about the Omniverse had failed. They hadn't just failed, fallen short, <but things felt> miserably irredeemable for the young Replica. "What does it take to become able to fly or use Corridors of Darkness in this place?!?" asked the clone in an exasperated tone of voice. For he did want to know, but he was also irritated that some other hero type hadn't popped out of the woodwork and done something<, >anything against the Heartless. Apparently only he +could handle that particular menace. Perhaps... if he did it might help him to become real... To become more than a Replica.
Quote:I did some tweaking and stuff for some of the ellipsis in the above paragraph but I didn't note all the particulars I didSitting down cross-legged, Repliku closed his eyes and concentrated. Summoning the rainbow orb of Omnilium to his hand, Repliku attempted creating a giant stairway up to the floating island that made him feel insignificant. When nothing happened, Repliku's hand impacted with his face, facepalming several times in fact because the Replica <simply/just> didn't know what to do. How did one work Omnilium? Why had Omni told them so little?
Yet before he could commence creating anything, a sharp kick from a man in a black coat that seemed to be made out of darkness itself hit him in the side, <the sudden pain> sent him into the ground.
"You're nothing but a replica, a pale imitation of the original!" The man said as he took the Soul Eater from Repliku and snapped it like a twig, before incinerating the remains of the sword for extra cruel measure. The sound of the blade shattering caused a burning liquid to well up in Repliku's eyes. Without the Soul Eater<,> how was he supposed to protect himself from the powers the Heartless had? How was he going to prove he deserved his own identity without that blade? "I summoned the Heartless by the way, and there's nothing you can do to stop me... Especially without this PITIFUL piece of crap imitation you call your blade!" The man then punched Repliku and left him out cold there.
Quote:Pitiful instead of caps, what about bold or italics
When he woke up three hours later, Repliku attempted to summon Soul Eater into his hands, but it wouldn't come. Why wouldn't Soul Eater come when he called for the blade? It was then that he remembered what had transpired.
As the memory of what had transpired assaulted the senses of Repliku's senses, hot salty liquids began to form in his eyesthe eyes of the Replica. Without the power to summon the keyblade of what use was he here? With Heartless on the loose and not too keen on playing nice, if there were any stronger ones out there, plus a mysterious individual he didn't know about who was somehow capable of summoning them also out there causing problems, the clone wasn't sure what he could do with himself.
Quote:This one felt like a run-on, try and separate the sentences to make the thoughts more concise and vivid?
Also, he wasn't sure WHAT he could do now that he no longer possessed the blade Soul Eater. Sure Soul Eater had only been an intermediary to the Keyblade, but the keyblade was something he could perhaps have wielded if he had remained able to summon the Soul Eater.
Quote:Again with what, maybe bold or italicHis head slumped.
Quote:Maybe rephrase that with a word of description added, like "his head slumped ...in disdain""What am I supposed to do with myself now?"