Quote:Stepping out on the other side of the gate Dean ended up in what seemed to be a savanna, well travelled it would seem by all the tracks around. There looked like there was some sort of settlement near by so Dean decided that it might be best to start there before heading off into the wide blue yonder. Gripping the hilt of the first blade tight he made sure to keep it near him as he walked.

Continuing towards the settlement Dean thought he had heard a noise off to his side and as he started to turn to face it he felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his shoulder. Looking down he saw the hilt of a crudely made blade in the hand of someone he did not know. Using a burst of demonic speed Dean reaches up with his free hand and tightly grips the hand around the blade in his shoulder, squeezing it until there is a sharp yell. Dean moved the mans hand, and with it brought the metal blade out of his shoulder. Apparently being a demon doesn't make you immune to pain, though Dean did notice that his blood was darker then normal. Shaking the mans' wrist Dean made sure his attacker dropped his blade before letting go of his arm and grabbing his shirt and lifting him up.

Looking up Dean finally locks eyes with his would be assailant. A man, probably middle aged, in ratty clothing who was probably looking for a new Prime to steal from, looked back at him. As they continued their staring contest Dean forced his eyes to go completely black and stay that way which caused the man to gasp and struggle to get free.

“Buddy, you picked the wrong guy on the wrong day...” Dean growled, letting the sentence trail off as he brought up his right hand and smashed the hilt of the first blade into the mans nose. Dean felt the warmth of the mans' blood as it trickled down his hand.


“If you had just threatened me I would have given you the chance to walk away, probably, but now?” Dean brought the hilt of the first blade down on the mans face again, “Now you are going to give me everything I want if you want to live pal.” The fear in the mans' face was palpable, Dean knew that he could get what he wanted from this guy. Sadly it seemed like the guy didn't have much so Dean decided to get some information.

“Let's start with something easy. That town over there. What is it?” Dean used his blade to point at it and the man tried to answer as best as he could with a broken and bloody nose.


“C...Carrebore...” the man stuttered to Dean.

“Carrebore? You sure? Pinky swear?” Dean asked causing the man to shake his head. “No?” Dean hit him again, this time a bit harder. “Then why did you say it was!”

“C...Carre....Care..pphhhfff...” It became clear to Dean now what was happening. The man was basically drowning in his own blood or something. Pronunciation might not be a strong point right now.

“Carre...bore...phhhhhfffff...fffffffore? Carrefore?” His prisoner nodded this time and Dean smiled, lowering his hand a little. “Some place I might want to go?” The man shook his head, so much for the easy road.

“Where should I go then?” As Dean asked this the man pointed off in a direction away from the settlement. “How far?”

“A b..bew biles...” was the chocked response.

A few miles, huh? Dean thought about this for awhile and then decided that the interview was over.

“Good news for you, I am out of questions!” Dean tosses the first blade in the air and then catches the hilt so the tip of the blade was now pointing down at the mans' face. “Bad news, I am out of questions.”

Dean brought his arm down hard and fast, bringing the blade down into the poor souls' face. Then he did it again, and again. He continued this till he was covered in blood from the shoulders up, and only a bit of it was his own. As for the poor guy who was probably just looking for an easy mark to get his next meal or something? Well, no one would recognize his face now. After the deed had been done Dean felt oddly at peace, as if the mark of Cain had been sedated, for now. His eyes shifted from the all back mark of a demon to his normal human eyes. His shoulder ached, reminding him of the injury had had received. Hopefully it would heal soon. He was pretty sure that was one perk of being a demon.

Dragging the lifeless corpse off to the side Dean dropped it and took a few steps away. Hopefully he hadn't been seen, but knowing his luck he was probably going to be a 'hunted man' now. That was if anyone cared for two bit wannabe bandits. Probably something about life being precious blah blah blah. Either way he had to get out of here soon.

He made his way to an open part of the field best suited for his current task, someplace directed at this town he informed was in this general direction. The one that he didn't get a name for. He concentrated on this Omnilium stuff, thinking of a way to get the hell out of here. It swirled around him and then moved in front of him starting to form that which he desired most.

First it formed the tires, then the frame work. Next followed the engine, then the seats, wiring, a mysterious box on one of the seats, body work and then windows. Finally it was starting to take shape.

As he opened his eyes Dean saw in front of him a 1969 four door Impala. If he was going to ride, he was going to do it in style. Taking a walk around he made sure nothing was out of place before opening the door and getting inside, still covered in blood. He reached for the ignition but stopped, something was wrong. The speedometer only went to 80 miles per hour. Was the a rule of this world or did he mess it up somehow? After a brief moment he decided it didn't matter. Turning the key that was already in the ignition the engine roared to life and all around music could be heard.


“There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold, And she's buying a stairway to heaven...” Noooooooope. This would not due. Hitting the eject button on the cassest player on the dashboard Dean took the tape out and tossed it in the box that had formed on the seat before reaching in and taking another tape n its' place. Putting it into the player he waited for a bit to hear what would be offered instead.

“Ain't nothin' that I'd rather do, Goin' down. Party time! My friends are gonna be there too. I'm on the highway to hell...” This was perfect. Turning up the volume Dean forgot all about a quick and quiet escape and put his foot down on the gas pedal. The tires spun, kicking up dirt and grass, before finally catching and sending the Impala rocketing forward.

Quote:Victor stared down the beast feeling the killing intent it was sending his way, if Gilgamesh had not ordered it to stand down, it would probably be trying to spread the contents of his jugular over the floor, he was not phased much though, holding its gaze. In his line of work there was always someone who wanted him dead.

He turned his gaze towards the throne and the king sitting upon it, he seemed to radiate authority, giving commands to his servants as if it was more natural to him than walking. Victor smiled at the comment of the king

"Why of course I did not come here just for some minor recruitment and to discuss the way the world works, I just like to help my allies as much as possible, and its always nice to find people who you see eye to eye with, I have met too many people in the world who I...Disagree with on many things."

Victor thought about all the people he had met so far and how much conflict there own morality had caused between them, from the fanatical Okor, to the overly kind Raina. He had wondered if this verse was some kind of hell filled with only honor bound fools and bleeding hearts. But now he had met a king with ambition and the power and charisma needed to rule. It was a good sign.

"As for that favor call it a...freebie, an example of my work and how useful it can be to your cause, after all I do believe the weapon obtained from that little infiltration served you well, all I ask in return is that you allow me to keep serving you and your kingdom."

A servant came back into the room carefully handling a rather expensive looking bottle of wine and two golden goblets, as he hurried over to Victor, clearly showing the signs of stress that must come with serving a powerful king. The servant poured both goblets and passed them on to both men before leaving the room. Victor took a sip of the aromatic liquid, it tasted like haven on his taste buds.

"You have your servants trained well, this is a great choice of drink for this sort of situation. There is one more thing I need now that I think about it. I need information and targets. If I do not have a target then I am no better than your common serial killer, and we both know I am better than that."

Victor joked hoping Gilgamesh would see the funny side.

"So my lord, tell me, who are the enemies of this kingdom? And who should I put on my list as my second target as the assassin of New Babylon? After all I am sure there are people who you simply do not have the time to deal with yourself and my blades are always looking for something to dig into."

Victor continued to drink the wine awaiting a response from the king.

Dean Winchester Wrote:So I am going to be the first to take up this offer. After waiting on people to do things I have finally decided to just get Dean into the dunes and raise some hell so to speak. I have spent a day and a bit writing this but..... eeeeeeeehhhhhhhh. Feed back is more then welcome. PM would be appreciated. Well, encouraged really. Anyway... yeah... this is what I have so far for after Dean leaves the Nexus into the Dunes.

[spoiler]

Quote:Stepping out on the other side of the gate Dean ended up in what seemed to be a savanna, well travelled it would seem by all the tracks around. There looked like there was some sort of settlement near by so Dean decided that it might be best to start there before heading off into the wide blue yonder. Gripping the hilt of the first blade tight he made sure to keep it near him as he walked.

Continuing towards the settlement Dean thought he had heard a noise off to his side and as he started to turn to face it he felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his shoulder. Looking down he saw the hilt of a crudely made blade in the hand of someone he did not know. Using a burst of demonic speed Dean reaches up with his free hand and tightly grips the hand around the blade in his shoulder, squeezing it until there is a sharp yell. Dean moved the mans hand, and with it brought the metal blade out of his shoulder. Apparently being a demon doesn't make you immune to pain, though Dean did notice that his blood was darker then normal. Shaking the mans' wrist Dean made sure his attacker dropped his blade before letting go of his arm and grabbing his shirt and lifting him up.

Looking up Dean finally locks eyes with his would be assailant. A man, probably middle aged, in ratty clothing who was probably looking for a new Prime to steal from, looked back at him. As they continued their staring contest Dean forced his eyes to go completely black and stay that way which caused the man to gasp and struggle to get free.

“Buddy, you picked the wrong guy on the wrong day...” Dean growled, letting the sentence trail off as he brought up his right hand and smashed the hilt of the first blade into the mans nose. Dean felt the warmth of the mans' blood as it trickled down his hand.


“If you had just threatened me I would have given you the chance to walk away, probably, but now?” Dean brought the hilt of the first blade down on the mans face again, “Now you are going to give me everything I want if you want to live pal.” The fear in the mans' face was palpable, Dean knew that he could get what he wanted from this guy. Sadly it seemed like the guy didn't have much so Dean decided to get some information.

“Let's start with something easy. That town over there. What is it?” Dean used his blade to point at it and the man tried to answer as best as he could with a broken and bloody nose.


“C...Carrebore...” the man stuttered to Dean.

“Carrebore? You sure? Pinky swear?” Dean asked causing the man to shake his head. “No?” Dean hit him again, this time a bit harder. “Then why did you say it was!”

“C...Carre....Care..pphhhfff...” It became clear to Dean now what was happening. The man was basically drowning in his own blood or something. Pronunciation might not be a strong point right now.

“Carre...bore...phhhhhfffff...fffffffore? Carrefore?” His prisoner nodded this time and Dean smiled, lowering his hand a little. “Some place I might want to go?” The man shook his head, so much for the easy road.

“Where should I go then?” As Dean asked this the man pointed off in a direction away from the settlement. “How far?”

“A b..bew biles...” was the chocked response.

A few miles, huh? Dean thought about this for awhile and then decided that the interview was over.

“Good news for you, I am out of questions!” Dean tosses the first blade in the air and then catches the hilt so the tip of the blade was now pointing down at the mans' face. “Bad news, I am out of questions.”

Dean brought his arm down hard and fast, bringing the blade down into the poor souls' face. Then he did it again, and again. He continued this till he was covered in blood from the shoulders up, and only a bit of it was his own. As for the poor guy who was probably just looking for an easy mark to get his next meal or something? Well, no one would recognize his face now. After the deed had been done Dean felt oddly at peace, as if the mark of Cain had been sedated, for now. His eyes shifted from the all back mark of a demon to his normal human eyes. His shoulder ached, reminding him of the injury had had received. Hopefully it would heal soon. He was pretty sure that was one perk of being a demon.

Dragging the lifeless corpse off to the side Dean dropped it and took a few steps away. Hopefully he hadn't been seen, but knowing his luck he was probably going to be a 'hunted man' now. That was if anyone cared for two bit wannabe bandits. Probably something about life being precious blah blah blah. Either way he had to get out of here soon.

He made his way to an open part of the field best suited for his current task, someplace directed at this town he informed was in this general direction. The one that he didn't get a name for. He concentrated on this Omnilium stuff, thinking of a way to get the hell out of here. It swirled around him and then moved in front of him starting to form that which he desired most.

First it formed the tires, then the frame work. Next followed the engine, then the seats, wiring, a mysterious box on one of the seats, body work and then windows. Finally it was starting to take shape.

As he opened his eyes Dean saw in front of him a 1969 four door Impala. If he was going to ride, he was going to do it in style. Taking a walk around he made sure nothing was out of place before opening the door and getting inside, still covered in blood. He reached for the ignition but stopped, something was wrong. The speedometer only went to 80 miles per hour. Was the a rule of this world or did he mess it up somehow? After a brief moment he decided it didn't matter. Turning the key that was already in the ignition the engine roared to life and all around music could be heard.


“There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold, And she's buying a stairway to heaven...” Noooooooope. This would not due. Hitting the eject button on the cassest player on the dashboard Dean took the tape out and tossed it in the box that had formed on the seat before reaching in and taking another tape n its' place. Putting it into the player he waited for a bit to hear what would be offered instead.

“Ain't nothin' that I'd rather do, Goin' down. Party time! My friends are gonna be there too. I'm on the highway to hell...” This was perfect. Turning up the volume Dean forgot all about a quick and quiet escape and put his foot down on the gas pedal. The tires spun, kicking up dirt and grass, before finally catching and sending the Impala rocketing forward.

As far as I can see it SHOULD be good but if I am doing something I shouldn't let me know! I just thought it would a) give me somethign to do, B) Potentially set up Dean for trouble later on. Murder does that! and c) Impala! COME ON![/spoiler]

Victor Wolfe Wrote:Thanks for creating this I would like for someone to have a look at my most recent response, any advice is appreciated and I am always open to criticism as long as it is constructive ( in other words I do not mind you talking bad about my writing as long as you let me know what I could have done to improve it )

[spoiler]

Quote:Victor stared down the beast feeling the killing intent it was sending his way, if Gilgamesh had not ordered it to stand down, it would probably be trying to spread the contents of his jugular over the floor, he was not phased much though, holding its gaze. In his line of work there was always someone who wanted him dead.

He turned his gaze towards the throne and the king sitting upon it, he seemed to radiate authority, giving commands to his servants as if it was more natural to him than walking. Victor smiled at the comment of the king

"Why of course I did not come here just for some minor recruitment and to discuss the way the world works, I just like to help my allies as much as possible, and its always nice to find people who you see eye to eye with, I have met too many people in the world who I...Disagree with on many things."

Victor thought about all the people he had met so far and how much conflict there own morality had caused between them, from the fanatical Okor, to the overly kind Raina. He had wondered if this verse was some kind of hell filled with only honor bound fools and bleeding hearts. But now he had met a king with ambition and the power and charisma needed to rule. It was a good sign.

"As for that favor call it a...freebie, an example of my work and how useful it can be to your cause, after all I do believe the weapon obtained from that little infiltration served you well, all I ask in return is that you allow me to keep serving you and your kingdom."

A servant came back into the room carefully handling a rather expensive looking bottle of wine and two golden goblets, as he hurried over to Victor, clearly showing the signs of stress that must come with serving a powerful king. The servant poured both goblets and passed them on to both men before leaving the room. Victor took a sip of the aromatic liquid, it tasted like haven on his taste buds.

"You have your servants trained well, this is a great choice of drink for this sort of situation. There is one more thing I need now that I think about it. I need information and targets. If I do not have a target then I am no better than your common serial killer, and we both know I am better than that."

Victor joked hoping Gilgamesh would see the funny side.

"So my lord, tell me, who are the enemies of this kingdom? And who should I put on my list as my second target as the assassin of New Babylon? After all I am sure there are people who you simply do not have the time to deal with yourself and my blades are always looking for something to dig into."

Victor continued to drink the wine awaiting a response from the king.

[/spoiler]

Dean Winchester Wrote:Now for editing! Thanks Sinestro! Some awesome advice there my friend!

Victor Wolfe Wrote:thank Thaal, that's great advice, I will have a look at the post again

Quote:Stepping out on the other side of the gate, Dean ended up in what seemed to be a savanna, well-travelled it would seem by all the tracks around. It was hot here, and the air was dry. At his feet were trampled patches of grass, and a few other forms of plant life. What there was a lot of were rocks, all shapes and sizes of boring old rock. Into the distance he could see the usual desert stuff, like sand and dunes. It did look like as though was some sort of settlement nearby, so Dean decided that it might be best to start there before heading off into the wide blue yonder. Gripping the hilt of the first blade tight he made sure to keep it near him as he walked.

Quote:“Buddy, you picked the wrong guy on the wrong day...” Dean growled, letting the sentence trail off as he brought up his right hand and smashed the hilt of the first blade into the mans nose. Dean felt the warmth of the man's blood as it trickled down his hand. The mark was screaming at this point, it was almost deafening to Dean. The rage was flowing through his veins, and it had spiked in intensity when Dean had hit his prisoner. It was starting to feel good too, every time he gave into the marks lust for blood. This man should die, needed to die. THIS MAN WOULD DIE!

Quote:Dean brought his arm down hard and fast, bringing the blade down into the poor soul's face. He could almost feel it as the teeth on this jagged blade bit into flesh, tore through muscle with a sickening sound. The mark of Cain flared to life again, aching for Dean to do some serious violence. Dean raised his arm and paused, listening to the screams, sobs, and all the other pitiful sounds this man was making. He caused him to smile, though to anyone watching it would like more like he was bearing his teeth in a snarl.

Then he bought the blade down again, and again. He continued this til he was covered in blood from the shoulders up, and only a bit of it was his own. He could feel it through his clothes and on his skin. It was currently the most wondrous thing he had felt in a long time. As for the poor guy who was probably just looking for an easy mark to get his next meal or something? Well, no one would recognize his face now. After the deed had been done Dean felt oddly at peace, as if the mark of Cain had been sedated, for now. His eyes shifted from the all back mark of a demon to his normal human eyes. His shoulder ached, reminding him of the injury had had received. Hopefully it would heal soon. He was pretty sure that was one perk of being a demon.

Quote:As he opened his eyes Dean saw in front of him a car that put others to shame. It had a slab-sided body with a small "upsweep" at the rear quarter window, giving it a more formal appearance the most cars of its time. Every line and angel on the body was designed to make this car look bigger, tougher and it was doing its job beautifully. The exterior was painted black, but not just any old black paint job. The surface was glass-smooth, and had a reflection that’s miles deep. The insides were designed to match the outside, as everything that could be was also black. The soft leather seats looking rather inviting to him after all the walking he had been doing. The mysterious box on the front passenger seat contained something that was only important to Dean, cassette tapes. It was his baby, his chariot. It was what people would remember as he caused chaos in these lands. If he was going to ride, he was going to do it in style, and nothing said style like a 1969 four door Impala.

Dean Winchester Wrote:Here as some of the edits done for review.

First part;

[spoiler]

Quote:Stepping out on the other side of the gate, Dean ended up in what seemed to be a savanna, well-travelled it would seem by all the tracks around. It was hot here, and the air was dry. At his feet were trampled patches of grass, and a few other forms of plant life. What there was a lot of were rocks, all shapes and sizes of boring old rock. Into the distance he could see the usual desert stuff, like sand and dunes. It did look like as though was some sort of settlement nearby, so Dean decided that it might be best to start there before heading off into the wide blue yonder. Gripping the hilt of the first blade tight he made sure to keep it near him as he walked.

[/spoiler]

- A bit of description of the area, my brain was blanking at this point.


Secondly;
[spoiler]

Quote:“Buddy, you picked the wrong guy on the wrong day...” Dean growled, letting the sentence trail off as he brought up his right hand and smashed the hilt of the first blade into the mans nose. Dean felt the warmth of the man's blood as it trickled down his hand. The mark was screaming at this point, it was almost deafening to Dean. The rage was flowing through his veins, and it had spiked in intensity when Dean had hit his prisoner. It was starting to feel good too, every time he gave into the marks lust for blood. This man should die, needed to die. THIS MAN WOULD DIE!

[/spoiler]

[spoiler]

Quote:Dean brought his arm down hard and fast, bringing the blade down into the poor soul's face. He could almost feel it as the teeth on this jagged blade bit into flesh, tore through muscle with a sickening sound. The mark of Cain flared to life again, aching for Dean to do some serious violence. Dean raised his arm and paused, listening to the screams, sobs, and all the other pitiful sounds this man was making. He caused him to smile, though to anyone watching it would like more like he was bearing his teeth in a snarl.

Then he bought the blade down again, and again. He continued this til he was covered in blood from the shoulders up, and only a bit of it was his own. He could feel it through his clothes and on his skin. It was currently the most wondrous thing he had felt in a long time. As for the poor guy who was probably just looking for an easy mark to get his next meal or something? Well, no one would recognize his face now. After the deed had been done Dean felt oddly at peace, as if the mark of Cain had been sedated, for now. His eyes shifted from the all back mark of a demon to his normal human eyes. His shoulder ached, reminding him of the injury had had received. Hopefully it would heal soon. He was pretty sure that was one perk of being a demon.

[/spoiler]


-mark stuff. Violence. Yay?


Finally
[spoiler]

Quote:As he opened his eyes Dean saw in front of him a car that put others to shame. It had a slab-sided body with a small "upsweep" at the rear quarter window, giving it a more formal appearance the most cars of its time. Every line and angel on the body was designed to make this car look bigger, tougher and it was doing its job beautifully. The exterior was painted black, but not just any old black paint job. The surface was glass-smooth, and had a reflection that’s miles deep. The insides were designed to match the outside, as everything that could be was also black. The soft leather seats looking rather inviting to him after all the walking he had been doing. The mysterious box on the front passenger seat contained something that was only important to Dean, cassette tapes. It was his baby, his chariot. It was what people would remember as he caused chaos in these lands. If he was going to ride, he was going to do it in style, and nothing said style like a 1969 four door Impala.

[/spoiler]


-Car stuff! Yay!


Other then that most of it remained the same but with a few grammatical and punctuation things Gildarts also pointed out.

Quote:Victor stared down the beast feeling the killing intent it was sending his way, if Gilgamesh had not ordered it to stand down. It would probably be trying to spread the contents of his jugular over the floor. he was not phased by this though, holding its gaze. In his line of work there was always someone who wanted him dead. It was a feeling he knew to well.

He turned his gaze towards the throne and the king sitting upon it, he seemed to radiate authority, giving commands to his servants as if it was more natural to him than walking. Victor smiled at the comment of the king, he thought about how to respond for a moment before replying.

"Why of course I did not come here just for some minor recruitment and to discuss the way the world works, I just like to help my allies as much as possible, and its always nice to find people who you see eye to eye with, I have met too many people in the world who I, hmm, had some slight disagreements with that may have left some resentment on both sides."

Victor thought about all the people he had met so far and how much conflict there own morality had caused between them, from the fanatical Okor, to the overly kind Raina. He had wondered if this verse was some kind of hell filled with only honor bound fools and bleeding hearts. But now he had met a king with ambition and the power and charisma needed to rule. It was a good sign.

"As for that favor call it a," Victor paused, formulating the best word for the situation in his mind before continuing, "freebie, an example of my work and how useful it can be to your cause, after all I do believe the weapon obtained from that little infiltration served you well, all I ask in return is that you allow me to keep serving you and your kingdom."

A servant came back into the room carefully handling a rather expensive looking bottle of wine and two golden goblets, as he hurried over to Victor.Clearly showing the signs of stress that must come with serving a powerful king the servant poured both goblets and passed them on to both men before leaving the room. Victor took a sip of the aromatic liquid, it tasted like haven on his taste buds.

"You have your servants trained well, this is a great choice of drink for this sort of situation. There is one more thing I need now that I think about it. I need information and targets. If I do not have a target then I am no better than your common serial killer, and we both know I am better than that."

Victor joked hoping Gilgamesh would see the funny side.

"So my lord, tell me, who are the enemies of this kingdom? And who should I put on my list as my second target as the assassin of New Babylon? After all I am sure there are people who you simply do not have the time to deal with yourself and my blades are always looking for something to dig into."

Victor continued to drink the wine awaiting a response from the king. Wondering how this mighty ruler would respond to an offer from the young assassin.

Quote:Victor stared down the beast feeling the killing <that> intent it was sending his way, if Gilgamesh >did< not order* it to stand down. It would probably be trying to spread the contents of his jugular over the floor. h*<capital>e was not phased by this though, holding its gaze (instead, "and held his gaze" sounds stronger and is delivered with more power, all I did was modify the tense.) In his line of work there was always someone who wanted him dead. It was a feeling he knew to<o>well.

Quote:He turned his gaze towards the throne and the king sitting upon it, he<Gilgamesh> seemed to radiate authority, giving commands to his servants as if it was more natural to him than walking.(I liked this and it reaffirmed the point you were trying to establish and offered good contrast) Victor smiled at the comment of the king, he thought about how to respond for a moment before replying.

"Why of course I did not come here just for some minor recruitment and to discuss the way the world works, I just like to help my allies as much as possible, and its always nice to find people who you see eye to eye with, I have met too many people in the world who I, hmm, had some slight disagreements with that may have left some resentment on both sides."

Quote:Victor thought about all the people he had met so far and how much conflict there own morality had caused between them, from the fanatical Okor, to the overly kind Raina. He had wondered if this verse was some kind of hell filled with only honor <slash mark: -> bound fools and bleeding hearts. (Your choice to modify, but I felt this sounded stronger But now he had met a king <empowered> with the ambition and charisma <that was>needed to rule. This felt like a good sign.

Quote:"As for that favor call it a<...>" Victor paused, formulating the best word for the situation in his mind before continuing, "F*<capital>reebie, an example of my work and how useful it can be to your cause, after all I do believe the weapon obtained from that little infiltration served you well, all I ask in return is that you allow me to keep serving you and your kingdom."

Quote:A servant came back into the room carefully handling a rather expensive looking bottle of wine and two golden goblets,as he<and> (it just seems more concise than "as he")hurried over to Victor. Clearly showing the signs of stress that must come with serving a powerful king <,>the servant poured both goblets and passed them onto both men before leaving the room. Victor took a sip of the aromatic liquid, it tasted like haven (heaven?) on his taste buds.

Quote:"You have your servants trained well, this is a great choice of drink for this sort of situation. There is one more thing I need now that I think about it. I need information and targets. If I do not have a target then I am no better than your common serial killer, and we both know I am better than that."

*Victor joked hoping Gilgamesh would see the<his> funny side.

Demetri Malius Wrote:Okay so im having Demetri summon his little helper bot IRIS, so this will be its intro before he infiltrates an empire base.

Quote:As Demetri silently walked the alleyways <walked in the alleyway -just sounds more fluent to me>, he thought more about how Nealaphh was (had been?) teaching the girl to summon objects. He began to wonder if perhaps he could summon a companion to aide <aid> him in his observations and quests.(, "and certainly" instead of a new sentence, your choice to change, I wasn't sure if you wanted more relevance to it) Certainly another pair of eyes would be helpful. He (Demetri or other pronoun to announce/imply a VERY subtle seclusion) stopped in one of the darker alleyways >as< (maybe when?) the sun began to set and pondered what type of ally he would need. His ally (the ally would need to be) needed to be strategic and intelligent, and well fit to accompany him and keep up with his speed and stealth. He remembered seeing peculiar items at the mechanist shop, and all the different mechanisms that were in there, although <,>he didn't pay enough attention to remember much details. If he could indeed summon an ally, it may be in his best interest to summon a living machine that could support him. He sat behind a ("dented" just sounded cool and paints on your imagery)dumpster and focused. The machine would have to be small, yet mobile. If it could somehow levitate, it would most likely be sufficient enough to move beside him but he also needed it to not attract too much attention. Perhaps if it was a sphere, each immediate necessary part could reach out<extend?> and retract, allowing it to function (with finesse?) at all time>s< yet be able to retreat into itself for defense or stealth movement. Demetri then held his hand out. Perhaps...

Quote:As he focused his energy a small orb began to form. Demetri closed his eyes and let out a deep breath willing it to form and aide him, to be a part(to come alive in this world?) of this world. He visualized each part, trying to complete technology far ahead of his home world age. Soon he began to feel a presence, and slowly he opened his eyes. A silver plated mechanism floated centimeters above his hand. Small puffs (of steam ?)team erupted from small crevasses between the plates, where it could be seen that a mechanism could protrude from. Then it began to speak.

Quote:Powering on.... calibrating gyroscope.... searching for artificial intelligence... downloading personality.... initiating protocols.... booting up.... successful.

Steam then poured out as the mechanism expanded, the front plates shifted and opened, revealing a camera-like glass and a small blue light that flickered and darted from side to side. Two small mechanical arms came out from its sides (and extended and reached) toward>s< its bottom, with small plates (located) at each of its joints for protection. At the end of each arm was a clawlike hand, complete with three sharp metal fingers>,< and a small rubber bump on its palm. Another two devices prodded (protruded? If not then sans the" out") out from its side on the top. The top devices were plated on top as well and lasers beamed from each side with what seemed like some kind of ranged shooting device. The eye began to emit a blue ray at Demetri, as if it was analyzing him.

Quote:Scanning... no threat detected. Current affiliate is known creator. Thanks is given. <lol this part was adorable> Logging biometric details into database for future reference and recognition. Registering... complete. Boot complete. Completing setup....Intelligent Robotic Infiltration Strategist IRIS variant initiated. Starting (compiling or initiating sounds more analytical) personality program.

Suddenly the weapons retracted into the machine and the blue light on the eye flickered, <it appeared to be>looking around for a moment before focusing on Demetri.

Ugh... starting up is such a tiring process... hello there<,> creator. I am IRIS. Intelligent Robotic Infiltration Strategist variant of omniverse technology. Or at least that's what my programming says. Nice to meet you.