Green with Guilt

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc gazed idly at the snow falling from the sky. The flakes were, for lack of a more accurate and less offensive term, obese. He could see the classic snowflake shape as they drifted down, laden heavy with shreds of ice. The fat snowflakes were dogpiling the ground, it seemed, until the snow was now reaching Doc’s ankles. The citizens of Ambrosia were now shoveling the snow using garden shovels, and people painted signs saying, “Beware falling ice.”

“Well, as you must have noticed, I am indeed a ninja with several PhDs,” he mumbled, reading the nametags on the bottles, “I can handle traps. I’m not sure if I can promise your safety if things get hardcore, though.”

“It would be safer with you there, yes?”

Doc shrugged. “I guess so. What are you looking for, exactly?”

“Just some phoenix eggs,” Finn mumbled casually.

McNinja flinched. “You realize that a ‘phoenix egg’ is the corpse of a phoenix that hasn’t regenerated yet?”

“Of course.”

“Soooo you live in a lab, which is apparently highly combustible and can possibly turn this side of town into either a pile of severed limbs, or into ash,” Doc continued, “and you want to bring in a highly dangerous and volatile creature’s egg? Which is essentially a living, fiery explosion waiting to happen?”

“Yes,” Finn replied, unimpressed, “I’ll need four, I think.”

“And where will you be keeping these?”

Finn shrugged. “Probably a box somewhere.”

“A box.”

“Well, I would put a stasis charm on them, obviously,” Finn chuckled, “You didn’t honestly think I would just put living flames inside a box?”

Doc laughed nervously. “Heh. No.”

“More stupid magic,” Doc thought to himself as the pair trudged in the snow.

They were now approaching the stables. Yoshi was being groomed by the stablemaster. She screeched weakly as Doc approached her.

“Hey, Yosh,” Dr. McNinja cooed as the velociraptor blinked sluggishly.

"She ain't doin good in the snow," the stablemaster commented, "what with her bein a lizard 'n all."

Dr. McNinja looked at Yoshi's eyes. Yoshi blinked back, half-comatose.

"Listen, you're not going to make it in the snow," Doc told Yoshi, "I'll call you back later, but for now, rest."

Yoshi nodded. Doc rested his hand on her neck and started extracting the Omnilium from her body. Waves of colors from the rainbow pulsed from the velociraptor as she slowly and gently disintegrated.

“That was your mount?” Finn interrupted when it was finished.

“Yeah, my friend’s pet velociraptor,” Doc replied, rubbing his hands together, “Doesn’t do well in cold, I guess. You have one?”

"I’ve rented a caravan.”

Just then the stablemaster returned, driving a dark brown mini-van that had rusted all over. Despite the fact that they were in a forest, Finn had apparently elected to use a van. Dr. McNinja cleared his throat, straightened his face and nodded solemnly. An epic quest to retrieve valuable phoenix eggs from an ancient dungeon... while riding a Ford. The two started packing the van with the alchemist's bags.

***

The frost on the ground seemed to be thinner the farther Doc and Finn rumbled away from Ambrosia, until eventually the only sign of winter around them was the snow melting in the corners of the windshield. He turned to look at his charge, Finn the alchemist.

“So,” he said awkwardly, “You do magic, then.”