Read It Back

[Thaal Sinestro]

Okay so im having Demetri summon his little helper bot IRIS, so this will be its intro before he infiltrates an empire base.

[spoiler]As Demetri silently walked the alleyways, he thought more about how Nealaphh was teaching the girl to summon objects. He began to wonder if perhaps he could summon a companion to aide him in his observations and quests. Certainly another pair of eyes would be helpful. He stopped in one of the darker alleyways as the sun began to set and pondered what type of ally he would need. His ally needed to be strategic and intelligent, and well fit to accompany him and keep up with his speed and stealth. He remembered seeing peculiar items at the mechanist shop, and all the different mechanisms that were in there, although he didn't pay enough attention to remember much details. If he could indeed summon an ally, it may be in his best interest to summon a living machine that could support him. He sat behind a dumpster and focused. The machine would have to be small, yet mobile. If it could somehow levitate, it would most likely be sufficient enough to move beside him but he also needed it to not attract too much attention. Perhaps if it was a sphere, each immediate necessary part could reach out and retract, allowing it to function at all times yet be able to retreat into itself for defense or stealth movement. Demetri then held his hand out. Perhaps...

As he focused his energy a small orb began to form. Demetri closed his eyes and let out a deep breath willing it to form and aide him, to be a part of this world. He visualized each part, trying to complete technology far ahead of his home world age. Soon he began to feel a presence, and slowly he opened his eyes. A silver plated mechanism floated centimeters above his hand. Small puffs team erupted from small crevasses between the plates, where it could be seen that a mechanism could protrude from. Then it began to speak.

Powering on.... calibrating gyroscope.... searching for artificial intelligence... downloading personality.... initiating protocols.... booting up.... successful.

Steam then poured out as the mechanism expanded, the front plates shifted and opened, revealing a camera-like glass and a small blue light that flickered and darted from side to side. Two small mechanical arms came out from its sides towards its bottom, with small plates at each of its joints for protection. At the end of each arm was a clawlike hand, complete with three sharp metal fingers, and a small rubber bump on its palm. Another two devices prodded out from its side on the top. The top devices were plated on top as well and lasers beamed from each side with what seemed like some kind of ranged shooting device. The eye began to emit a blue ray at Demetri, as if it was analyzing him.

Scanning... no threat detected. Current affiliate is known creator. Thanks is given. Logging biometric details into database for future reference and recognition. Registering... complete. Boot complete. Completing setup....Intelligent Robotic Infiltration Strategist IRIS variant initiated. Starting personality program.

Suddenly the weapons retracted into the machine and the blue light on the eye flickered, looking around for a moment before focusing on Demetri.

Ugh... starting up is such a tiring process...hello there creator. I am IRIS. Intelligent Robotic Infiltration Strategist variant of omniverse technology. Or at least that's what my programming says. Nice to meet you.[/spoiler]

This is actually pretty cool! I like it as a little intro scene for your secondary.

The one thing I often find myself urging writers to do more on the site is to delve a little deeper into your descriptions. I love that you talked about how it looked and moved AS IT DID STUFF, the whole "show don't tell," aspect of your writing was strong. Just give us a little more, you know? The SMALL details are what really brings something to life in my mind, you know? Are there any quirky qualities it exhibits? Are there any dents, or does it's perfect smoothness stand out? You can give the reader an idea about the character of a person or object by what details you choose to focus on.

If he's from an ancient time, maybe the steel reminds him of a finely polished shield, or the blade of a masterfully crafted sword? What comparisons can his mind draw from his limited background?

It would also be cool to see what little "mistakes" he would make trying to imagine how it works. It would be a really cool fusion to have an advanced object AS IMAGINED by an ancient warrior. Like, maybe the whirring servos inside are operated by tiny imps, or the gears are made of wood? Remember, the way that your character THINKS this object should work is how it WILL work. Just an idea to play with.

Little typo here:
"Small puffs team erupted" should be "Small puffs of steam erupted" I think?