05-07-2018, 12:17 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-07-2018, 12:48 AM by homin-Ratione.)
I suck at my job and everyone there hates my guts.
I work at a restaurant and within less than a year they have moved me up from dish to garmo/desert and now pizza and soon maybe frier. Even after I told them I'm NOT a cook, and I'm fine staying in dish pit and doing prep work. But they keep pushing me up and I keep making this stupid asinine little mistakes and no matter how hard I try or what I do I'm never good enough. Every single fucking day I do some stupid shit. Today, my boss (who came in a bit after leaving) suddenly walks by me making some deserts and says "aw yeah I want one of those to go", which granted I was swamped but I just completely spaced it even after saying I'll make it for him. Then later my other boss brought it up again saying how I failed to do that among so many other things. Honestly at this point I have no god damn clue how I haven't been fired yet. I've been told I'm improving, but that's a lie. I'm just getting slightly less shitty but I can't keep up. I like working there, I love the people there, and I hate disappointing them every single day. I firmly believe the only reason I haven't been let go or moved down yet is because either they can't afford to or somehow I'm just useful enough to not be.
How the hell can they say good job? I know they don't mean it. I just want someone to admit that I'm shit to me. I hate myself every time I'm there because there's always SOMETHING I miss. It's all my own damn fault and all I can do is feel sorry for myself like the sack of utter shit I am. I'm too slow, I'm inefficient, I'm downright WAY too inexperienced, and yet I'm still there. I go in every day and do the same thing over again. I'm so sick of sucking at everything I do there. Whenever one of the other cooks does something for me they immediately outclass me in every way. I don't make good dishes, I don't work well, I can't take the heat. What the hell is wrong with me and how can I fix it.
Edit: Not to mention I fucking forgot to make more side salads and more potato salad, and keep up on my station. I'm stretched between two stations a lot of days, which might sound like a lot but it really isn't. Any one of those people in there could do ten times better than me any day.
OH HEY LET'S GO EVEN DEEPER: I'm a stupid prick that can't get jokes, I make ALL situations awkward, and everytime a girl starts to show interest in me I fuck it up because I'm an awkward piece of shit. I'm lazy, disorganized, and a terrible listener. I am FUCKED. I wouldn't be surprised if I wound up a total burnout sucking dick for crack eventually. I hate myself in every way and every day everythhing I do is laced with "you're doing it wrong" in the back of my mind. Everytime I do something I'M DOING IT WRONG SOME FUCKING HOW. And it doesn't matter what I say or do or how I try to say "yeah that was bad but-" because there is no but, I'm just being sad asshole that can't improve. I'm honestly losing my god damn mind. What does everyone else have that I don't? What was everyone else born with that I wasn't? Why can't God just end my shit now so i can stop being a bother to other people? Fucking a
I work at a restaurant and within less than a year they have moved me up from dish to garmo/desert and now pizza and soon maybe frier. Even after I told them I'm NOT a cook, and I'm fine staying in dish pit and doing prep work. But they keep pushing me up and I keep making this stupid asinine little mistakes and no matter how hard I try or what I do I'm never good enough. Every single fucking day I do some stupid shit. Today, my boss (who came in a bit after leaving) suddenly walks by me making some deserts and says "aw yeah I want one of those to go", which granted I was swamped but I just completely spaced it even after saying I'll make it for him. Then later my other boss brought it up again saying how I failed to do that among so many other things. Honestly at this point I have no god damn clue how I haven't been fired yet. I've been told I'm improving, but that's a lie. I'm just getting slightly less shitty but I can't keep up. I like working there, I love the people there, and I hate disappointing them every single day. I firmly believe the only reason I haven't been let go or moved down yet is because either they can't afford to or somehow I'm just useful enough to not be.
How the hell can they say good job? I know they don't mean it. I just want someone to admit that I'm shit to me. I hate myself every time I'm there because there's always SOMETHING I miss. It's all my own damn fault and all I can do is feel sorry for myself like the sack of utter shit I am. I'm too slow, I'm inefficient, I'm downright WAY too inexperienced, and yet I'm still there. I go in every day and do the same thing over again. I'm so sick of sucking at everything I do there. Whenever one of the other cooks does something for me they immediately outclass me in every way. I don't make good dishes, I don't work well, I can't take the heat. What the hell is wrong with me and how can I fix it.
Edit: Not to mention I fucking forgot to make more side salads and more potato salad, and keep up on my station. I'm stretched between two stations a lot of days, which might sound like a lot but it really isn't. Any one of those people in there could do ten times better than me any day.
OH HEY LET'S GO EVEN DEEPER: I'm a stupid prick that can't get jokes, I make ALL situations awkward, and everytime a girl starts to show interest in me I fuck it up because I'm an awkward piece of shit. I'm lazy, disorganized, and a terrible listener. I am FUCKED. I wouldn't be surprised if I wound up a total burnout sucking dick for crack eventually. I hate myself in every way and every day everythhing I do is laced with "you're doing it wrong" in the back of my mind. Everytime I do something I'M DOING IT WRONG SOME FUCKING HOW. And it doesn't matter what I say or do or how I try to say "yeah that was bad but-" because there is no but, I'm just being sad asshole that can't improve. I'm honestly losing my god damn mind. What does everyone else have that I don't? What was everyone else born with that I wasn't? Why can't God just end my shit now so i can stop being a bother to other people? Fucking a
"Our fear is our weapon."