Read It Back

[Thaal Sinestro]

Here as some of the edits done for review.

First part;

[spoiler]

Stepping out on the other side of the gate, Dean ended up in what seemed to be a savanna, well-travelled it would seem by all the tracks around. It was hot here, and the air was dry. At his feet were trampled patches of grass, and a few other forms of plant life. What there was a lot of were rocks, all shapes and sizes of boring old rock. Into the distance he could see the usual desert stuff, like sand and dunes. It did look like as though was some sort of settlement nearby, so Dean decided that it might be best to start there before heading off into the wide blue yonder. Gripping the hilt of the first blade tight he made sure to keep it near him as he walked.

[/spoiler]

- A bit of description of the area, my brain was blanking at this point.


Secondly;
[spoiler]

“Buddy, you picked the wrong guy on the wrong day...” Dean growled, letting the sentence trail off as he brought up his right hand and smashed the hilt of the first blade into the mans nose. Dean felt the warmth of the man's blood as it trickled down his hand. The mark was screaming at this point, it was almost deafening to Dean. The rage was flowing through his veins, and it had spiked in intensity when Dean had hit his prisoner. It was starting to feel good too, every time he gave into the marks lust for blood. This man should die, needed to die. THIS MAN WOULD DIE!

[/spoiler]

[spoiler]

Dean brought his arm down hard and fast, bringing the blade down into the poor soul's face. He could almost feel it as the teeth on this jagged blade bit into flesh, tore through muscle with a sickening sound. The mark of Cain flared to life again, aching for Dean to do some serious violence. Dean raised his arm and paused, listening to the screams, sobs, and all the other pitiful sounds this man was making. He caused him to smile, though to anyone watching it would like more like he was bearing his teeth in a snarl.

Then he bought the blade down again, and again. He continued this til he was covered in blood from the shoulders up, and only a bit of it was his own. He could feel it through his clothes and on his skin. It was currently the most wondrous thing he had felt in a long time. As for the poor guy who was probably just looking for an easy mark to get his next meal or something? Well, no one would recognize his face now. After the deed had been done Dean felt oddly at peace, as if the mark of Cain had been sedated, for now. His eyes shifted from the all back mark of a demon to his normal human eyes. His shoulder ached, reminding him of the injury had had received. Hopefully it would heal soon. He was pretty sure that was one perk of being a demon.

[/spoiler]


-mark stuff. Violence. Yay?


Finally
[spoiler]

As he opened his eyes Dean saw in front of him a car that put others to shame. It had a slab-sided body with a small "upsweep" at the rear quarter window, giving it a more formal appearance the most cars of its time. Every line and angel on the body was designed to make this car look bigger, tougher and it was doing its job beautifully. The exterior was painted black, but not just any old black paint job. The surface was glass-smooth, and had a reflection that’s miles deep. The insides were designed to match the outside, as everything that could be was also black. The soft leather seats looking rather inviting to him after all the walking he had been doing. The mysterious box on the front passenger seat contained something that was only important to Dean, cassette tapes. It was his baby, his chariot. It was what people would remember as he caused chaos in these lands. If he was going to ride, he was going to do it in style, and nothing said style like a 1969 four door Impala.

[/spoiler]


-Car stuff! Yay!


Other then that most of it remained the same but with a few grammatical and punctuation things Gildarts also pointed out.

Hey man, this is already leaps and bounds better. You should seriously be proud of the edits you made, because they added so much depth to the scene. It really pulled me into the moment a lot more than the first draft, which seemed a bit procedural at some points.

Excellent, excellent edits. Just give it another quick glance over for grammar and word choice and I think you've got a really solid post.