Let's Read Book Club #16

[Thaal Sinestro]

On the same plane, though, my one criticism also stems from this. Every detail matters, it's true, and you haven't crossed over into the line of too much detail quite yet, but occasionally I get taken out of the story when I'm wondering why you spend time on certain things. The example that sticks out to me is in your Nexus post, when you methodically list off each piece of clothing she wears. It helps me to more evenly match up my vision of Belle with yours, but the payoff just isn't quite there.

Asking this vein, I think you could use your descriptive chops in a way that allows you too SHOW us everything that you see without having to simply list it off. I say "show, don't tell."

Give is the details of something by having somebody interact with it in some way as opposed to just outright describing it. I use this method a little TOO much someone's, which can leave the reader wanting to know more, but if you did this in conjunction with your already stellar scene description, I think you'd be on point.

Instead of rattling off the clothing, you could have her put it on, revealing the details of the clothing without breaking the movement of the scene. When you do this out also gives us more insight into the character, the things you are describing, and their relationship between the two things, because you can see HOW they interact with the objects or scenery.