Let's Read Book Club #16

[Thaal Sinestro]

Highlanding In The Colosseum

Hey! I know we haven't talked but I'm glad I could read some of your things. It's fun to see you have fun and play around with the character.

Ok, thing to work on: paragraph length. You've got done huge paragraphs out there that should really be chipped up into many smaller ones. Remember that any time you've got different speakers, you get their own paragraph. It makes conversations flow a lot more for the reader, and it helps you as the writer define your thoughts more. If you're having to rely on color-coding your dialogue, it might be worth considering using paragraph structure to help define the speakers. (Not that there's anything inherently wrong with different colored text for different speakers!)

Another thing I'd like to see is less bolded, out of story transitions. When you're a teaser and you get a big black line if text that blunt informs you what's changing, it can break your rhythm a bit and pull you out of the world. Instead, you can keep your text in the story and move the attention of the reader more naturally.

In the second post when you're introducing us to all the fighters, instead of giving us those hard jumps you could have said something like, "As Gin and his ally struggled, another battle raged across the ring." Or even try to integrate the scenes together, handing the focus from one group to the other as the interact. Something like, " As Gin and his ally struggled, an elf wielding a spear charged past them, thrusting it at an axe-hefting human."

The same style of tradition can be used in a lot of your sorry where you used bold text. I personally think it keeps the reader more connected to your story.

Thanks for the read man, it was a lot of fun!