06-10-2015, 07:25 AM
Darkness Down Below
It's great to read your guys' stuff again! It's like old times, only better because we're all better at writing now.
This thread had a very appropriately dark, grimy feel. Everything felt... dirty. You could feel it. Overall I loved the tone and the direction you guys took.
Vi, your work with description is awesome. You remind me how much more I should focus on devoting a little bit of time to outright describing what's surrounding my characters instead of just when they interact with it. You paying the picture if the world very clearly, and that's great! One thing I'd actually like to see more of is ABSTRACT descriptions if things. I know how things look or smell now, but I think to complete your descriptive excellence you could throw in the emotions it evokes. Relating things on abstract ways like, "The yellow yolk of the Sun broke over the horizon, it's yellow running over the hillside," gives you a comforting sensation. It reminds you of breakfast, which is also in the morning, like the sunrise you're describing. I'd use that for a peaceful scene in a shire or something. It provides emotional context. there ate tons of ways you could plug this style in to the internet's to make it feel even more gross, even heavier, even more foreboding. You do use this style sometimes, and when you do it works well! I'd just like to see more.
Yo Vad! Man it's cool to read your work again. You and me both seen to be struggling with realizing just when to break a paragraph up, but that's not a huge deal. I'd like to see note of what's going on around your subjects, and more time spent on details. You tell us very clearly what's going on, which is great, and your action is really high tempo, which is also great, but when you leave out solid descriptions of texture, color, taste, smell, it can all seem little flat. I think you've got a really got thing going, you just gotta bring us into the moment a bit more.
Ok, this is less about your writing bit I still really gotta say it: why is sexual violence always party of dark story telling? Why is the threat of rape CONSTANT in everything? I get it, it's Hell, but it would be nice if I could run into a grimy hell pit where people didn't just get raped constantly. I'm just so tired if it being present in every medium; it's prolific. Again, this isn't really a criticism of your writing, it's just... Yeah man.
Again, overall I super loved reading your thread and loved catching up with your characters! I'm looking forward to continuing reading your thread as it progresses.
(Forgive any autocorrect errors please!)
It's great to read your guys' stuff again! It's like old times, only better because we're all better at writing now.
This thread had a very appropriately dark, grimy feel. Everything felt... dirty. You could feel it. Overall I loved the tone and the direction you guys took.
Vi, your work with description is awesome. You remind me how much more I should focus on devoting a little bit of time to outright describing what's surrounding my characters instead of just when they interact with it. You paying the picture if the world very clearly, and that's great! One thing I'd actually like to see more of is ABSTRACT descriptions if things. I know how things look or smell now, but I think to complete your descriptive excellence you could throw in the emotions it evokes. Relating things on abstract ways like, "The yellow yolk of the Sun broke over the horizon, it's yellow running over the hillside," gives you a comforting sensation. It reminds you of breakfast, which is also in the morning, like the sunrise you're describing. I'd use that for a peaceful scene in a shire or something. It provides emotional context. there ate tons of ways you could plug this style in to the internet's to make it feel even more gross, even heavier, even more foreboding. You do use this style sometimes, and when you do it works well! I'd just like to see more.
Yo Vad! Man it's cool to read your work again. You and me both seen to be struggling with realizing just when to break a paragraph up, but that's not a huge deal. I'd like to see note of what's going on around your subjects, and more time spent on details. You tell us very clearly what's going on, which is great, and your action is really high tempo, which is also great, but when you leave out solid descriptions of texture, color, taste, smell, it can all seem little flat. I think you've got a really got thing going, you just gotta bring us into the moment a bit more.
Ok, this is less about your writing bit I still really gotta say it: why is sexual violence always party of dark story telling? Why is the threat of rape CONSTANT in everything? I get it, it's Hell, but it would be nice if I could run into a grimy hell pit where people didn't just get raped constantly. I'm just so tired if it being present in every medium; it's prolific. Again, this isn't really a criticism of your writing, it's just... Yeah man.
Again, overall I super loved reading your thread and loved catching up with your characters! I'm looking forward to continuing reading your thread as it progresses.
(Forgive any autocorrect errors please!)
![[Image: sig2.jpg]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v288/KrimTheUnsettler/sig2.jpg)