05-13-2015, 09:33 PM
Alright guys here is how my scorecard goes
Style-The flow of the work and the way it sounds. Does it sound good in a sense and was there anything that detached me from the story? The things you do to create the story and the literal words you use.
Grammar-Basically what it says. Are there a lot of grammar errors or are there none? This can vary to actual punctuation to sentences and etc.
Character Involvement- Am i interested in your character? Not necessarily "Do I want your character to win?" but more of a sense that I want to be attached to your character. Do I enjoy reader your character fight and his evil or heroic plots? This is kind of like "Awesomeness" that I usually do but this has more additions onto it.
Believability-Do I believe that these things would happen or was it forced to fit in with your plot? Did your character God-Mod a bit? Did you write fair injuries in and fatigue or did your character seem to get off scot-free?
Penalties/Bonus'- For the gamey aspects of the RPG such as Super Moves, Transformations, Stats, and other things that would not be accounted for in just plain old writing.
Each section is out of 5(Except for Bonus' since those are actual Bonus')
Don't worry if your score seems low, I tend to be a little over analytical.
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Victor Wolfe:
Style:3.5 -I like your style of writing and you use diction very well, but sometimes I feel like you use words that your character wouldn't such as "humanoid" or other things and it kind of detached me from your post and I felt that you used some words that didn't mean the same thing. Make sure your narration matches your
Grammar: 1.5- I feel like if you proofread more and checked your writing, this score would shoot up. A lot of your paragraphs were long run-on sentences or either 2 word sentences. Maybe you could split this up more into smaller briefer statements but it's a little unappealing to read. Also just some spelling errors and there was one segment where your color wasn't cut off with dialogue but an entire paragraph. It was really distorting to my reading experience.
Character Involvement: 2.5- I'm not sure what you're going for in your character? I got the badass part but then I got a mixed feelings of cold assassin, and young gang member, and some sarcasm in there. I like where you're going and I know how hard it is to come up with a totally new OC's personality but I feel like you should make a decision and stick with it. I feel like your writing would be a lot more impactful that way.
Believability: 1.5- I'm going to talk about this in a separate comment but for now I'm going to say that it seemed as if you guys took turns being badass in your writing.
Total: 9/20
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Okor
Style: 4- I love the way you write and describe things and the way you write, although sometimes I feel like you have some weird word choice but that is just my preference. Also just a bit less "Okor" in your post and an increase in pronouns! Other than that it's good!
Grammar: 4.5-If you have any errors, I didn't catch it. There was one thing with bolding, I'm not sure if it was thought or speech but it kinda bugged me.
Character Involvement: 3.5-i like the badass Holy Warrior tidbit and I get what you are trying to do but I feel like I don't get attached to the character too much. I felt like he was determined and enjoying the thrill of the fight and that was it for him. At the very end I got some insight to character and I want to see more of that.
Believability: 1.5- Same comments as Victor and I'll expand below.
Total: 13.5/20
Victor- Okor
Okor you may make the official post of the ending of the fight deciding what you would like to do with Victor. This was a nice fight but I have some comments below after I give you both damage.
Victor-5
Okor-4
Post Note: While I feel I covered some topics that I had in my judging here is some advice for you both below. At this site, we like to create a storyline and with this fight I kind of feel like whenever one character was posting, it was a complete stomp. I feel like you guys didn't communicate very well in this fight and your entire post would be of you doing something extreme against the other writer. This doesn't really create a story well and it seems like the two writers are fighting with the two characters.
Style-The flow of the work and the way it sounds. Does it sound good in a sense and was there anything that detached me from the story? The things you do to create the story and the literal words you use.
Grammar-Basically what it says. Are there a lot of grammar errors or are there none? This can vary to actual punctuation to sentences and etc.
Character Involvement- Am i interested in your character? Not necessarily "Do I want your character to win?" but more of a sense that I want to be attached to your character. Do I enjoy reader your character fight and his evil or heroic plots? This is kind of like "Awesomeness" that I usually do but this has more additions onto it.
Believability-Do I believe that these things would happen or was it forced to fit in with your plot? Did your character God-Mod a bit? Did you write fair injuries in and fatigue or did your character seem to get off scot-free?
Penalties/Bonus'- For the gamey aspects of the RPG such as Super Moves, Transformations, Stats, and other things that would not be accounted for in just plain old writing.
Each section is out of 5(Except for Bonus' since those are actual Bonus')
Don't worry if your score seems low, I tend to be a little over analytical.
--------------
Victor Wolfe:
Style:3.5 -I like your style of writing and you use diction very well, but sometimes I feel like you use words that your character wouldn't such as "humanoid" or other things and it kind of detached me from your post and I felt that you used some words that didn't mean the same thing. Make sure your narration matches your
Grammar: 1.5- I feel like if you proofread more and checked your writing, this score would shoot up. A lot of your paragraphs were long run-on sentences or either 2 word sentences. Maybe you could split this up more into smaller briefer statements but it's a little unappealing to read. Also just some spelling errors and there was one segment where your color wasn't cut off with dialogue but an entire paragraph. It was really distorting to my reading experience.
Character Involvement: 2.5- I'm not sure what you're going for in your character? I got the badass part but then I got a mixed feelings of cold assassin, and young gang member, and some sarcasm in there. I like where you're going and I know how hard it is to come up with a totally new OC's personality but I feel like you should make a decision and stick with it. I feel like your writing would be a lot more impactful that way.
Believability: 1.5- I'm going to talk about this in a separate comment but for now I'm going to say that it seemed as if you guys took turns being badass in your writing.
Total: 9/20
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Okor
Style: 4- I love the way you write and describe things and the way you write, although sometimes I feel like you have some weird word choice but that is just my preference. Also just a bit less "Okor" in your post and an increase in pronouns! Other than that it's good!
Grammar: 4.5-If you have any errors, I didn't catch it. There was one thing with bolding, I'm not sure if it was thought or speech but it kinda bugged me.
Character Involvement: 3.5-i like the badass Holy Warrior tidbit and I get what you are trying to do but I feel like I don't get attached to the character too much. I felt like he was determined and enjoying the thrill of the fight and that was it for him. At the very end I got some insight to character and I want to see more of that.
Believability: 1.5- Same comments as Victor and I'll expand below.
Total: 13.5/20
Victor- Okor
Okor you may make the official post of the ending of the fight deciding what you would like to do with Victor. This was a nice fight but I have some comments below after I give you both damage.
Victor-5
Okor-4
Post Note: While I feel I covered some topics that I had in my judging here is some advice for you both below. At this site, we like to create a storyline and with this fight I kind of feel like whenever one character was posting, it was a complete stomp. I feel like you guys didn't communicate very well in this fight and your entire post would be of you doing something extreme against the other writer. This doesn't really create a story well and it seems like the two writers are fighting with the two characters.
![[Image: GilgameshDAsig_zpsecqjfngm.png]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v308/OBLCDiomedes/GilgameshDAsig_zpsecqjfngm.png)
![[Image: NB_BadgeRight.png]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v308/OBLCDiomedes/NB_BadgeRight.png)
![[Image: RhzfCY6.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/RhzfCY6.gif)
- Credit to Ezzy