06-01-2018, 09:33 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-03-2018, 02:00 PM by Wyatt the Swift.)
Trixie:
You're doing a great job at creating scenery but a small comment is that you missed a few commas which made me have to reread a few of your sentences. Also you're getting much better at writing cute shit. Trixie Nova OTP.Yeah just from your first post, catching your sentences in which need commas would tie the entire thing together. You've improved a lot since i've last read.
Android 17:
Like always, you manage to write such great humor it lightens the thread. You know how to set up jokes, commit to the punchline, and keep the plot developing and it makes it so enjoyable to read. Even just in your first post your humor doesn't get old and makes the post so nice to read. Also you're fucking good at drama too. What the hell. Alex what aren't you good at. That's so sad. All might nooooooooooooooooo.
That was a nice scene though.
All Might:
I'm not familiar with the source material but your character is such a fucking good guy its hilarious. I love it. Small comment is that you monalague a bit. Your conversation with Android was a bit one sided and it would be a bit easier to read if there was some interchange even if it was stuff like "mhm' or something. You create interesting combat. Good job. It's super nice to read. I usually am not able to write good dialogue in the middle of a fight scene. You are such a good guy even in the end.
Cell:
You could do with a bit more proofreading. Some small errors here and there but nothing too distracting. Also you could do with a bit more transitions. I've seen you skip on some important details that would have been nice and guiding for the reader.
The first person is also a bit jarring. It's kinda like your narrating from the future and it reads a little weird. Also sometimes the lisp is kinda hard to read. I know its your character but its very distracting.
Overall:
This is a real fun thread with some real comedy and Drama. The hero complex of All Might and the Anti-Hero complex of 17 complement each other guest starring Cell as plot twist villian at the end. The trixie posts were also great as well but those were less common.
give me that sweet OM for Atelos please
You're doing a great job at creating scenery but a small comment is that you missed a few commas which made me have to reread a few of your sentences. Also you're getting much better at writing cute shit. Trixie Nova OTP.Yeah just from your first post, catching your sentences in which need commas would tie the entire thing together. You've improved a lot since i've last read.
Android 17:
Like always, you manage to write such great humor it lightens the thread. You know how to set up jokes, commit to the punchline, and keep the plot developing and it makes it so enjoyable to read. Even just in your first post your humor doesn't get old and makes the post so nice to read. Also you're fucking good at drama too. What the hell. Alex what aren't you good at. That's so sad. All might nooooooooooooooooo.
That was a nice scene though.All Might:
I'm not familiar with the source material but your character is such a fucking good guy its hilarious. I love it. Small comment is that you monalague a bit. Your conversation with Android was a bit one sided and it would be a bit easier to read if there was some interchange even if it was stuff like "mhm' or something. You create interesting combat. Good job. It's super nice to read. I usually am not able to write good dialogue in the middle of a fight scene. You are such a good guy even in the end.
Cell:
You could do with a bit more proofreading. Some small errors here and there but nothing too distracting. Also you could do with a bit more transitions. I've seen you skip on some important details that would have been nice and guiding for the reader.
The first person is also a bit jarring. It's kinda like your narrating from the future and it reads a little weird. Also sometimes the lisp is kinda hard to read. I know its your character but its very distracting.
Overall:
This is a real fun thread with some real comedy and Drama. The hero complex of All Might and the Anti-Hero complex of 17 complement each other guest starring Cell as plot twist villian at the end. The trixie posts were also great as well but those were less common.
give me that sweet OM for Atelos please