05-22-2018, 10:26 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-22-2018, 11:33 AM by Little Ghost.
Edit Reason: Popped in the others!
)
Ok, first time I do this.
Mind, this will be separated into two or three posts, as I formulate my thoughts a bit better.
So, to start things:
Trixie.
I really like the characterisation you've got going here, the implied stresses that Trixie has been feeling and her work to try and achieve some form of peace in her life, especially to the background of her stay in the Underverse. The emotions reach me through the screen, which helps to really paint the scene from those initial snippets about the surroundings. Trixie feels appropriately tortured, Dredd is sufficiently scary, and Palpatine is his conniving, ever evil self. In a way it could be said that viewing these characters from Trixie's lens adds colour to a black, grey, and white picture, giving depth to the world. One thing that jumps out at me as I read is the way you seem to switch names for the secondary characters in the scene. It is slightly unclear if Nova, Beatrice, and Terra are separate people or one person if you haven't read Trixie's previous threads or the backstory/dramatis personae section of her roster. That I still feel for the characters, and upon reading more I would likely begin to actively care about their fate/happiness, is a testament to how well you frame their mindsets. With the few issues I have here being so minor, I feel that Trixie deserves a reward for great writing, at least.
Ok, one down!
EDIT:
Let's continue this with the next participants:
Android 17.
It has been a long time since I came into contact with DBZ outside of Team Four Star's fantastic parody series, so this is a fresh breath of air! Diving into your characterization, I get the instant feel, even before I get to the posts with All Might or Cell, that 17 really chafes in his role as an empire attack dog. At first the humour, sarcasm, and general disregard for things comes across as a bit jarring but as you progress in he thread it becomes clear that this is the attempts of a good man to try and justify his actions while he pays back a debt he owes. His sadness when confronted with the outcome of his fight with All Might, his unsettled feelings when confronted by Cell's "GET IN MAH BELLEY!!!", it all comes together beautifully. When it comes to negative aspects, there are a few more spelling mistakes than in Trixie's posts, but for contrast there is never really any point where I felt confused about who was the subject of any given sentence or segment.
Another candidate for a great writing reward, in my opinion.
All Might.
For all his appearance as an imposing hulk of a man, All Might is a person trying to be genuinely good. He feels passionately about the ideal of Hero's version of Noblesse Oblige, those with power have a responsibility to protect those weaker than them, and this shows through your writing. Much like when I read the manga and watched the anime the scenes when All Might cuts loose to stand for his beliefs send a shiver down my spine. You capture that conviction, that sheer willpower, really well! I can tell that All Might regrets the fight with Android 17, but knowing it is the only way to perhaps reach him, he gives it his all unto death, desperately trying to affect change within the Android so that his own death might not be meaningless. Even if death is quite a lot cheaper for Primes in the Omniverse than for others...
Had there been more words in the thread, I would recommend a great writing award here.
Cell.
The writing hits many of the points I've made about the other characters. Much like 17, Cell appears to have a rather humouristic outlook on life in the Omniverse. In contrast, Cell's view is markedly more... twisted than that of his alt-universe brother. You manage to very clearly make Cell's near single mindedness apparent in his thoughts and behaviours, for even if he tries to put up airs, or wants to experience more things, his drive for perfection is still the main driving force. I like how you manage to properly impress upon the reader how creepy Cell is. Speaking of, the first person view really works here. The posts are clear and concise, and befitting the first person narrative you keep the motivations of other characters mostly inscrutable, which makes for a compelling read.
Give this man a great writing award!
Man, I'm starting to feel like a broken record...
In closing, I would say that the entire thread seems very much full of win, from the way that you guys make me feel the emotional turmoil of your characters to the way you managed to make me chuckle (looking at you, Cell). As a whole whole it paints a compelling picture of Coruscant's workings from the view of the cogs trapped in the great machine, to the view of those interested in bringing it to a halt, to those who care nothing for it all but their personal goals.
EDIT2: And I just now noticed that the grading part wasn't needed here... Oops?
Mind, this will be separated into two or three posts, as I formulate my thoughts a bit better.
So, to start things:
Trixie.
I really like the characterisation you've got going here, the implied stresses that Trixie has been feeling and her work to try and achieve some form of peace in her life, especially to the background of her stay in the Underverse. The emotions reach me through the screen, which helps to really paint the scene from those initial snippets about the surroundings. Trixie feels appropriately tortured, Dredd is sufficiently scary, and Palpatine is his conniving, ever evil self. In a way it could be said that viewing these characters from Trixie's lens adds colour to a black, grey, and white picture, giving depth to the world. One thing that jumps out at me as I read is the way you seem to switch names for the secondary characters in the scene. It is slightly unclear if Nova, Beatrice, and Terra are separate people or one person if you haven't read Trixie's previous threads or the backstory/dramatis personae section of her roster. That I still feel for the characters, and upon reading more I would likely begin to actively care about their fate/happiness, is a testament to how well you frame their mindsets. With the few issues I have here being so minor, I feel that Trixie deserves a reward for great writing, at least.
Ok, one down!
EDIT:
Let's continue this with the next participants:
Android 17.
It has been a long time since I came into contact with DBZ outside of Team Four Star's fantastic parody series, so this is a fresh breath of air! Diving into your characterization, I get the instant feel, even before I get to the posts with All Might or Cell, that 17 really chafes in his role as an empire attack dog. At first the humour, sarcasm, and general disregard for things comes across as a bit jarring but as you progress in he thread it becomes clear that this is the attempts of a good man to try and justify his actions while he pays back a debt he owes. His sadness when confronted with the outcome of his fight with All Might, his unsettled feelings when confronted by Cell's "GET IN MAH BELLEY!!!", it all comes together beautifully. When it comes to negative aspects, there are a few more spelling mistakes than in Trixie's posts, but for contrast there is never really any point where I felt confused about who was the subject of any given sentence or segment.
Another candidate for a great writing reward, in my opinion.
All Might.
For all his appearance as an imposing hulk of a man, All Might is a person trying to be genuinely good. He feels passionately about the ideal of Hero's version of Noblesse Oblige, those with power have a responsibility to protect those weaker than them, and this shows through your writing. Much like when I read the manga and watched the anime the scenes when All Might cuts loose to stand for his beliefs send a shiver down my spine. You capture that conviction, that sheer willpower, really well! I can tell that All Might regrets the fight with Android 17, but knowing it is the only way to perhaps reach him, he gives it his all unto death, desperately trying to affect change within the Android so that his own death might not be meaningless. Even if death is quite a lot cheaper for Primes in the Omniverse than for others...
Had there been more words in the thread, I would recommend a great writing award here.
Cell.
The writing hits many of the points I've made about the other characters. Much like 17, Cell appears to have a rather humouristic outlook on life in the Omniverse. In contrast, Cell's view is markedly more... twisted than that of his alt-universe brother. You manage to very clearly make Cell's near single mindedness apparent in his thoughts and behaviours, for even if he tries to put up airs, or wants to experience more things, his drive for perfection is still the main driving force. I like how you manage to properly impress upon the reader how creepy Cell is. Speaking of, the first person view really works here. The posts are clear and concise, and befitting the first person narrative you keep the motivations of other characters mostly inscrutable, which makes for a compelling read.
Give this man a great writing award!
Man, I'm starting to feel like a broken record...
In closing, I would say that the entire thread seems very much full of win, from the way that you guys make me feel the emotional turmoil of your characters to the way you managed to make me chuckle (looking at you, Cell). As a whole whole it paints a compelling picture of Coruscant's workings from the view of the cogs trapped in the great machine, to the view of those interested in bringing it to a halt, to those who care nothing for it all but their personal goals.
EDIT2: And I just now noticed that the grading part wasn't needed here... Oops?
"So you'd pursue the deeper truth? It isn't one the weak could bear."
"Prove yourself ready to face it. I'll not hold back. My needle is lethal and I'd feel no sadness in a weakling's demise."
"Show me you can accept this Kingdom's past and claim responsibility for its future."