NEO HYPER Book Club #6 (6th May - 20th May)

[Yu Kanda]

Review time!

First of all, after reading the two other reviews i wanted to start by saying, as someone who watched naruto i was able to follow all the references like Jonin, chunin etc etc. When i am reading for example Lord of the Rings, i wouldn’t want to read in each and every chapter that the ring Frodo has is magical. Or that Saruman is a wizard. What i’m trying to say is that when characters are this far along in their story they shouldn’t have to explain what a jounin or chunin is. It’s something they explained in previous stories ( i’ve read them in the past.) I would find it very strange to explain the same thing in every post just to make sure someone who reads pages 154 and 155 knows what we’re talking about. So in my book you’re all good there fellas.

Now onto the real deal

I have to say, i have to be really nitpicky in order to find things that i could “point out flaws” I had to dig deep to find things you could improve. Hope these help, but i did thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Let’s start with giving you both a big compliment for ‘scene setting’. Both you guys managed to paint a setting without either dragging it out or cramping it into one sentence. These particular parts had a very nice flow to it and allowed me as a reader to breeze through it as the setting came to mind.

Having discarded the bits of rope and cloth that had so recently held him captive, Kakashi took time to examine his cell. Though quite dark, owing to the lack of windows or any sort of lighting fixture, he could see that his surroundings were indeed as he had noted with his sharingan. The walls seemed to be composed of some variety of sturdy composite, quite alien compared to those of the typical village abode. His senses told him the floor of the room was either a barren square of earth or else stone flooring filthy to the point of being indistinguishable from the former. Clearly whomever was holding the ninjas captive cared little for providing any homey touches.

Daniel’s character growth throughout this story was very well done,

‘Why haven’t you used my power yet?’ The beast questioned one of the creature’s eyes appearing from the thick covering of darkness. A Blood red iris with a black, vertical, slit for a pupil, a sight that the man had not seen for quite a while. A sight that he’d hoped not to see anytime soon. He was, to say the least, not happy to see the creature.

‘It’s not like you, Nine Tails, to be this talkative.’ The man mused, almost letting out a laugh. Though the beast did raise an interesting question. He’d been in the Omniverse for a while and the enemies he’s had to face so far had only increased in strength, the Makhel family leader and the two empire spies were a testament to that fact. He and his allies had managed so far, but the people they faced seemed to only be getting tougher. The gigantic fox let out an impatient sigh. Minato turned to the beast and smiled.

‘You know, I might have to in the future…’ The man spoke with an oddly soothing tone. Something that the fox didn’t expect. ‘But for now, we’ll have to stay separated.’ Minato turned, placing a hand over his bellybutton.

I loved this, just a few sentences but the character growth is truly noticeable. Very well done and well written.


The story is clearly well thought out and this makes the flow of reading it quite pleasant. There have been a few moments where i had to reread a few bits which kicked me out of this flow. A few examples:

Kakashi fought against overpowering nausea as consciousness trickled back. His enfeebled mind struggled to provide him with any useful information, failing to even parse the positioning of his disabled body as he drew dangerously slow and short breaths. He felt as if he were awash in a sea of white noise, bobbing along erratically within the nonsensical static. After several moments of tumultuous tumbling in the distorted current, his hearing slowly began to return, outpacing the ability to so much as flex any voluntary muscle.

I get what you’re trying to say and what you try to bring across, but personally i thought it was a bit much. It’s written amazing but it was too much. ( again, my personal opinion, others might and will probably disagree.)

The man stared intently at his hands, examining them. They ached and, beneath the bandages, were covered in cuts and chakra burns. His new jutsu, the Rasenshuriken, was something else. He’d have to take further caution when using it in the future. The name was a bit much, but it did take the shape of a shuriken, and he had grown quite fond of giving his techniques complicated names. It was one of his many quirks. His analysis, however, was cut short as a cough interrupted his train of thought. Looking up, he was reminded of the fact that he shared a hospital room. He had almost forgotten about the two Empire agents that he had confronted earlier. They appeared to have it much worse than he did. It seemed that a direct hit from the Rasenshuriken had a much more severe effect.

‘Laugh it up, blondie.’ the woman coughed through her bandages. He couldn't really see past the coverings around her face but her eyes glinted in the moonlight. She was glaring at him or, at the very least, trying her best to.

Few things that i would like to point out as a tip. In the first paragraph, you say He, him and the man a lot, What man? Kakashi? Minato? The neighbour? It would have been helpful to mention his name at least once in that paragraph, would make it less confusing. ( I had that issue there for just a moment)

Second paragraph, she felt a bit out of character there with the dialogue.( again, this is just me trying to find ANY pointers in a well written story )





Also...Daniel….I don’t know how, but this:

'So, what did you discover?' Tsunade queried as she crossed her legs and sat back in her chair besides the bed ridden blonde.

Totally reminded me of basic instinct xD not really a review but i just had to share it!

Thank you for this story! And keep this level of quality up. Both writers should receive a excellent bonus ( If they have the word count didn’t check that.)