Direct Message to Warren Zimmer

[Erik Vrell]

To: QOCI@canton.net
From: [Unidentified sender]
Subject: It's not that easy

Hahaha! Oh man, you really thought you could get away just like that? It took Kevin about 5 seconds to skirt your firewalls retrace your IP through your system 32 or whatever the hell he does. If you aren't going to listen to me, then at least watch this video, I GUARANTEE you'll be convinced.

Yours truly, the Pocket Pocket Pickpockets

(Embedded in the email is an Omnitube link to a video titled "The Pocket Pocket, a revolution in transportation, live demo." by "The Pocket Pocket team")

The video opens to a brightly lit studio with a slightly short, chubby man standing in the centre and smiling brightly.

"Hey! I'm Johnny Tsunami and I'm here to talk to you about the Pocket Pocket, a revolution in small goods transportation. Let me ask ya', has this ever happened to you?" 

The video cuts away from Johnny to a black and white clip of a man walking past a lake in Camelot, only for his pocket to split and an orb of omnillium to drop from his pocket into the lake. The man turns to the camera with a devastated expression and utters the words. "Oooh noooo..." 

The video cuts back to Johnny, who seems to be smiling even wider than before. 

"Well, let me tell you, those days are in the past! With the revolutionary technology of the Pocket Pocket, you won't ever have to worry about dropping anything out of your pockets again!"

The video cuts to the man walking by the lake once more, this time in colour. Once again, his pockets rips as he passes the lake, only for the Pocket Pocket to catch his omnillium before it falls into the lake. The man turns to the camera and gives a wide grin before thumbs upping and saying "Thanks Pocket Pocket!" in an all too cheerful voice.

The footage cuts back to Johnny Tsunami once more, who is now holding a Pocket Pocket in his hand. 

"Thanks to the revolutionary latex-omnillium fibre technology, the Pocket Pocket is not just flexible, but is nearly indestructible, allowing you to keep your belongings safe in all circumstances. To demonstrate, I'm going to put the Pocket Pocket into my pocket, place an omnillium orb inside and then..." 

As Johnny puts the Pocket Pocket on and slips the Omnillium inside, a bulky man carrying a heavy bolter enters the room

"My assistant here is going to show just how durable the Pocket Pocket is!"

As soon as the word 'is' came out of Johnny's mouth, his assistant pulled the trigger on the heavy bolter, loosing a firestorm of destruction at the host's pocket, as well as the man it was attached to. After a few seconds, the man stopped firing and allowed the dust to clear. When Johnny came back into view, he was slumped against the far wall, blood trickling from his head but still conscious. 

"As you can see..." He mumbled as he reached into his Pocket Pocket and extracted the orb of omnillium. "Completely intact. The Pocket Pocket is perfect for both wear and tear and heavy firefights." 

A catchy jingle starts to play as the camera pans out and medical staff rush to help Johnny. 

"Remember, use the promo code "Zimmer Rules" for 66% off!" Johnny managed to slur out before the medical team dragged him away, leaving nothing but a blank set and the number '1900-pocket-pocket' flashing on the screen for the remainder of the video as the jingle seemed to loop in on itself every few seconds.