Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC

[Handsome Jack]

Eowyn.

The bad:
I felt there were portions of your posts which could have used more description. Mostly in regards to the weapons used. While the average reader won't need the deets on a sword or shield, the more unusual weapons and attacks will need some clear background, at least when first introduced. Of course, you don't have an unlimited word count, so you had to compromise, but you don't want your readers to have to peruse supplemental material to understand what's going on.

You capitalized some words which didn't need it and left others which needed it in lowercase. Not an awful mistake, but it IS distracting. This was less pronounced in your second and third post, however.

Honestly, you made Kopaka out to be an almost insurmountable for. Your posts are to showcase your character and show the reader what they can do. But, you spent more time describing how Kopaka was better than Dernhelm than on what Dernhelm was doing to surmount this. You obviously don't want to god mode, but you're allowed to have your own moments of badassery. Kopaka DID accept a fight against both characters, as well, and I'd have liked to have seen Tethoril join in the fight, rather than spend the whole match stuck in narrative limbo. Or is Dernhelm just a pseudonym for Eowyn and Tethoril a Secondary?

The good:
Man, I DO love me some Tolkien and you did well in his verbose style. Your emotional description was great and I really felt what your character was feeling.

Elaborating on what I said about your depiction of your character's weakness, I like that you showed the difference in strength between yourself and Kopaka. He's no pushover, for sure. So, you figured out ways to attack him without taking anything away from him.

You have a solid grasp on vocabulary, and kept it simple enough that an average reader could grasp the meaning without opening up a dictionary. Kudos on that. A lot of writers fall into the trap that more "advanced" words mean better writing, but it's better to leave your writing accessible to everyone than to use difficult words.

Overall, I think you'd benefit greatly from a proofreader. All the basics are there, and it's not a bad read. But getting a pal to look it over will cut those simple mistakes out and give you a second opinion on word choices and description. You're writing well enough that I have no individual advice other than proofreading.

The Grading:

I grade on 5 factors. Technical Skill, which is grammar, spelling, word choice, etc. Enjoyability, which is how much I enjoyed reading it. Teamwork, which is how many friends you got helping. SP Spent, which is obvious. And Level Advantage, which is also obvious. Here goes.

Eowyn
Technical Skill: 3 (1-5)
Enjoyability: 3 (1-5)
Teamwork: 0 (+1 per ally)
SP Spent: 0 (+1 per point spent)
Level Advantage: 0 (+1 per level above foe)
Total: 6

Kopaka
Technical Skill: 4 (1-5)
Enjoyability: 4 (1-5)
Teamwork: 0 (+1 per ally)
SP Spent: 3 (+1 per point spent)
Level Advantage: 4 (+1 per level above foe)
Total: 15

Kopaka wins. Dernhelm takes 10 damage, Tethoril takes 2 damage, Kopaka takes 4 damage and gains the right to decide their fate. Sorry, chick. This was just a bad match-up for ya.