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+--- Thread: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC (/showthread.php?tid=7143)
Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Kopaka - 01-06-2018
Issuing challenge to Éowyn in the Nexus.
Standard rules with random elements.
Time limit: I have no preference, deferring to Skelly.
We currently require a judge.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Éowyn - 01-06-2018
I accept the challenge!
time limit: no real preferences here either? how does the default 48 hours sound to you?
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Kopaka - 01-06-2018
That should be fine.
Once a judge volunteers, you may move first.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Handsome Jack - 01-06-2018
I can judge, if you two are ok with it.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Kopaka - 01-06-2018
Sure.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Skeletor - 01-07-2018
Sounds good to me!
Kopaka do you want to do an intro post or just jump right into the action?
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Kopaka - 01-07-2018
You can have the first post
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Éowyn - 01-08-2018
round one is up on my end!
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Éowyn - 01-12-2018
last post is up on my end, Kopaka's got one more to make then we should be ready for our judgement.
If I may request Jeff, let me know whether or not this style of writing works for so long a combat. I want to try and approach this character with a more tolkienesque voice, but he doesn't dwell on combats this long. If the way this works ends up being annoying to read that's definitely something I'll need to fix for future conflicts, and I would appreciate your feedback on that aspect especially.
No pressure of course, this is all voluntary, just curious as to your thoughts on it.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Handsome Jack - 01-12-2018
I just got the ability to peruse the site again. I hope I didn't miss anything.
I'll give ya a quick and dirty rundown, but be forewarned that preference is subjective and what I like another judge may hate and vice versa.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Kopaka - 01-13-2018
I didn't want to pull my SP advantage in this fight, but as much as it pains me, it would be out of character for Kopaka to let Éowyn off easy, so I will have to use my Tier 2 Offensive Super Move for the final post of this fight.
Puna Makariri – Tier 2 Offensive Super Move (Requires Burst Movement, Physical Proficiency)
Kopaka takes 1.5 seconds to switch his Kanohi to the Kakama, if he is not already wearing it. Equipped with the Mask of Speed, he selects one target up to fifty yards in a straight path from him. He begins charging the power of the mask for four seconds, causing it to shine with a white light and emit a shrill whirring sound. Upon gathering enough energy, Kopaka rockets towards his target as a blur of movement, striking a vital blow with his Ice Sword. The momentum and speed of the cut make it a devastating attack, but it burns out his Kanohi for one full minute after use, preventing him from using mask powers during this time.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Skeletor - 01-13-2018
I expected nothing less. I got no defenses here
fire away!
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Kopaka - 01-13-2018
That's a wrap.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Handsome Jack - 01-13-2018
I'll get to work on this in the near future. Spoiler: everyone dies.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Handsome Jack - 01-14-2018
Eowyn.
The bad:
I felt there were portions of your posts which could have used more description. Mostly in regards to the weapons used. While the average reader won't need the deets on a sword or shield, the more unusual weapons and attacks will need some clear background, at least when first introduced. Of course, you don't have an unlimited word count, so you had to compromise, but you don't want your readers to have to peruse supplemental material to understand what's going on.
You capitalized some words which didn't need it and left others which needed it in lowercase. Not an awful mistake, but it IS distracting. This was less pronounced in your second and third post, however.
Honestly, you made Kopaka out to be an almost insurmountable for. Your posts are to showcase your character and show the reader what they can do. But, you spent more time describing how Kopaka was better than Dernhelm than on what Dernhelm was doing to surmount this. You obviously don't want to god mode, but you're allowed to have your own moments of badassery. Kopaka DID accept a fight against both characters, as well, and I'd have liked to have seen Tethoril join in the fight, rather than spend the whole match stuck in narrative limbo. Or is Dernhelm just a pseudonym for Eowyn and Tethoril a Secondary?
The good:
Man, I DO love me some Tolkien and you did well in his verbose style. Your emotional description was great and I really felt what your character was feeling.
Elaborating on what I said about your depiction of your character's weakness, I like that you showed the difference in strength between yourself and Kopaka. He's no pushover, for sure. So, you figured out ways to attack him without taking anything away from him.
You have a solid grasp on vocabulary, and kept it simple enough that an average reader could grasp the meaning without opening up a dictionary. Kudos on that. A lot of writers fall into the trap that more "advanced" words mean better writing, but it's better to leave your writing accessible to everyone than to use difficult words.
Overall, I think you'd benefit greatly from a proofreader. All the basics are there, and it's not a bad read. But getting a pal to look it over will cut those simple mistakes out and give you a second opinion on word choices and description. You're writing well enough that I have no individual advice other than proofreading.
The Grading:
I grade on 5 factors. Technical Skill, which is grammar, spelling, word choice, etc. Enjoyability, which is how much I enjoyed reading it. Teamwork, which is how many friends you got helping. SP Spent, which is obvious. And Level Advantage, which is also obvious. Here goes.
Eowyn
Technical Skill: 3 (1-5)
Enjoyability: 3 (1-5)
Teamwork: 0 (+1 per ally)
SP Spent: 0 (+1 per point spent)
Level Advantage: 0 (+1 per level above foe)
Total: 6
Kopaka
Technical Skill: 4 (1-5)
Enjoyability: 4 (1-5)
Teamwork: 0 (+1 per ally)
SP Spent: 3 (+1 per point spent)
Level Advantage: 4 (+1 per level above foe)
Total: 15
Kopaka wins. Dernhelm takes 10 damage, Tethoril takes 2 damage, Kopaka takes 4 damage and gains the right to decide their fate. Sorry, chick. This was just a bad match-up for ya.
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Éowyn - 01-14-2018
Thanks for giving me feedback on the fight, Jeff! In the future, I'm hoping to give Eowyn a wider array of weaponry (and ideally, mounted combat) to help with the balance issues you mentioned, but basically, having read a solid amount of Bionicle stuff when I was younger, I got in the frame of mind that this is a person, vs a robot superhero. Also yes, Dernhelm is the psuedonym Eowyn used while disguised in Return of the King, though I don't think I ever said that... (That's a problem...)
Since it was prime v. prime and I hadn't planned Tethoril out enough to know how helpful he would be in a fight, I figured it would be better just to exclude him from the conflict, but yes it did feel a little narrative heavy.
I had fun with this fight regardless (I really don't know why all my characters immediately PvP upon summoning) so thanks to you both!
I await your judgement, oh icy one!
RE: Kopaka v. Éowyn OOC - Aaron - 01-14-2018
Thx jeffo