Curiosity Questions...

[Jade Harley]

Just one question this time around.

1. I find my thoughts taking darker turn more and more often lately, and as some of you know, have been plagued with nightmares for a good long while now... Why, after all this time of nothing happening, do those bad memories resurface? Is it just bad luck?

It could be because of stress or something medical. I have repeated nightmares, too, but they become even worse when something big in my life is coming up or when I start staying up late only to sleep into the middle of the day. Maybe try changing up your sleeping schedule?

[Gwendolyn]

I am starting to really get worried, so I have more questions.

1.) Lets say my girlfriend has stopped responding to texts and other such things for a good solid week. Let's say that that is starting to piss me off, but more importantly, hurt really bad. Let's say that she knows this and still does it. What do I do?

[Trixie]

I am starting to really get worried, so I have more questions.

1.) Lets say my girlfriend has stopped responding to texts and other such things for a good solid week. Let's say that that is starting to piss me off, but more importantly, hurt really bad. Let's say that she knows this and still does it. What do I do?

Does she talk to you at all? Does she acknowledge you or do you see her in person still, even though she hasn't responded to any of your messages?

[Koal]

I haven't had the chance to see her, is the problem. She's been away at the beach, and yet still actively talks to other people, and actively avoiding taking to me. I don't even know If I did something wrong! If she would just fucking talk to me, I could probably clear this up, or at least get some answers, but she won't! It's infuriating as hell! I've let her know that it's been easing with me too, and yet....

Uggghhhhhhhhhhh

[Trixie]

I haven't had the chance to see her, is the problem. She's been away at the beach, and yet still actively talks to other people, and actively avoiding taking to me. I don't even know If I did something wrong! If she would just fucking talk to me, I could probably clear this up, or at least get some answers, but she won't! It's infuriating as hell! I've let her know that it's been easing with me too, and yet....

Uggghhhhhhhhhhh

I've been there. I know exactly how you feel. Read that sentence back. I know exactly how you feel. It's a horrible feeling. However she may just want to be left alone while at the beach or something, but that doesn't stop the way she's treating you from being extremely shitty. Do people not realize that relationships are work (bitching about her here, not you my friend) and that certains actions WILL upset your significant other? Respect for each other's feelings should be a god damn college course. My next step would be to call her (if you haven't already.) Otherwise I'd just take a deep breath and leave her alone until she gets back from the beach. 

Already she's throwing up red flags. I get having a bad day, but you could at least say "Now's not a good time to chat" instead of completely ignoring someone. Then you need to also consider, however slight you think the chance may be, that she just hasn't been getting the messages or she hasn't had time to reply. So I'd also advise against jumping down her throat next time you see her. (Never ends well. Trust me.)

[Koal]

She's been getting the messages. Reading them. (We both have IPhones, so I can tell when she reads them) and I have tried calling her. She doesn't answer me. I even went to my best friend, who happens to also be friends with her. She answered my friends phone call. Yeah, that one felt great on the ol' heartstrings. I mean, I didn't do anything and she's treating me this way... I'm not gonna jump down her throat, but this is seriously going to change the way I look at her for a little while.

Whenever she needed me, I was always there for her, and earlier this week, she couldn't listen for five minutes when I needed someone to talk to. My grandad, who is like a second father to me, is in the hospital with a heart attack, and I can't even get a "Are you okay?" THATS BULLSHIT!!!

[Trixie]

She's been getting the messages. Reading them. (We both have IPhones, so I can tell when she reads them) and I have tried calling her. She doesn't answer me. I even went to my best friend, who happens to also be friends with her. She answered my friends phone call. Yeah, that one felt great on the ol' heartstrings. I mean, I didn't do anything and she's treating me this way... I'm not gonna jump down her throat, but this is seriously going to change the way I look at her for a little while.

Whenever she needed me, I was always there for her, and earlier this week, she couldn't listen for five minutes when I needed someone to talk to. My grandad, who is like a second father to me, is in the hospital with a heart attack, and I can't even get a "Are you okay?" THATS BULLSHIT!!!

Careful on that last line of thinking. I'm sorry you've had nobody to talk to. Also...been there. I'll PM you my Skype here in a second so you at least can ping my chat if you want. I'm usually awake and around. 

Yeah. The ol' heart strings get fucking strung quite a bit. At this point I'd say just...hang with us at the Omniverse, take a deep breath, and wait until she gets back from the beach. I do recommend having a serious chat with her though about the direction of the relationship.

[Jade Harley]

I've been the one ignoring the other person in a relationship before. Can confirm that it's not a fun feeling on either end, especially if you've been together a while. Honestly, it's not a good thing to do, and I only did it for two days at most. I'm not in a relationship now and I'm happier for it, so take that how you will. Way passive-aggressive and a bad indicator. If it turns out it wasn't a phone issue, something's wrong.

So, reexamine how much time you're spending together. Maybe she wants alone time and is taking the opportunity of her absence to get it. Do you spend every moment together? Do you share all/most of your friends? Do you text her constantly/start off with the heavy stuff? Most working relationships only need a few texts here and there, like "good morning" or "goodnight" or "hey, how was your day?" to spawn conversations, all the big stuff is addressed in person. Being together 24/7 is bad— it takes a rare kind of personality to sacrifice privacy. Being apart while at home, at work or in class doesn't count as alone time. You need alone time to talk in public without worrying about your significant other's opinion. Distance. The knowledge that your partner won't be present in every part of your social life, and that they trust you enough to have at least that.

Also, try not to put all of your eggs in one person's basket. It's a huge mistake, especially if something happens and you lose them. Try and divide them up— like, y'know, talk about your personal problems with friends who care, too, and not just one person. Omniverse is an okay place to let it all out.

[Koal]

So, I have an update on the girlfriend thing. 

I've found out that she cheated on me... She doesn't know that I know, and I don't know how to bring it up. I mean, how do I deal with this? 

I really, really need help

[Trixie]

Well, I can certainly say that being in that relationship any longer is going to be very toxic for you and leaving is now, most likely, your only choice to save your own sanity. How did you find out? Is the source reliable? Accusing your partner of cheating, when you're wrong about it, is basically relationship dynamite. It's a DEFCON 6 fight. So I encourage you to be careful.

[Lord Dominator]

Firstly, be absolutely certain. How do you know, that she does not know? Did this involve a breach of trust? (I.E, did you open her emails, phone, whatever?) If so, confronting her on it is liable to open a whole other can of worms it really isn't worth getting into.

However, that said, having read back on this thread a little ways ... the relationship sounds as though it has been over for a while, you just haven't ended it. If you are absolutely certain that she has definitely cheated on you, the best thing to do is to (as calmly as you can) inform her that you no longer think you should see one another and walk away from the relationship.

(The rest of this advice is predicated on the fact that she has; if it is merely hearsay then you should confirm with her - in case of 'no' go back to 'is this relationship still something I actually want?' If she owns up to it, then the rest applies).

No explanation she can give will make you feel better, and nothing you can say will change whatever reasons she had for doing it. Given the distance between you, it is probably time to move on. It is painful, it will hurt, but - and this is important - there will be other people and other relationships.

Normally, I'd say talk it out - but frankly, there comes a point where it is more important to distance yourself for your own emotional well-being. If she's begun a relationship with someone else, then to her the relationship with you is already over and done with - she just hasn't done you the courtesy of telling you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to take ownership of that fact and stop investing emotional energy in a failed relationship. If you try to carry on, from here on out there will always be that doubt and betrayal hanging over it - you deserve better than that.

[Koal]

(Just writing this to rant.)

I'm really really mad and depressed and really just hurt because my family ha no fucking clue just how much their passing remarks fucking sting.

"You like like you're all skin and bone."

"Why are you so tired all the time?"

"Are you mad?"

MAYBE IF THEY PAYED JUST A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO ME THAN YOUR GODDAMN PHONES AND TV, THEY WOULD KNOW!!! I have trouble sleeping because of nightmares, I'm skinny because you make me feel shitty about how I look 24/7, and I look mad because everyone I look at you, I want nothing more than to tell you this to your face. But I don't, because I'm a fucking coward. I don't because I know that you wouldn't even feel the slightest bit apologetic.

and... I don't even know. Maybe I'm just a pathetic mess right now.