Curiosity Questions...

[Gwendolyn]

As a young man trying to find his way in the world,I often find myself asking questions and then not really recording suitable answers. Just for fun, I'm just gonna stick all the ones I can think of right here. Please try and answer some of them. Or don't. Sometimes that is answer enough.

1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?

2. Why have people lost touch with the world? I know that I'm partially guilty of this, but why do people always have their faces stick into some kind of screen. Why not speak to someone in person, rather than through a text bubble?

3. Why is it so hard to tell someone the truth? I have several friends who like to task about each-other being one another's back. And I always want to say something, but....reasons.

4. Is there such a thing as being too nice?

5. Why is it so hard for people to get along with one another?

Anyway, that's my first set of questions, if anybody finds the time to answer them, I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart.

- Dr. Prof. Mr. Koal Lynch

[Jade Harley]

2. Sometimes the people you interact with in your day-to-day life in the physical, hey I'm right here sense just aren't as good as the people you can speak with over the internet. Like, for instance, someone lives in hicksville countrytown and wants to talk about video games or something, but the established social group ( clique, club, society ) for that is somehow really exclusive and won't let you into that sacred circle because you've known each other since kindergarten. It's waaay easier to join a community over the internet because, while you might be really attached to it, it won't haunt you from school to home life unless you let it. Plus, you can talk about the things you like with a nearly 100% guarantee that someone will get it.

If you were talking about texting or something and not just internet use in general, then I can't be of much use there. I rarely keep up with text conversations and would only initiate a conversation out of necessity. While human interaction is required for things like work, athletics, some extracurricular activities and education, which are all generally essential to be a part of the human community if you pick and choose a couple, online communities are... Iunno, less complicated human interaction? And that's even ignoring the element of communicating with distant loved ones. Being physically there isn't required to be a friend.

For texting specifically, though.... it's probably how impersonal it is that holds the real appeal; it's really no more than an illusion, though, because what you say can and will have consequences. As a person who gets pretty nervous when in the company of many people at once, I guess it seems less threatening. It's probably why people frequently break off relationships through texts, to avoid confrontation and (hypothetically) bodily harm.

[Corporal Light]

I shall try my best to answer the questions you have provided!

1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?

I'm going to assume you are talking about abusive relationships, which is actually an easy question to answer. Now, I am by no means a psychologist, but I believe the main reason is that, in an abusive relationship, the abuser either mentally/physically fucks with the other person, resulting in a wide variety of psychological effects on them.

In short, it's mostly fear that prevents others from leaving the relationship on their own. That's why abuse like it is such a devastating thing to experience for anyone, and should never be taken lightly.

2. Why have people lost touch with the world? I know that I'm partially guilty of this, but why do people always have their faces stick into some kind of screen. Why not speak to someone in person, rather than through a text bubble?

I.... actually don't know. I suppose it's a way for people who aren't very social (people like me, for instance) to make friends, as they are pretty afraid of meeting others face to face.

3. Why is it so hard to tell someone the truth? I have several friends who like to task about each-other being one another's back. And I always want to say something, but....reasons.

Truth can sometimes hurt a lot more than telling a lie, and the last thing anyone wants to do is say something harsh and hurt other people's feelings. It can also be a way to maintain friendships, in fear that by saying a certain thing, you'll lose those friends. Those "reasons" you probably feel when you want to tell the truth is probably that specific thing.

4. Is there such a thing as being too nice?

I don't think one can be "too nice." I DO think that one can be "too forgiving," however. It's okay to be polite to people and do things for them, but if the person you are being nice to continues to be a jerk or not show any gratitude to you at all, and you still act nice to them, then you are being too forgiving to them. It's usually a good time to start saying some harsh truths to them.

5. Why is it so hard for people to get along with one another?

Personality clashes, differing ideologies, differences in age, etc. Usually, it's people who haven't learned to accept other people's point of view that don't tend to get along with others, especially if they don't share whatever view they have. However, the people who don't get along are usually a vocal minority, as the vast majority of us can easily get along with others and/or not give a shit either way.

[Kopaka]

Each of these questions is worth an essay, but I'll try to summarize.

1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?

There is a lot...A LOT...of unseen interactions in romantic relationships. People who don't live in that couple's house have no idea what kind of stuff happens when they aren't being observed by the world. People have a habit of complaining about the bad in their lives, and only rarely talk about the good (ironically because there's usually a fear it will be interpreted as boasting.)

For friends and family who only ever hear the woe and tears in a relationship might genuinely believe that their friend is in an abusive or toxic pairing, and their heart is in the right place, no one should presume to have all the ins and outs of a given relationship. People fall in love for a reason; those reasons don't just disappear when stress and resentment start piling up.

In short, it may seem odd and look like a bad relationship, but don't be so quick to judge. You don't know everything.


2. Why have people lost touch with the world? I know that I'm partially guilty of this, but why do people always have their faces stick into some kind of screen. Why not speak to someone in person, rather than through a text bubble?

In my opinion, the world of screens and indirect communication is the real world now. People who refuse to get connected, to shun the information super highway, they are the ones who are considered out of touch.

The more important thing is to avoid getting distracted by entertainment and the internet. It's a great resource, but it's also full of a lot of useless, ignorant vitriole disguised as podcasts and blogs. It's important to not just absorb the world through their eyeballs. Endless consumption leads to a dull mind. It is important to create and grow, and that requires us to challenge ourselves.

3. Why is it so hard to tell someone the truth? I have several friends who like to task about each-other being one another's back. And I always want to say something, but....reasons.

Fear. People are afraid that their honest opinions will damage their friendships and romances. When these issues remained unexpressed, resentment builds as the issues persist. Resentment breeds contempt, and contempt breeds gossip mongering and passive cruelty.

The way to cure this is to learn how to express your issues with someone in a assertive but non-critical method. People are more receptive to hearing about their faults than most realize, but it needs to be expressed in way that doesn't bruise the ego. It's not easy.

4. Is there such a thing as being too nice?

This is a difficult question to answer, because 'nice' is relative and altogether nebulous. Compassion, which us unconditional concern and care for something, can never be too much. What you have to examine is why you choose to be nice to people.

Do you do it to make yourself feel good?

Do you do it so people are indebted to you?

Do you do it because you assume people need your care?

Generosity and friendliness are good virtues, but it is crucial to understand what is actually happening. In addition, you need to have compassion for yourself. No one expects you to hurt yourself for their benefit, at least no one who is an actual friend.

5. Why is it so hard for people to get along with one another?

Familiarity breeds contempt. This is why wives and husbands fight more than any other people on earth. It's because they are so intimately familiar with each other that they're able to see the hidden motives and bad habits that underpin actions that would otherwise seem benign. People who not only interact regularly, but are also required to interact even when they don't want to, can swiftly learn to find reasons to dislike one another.

This doesn't mean that romantic relationships are inherently flawed. Good friendships and romances take :effort: . Serious :effort: . And sometimes it's more :effort: than people are willing to commit to. The second we are required to make ourselves vulnerable, is the same instant a relationship can begin to crumble. It is these moments of stress and turmoil that define the depth of a relationship, not the laughter and enjoyment.

If, however, you're talking about humanity at large, the answer is more simple; tribalism. Humans are programmed to organize themselved in discreet groups, and the uniting factor can be nation, creed, sports team, or favorite condiment. It gives humans the sense of camaraderie and belonging that is crucial to the functioning of a healthy psyche.

As a side effect, however, people who are outside of these tribes are the aliens. They are anathemas who are inherently wrong. This doesn't mean that either side in a conflict is categorically right or wrong, but to those on either side, the stakes are a threat to their very way of life, because if another tribe says that your tribe is wrong, that means that you yourself are flawed...and that's really all it takes for peole to start killing eachother.

[Kopaka]

Srry about premature post.

[Gwendolyn]

Srry about premature post.

Don't worry about it. Your answers were REALLY interesting to read and pick apart. Thanks a lot for the feedback!

[Gwendolyn]

I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS WORLD OF PAIN AND SADNESS AND RPG's THAT WE CALL HOME!!!!!!!!!!

6. When someone you are close to hurts you and acts sorry, but you discover they aren't, what would be the correct course of action from that point forward. (Cause rash, impulsive behavior will not end well.)

7. Say-hypothetically-that you have just lost someone important to you. You try to move on, but you just can't shake that sad feeling. How long does that feeling insist on staying?

8. Is it better to face the persecution of your peers due to your beliefs, or live a lie due to the fear of being persecuted?

I SHALL HAVE MORE!!!!

[Tartaros]

Well, figured I'd give this a shot. So let the not-so-wise, not-so-old Tartaros answer your questions.

When someone you are close to hurts you and acts sorry, but you discover they aren't, what would be the correct course of action from that point forward. (Cause rash, impulsive behavior will not end well.)

I'm probably no person to give this sort of relationship advice, but sometimes people are just dicks like that, and other times, they can be sorry, but have a hard time showing it. You can never be truly sure what someone thinks of you. We're not telepathic martian pod-people after all.

If they well and truly aren't sorry though, and this happens frequently, seek the help of someone else. No one should have to live in an abusive relationship. Ever.

Say-hypothetically-that you have just lost someone important to you. You try to move on, but you just can't shake that sad feeling. How long does that feeling insist on staying?

Sometimes it's a week, sometimes it can be the rest of your days. Loss occurs in everyone's life, but the important thing is to not let your loss tie you down. Self-limitation and sadness are important things, but they can overwhelm you and control your entire life, which is not healthy. I know from experience.

Is it better to face the persecution of your peers due to your beliefs, or live a lie due to the fear of being persecuted?

This one is just personal opinion, but I respect the honest option more. Caving into pressure and fear of the unknown is not a good thing. Besides, if you're young, most of your peers aren't going to be the same people you live with 10 or 20 years down the line. That's something a lot of folks who are still in school don't seem to understand, that their life will not be changed by what John Doe in their physics class thinks of them.

[Yu Kanda]

1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?
People are afraid to be alone, they rather be with someone that abuse them either physically or mentally instead of ending up alone.

2. Why have people lost touch with the world? I know that I'm partially guilty of this, but why do people always have their faces stick into some kind of screen. Why not speak to someone in person, rather than through a text bubble?
The safety of a text bubble comforts people, you can hide behind a nickname, a picture or even an avatar. It makes people feel safe, and less likely to get hurt. And dont forget these days people are addicted to screens.

3. Why is it so hard to tell someone the truth? I have several friends who like to task about each-other being one another's back. And I always want to say something, but....reasons.
Most people don't have the balls to speak their mind, they are afraid of how others will percieve them afterwards. They are scared of not being liked if they speak their mind. I see it allot around me as well.

4. Is there such a thing as being too nice?
Yes, yes there is. No one likes a pushover or someone that agrees with you all the time. You want someone to challenge you, bring out the best in you. You can only achieve this when you stand up for yourself and think about yourself every now and then.
5. Why is it so hard for people to get along with one another?
Mostly Envy, people want what they cannot have, especially when someone else has it. Jealousy is a big part of it all.

[Gwendolyn]

I have more questions about life and such things, I guess...

1.) Why do people seem to be naturally mean or hurtful?

2.) Why do I (or others) feel the need to still try to do something, when all it does is hurt us more?

3.) How do you cope with the pain of missing out on something important? Why does it hurt so much?

Yay, such happy questions this time around. Thanks for the time and thought the following answers contain.

[Ada Wong]

I have more questions about life and such things, I guess...

1.) Why do people seem to be naturally mean or hurtful?

2.) Why do I (or others) feel the need to still try to do something, when all it does is hurt us more?

3.) How do you cope with the pain of missing out on something important? Why does it hurt so much?

Yay, such happy questions this time around. Thanks for the time and thought the following answers contain.

1.) Ask them. If it's someone close to you who is being hurtful, you can talk about it, and maybe one day they'll think before they speak. You might not know what they're going through, but on the other end of the coin they don't understand all of the hard times that you're going through, too. They think that they have all the problems in the world, and it's really selfish and horrible, but you've got to let them know that you're not going to put up with it and that you're a human being, not a doormat.

2.) Because, despite everything, a little part of you probably thinks that whatever you're doing is still worth it. You'll have to seriously consider if it is or not.

3.) It'll hurt for a while. A lot. But, after a while, that pain will probably go away. And repeated spikes of pain like this will come back every time you are reminded of it, and it will all seem terrible and you'll want to just hide somewhere, but you have to remember that there are so many other things that you won't miss, and that they will be the most wonderful.

[Gwendolyn]

After a long while, I believe I should get a few more questions answered.

1.) I myself have a short temper at times, and when I get mad, I bottle it up. Why is that bad? I mean, Its better than going off, right?

2.) I find myself as the type of person who likes to make everyone happy, but I know that its not good for my health to only think of other people. How do I shift away from that mentality?

THANKS!

[Tearen Wover]

I believe I can answer both of those questions with the same line of thinking.

First of all, there are more ways to deal with anger and frustration than just Suppress or Vent. The most important thing to analyze is why you're getting mad in the first place. Nobody can MAKE you feel anything; your feelings are what they are, and you have to figure out what it is in YOU that brings out that anger.

This leads in to why being nice and accomodating all of the time can hurt you. You can't MAKE people feel happy; trying to do so is a vain effort and also pretty patronizing. People can look out for their own feelings, and it's not your place to try and MAKE them feel differently just because...YOU want them to?

Anyway. I'm hazarding a guess that in an effort to try and keep people happy, you often refrain from voicing your own opinions or feelings for fear that you might upset someone. As a result, you are forced to suffer in silence rather than express yourself in a calm, controlled manner until you explode.

Taking the time and having the patience to thoroughly and responsibly explain your own emotions when you feel irritated is a skill, and therefore takes time and practice. In order to move away from the behavior of accommodation, however, you need to develop both this skill as well as the confidence that your own opinion and feelings are important. 

Unless someone is your child, they are not your responsibility. When you're not concerned with trying to coddle other people's feelings, its easier to pay more attention to your own needs. In that regard, I guess I have two pieces of bad/liberating news: Other peole don't need you to make them happy/You're going to irritate other people no matter what you do.

This doesn't give you carte blanche to go around being a selfish prick, obviously, but it's fine to feel less guilty about making your own needs important, even if it means expressing controlled anger that someone might feel upset about.

[Gwendolyn]

Thank you, Neal. That...is good advice, I'll try and take these words to heart.

[Gwendolyn]

Well then, it's been a while since I've posted any questions in this little thing. Let's give it a go, shall we?

1. I know that's it's stupid, and that I shouldn't worry about little things, but a lot of the time I find myself overthinking what people have said or done. This usually ends up bad for me... How do I fix this?

2. I really want to know why some people in this world are so damn unreasonable. I, in most situations, try to take things at face value. if the reasons and thought process behind the action is justified., then I'll accept what's has been said or done and that's the end. Why is it hard for other people to let go?

Thank you for any and all answers.

[Guu]

1. I know that's it's stupid, and that I shouldn't worry about little things, but a lot of the time I find myself overthinking what people have said or done. This usually ends up bad for me... How do I fix this?

2. I really want to know why some people in this world are so damn unreasonable. I, in most situations, try to take things at face value. if the reasons and thought process behind the action is justified., then I'll accept what's has been said or done and that's the end. Why is it hard for other people to let go?

1. Depends. If it's a good friend that said it, communication is a best medicine, talk to the person about what bothers you, clear it up. Of course be diplomatic about it if it's something bad, but it's better to get it out there than the bottle up your worries.
If it's someone you don't have that kind of relationship with, just remember that the people around you in most situations aren't nearly as conniving as you may think they are...

2. Maybe they don't want to admit they are wrong, or they don't want to question their own beliefs. While change is often times nessasary, it is a very painful thing, and it's a pain many have a hard time living with.

[Trixie]

Each of these questions is worth an essay, but I'll try to summarize.

1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?

There is a lot...A LOT...of unseen interactions in romantic relationships. People who don't live in that couple's house have no idea what kind of stuff happens when they aren't being observed by the world. People have a habit of complaining about the bad in their lives, and only rarely talk about the good (ironically because there's usually a fear it will be interpreted as boasting.)

For friends and family who only ever hear the woe and tears in a relationship might genuinely believe that their friend is in an abusive or toxic pairing, and their heart is in the right place, no one should presume to have all the ins and outs of a given relationship. People fall in love for a reason; those reasons don't just disappear when stress and resentment start piling up.

In short, it may seem odd and look like a bad relationship, but don't be so quick to judge. You don't know everything.

Months later I'm going to disagree with the sentiment that because you fell in love means it won't just fall apart. My ex hit 30 and lost her social security and decided that having me in her life was something she couldn't deal with anymore. That on top of just being an abusive person caused the final bridge to collapse. When you always feel like you're on eggshells: No. Matter. What. This could even be after a romantic evening or sex. You feel like you've wronged her or done something horribly wrong all the time it begins to build and become a way of thinking. Keeping men around who want nothing but to fuck her and ruin the relationship/inviting ex-fiance's into the house without even regarding how it might make me feel. These are not things someone who loves you does. I get having friends with benefits and y'know...being friends with them, but they should at least respect a relationship right? She didn't make any effort to make me feel like I was wanted around. I was always in the way and she was always "Well I'm a cunt so you need to accept me."

Well every time I made my concerns known it was spun so that she was victim. Even when she let her ex-fiance, whom she said she hated, in the house it was my fault. When your significant other burns the bridge of communication so that you can only suffer in silence then you know something is wrong. 

I learned this the hard way and 4 years of my life is gone. Alex, Ganon, Violet, and others helped drag me out of the hole, but they know how devastated I was. 

When you develop stockholme syndrome, recognize you have it, and go "This is fine." There is a serious problem.

[Gwendolyn]

Thank you... That was very personal, and I'm touched that you would share that.

[Gwendolyn]

Just one question this time around.

1. I find my thoughts taking darker turn more and more often lately, and as some of you know, have been plagued with nightmares for a good long while now... Why, after all this time of nothing happening, do those bad memories resurface? Is it just bad luck?

[Trixie]

Thank you... That was very personal, and I'm touched that you would share that.

 No problem. This all occurred in March so it's brand spanking new haha

Just one question this time around.

1. I find my thoughts taking darker turn more and more often lately, and as some of you know, have been plagued with nightmares for a good long while now... Why, after all this time of nothing happening, do those bad memories resurface? Is it just bad luck?

Eh nightmares and memories like that can be subconscious driven and even then it only takes a trigger unknown to you (because it's your subconscious) to make them resurface. By darker turn do you mean nihilistic in nature? I mean that's a phase of evolving thinking. You ways of thinking could be changing.