Book Club 16
Can I just say that I love the way this topic has grown the past couple months?
NOTE: I wrote down the numbers because it can be confusing to read live topics as well as disappointing when you are expecting a longer review than you may have received. This is only in relation to the topics that have had steady post rates, but due to the date I got to them (earliest post possible,) some more recent work may not have been included.
Highlanding in the Coliseum 1-8
[spoiler]Fresh and livening, that is, the way you started the thread with dialogue. Gin just kind of falls into trouble now doesn’t he? And Baltair breaking this to him was actually amusing to me at least. Can I also say that eyepatches just make things one hundred times cooler? Already I get a good idea of Baltair and the experience he has due to some of the attributes you gave him and outwardly described.
> the mention of a battle to the death
Quote:“Don’t worry lad, as long as you dodge, you’ll be fine.”
Comforting. XD Anyway, the banter was really quite inspired, and I had an enjoyable time reading it.
Both dialogue and sentence structure are very clean and concise,
nothing is muddled or overdone, I felt a very rapid back and forth pace that formed a good rhythm when it read.
When the first hazard round came into play, I noticed that due to the word “sponsors” I also felt a distinct sense of Hunger Games. (Also I should mention it is kind of ironic that you were doing this thread
right before DA which was inspired by Battle Royale.)
OKAY, i laughed too hard at the mention of our favorite blonde beheaded vampire. And because it was in caps, it was perfect. /Gin is a genius/ end of story. My reaction when Senator Armstrong was mimicked was even more shock! I still can’t believe you used both his characters in the coliseum, but it was true epicness, and I approve.
TO END IT LIKE THIS
Quote:A few seconds later, the only sound was the crunching of bone.
Was just ruthless. I am so in awe right now.
Lastly, my favorite part was the dialogue, which I think you execute with great skill. It makes me want to do my own even better, and even with the scottish accents, it translated perfectly in my head!
SN:
I was wondering if this thread was closed,( or if it wasn’t) if you wouldn’t mind making a small appearance in a thread (if you didnt want to use Gin I wouldnt mind you using Dio because his mimic is there) for I may end up placing one in the coliseum. I think I could learn some things by writing with you.[/spoiler]
Eye of the Storm 1-5
[spoiler]Woop woop! Endless Dunes for the win! I’ve read a lot of your work in this particular Verse, and enjoy the spin you bring to the deadly desert. You always seem to make it exciting, yet still manage to let the cracks of desperation (such as the TWNN) to pierce through, giving a good dynamic and alternative as well as purpose to the violent action that ensues (such as the ambush in this thread).
Your adjectives complement the area you are describing very well, and emphasize the characters that interact with one another. The suspenseful scene and description leading up to Sinestro’s debut was well done and not overpowered.
I like reading your work because I can be totally absorbed and not really have to feel like I have to add anything, or bring out my own opinion. Its all your own work and I enjoy the way you write the story, and how it leads into the action to come.
Your use of dialogue is very effective in getting across the interaction Sinestro has with other characters, as well as conveying his desires and personality. I also felt you did an excellent job with Roland, the back and forth ripostes are brief but brimming with wit. (I enjoyed the allusion to
the Prince as well, it posed as a personal cue in on Roland’s misguided mentality.)
Suggestions: Though I like the way you convey an outward description, don’t be afraid to make it a little more personal! I felt myself wanting to know more about Sinestro as I read, perhaps by reaction, dialogue did this well, but knowing what he thinks of something can help the reader understand and relate to him better.
Anyway it read very well and I felt like it flowed in a good pace with the events that played out.You have a nice vocabulary, and your work is very inventive. I like all the integration of ideas you are bringing to the Dunes and I think you should keep up the good work.
I like the ending because it stops after a very thrilling action scene before pausing at a bit of a cliffhanger. It can be interesting to the reader when posts are ended like this because it makes them want to know what happens next, or more straightforwardly, read the next series.[/spoiler]
Midnight Rose 1
[spoiler]I wasn’t even about a paragraph in when I realized I was marveling at the imagery. The very subtle display of description really complements the idea I get from her character as I read. Your writing style is very nice and makes me want to read more from you. I enjoy the scenery that you touch on as it interacts with Belle and feel the story is depicted well even in the building of dialogue to come.
While I don’t have much to say (because I enjoyed it too much to successfully construct anything specific to touch on) I will say that I liked how you ended the opening post. It ties together a few loose strands as well as captures some of the tone of the ‘going-ons’ in the thread, the setting, and Belle’s character. It also leaves the reader wanting more, and I know I got a very strong image (and idea) of where you left off.
Mentioned allusion: The Green Light = Gatsby.[/spoiler]
The Primordial Weapon Post 1-28
[spoiler]While I don’t plan to nitpick every detail, I just wanted to say I really enjoyed the thread, and reinforce the fact that everyone did a magnificent job.... PWNING THE TARRASQUE
Very strong start with Whirda jumping into action, it was reaffirmed by Dio’s savory sentences that were lined with imagery and vocabulary; the sentences are rich with words of meaning. Both painted a picture in my favorite way: In the way a character reacts to their surroundings.
Seeing the interactions and teamwork are certainly inspiring, had I an available character -and this thread, an open one- I would have loved to join. Everyone really played their part and it looks like you had a lot of fun and that your efforts payed off.
The Primordial Weapon is one that I would read again, because I feel like it would make me better not just as a writer, but at executing observation better (as there is more consequence applied to action due to the gravity of the conquest).
Proto probably already has some vague idea that I really like his work, the skill of storytelling carries over into his refined writing and I like how he is able to prioritize action and perspective in an effective and unique way. In just the second post in this thread he established a good foundation and then built off of it effortlessly, giving the reader an idea of what was going on (in his head) as well as creating a picture they wouldn’t forget.
In your posts, I like how you make the best things
relevant to the setting and characters. This may sound like a small feat, or perhaps unnecessary, but I assure you I feel it adds a flavorful intrigue.
Alain! Master of carnage (Carnege), it only makes sense that you have some relationship with the bombs as a pyro-user. I like how you added a lot of action for him, because I do see him as an outgoing sort of guy. You have very nice storytelling skills and I enjoyed the sense of conclusion that Alain’s observations brought him (this indirectly helped to describe his character as well). Alain brings the battle to a fresh perspective, and also brings into account some of the /futility/ of it all.
Aang, the peace loving avatar, what ever did you do to be caught in this firestorm? Anyway, I’m not sure I ever said it, but I always liked how you portrayed Aang and felt it was very on point with my expectations of him. It can be hard to do someone so peaceful in a setting like the Omniverse but I like what the character brings to this battle. Because Aang is more of a pacifist but it is nice to see what makes him tick, and what will motivate him enough to fight back with all he has.
The inclusion of Alain (fire plus wind) both made sense, and gave me an idea you had a wonderful grasp on everyone else’s characters. I can see Alain making a skeptical remark, but Aang being the faithful child who convinces him to try.
As I was reading the story and action, I liked the taste of morality included by Kuzan. Kuzan’s reactions brought added consequence to the battle, as well as effect and impact that perhaps had originally needed a little more attention.
Everyone had a niche in this thread, and I believe that is why it worked so well.
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The action in the thread made nearly every sentence an entertaining read.
With the Tarassque dead, I enjoyed the ‘motivator’ being Atelos/Hades before the battle ensued; for me, this rationally made sense and gave a little more purpose to the battle.
A few suggestions. I know you had a discussion thread on it, but I would have liked to see someone mention Aang leaving, or account for those who weren’t participating. As for the battle sequence, the respectively mentioned applies, but this time with pronouns. Usually I could tell who was attacking who, but clarity for the large size of those in this thread would have allowed for a more flowing read. There were a few who were pretty thorough with mentioning the “who (hit) with what” for the future, just keep an eye.
All in all, every single player made the fight epic. I don’t really have a favorite, but styles complemented, blood-thirst dominated, and well, people got a chance to not only take part in an awesome action scene, but
become the action itself. Really awesome job guys and Whirda’s ending line and paragraph was absolutely fantastic and left me satiated with an excellent, finalized conclusion.
If anyone wants a personal review of their work/fighting in this thread I wouldn’t mind to offer a small one.[/spoiler]
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