06-07-2018, 10:18 PM
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[/float][float=right][/float][spoiler]There's some shoddily edited together clips of past Dante's Abyss competitions. Some dragons, a ninja or two, a Deadpool, and definitely one too many shots of a mouse (especially since he only participated in one year).
Then... static. For several seconds. Too many seconds.
The video bumps back to life and you see Minnie Mouse sitting behind a lavender desk. The wall behind her is a nice shade of baby blue. Princess Guu might approve of the color pattern. Minnie is staring straight into the camera, spiking the lens, a mischievous smile on her face.
"Good evening, Omniverse. For those of you who don't already know who I am, I am Minnie Mouse, Lady of Ambrosia, wife to Dante's Abyss veteran and Gilgamesh-banisher Mickey Mouse, and the host of your new favorite Abyss post-episode talk show, the Minnie Mouse Gossip House. We'll be coming to you after every episode of Dante's Abyss to discuss the latest and greatest dish from the episode, live here on the Dataverse. As you can see, I have made my way out of my two-year long hibernation and am back to grace your internet with the most scandalous rumors you've ever heard from mine and my husband's home, the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, in a verse I will not name because I don't want you guys knowing where I'm at."
Through a window on the wall behind Minnie, an endless forest is visible.
"Today's show is going to be a little short, but, you know, your girl was watching the hubby on the TV and just thought I'd pop in to share my thoughts about the match ups. You could say these are Minnie Mouse's 'power rankings,' based on who's the most SCANDALOUS! Beating you to the punch, Karl Jak."
She winks, ostensibly at Karl Jak, who is almost certainly not watching but will probably be told about this by whichever unfortunate intern is keeping their eyes peeled on the #DantesAbyss hashtag.
"So let's call them something else, then... ooh, how about Minnie Mouse's Tittle-Tattle Rankings. Or just 'The T.T.'? I like that. Spilling the T.T. every day here on the Dataverse for your viewing pleasure! We'll talk about the matchups or pairings with the most potential for..."--dramatic pause--"DRAMA!"
'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morissette plays for a few seconds. Well, the clean version. Does Alanis Morissette exist in the Omniverse?
Nevertheless, Minnie dances for a few moments and then the music shuts off.
"Now then. Let's get started. I hate to seem so biased from the jump, but I've gotta just float my special little man out there first"--she holds up a printed out picture of Mickey--"Mickey Mouse. Isn't he just so handsome, you guys? So, my Mickey, my knight in shining armor, has been matched up to fight someone else in shiny armor! It's just a shiny armor shindig up in there as he faces off against 'Gilgamesh.' Now, correct me if I'm wrong, interweb, but I'm pretty sure my little ol' husband put the smack down on Gilgamesh before, right? Don't see any reason why he can't win again! He's paired off with some creepy dude named, like... Canada, or something, who I guess seemed nice enough but"--she gasps dramatically--"WORKS FOR GILGAMESH! Such drama!
And speaking of drama in this first match-up, it looks like there's already a showmance brewing between Gilgamesh's partner, Desman, and one of the other contestants. I don't know much about it but I'll put my ears to the ground to get you some more dish... and you know if anyone's got good ears, it's Minnie Mouse.
In other gossip-heavy potential pairings, I know everyone was crossing their fingers for Violet and Victor Wolfe to get paired together or to at least have to fight each other, but alas, they're not only not doing either of those, but are VERY far away from each other on the bracket. Should've rigged it, Karl. We'll see if Violet gets to confront her banisher during one of the later rounds. Victor is paired up with Retane, one of the more intriguing competitors who pretty much steamrolled his way to the end of Dante's Abyss a few years back with that weird alien thing hanging around him the whole time. I wonder if he ever got it back? Survey says there's no way to tell, since he pretty much looks that angry all the time so there's no telling what's causing it.
Now we've talked about some of the gossip. Let's talk about what everyone actually cares about: ships! Who's gonna hook up during this year's tournament?!"
You get the impression Minnie's definition of 'hook up' is different from a normal person's.
"First of all, let me just say, to all of the forum users out there who've started a Mickey/Gilgamesh ship tag, I'm gonna need you to quit. Because, like... ew. That's my husband. Also, the Proto Mouse shippers. Stop. They're JUST FRIENDS!!
Secondly, the obvious fan favorite pair right now is Dane and Jack. Everyone thinks sparks are just gonna fly. Here's hoping they kiss at some point!"
She squees. It's weird.
"Aside from that, everyone's hoping for some Sasuke/Deadpool or Sasuke/Gilgamesh action. I have to say, folks, it doesn't really look likely based on the evidence your girl Minnie's been collecting, but hey! Anything can happen! As for me... well, my personal favorite idea is... what if, somehow, Whirda and Gildarts ended up getting together?! They're both kinda brooding and cute and I don't know, I just think it'd be so adorbs! If a tad intense.
On second thought, really intense. Let's hope they never meet."
She seems to have discarded the idea, but then spikes the lens again and winks in a weirdly suggestive way for a cartoon mouse. Every viewer is a little uncomfortable.
"Well, that's all I've got for today. If your flava-fave wasn't mentioned today, that's okay! Maybe next time I'll have some gossip to share about them, so keep tuning in. Make sure to subscribe to my new channel and check back in with my next episode to get more hot dish on this year's Dante's Abyss! Once again, straight from the Clubhouse in the Tangle--I mean in an indeterminate location, I'm Minnie Mouse and this is the Minnie Mouse Gossip House! Thanks for watching!"
[/spoiler]
Then... static. For several seconds. Too many seconds.
The video bumps back to life and you see Minnie Mouse sitting behind a lavender desk. The wall behind her is a nice shade of baby blue. Princess Guu might approve of the color pattern. Minnie is staring straight into the camera, spiking the lens, a mischievous smile on her face.
"Good evening, Omniverse. For those of you who don't already know who I am, I am Minnie Mouse, Lady of Ambrosia, wife to Dante's Abyss veteran and Gilgamesh-banisher Mickey Mouse, and the host of your new favorite Abyss post-episode talk show, the Minnie Mouse Gossip House. We'll be coming to you after every episode of Dante's Abyss to discuss the latest and greatest dish from the episode, live here on the Dataverse. As you can see, I have made my way out of my two-year long hibernation and am back to grace your internet with the most scandalous rumors you've ever heard from mine and my husband's home, the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, in a verse I will not name because I don't want you guys knowing where I'm at."
Through a window on the wall behind Minnie, an endless forest is visible.
"Today's show is going to be a little short, but, you know, your girl was watching the hubby on the TV and just thought I'd pop in to share my thoughts about the match ups. You could say these are Minnie Mouse's 'power rankings,' based on who's the most SCANDALOUS! Beating you to the punch, Karl Jak."
She winks, ostensibly at Karl Jak, who is almost certainly not watching but will probably be told about this by whichever unfortunate intern is keeping their eyes peeled on the #DantesAbyss hashtag.
"So let's call them something else, then... ooh, how about Minnie Mouse's Tittle-Tattle Rankings. Or just 'The T.T.'? I like that. Spilling the T.T. every day here on the Dataverse for your viewing pleasure! We'll talk about the matchups or pairings with the most potential for..."--dramatic pause--"DRAMA!"
'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morissette plays for a few seconds. Well, the clean version. Does Alanis Morissette exist in the Omniverse?
Nevertheless, Minnie dances for a few moments and then the music shuts off.
"Now then. Let's get started. I hate to seem so biased from the jump, but I've gotta just float my special little man out there first"--she holds up a printed out picture of Mickey--"Mickey Mouse. Isn't he just so handsome, you guys? So, my Mickey, my knight in shining armor, has been matched up to fight someone else in shiny armor! It's just a shiny armor shindig up in there as he faces off against 'Gilgamesh.' Now, correct me if I'm wrong, interweb, but I'm pretty sure my little ol' husband put the smack down on Gilgamesh before, right? Don't see any reason why he can't win again! He's paired off with some creepy dude named, like... Canada, or something, who I guess seemed nice enough but"--she gasps dramatically--"WORKS FOR GILGAMESH! Such drama!
And speaking of drama in this first match-up, it looks like there's already a showmance brewing between Gilgamesh's partner, Desman, and one of the other contestants. I don't know much about it but I'll put my ears to the ground to get you some more dish... and you know if anyone's got good ears, it's Minnie Mouse.
In other gossip-heavy potential pairings, I know everyone was crossing their fingers for Violet and Victor Wolfe to get paired together or to at least have to fight each other, but alas, they're not only not doing either of those, but are VERY far away from each other on the bracket. Should've rigged it, Karl. We'll see if Violet gets to confront her banisher during one of the later rounds. Victor is paired up with Retane, one of the more intriguing competitors who pretty much steamrolled his way to the end of Dante's Abyss a few years back with that weird alien thing hanging around him the whole time. I wonder if he ever got it back? Survey says there's no way to tell, since he pretty much looks that angry all the time so there's no telling what's causing it.
Now we've talked about some of the gossip. Let's talk about what everyone actually cares about: ships! Who's gonna hook up during this year's tournament?!"
You get the impression Minnie's definition of 'hook up' is different from a normal person's.
"First of all, let me just say, to all of the forum users out there who've started a Mickey/Gilgamesh ship tag, I'm gonna need you to quit. Because, like... ew. That's my husband. Also, the Proto Mouse shippers. Stop. They're JUST FRIENDS!!
Secondly, the obvious fan favorite pair right now is Dane and Jack. Everyone thinks sparks are just gonna fly. Here's hoping they kiss at some point!"
She squees. It's weird.
"Aside from that, everyone's hoping for some Sasuke/Deadpool or Sasuke/Gilgamesh action. I have to say, folks, it doesn't really look likely based on the evidence your girl Minnie's been collecting, but hey! Anything can happen! As for me... well, my personal favorite idea is... what if, somehow, Whirda and Gildarts ended up getting together?! They're both kinda brooding and cute and I don't know, I just think it'd be so adorbs! If a tad intense.
On second thought, really intense. Let's hope they never meet."
She seems to have discarded the idea, but then spikes the lens again and winks in a weirdly suggestive way for a cartoon mouse. Every viewer is a little uncomfortable.
"Well, that's all I've got for today. If your flava-fave wasn't mentioned today, that's okay! Maybe next time I'll have some gossip to share about them, so keep tuning in. Make sure to subscribe to my new channel and check back in with my next episode to get more hot dish on this year's Dante's Abyss! Once again, straight from the Clubhouse in the Tangle--I mean in an indeterminate location, I'm Minnie Mouse and this is the Minnie Mouse Gossip House! Thanks for watching!"
[/spoiler]
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[/float]Posted by kweenminnie
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