Alain Velgr/Alain the Carnedge

[Alain the Carnedge]

Name: Alain Velgr/Alain the Carnedge.
(Edits have been Made.)
Character Source: Original.

Character History: Alain was a warrior in the distant future of his Verse. His power, through several years of doing nothing but fighting and bounty hunting, began to grow to extreme levels. His power eventually grew to far above human limits, at one point ripping time and space itself. This is where he met the one known as Aria Velgr, another version of himself from a different world and stuck between the space between each world.

Through Aria he learned that there were many worlds far unlike his own, and that, through increased contact with the "Space" he would eventually be ripped from his time and stuck in the "Space" himself. So he decided to sever his time before anything else did.

He forged an alternate personality in his body to bind himself to the universe's time, then severed his soul from it. The connection between the alternate personality and him pulled his soul, and him, back, but as a being outside time. However, increased contact with the "Space" would trap him there with Aria. He divided his Life Force between his gear and eye, lowering his usually devastating power significantly. But he can release it at any time, straining as it is. Eventually, this started bringing about the legend of Alain the Carnedge, but then he was pulled into the Omniverse, and is looking for something interesting to do, no matter what it may be.

Physical Appearance:
Alain has Red/Blue Heterochromia, a crimson Odachi that can transform into a Scythe, and a red cloak with unknown black symbols on them. He has either a bored frown or a sadistic grin on his face. He's very snarky and has no loyalty to anyone, though if someone were to save him or otherwise do him a service, he will remember it and repay the debt. His height is about 5 ft 6.3. inches. You can't normally see because of the hood on his cloak, but he has dark blue hair. He's thin and seems to weigh about average for a normal human. Typically has his hands in his pockets or making sarcastic gestures or facial expressions at whoever he's talking to. Or both.

Stats:
ATK:2
DEF:1
SPD:3
TEC:4

Starting Proficiencies: Physical Strength, Area Attack Proficiency,Area Shield Proficiency. (2000)

Starting Powers: Master Acrobat (400) Stealth (1200)


Starting Moves: Sresveltr.(Physical Proficiency) Alain's Odachi/Scythe is infused with his Life Force. Said Life Force, as it's got a very big presence inside the blade, makes it extremely tough to damage, let alone destroy.The Odachi is around 65-70 inches long, the blade being 5 feet. The blade is red, but still looks metallic. The Scythe blade is red and looks more like a laser blade than metal. Just imagine a scythe with a laser edge. (600)

Abyss: (Area Attack Proficiency) Alain creates a pool of darkness directly below himself. (10 metres in a circle) The darkness creates black flames, and stepping inside has the flames burns whoever stepped in. It only lasts a minute or two before fading and he needs to be inside it for it to be sustained. The longer he sustains it, the more exhausting it is, and only four or five uses in a day will exhaust him. One use per fight. The further away from the point where Alain used Abyss, the less damaging the flames. (300)

Flame Form I: (Area Shield Proficiency) Alain creates a blue barrier around himself, giving fair protection from anyone outside it. Enough force can move the shield, and contact with it is pretty much like hitting a brick wall. It's not big enough to cover anyone but himself and he can't move while it's active, or it'll be dispelled. The stronger the hit taken, the more exhausting it is for him. If the barrier shatters, he can't cast it again for a few minutes. If he just conjures it and the opponent were to run away, for example, he could instantly dispel it and use it again in about 10 seconds. (300)


I confirm that I have read and agreed to the Rules of Conduct.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

First off welcome to the site and all that. Just a few things to fix up:

For his physical appearance - since he is an original - some more would be appreciated. Things like height, weight, hair color and style. Think of it from an outsider's perspective, how would someone else describe his looks?

Sresveltr - As this seems to be a variable Move to me it will be priced at 600 OM and not 300 (two complete different weapons). Additionally, some description of what both the scythe form and Odachi form look like is needed. These descriptions are more for other people to understand your character, as I am sure you know what his weapons and powers look like.

Abyss - What do the grabbing hands do? If they hold them in place for example, that would require the Debuff Proficiency as well. If they are not being directly 'aimed' which requires his focus, you would also need the Homing Proficiency. Additionally if he steps away from the pool does it disappear? If it doesn't controlling it would require the Remote Control and Ranged Proficiencies.

Regarding the pool itself, what's its diameter, and can it only be created underneath him? Lastly just how draining is this - can it be cast in quick succession after a prior use or is it something more powerful and likely to take both time and energy?

Flame Form I - Just be aware that the barrier will only really be able to absorb one really strong hit before it needs to be reformed again. For balance reasons, the more area that is shielded the weaker the overall barrier is. The only real questions I have is if he is capable of moving with this barrier in place around him? And, how long of a cool-down period does this have? If he just conjured the barrier - then it dispersed - would he be unable to do so for a few minutes?

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Just a couple more things on Abyss: Given it is an AOE type spell expanding out from a central focal point, I would toss in there somewhere that the further from the source of origin (or its center) the weaker the intensity of the flames. Lastly, for simplicity sake, I would make this a 'once per round' (a round is your post and all your opponents in competitive play) Move to keep the language closer to the Competitive Fighting Rules. As there is only three or so rounds in a standard fight that should suffice as a proper way to gauge your fatigue in the roleplay itself.

Everything else looks good~

After that, I see no further problems and I'll approve you in proper when I get home from work tonight. For now though, I have to go.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Thank you, you're good to go now. Just post this in the roster section with an additional reply that at least describes your moves, but preferably becomes an entire character profile. For an example of one check any of the active members' rosters:

Name: Alain Velgr
Level: 1
Spent OM: 4,800
Proficiencies: (2000); Physical Strength (1000), Area Attack (600), Area Shield (400)
Powers: (1600); Master Acrobat (400), Stealth (1200)
Moves: (1200); Sresveltr (600), Abyss (300), Flame Form I (300)
Super Moves:
Transformations:
Summons:
Items:
Bases:
Unlocks:
Base stats:
ATK: 2
DEF: 1
SPD: 3
TEC: 4

I'll post up your log page which you may utilize to make purchases at a later time.

Remember your first IC post should be in the Nexus. Please see the introduction page in the Rules for further details. Afterwards, you're free to head to any of the other verses that can be reached from the Nexus.