Nekrol

[Rin Takao]

Character name:Nekrol

Character source:Original

Character history:Nekrol is an ex private detective who comes from a large family of PI's. Born and raised in London, Nekrol was bullied as a child at school, which led to him being a loner in later life. His main interests include, collecting antique guns and objects. He carries with him at all times an unusual gold antique coin, that he wears as a talisman on a piece of string around his neck. He won the coin in a game of poker with some real A-holes who didn't play by the rules and tried to rob him of his prize. Nekrol fought back for the first time in his life but was badly hurt and has a large scar on his left cheek. This was a turning point in Nekrol's life, where he changed from being a kind and trusting nerd into a tough fighter...fighting for the good over evil.

Physical Description:Nekrol is muscular and also 6.2ft tall, he has short spiky dark red hair that match's with the colour of his eyes. He has a tattoo on his back of a phoenix rising from the ashes. His voice is deep and he has an English accent. He always wears a long leather rain coat and he has a severe scar on his left cheek. He is fair and kind and has integrity, he firmly believes in justice, often fighting on behalf of other vulnerable people but he has a fierce temper when somebody has done him wrong. (originals only)

Stats:
ATK:3
DEF:2
SPD:2
TEC:3

Starting Proficiencies:Ranged (1000),

Starting Powers:Super Speed (1000 om)Hive Mind (400 om)

Starting Moves: Dual golden Flintlock pistol (requires range) (300 OM) Spell-casting, Fire-Bolt (requires ranged): By concentrating for a few seconds, the he can conjure a small flaming orb in his or her hand. This sphere can be launched at a target with moderate speed. The fire burns and spreads about the person if it impacts. It's not a taxing spell but does require the user to stand relatively still while the flames first materialize. (300 om),
:
I confirm that I have read and agreed to the Rules of Conduct.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Few things:

You'll need descriptions for each of those moves - even if they are commonly known weapons. I would recommend that you check out the Moves rule page as it is fairly detailed in what we expect out of each of those. There are also some really good examples in the Move Approval thread in the Help Desk Forum. Additionally, an expanded History and Physical Description since this is an Original character and there is no source material that can easily be accessed. Think at least a paragraph for both. Maybe several for the History.

For Spell-Casting - if you're doing what I think you're doing - you'll want to make separate moves for each spell. For example, a simple Fire-bolt spell might look like this:

Fire-Bolt (requires ranged): By concentrating for a few seconds, the caster can conjure a small flaming orb in his or her hand. This sphere can be launched at a target with moderate speed. The fire burns and spreads about the person if it impacts. It's not a taxing spell but does require the user to stand relatively still while the flames first materialize. (300 om)

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

You'll want to put the pricing for the Proficiencies as well. Ranged is 1000 OM for instance. You also don't need to list it twice. Next, all standard Moves start at a base of 300 OM. The 150 is incorrect. Additionally, you'll want to include the rate of fire for the pistol: is it automatic, burst-fire, semi-auto etc. I have no problem with you using that description for your spell - if you want to. But you may want to change of the wording to suit your character, You wouldn't need the his or her or the caster. You could use your character's actual gender and his name in there somewhere.

At the moment I can see you have only spent 1,600 out of your starting 5,000 Om. If I were you I would take the time and think on if you would like anything else to start with. The Dual Pistol thing you may have to wait on for Omni - since I am not sure if each pistol would count as a separate Move (priced at 300) or if you can just have them bundled under one.

For History - think on who, what, when, where and why. Like what was his childhood like - what world is he from - what is that world like etc? I still think it needs a bit more to it than what you have. While your physical description is adequate, I would throw in some specifics: exactly how tall is he? How long is his hair? What color are his eyes?

You can see some in depth examples in the Roster section with the Character Profiles. To start with you don't have to be that detailed, but it is a good thing to work up to in order to develop a well-rounded character.

[Omni]

Dual weapons usually get bundled as 300 OM.

[Rin Takao]

DONE

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Okay just a couple more things:

Your moves block and dodge need descriptions as well. If they are simply a block and a dodge you may want to rethink them as moves. As moves are somewhat reserved for specialized techniques.They can be blocks and dodges of course, but you may want to have something more fancy about them. Protoman's Roster Profile has some examples of Moves that block with his Shield for example. And, I am sure there is at least one instance of a more complex dodge on someone's character. Lastly, advanced survival is not actually a power. Survival the power costs 2000 OM. If you meant Advanced Regeneration then you would be correct. However, either way in addition to your moves, you would be over the starting OM limit of 5,000 by a couple hundred OM.

Currently as listed you have spent 5,400 OM.

[Rin Takao]

I decided to get rid of Block and Dodge.

[Omni]

You need a description for the pistols, everything else looks good.