10-29-2014, 12:06 PM
Note: These two already agreed to their own conclusion to the fight. I have done this for posterity.
Enel
(Style/Reader) – A combination of both of these categories, but I am such a fan of when people can effectively use small paragraphs as you did at the very start of the fight. When done correctly in the correct circumstances, I feel like it adds so much more to the intensity.
(Grammar) – I’m pretty sure you’re using most of them correctly, but I think you have a bit too many semi-colons. It looks weird. You also had one post where you may have overdid it with ellipses too.
(Reader) – Very nice application of foresight. Very cool how you wove that in with the character development at the end of post 1.
Ganondorf
(Style) – I knew what you were going for with the inner thoughts punctuated with thoughts of ‘kill’ that became increasing infuriated. You may want to try maybe bolding them to help set up the clash. Or maybe have them not be bold. I feel like having them be formatted different will play up the contrast?
(Reader) – Ganondorf seems pretty bipolar in this. He goes from furious to calm to beating Enel into the floor (albeit that last part is in Enel’s next post).
(Grammar) – That first paragraph of your last post seemed like it needed another proofread.
(Reader) – If your goal was to make it ambiguous about whether or not Ganondorf was genuinely seeking a truce, you succeeded. I couldn’t tell if his goal was to end the fighting or just create an opening for his warlock punch.
Both
(Reader) – To be honest, I wasn’t really engaged in the fight until close to the end of Enel’s last post. That’s not to say it wasn’t all well-written, but up until that point, it seemed like the two were having a rough spar rather than trying to murder-kill the other. I wish it would have started with that intensity, rather than having it build up over 90% of the fight, because I was sad when most of the real bloody-knuckle stuff was covered in a few paragraphs of the final post.
(Reader) – That said, I imagine this fight was little more than a setup to future endeavors, and in that case, I think it did well to adjust the balance of ability between the two figures. I will be curious to see how they move forward from this, especially given their egos and personalities.
Proto Score Sheet (Style/Grammar/Reader/Penalties)
I didn’t assess any sort of penalties since you were both comfortable with extending the deadlines.
Ganondorf = (8/3/7/0) = 18
Enel = (9/3/8/0) = 20
Enel wins.
-These two agreed on their own ending to the fight-
Enel
(Style/Reader) – A combination of both of these categories, but I am such a fan of when people can effectively use small paragraphs as you did at the very start of the fight. When done correctly in the correct circumstances, I feel like it adds so much more to the intensity.
(Grammar) – I’m pretty sure you’re using most of them correctly, but I think you have a bit too many semi-colons. It looks weird. You also had one post where you may have overdid it with ellipses too.
(Reader) – Very nice application of foresight. Very cool how you wove that in with the character development at the end of post 1.
Ganondorf
(Style) – I knew what you were going for with the inner thoughts punctuated with thoughts of ‘kill’ that became increasing infuriated. You may want to try maybe bolding them to help set up the clash. Or maybe have them not be bold. I feel like having them be formatted different will play up the contrast?
(Reader) – Ganondorf seems pretty bipolar in this. He goes from furious to calm to beating Enel into the floor (albeit that last part is in Enel’s next post).
(Grammar) – That first paragraph of your last post seemed like it needed another proofread.
(Reader) – If your goal was to make it ambiguous about whether or not Ganondorf was genuinely seeking a truce, you succeeded. I couldn’t tell if his goal was to end the fighting or just create an opening for his warlock punch.
Both
(Reader) – To be honest, I wasn’t really engaged in the fight until close to the end of Enel’s last post. That’s not to say it wasn’t all well-written, but up until that point, it seemed like the two were having a rough spar rather than trying to murder-kill the other. I wish it would have started with that intensity, rather than having it build up over 90% of the fight, because I was sad when most of the real bloody-knuckle stuff was covered in a few paragraphs of the final post.
(Reader) – That said, I imagine this fight was little more than a setup to future endeavors, and in that case, I think it did well to adjust the balance of ability between the two figures. I will be curious to see how they move forward from this, especially given their egos and personalities.
Proto Score Sheet (Style/Grammar/Reader/Penalties)
I didn’t assess any sort of penalties since you were both comfortable with extending the deadlines.
Ganondorf = (8/3/7/0) = 18
Enel = (9/3/8/0) = 20
Enel wins.
-These two agreed on their own ending to the fight-
![[Image: proto.jpg]](http://epiqz.com/omni/proto.jpg)
![[Image: DAHost.png]](http://www.omniverse-rpg.com/images/badges/Events/DAHost.png)
Dante's Abyss 2015
Host
