xXMechromancerXx 's Videos

[Dr. McNinja]

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[float=left]Mechromancer Vlog #1!!![/float]


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xXMechromancerXx


Heeeeey guys! My name is Gaaige. I’m new here, but back where I’m from, I did this whole vlogging thing. It wasn’t really that popular. But hey, might as well do it, right?

So uh, let’s see, oh! I joined this group. They’re called the Blades or something, I don’t know. They’re preeeetty cooool. The leader is like a bourgeois demon, I think? I dunno. He’s trying to be all scary and seems vaguely sadistic, but, you know, I sorta was on Pandora, so it’s not like that’s anything new. Whatever. He thinks he’s all cool and stuff but we’ll see what his spoiled ass is like in a fight. Anarchy FOREVER!!

Oh, there’s this other girl. She won’t tell me her name, so that’s weird. She wants me to call her Shadow, which is, well, all edgy and stuff? Respect. She’s super cool. And she has this giant fluffy dog who is just ADOOOORABLE. DT is already besties with him. They’re super cute together.

Claptrap’s here too. If we’re being honest, I kiiiiinda wish he wasn’t. He’s alright, but he gets a little annoying. He totally interrupted Shadow and my girl time, so EW. But I still have hopes. You know, maybe I think that Deathtrap and Claptrap should be romantically involved, I don’t know, maybe. But otherwise, he can go away.

Like, he’s already spouting some Hyperion porpaganda bullcrap about me using a Jakobs shotgun? Like, what’s wrong with Jakobs? What, uh, what’s that thing they say... Oh yeah. If it took more than one shot, you weren’t using Jakobs. Which is good, ‘cause like, my hit-miss ratio is sadness. Like, it never really hits anyone. So, like, if my shots actually hit you? I need it to hurt, like, a LOT.

It’s easy to forget that Claptrap has Hyperion programming.

Anyways. Our first job is to look for this guy named Ballad? He shot up this town called Minas Tirith or something. I keep feeling like I’ve heard that place before? Whatever. Point is, he’s an obvious bad guy. So. Murder tyyyme! ...huh.

Apparently, that demon guy, Kuzuru or whatever, he got intel on where this Ballad guy is? Apparently somewhere cold. I should get a sweater or something for DT. Actually, I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s kinda metal.

Uh, serious time. I’m starting to feel really bad about all the stuff I uh, I did. You know, killing all those people and stuff? It’s tough. And weeeird. Like, I didn’t care at all earlier, like, back on Pandora? But now I’m getting all PTSD about it? I don’t like it. It’s... harder to do the things I’m good at. You know?

Ooop, looks like it’s time to go. YEAH, I’M COMING! Jesus, try to have some hot cocoa in this place... *slurp*

Alright, I’ll see y’all next time!

[Hiro Protagonist]

Seriously? A bounty hunting group?

Damn.
I better get off my ass before you guys snap up all of them.

[Dr. McNinja]

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[float=left]Mechromancer Vlog #2[/float]


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xXMechromancerXx


(Gaige is sitting glumly in a darkened cave. DT can be seen in the back, stitching something on her back.)

Ugh. Hi, um, two subscribers. So, uh, I'm not sure entirely what happened. I uh... I was with the team. If you can call us that. They... I think they ditched me in these caves or some- OW! Careful, DT, I don't have disposable limbs like you! Anyway, um, *inhales through grit teeth* So there was this, uh, scarecrow dude? I don't know, some guy who dresses up as a scarecrow or something weird like that, for some reason. And I thought Rakkman was weird. Anyway, he was apparently protecting Ballad, the dude we were supposed to kill?

So then I'm like, whatever, strawman, I could kick your ass to Wednesday, and he's being a little beeotch, so I start shooting at him, whatever. But then, like, he pulls out a friggin' scythe- OW! Dammit, DT!

Anyway, he pulls a friggin' scythe right the hell out of nowhere, and then he tries to kill me! Psychopath. And then I panic and start shooting at him, well, like, faster? I guess? I don't know. I call out Deathtrap, who kinda like chased him down and then I'm PRETTY SURE HE JUST CHICKENED OUT.

(Deathtrap winces and his shoulders sag. Gaige puffs at her bangs from her bottom lip.

So then I'm all alone against this crazy jackhole who starts cutting me up! Who does that?! And he has this, I don't know, this freaky-ass mustard gas crap and, and, and like this, syringe claw? I guess? Then it got, like, super freaky. I saw psychos who weren't even there, Daddy was there at one point, it was really scary. Speaking of which, shoutout to my dad. Miss you lots, daddy.

(Deathtrap finishes stitching the wound. Gaige sadly smiles at him. He waves as he deconstructs.)

Aaaaanyhoo, so I guess he drugged me? I think? It's a blur, there were varkids everywhere, which was...

(Gaige shudders.)

Ugh.

...

So then I shot him in the fucking face.

He survived though. Ran off. I blacked out, I guess. And apparently Ballad got captured or something. Ballad's probably dead now. I don't even get my cut of the bounty, I bet you anything.

Man, I wanted cash.

(Gaige sighs.)

Alright, I should get going. It's freezing in here and I'm wearing a tank top. See ya.