My Worsening Outlook and Experience of Life

[Gwendolyn]

I'm tired.

I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong anywhere, not even when among my family and friends. I'm tired of hating the person string back at me in the mirror, of obsessing over what I look like so I can feel like a halfway-decent human being. I'm tired of the nights when I can sleep because of all the thoughts running through my head. Im tired of seeing myself as worthless, but how the hell do I Begin to tell somebody that?

One of my biggest fears is that of abandonment, and every time I even begin to try and tell someone in real life about my fears and how I feel, I'm petrified, and the only thing I can see happening is them leaving me. I've never had many friends, and those I do are very special to me, practically family. But even then, I can't bring myself to tell. The only reason I'm writing this is because Of anonymity.

My nightmares are so real and possible, that sometimes I'm get so scared, I cant eat. Whether it be flashbacks, or situations that seem so likely to happen, that it bleeds into my everyday life. I try to keep a brave face, but that only gets you so far, right? I don't know what to do anymore...

[Tartaros]

Okay, advice time.

1. Exercise. Seriously, it sounds silly, but it does actually help. It boosts serotonin levels, and is generally great for your body. Even just going for a walk for half an hour every day or two can make a massive difference.
2. You make your own fears, noone else. You control your life. You are you, noone else. Those thoughts are only that, thoughts. Your own mind is fucking with you. Stand, stay calm and make those thoughts your bitch. Self-determinism. Find your problems with life, and fix them, don't spend your entire life afraid of consequences.
3. On your deathbed, you're going to regret what you didn't do far more than what you did. Consequences be damned. If someone will leave you after such a small thing as a confession of a small problem, they weren't worth your time in the first place. Fuck 'em.
4. Help is important. I cannot stress this enough. Friends, family, religious figures, doctors... Just anyone. The benefits are far far greater than the consequences, I can personally assure you.

This might not be of much help, but hopefully it'll at least give you something to think over.