Quest: A Light In the Darkness

[Strazio Rockwell]

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I submit this for the quest "A Light In the Darkness".


Notes

I started in first person narrative and switched to third person. I'm planning on staying in third person narrative for the rest of my time in the Omniverse, my first person stint was merely getting a feel for the site.

I also officially started the quest midway through the thread, but some of the content beforehand directly benefited Darkshire so I'm hoping that will be counted towards the grade. I would understand if it is not though.

Thank you for taking the time to read through the thread!

[Gilgamesh]

I'll be judging this within the next day or so.

[Atelos]

Alright cool lets go!

Let's first of all go through the quest Stipulations
5000 words? About twice that(Not including the Diary Entry)
Report to a post for about two weeks? Check

And onto the actual scorecard(I'm using the standard one I always use)

Style-The flow of the work and the way it sounds. Does it sound good in a sense and was there anything that detached me from the story? The things you do to create the story and the literal words you use.

Grammar-Basically what it says. Are there a lot of grammar errors or are there none? This can vary to actual punctuation to sentences and etc.

Story-Does the story make sense plot wise? Does it have a beginning, a conflict, a rising action,, Etc.

Awesomeness-Do I enjoy reading it and was I interested in the story? Is it thrilling and does it engage the reader.

Believability- I feel like this should be a separate section of its own. Do I believe that these things would happen or was it forced to fit in with your plot? Did your character God-Mod a bit?

Each section is worth four points and since this is an easier quest i'm having the cutoff at 10 which should be an average score.

My Scorecard:

Style:3- I like the way you write, you tend to describe things really well and evoke senses of emotions in readers that are really good. You create a really nice story but sometimes you tend to repeat key phrases over and over again instead of using pronouns. For Example, In one post with the giant centipede comes crawling up the tower you use "the tower" twice in a row. It wasn't that big of a deal but if you used "it" or anything else i think it would have been much nicer. (I excluded the change from I to he because you already made note of that)

Gammar:2.5There wasn't too much of a problem, however there was some instances where you accidentally capitalized the H in the and there were some other small mistakes that jarred me a little bit but it was overall very good.

Story: 3 This has everything that a story needs, good exposition, good introduction into Darkshire, good everything. I have some small comments that will bleed through later in the believability section.

Awesomeness: 3 This quest was pretty awesome! Considering I did this myself with Atelos I know how…uneventful this quest may be and you captured the boringness of sitting on a wall guarding stuff but you also managed to disperse action throughout the quest to keep me entertained. I just feel like some of the enemies could have fought out more rather than have some conflict solved in one post.

Believability: 2.5 I feel like you solved your problems to quickly and most of the time you ended up finishing up your monsters in one post. I would have liked it if you dragged out Nemesis a little more but that's just my preference. Also I personally didn't like the Sniper in a medieval-like setting but that's just me.

Total Score: 14/20

You pass the quest and may receive the Emblem of Darkshire and now receive the Title "Defender of Darkshire" with the criteria of having to defend once a month to retain your influence and position. I'll put your OM reward down below.

[Strazio Rockwell]

Sweet! Thank you for critique, it definitely gives me some good direction to improve.