The Manchild And The God

[Bobby Worthing]

"Mumsy, there's not much milk left. Shall I leave it for your tea?"

"No my dear, you can have it! I'll just go round the shops in a second."

A man reaches into the fridge, pulling out the plastic bottle and closing the doorr, gently so as not to disturb the various magnets and child's paintings being held up by them. Placing the drink on the counter, he ran his fingers sideways through his hair and worked his way down to his neck, tilting it either side in an attempt to limber up.

"Sorry, milk isn't for cacti."

Lifting his other arm, a plushie cactus found it's way right next to the plastic container, facing the opposite way with it's smile beaming towards a wall, two black discs shifting slightly at the bottom of it's googly eyes. The man's hand gently grasped the top of the toy, turning it so it faced him.

"It's ok Cuddles, I'll get you some water. Not too much though, ok? Mumsy says cacti don't drink very much, too much is bad for them."

Reaching into a cupboard, the man pulls out a glass and a small beaker. Unscrewing the lid of the milk bottle, he fills the glass to nearly the brim, before placing the beaker under the faucet. Instead of turning it on, he starts to make a swooshing sound effect, his eyes slowly raising as they trace an imaginary water level.

"Here you go! Don't tell Reginald, you know he gets jealous sometimes."

Slowly pouring the 'water' into the brown felt at Cuddles's feet... Stem... Thingy, he then attended to his own needs, greedily slurping his preferred beverage before licking the white moustache off of his upper lip. Leaving the kitchen with the glass in one hand and his favourite cuddly toy in the other, he closed the door behind him... And opened it again. Walking back through, he placed both back on the counter before grabbing the bottle of milk, still out of the fridge, and returning it to where it belonged.

"Oh Bobby you silly sausage!"

Grabbing his things and leaving once again, he didn't see one of the magnets fall off the fridge. As it did, one of the pictures fell to the ground. Granted the art was of questionable quality, done by someone with a thick brush and presumably a thicker brain, but it appeared to be of Bobby, an old lady, Cuddles, a teddy bear wearing a top hat with some kind of black ring around it's eye and some non-descript grey blob with a smiley face.

"I'll be back soon my baby, you sure there's nothing Mummy can get you?"

"I'm good thanks. I love you!"

For some reason, defying all logic and expectation, the grey haired woman slowly started to fade from the picture. A loud thud could be heard from the other room.

"Mumsy? Are you ok? That looked like it hurt. Here, I'll help you up, Cuddles will too."

"... Mummy? Mummy? Wake up, you wanted to go to the shop! I mean, I don't mind you sleeping, but you'll get sad at yourself."

"Can you hear me? You're scaring me Mumsy. It isn't April, is it? Are you playing a joke at the wrong time of year?"

"... Please? Stop it Mummy, you're making me want to cry, I don't like crying. Mummy?"

Now, the rest of the figures on the picture began to fade away too, all at the same time and rate.

"Mum! What are you doing! Why aren't you waking up? You usually wake up so easy!"

And all that was left was a blank page. Pure white, unstained, ready to start again.

[Bobby Worthing]

I don't know what happened. I thought she was gonna walk out the door, then woosh! Grabbed her chest and just plonked down. I was worried, I mean, she doesn't usually do silly things like that, I just hope she didn't hurt her head. It makes me sad enough when I get a boo-boo, even more when Mumsy gets one. It's odd, she fell over and yet... I was hurting. Mum didn't fall on me or anything, it just... Hurt. Like, in my heart. I couldn't move, all I could do was cry and try to wake her up. I think I fell asleep too. I was feeling pretty drained, which is odd, I haven't done much today. Oh well, maybe when I wake up mummy will be awake too. I mean, this is a dream, right? I've never been in an all white room, though someone once told me I should, dunno why. I don't think this is what they were thinking of though, they talked about walls being padded. That sounds pretty fun, you could bump into the walls and squish them and poke them and stuff. Here... Well, I can't even see walls. It's just... White, everywhere. If I couldn't feel the ground beneath my feet, I'd think I was floating. I can't make up my mind if I like this dream or not. It's pretty, but... Dull too? I dunno.

I think my eyes are adjusting, like when you look at something really light and it overwhelms your eyes and then everything gets darker. Hang on, nope, everything is getting darker. It still is. I liked the light more, the dark's scary. I don't even like beddy-byes without a light on. This is like someone turning a dimmer light down slowly. But... How can I still see myself? Like, my hand is there, and my arms... Heads, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. Well, I say head, I can see my nose and that's part of my head. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, don't be scared of the dark... You can see you, nothing's happening to you. I wish someone was here though.

...

Never mind, this person has a creepy grin. Hrm, I'm being naughty, he may be nice. Never judge a book by it's cover, momma says. Like, most of my colouring books don't have the picture from the front to colour in.

“My name is Omni. This is not the world you know. This is the Omniverse. You interest me, so I have made you part of it. The Omniverse is a place that reflects the wishes of those who are part of it. But! There are rules. I will explain them only once, so listen carefully.”

Gosh, I hope I hear it all if he's only going to say it once. My earwax has been okay lately, but this sounds important. Wait... I thought he was gonna say something? Ooh, there's something shiny in his hand. Makes me think of a prism really, but without the glass stuff and it's round. You know what it reminds me of? Rainbow stones. Mumsy calls them opals, but I like my name better. They're stones with rainbows in them. Hey, what if they're, like, domes and stuff, and they actually have sun and rain in them and that makes the rainbows? It would be like a tiny little world and nobody would know. If I ever see a rainbow stone, I'm gonna take care of it, I don't want any little people to get hurt.

“This is Omnilium. It’s what ties the Omniverse together. Without it, you are nothing. With it, anything you desire can be yours. But you will need more than this. If you desire it enough, you will find it. You will find that using it comes naturally. Just think of what you desire most."

Without it I'm nothing? Silly sausage, mum tells me I'm very important. I won't call him that though, I don't wanna upset him. You know what I desire? Mummy and my teddies. And skittles. Mainly Mummy and the teddies though. Wouldn't say no to milk either. Mine will probably be warm when I wake up, and warm milk is icky.

“You will not be alone in the Omniverse. There are others. Of course, they, too desire Omnilium. Do not fear death. For as long as you interest me, you will be reborn."

Why would I fear deaf people? I mean, I might find it hard to talk with them as I don't know sign language, but Mum worked with this deaf persona and she always carried a tiny little whiteboard and marker around so they could write messages to each other. She was really nice apparently, but a little sad.

“That’s all you need to know right now. You’ll figure out the rest soon enough. I’ll be watching … and waiting.”

I think I should introduce myself, I feel kinda rude now. Wha... Huh? Like, my mouth, it won't move. not even to breathe out! You're meant to do in through the nose, out through the mouth. It stops your throat from getting dusty apparently. I dunno what that's like, but it doesn't sound nice. Mum would probably try to clean it but I don't think her feather duster can fit in my mouth. Wait, he's leaving! I gotta say something, I gotta, I... I... I don't feel right... Why can't I ask him for calpol? Come back!

[Bobby Worthing]

Poor guy. Even when he woke up, all he could do is just lay there. Some people take their arrival pretty hard. He attracted a little bit of a crowd, although we all tried to make it look like he wasn't the reason we were there. Some wanted to look at that pathetic shell of a man and laugh amongst themselves, some of us saw a question and wanted to know the answer... Me? Well shit, I wanted to help the guy, but damned if I'd know how. There isn't exactly a class or guidebook on how to deal with near-catatonic guys just lying on the floor who've been wrenched from one plane of existence into another. I get it can be hard to deal with, but I couldn't help but wonder... Why was he finding it harder than most? And even more than that... What was being summoned beside him?

___________________

Maybe if I go back to sleep, I'll wake up at home! Like, it's worth a shot. Surely that silly Omni man won't find this entertaining, right? If I lay here, he'll have to send me back home! Back to Mumsy, Cuddles, Reginald, Sylvester and the rest of the gang. Oh how I wish they were here, to tell me what to do, to tell me how to feel, to hug me and say "Bobby, this is all going to be ok. You're going to be ok, and you know why? Because we're here, and we love you just like you love us. Hug life forever!"

If I fell asleep to get here, maybe this is still a dream? I mean, that guy seemed pretty real, but... Sometimes dreams seem really real. I've woken up before not understanding why I can't fly any more, confused as to why I run slower on all fours, glad that I still have all my teeth. I don't like those teeth-falling-out dreams, they're scary. I always need someone to cheer me up after, a bit like now. It's ok, when I wake up, Mummy will go to the shop and get a big bottle of milk and maybe even some cookies, and we can all watch Nick Jr or maybe Frozen on DVD. I think Sylvester likes Frozen, he really identifies with Olaf. Thing is, if you're stuck dreaming, even if you realise it's a dream? I've tried pinching myself but it hurt, which smells. Hurty stuff sucks. Thing is, this floor is uncomfy, and I don't think I'll get back to sleep whilst I know there are all these people looking at me. I'll keep my eyes closed though, seeing them is super duper embarrassing. I'll just try though, I''ll keep trying until I succeed like Mummy always taught me... Or until someone else helps. She taught me that too. I just really hope something happens soon. You know who'd really be good? Reginald. He's got such a good head on his little teddy shoulders. He's so smart! If anyone would know what to say or do, it's him. I want him here so much.

Still here though. Stiiiill not sleeping. Nobody's come up to talk yet, can't work out if that's good or bad. People can be pretty scary, and some of these are weird. Well, weird looking, they might be nice, I shouldn't judge based on how they look. It's just I've never seen green people or people with four arms and stuff like that before. I wonder if four arms would make hugs better or worse? Is it too much, or does the heightened area of contact make it softer, and/or more comforting? Gosh darn it, if I keep thinking like this, I'm never gonna get to sleep. Mumsy with a bed time story usually helps with that, but I haven't seen her yet. That's ok, I'll just lay here. Ugh, my cheek is all tickly, let's just give it a scratch, and...

Wait, fur? What's touching me?

[Bobby Worthing]

It was as if someone managed to perform a resurrection. the seemingly lifeless Bobby Worthing shot up to his feet with inhuman speed, looking around to see what touched him. Little did he know that, at his feet, was a teddy bear wearing a top hat and monacle, who had been knocked over when the head he was stroking rocketed upwards. Bobby continued to look around, unaware of his friend below.

"Hel-... Never mind"

He then lowered his voice so nobdy around would be able to hear him.

"They're gonna think you're craaaazyyyy, keep it dowwwwwn!"

"Sir, you're ok!"

Clamping himself to his owner's leg was a jubilant Sir Reginald, his dull, felt teeth poking out mischievously from between his lips as he grinned.

"Reginald! Oh you silly billy, I always knew you understood me, but you never said anything. Are you ok? Do you need a drink? A salmonwich?"

Crouching down, Bobby scooped up his companion somewhat roughly and squeezed him close to his busom, his mood immediately lifted.

"If I may say so sir, I'm experiencing a bit of a twang. May one suggest a slight easing of the affectionate embrace?"

"Oh, sorry."

Nuzzling his cheek against Reginald's furry little ears, he started to tear up, albeit for the opposite reason you may have expected from someone as incredibly lacking in mental fortitude as him.

"I don't always hurt you, do I?"

"Occasionally, when you are particularly upset, but I know you are hurting more than me when it happens, so stiff upper lip as they say! We all have our burdens to bear!"

"Or to human! Because, like, you're a bear, and-"

"Very witty, good sir. Indubitably so."

Fortunately for Reginald, Bobby didn't know the meaning of the word. Perhaps, in fact, that is why the little bear didn't either.

"How did you get here, anyway? Some weird man visited me when I was dreaming and took me away."

"Rohypnol?"

"No, Omni. Who are you talking about?"

"Oh, nobody sir. In fact, I was brought here by your overwhelming desire for companionship. The Omnilium in you left your being in order to manifest in physical form what you see before you."

"... Bearifest."

"Most indubitably. It is technically possible for you to summon any living being from your experience into this world, or perhaps even to create entirely new beings or objects!"

"Like Mumsy?"

"Well, um, she's, maybe... She's not... How about Sylvester?"

"Ooh! Or Cuddles!"

"Or Sylvester. Preferably Sylvester. Oh, he must be so lonely all alone with the softies, no others like him around, not like that lucky Cuddles!"

Reginald chortled, though this was more out of awkwardness than actually finding humour in what was transpiring.

"You're right, Reginald, as always! You've always been so smart!"

"Well, yes, I suppose so. I'm not always right though, for instance, often your dearest Mumsy knows more than-"

"Okay! I'll call Mumsy instead of Sylvester!"

"NO NO NO NO no no no nonono, She's, um... Still resting. Yes. So sleepy, you know how she gets sometimes! Maybe she's already out here somewhere anyway, yes? I'm sure your mother dearest and Cuddles are taking good care of each other. Really good care of each other. Let us rescue Sylvester instead!"

Those experienced in the body language of teddy bears could see Reginald was wracked with guilt for his deception - or at least half of it - but he knew that there was no way Bobby would be able to cope with what transpired. Not yet.

"Take a seat and I'll sit beside you. I'll talk you through what needs to happen."

Following orders, Worthing put his furry friend on the floor in the most gingerly manner, so slowly in fact that Reginald started attempting to step forward before his tiny leather paw-pads quite reached the ground. When he was finally free to move, he sat down right next to Bobby as he said he would. However, due to his short appendages, he couldn't cross his legs schoolboy style like Bobby did.

"Now, what you need to do is close your eyes. Take a really deep breath in-"

Bobby immediately gasped as strongly as he could and with cheeks puffed out like a hamsters.

"No, that, I... Ugh. I'm afraid it has to be indubitably more slowly than that. An easy inhale, and after that an easy exhale. Now, try again."

The manchild squeezed his cheeks to force the air out of his mouth before then exhaling like an ordinary person would. Then, as instructed, the breath in and the breath out.

"Good, now keep doing that. What I want you to do is think of Sylvester, as much as you can. The memories you have shared, the emotions you have felt, the bond you share with... You know, that rock. That very lucky rock. That you love very much. Which isn't weird."

"You're right, it isn't! Everyone deserves to live the hug life!"

"Ap ap ap ap! No talkies for now, just thinkies. Can you do that for me, Sir? Can you do that for Sylvester?"

Once again obeying instructions like the good little boy he is, Bobby continued his deep breathing with his eyes closed, which was probably for the best; as the wisp of light slowly started to materialise before him, one can only imagine that such a visual distraction would bring Bobby right out of his contemplative state.

[Bobby Worthing]

*prod*

*prod*

*prodprodprodprodprod*

"Reginald, I'm doing a concentrate!"

"Uh, sir, it's already happened. A few minutes ago, in fact."

I opened my eyes, and by gosh and golly, Reginald was right! There was Sylvester, wearing that adorable little smile. Upon seeing that cute little ball of sediment, it was like Christmas all over again, the second time in a day! I didn't even have to put any wrapping paper in a black bag. When our eyes met, he edged forwards slowly.

"How's my favourite bundle of sedimentary joy doing?"

Sylvester just smiled and stared.

"Well, you've still got your smile! That's, like, good and stuff. Reginald's here too!"

"Indubitably. Hello there, good friend!"

With his head tilted to one side, the aristocrat waved with grace and poise. Sylvester just stared and smiled. Oh, those two! So adorable.

"Ah well, some things never change."

It worked. It really worked! It's still sinking in, I think. Like, when my gold fish swam away to find it's family just like Nemo's dad, I kept looking up at the windowsill and expecting to see him, but he was having fun with his mummy and daddy. I won't bring him back though, he must have a better life with his fishy family and fishy friends. Maybe they're all working together on a big fish finger farm to sell to Captain Birdseye! Oh, I knew he was always destined for great things. Oh, wait, the situation. Like, the one I'm in. Well, my priorities are Cuddles and Mumsy, let's ask Reginald again, he's so wise. He's a clever, clever bear.

"Like friendship. Friendship never changes. I'm sure Cuddles and Mumsy will be happy to see us! Who should I try first?"

Oh dear, I think Reginald's having a funny turn. He's sputtering and making all these weird motions. He sounds a bit like the Beastie Boys when they do the stuttery thing, only less shouty and more nice. Awww! He's sighing! I guess all this thinking is tiring business. No wonder bears have to hibernate, they use their brains so much, I'm surprised they even wake up at all! Hm, he's looking a bit low...

"Cuddles, I suppose. Ah well."

That's just what I needed, the OK! If it was a bad thing to do, someone would have told me. Hm, lets be sure, besides, Sylvester is as important as the rest of us. He should have a say!

"Who do you think, Sylvester? Cuddles or Mama?"

Sylvester just smiled and stared.

"No objections? Awesome. Reginald, you're on lookout! Sylvester, you're the bodyguard. I'm gonna do the thinky thing!"

As I closed my eyes once more and prepared for the breathy in and the breathy out, I couldn't keep the smile from my face. We're gonna be together again! Together forever!

[Bobby Worthing]

I'm so glad I knew cacti didn't like milk. I never guessed I'd find myself in such a poopy situation, and I need my rarely-budding buddy in tip-top condition! Just vision him, Bobby Bobster!

I remember when I first saw him at the toy store. I was so small then, it was back when Mumsy used to hold my hand. There was this little crate full of cuddlies, and Cuddles was sitting right at the top... And I was horrified. A cactus, with no spikes! How were they meant to defend themselves? I immediately picked him up and comforted him, tears streaming down my face. I begged for Mummy to adopt him, and she laughed and ruffled my hair.

"Of course sweetie, anything for my little angel."

She was always so kind, not just to me, but to everyone. There was something similar once, she found a hedgehog that had no spikes. She couldn't leave it, said something about 'nasty predators' and brought it home. Turns out it was already pretty sick, so me and mum would feed it milk. It musta gotten better, it went away. Mum said it had already starting growing spikes so it would be safe now. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I could grow spikes, but then it would mess up all my clothes. She knitted me a green sweater so I could look just like Cuddles! I'd never want that to get messed up.

On the way home we went to the library and took out a book on caring for cacti. The librarian saw my new friend and found him oh so cute. She said we should take good care of him and bring the book back in a week. I learnt many things, like how often to water him, how much sunlight he needs... There was even a page dedicated to him specifically! It had fallen out of the book so was loose, like just a normal bit of paper, but we kept it in there all the time. When Mumsy took the book back, the kind Librarian gave us a photocopy so we'd never forget how to give Cuddles all the love a cactus needs.

He's just so nice and carefree, you know? He's always looking out for the other softies and even Sylvester, standing up for him when some of the others wanted to exclude him. We all learned a very valuable lesson about tolerance and respect, and not to judge people by the outside. Sylvester may be hard, but he has a huggable soul. I mean, we didn't judge Cuddles for not being all spiky like other cacti, and thanks to that I have my best friend in the whole wide world! Apparently there's a group of people called 'bullies' who judge people for how they are or how they look. One day, I hope me and cuddles can show them how wrong they are and make them a better place.

Come here Cuddles, I need you. The world needs you. Especially Reginald. I think he likes you but is too shy to say. Silly Reginald!

[Bobby Worthing]

There were no minutes of awkward silence after the summoning. Fortunately for Bobby, the latest entry had the power of speech; albeit with a stereotypical 'kid voiced by an adult' cartoon voice which would probably grate on some.

"Hey, friendy friends!"

Bobby shot up to his feet, before crouching down and advancing towards the new arrival. Both parties knew exactly what to do.

"Woahhhhhhh.... LOW FIVE!"

Considering the absence of legs, the sight of Cuddles and his pot leaping up to give his owner-slash-compadre some skin was surreal, but nobody in the group batted an eyelid. Reginald gave a grudging, forced grin, clearly not happy his rival for his master's affection was now back in the picture. Sylvester just smiled and stared.

This was followed by a second instance of Bobby picking someone up and hugging them, this time more forcefully than he did when he hurt Reginald. For some reason, Cuddles didn't seem to be in any discomfort, possibly because cacti don't have nerve cells in order to feel pain.

"I'm sorry to interrupt this joyous reunion..."

He wasn't.

"But whilst we may all be together, there is one overarching problem; We are in a strange world. We have no home, no plan and no blankies. Clearly, this situation is indubitably unsustainable and must be somehow moved forth. Now, I don't know if you fine gentlemen have looked into the distance, but there appear to be various types of portals."

Everyone else looked around, even Sylvester. It was true, a few were visible, with more presumably at the opposite side of the fountain. Everyone skipped in a line around to see, and the assumption was correct; there were a total of eight, though what lay through each of them was a mystery.

"Life is an adventure! I say we just go for one!"

Cuddles was hopping around with glee, but even Bobby was hesitant.

"What if some of them aren't... Nice? We should probably try to find out more about them first. We don't even know if we can use them either, or whether it's like someone's house. You can't just barge in to someone's home unless you're a main character. I don't know if I'm a main character. I don't think I am, because they do stuff like steal potions from people's cabinets. I don't think they're all as nice as people seem to think they are. If someone came into my house and took one of you, I'd have a sad. A real big sad."

"I am in agreement. T'would be folly to head off willy nilly without any information, I say! The best source of information would be the people around, especially those who seem at ease. They are unlikely to be sharing our, erm, new... ness... to this world. They should also look friendly if at all possible, we wouldn't want to draw the attention of ruffians and riff raff, after all! It could end in fisticuffs or, even worse, name-calling."

Cuddles looked disappointed; not at the others, but at himself for being so impulsive. He arched over slightly at the base, as if looking down. His smile became slightly less wide than usual.

"Yeah, I think you guys are right. I'm sorry, I don't want you guys to get called names."

"Oh Cuddles, we know you don't! Don't worry, none of us are upset with you. You did nothing wrong, this is how discussions work; people come up with ideas and talk about the good and bad. If an idea turns out to be bad, then it just means you're one idea closer to a good one!"

And a good idea was certainly what they needed. Reginald was most likely right in that discussion with the locals was probably necessary, but the prospect seemed incredibly daunting to Bobby. Even though he knew deep down it was probably what needed to be done, he could hear his dearest Mumsy's voice in the back of his mind.

"Don't talk to strangers, Bobby. Some strangers are dangers. Some could be friends, but the bad ones can do more than the good ones. I'll take care of you, you'll always have me, any time you need help, I'll be the one there for you."

Only she wasn't there. Unbeknownst to Bobby, she never would be again. He may not be alone, but Bobby never learned to stand on his own two feet, and how long can two cuddly toys and a pet rock prop him up for? He didn't realise the gravity of the situation. He didn't realise this was the first day of the manchild becoming a man.

[Bobby Worthing]

"Excuse me? Excuse me sir?"

People were visibly wincing in second-hand embarrassment as Mr Worthing and his miniature entourage desperately tried to gain attention for his investigative efforts. However, most had witnessed the prior conversations between him and his companions and were scared of being annoyed to death by a clingy, overgrown child if they gave him the time of day. The Nexus's inhabitants, especially the bigger and burlier ones, could be seen pre-emptively turning their backs on the goofy gang in hopes they wouldn't be approached, and for the most point it was working. Those who failed to put the effort in, however, had to go to greater efforts in the end.

"Hello friendly friend, I was just hoping for a rough idea on where would be best to go for someone new to the Ommerverse?"

"Somewhere really, really far away from me."

"Okay!"

Never before had Bobby had to experience the great unwashed public, and it showed. He had absolutely no idea on how to pick his mark. There were even some people smiling in his general direction from a bit further away, clearly eager to put him (and everyone else) out of their misery, but instead he seemed to be slowly spiralling outwards, sometimes even asking the same people twice out of nervous forgetfulness. Eventually, he happened upon a green and grey cyborg-orc kinda creature. She was not one of them exuding friendliness, but she didn't seem actively hostile, either.

"I'm just wondering metal lady, could you bestow upon me some knowledge about the local locales?"

"Camelot. Kings and castles. Fields. Mostly peaceful compared to other places. Coruscant. Highly urbanised. Peaceful, but strict and oppressive. The Pale Moors. Filled with undead monsters. Almost everything is dead."

"Um, Reginald, metaphorically cross 'The Pale Moors' out of the metaphorical destination list."

"Indubitably, sir."

"Vasty Deep. Beaches and ocean. Expect crusty crabs and hot climes."

"Ooh, not keen on climbing. Reginald!"

"Aye aye, sir!"

"Ashen Steppes. Arid wasteland. Active volcano, little in the way of open societies. Ruled by a tyrant. The Frozen fields. Fields. That are frozen."

"Are they ruled by Queen Elsa?"

"Negative"

"Oh... Another one bites the dust. Arctic tundra. Snow. Stuff."

"The Tangled Green. Benevolent or neutral inhabitants. Hard to establish oneself due to native's mistrust."

"Ooh, you've been really helpful. Thank you very much robo-green-lady. Would you like a hug?"

"Negative. This unit would hate a hug."

"Why? Hugs are, like, amazing! They-"

"Unit shutting down for undisclosed period of time."

"Aww... Maybe we can hug them then?"

"Activating electro-shock defence measures."

"Well, poopy."

A shocked look appeared on Reginald's and Cuddles's faces. As for Sylvester? He just smiled and stared.

"That is atrocious language, young man. Mumsy would be most disappointed in you."

"I'm sorry everyone. I won't let it happen again. On the plus side, I think we all know where to go, right?"

"Yup! The Ashen Steppes! We can make it a better place and teach everyone about the hug life!"

Bobby scratched the back of his head whilst Reginald literally face-pawed at the stupidity and naivety before him."

"Sorry Cuddles, I was thinking more like Camelot. It seems friendly, plus sounds really good for picnics. Now, I reckon it will be that gate that is green, but darker than the other green one. Shall we toodle?"

"Yay! Let's toodle!"

"Tally ho, what what?"

And with that, it was decided. The Cuddle Crew set off towards Camelot, taking their first steps in what was to be a grand adventure.

Or at least an ok one.

[Bobby Worthing]

"We've come so farrrrr! My legs hurrrrt!"

Bobby looked inconsolable, his head buried in his arms, which were in turn resting on his knees. Butt down, motivation down, depressingly bleak white floor down.

"Cheer up good sir, there's only 24 kilometres to go! You've already done one, you've done so well, indubitably! We just need to press on a little more."

It was true; the distance covered before the complaining was pitiful, but that is to be expected for someone who never ventured out of that scary wooden archway at the front of their house.

Cuddles started bouncing around in circles around him, clearly far more full of energy than his best friend.

"We're gonna have a picnic, it's gonna be great, I like it a lot, just like your faaaace!"

Cuddles hopped onto his should and bent over, nuzzling the back of Bobby's head with his spineless little arms.

"..."

Sylvester just smiled and stared.

"Thanks Sylvester, you always know just what to say."

With that, Bobby stood up, almost sending Cuddles flying. Instead, he teetered and tottered on the shoulder a bit longer, before toppling into the waiting arms of Reginald... Who 'accidentally' dropped him after the initial catch. He clearly did care somewhat for his rival for Worthing's affections, though he wouldn't admit it.

"What we need... Is a vehimicle!"

"I think you mean a vehicle, sir!"

"YAAAAY! Vehimicle!"

Cuddles wasn't even worried about being dropped, his overwhelming optimism presumably leading him to believe it was a legitimate accident rather than through any type of malice. He was bouncing around Bobby again, much like before.

"Is it gonna be big? Is it gonna be glittery? Will it have wings? Heated seats? Ooh, will it be... Super duper fast?"

"Oh yes, Cuddles, oh yes, it will be fast... For you see, Cuddles, I know of the super-duper-fastingest vehimicle out there. Get ready, and call me Sylvester because I'm about to rock your world!

Sylvester just smiled and stared. If he could cringe, though, things would probably be different.

"Remember, Bobby my friend, breathe in... Slowly, may I add, then out... Again, slowly. Picture it in your mind, and let the magic of this world do the rest."

Plonking himself on the floor very quickly, a hint of pain and regret could be seen on the manchild's face before he set off to the task at hand.

_________


Minutes passed, and the summoning was almost at it's completion.

"Iiii know what it iiiis! Iiii know what it iiiis!"

"Yes, Cuddles, we are all indubitably aware."

"Do you know what it is, Sir Reginald?"

"Yes."

"Weee know what it iiiis!"

"Oh for the love of antiquated caste systems..."

The petty squabbling was interrupted with a noticeable, albeit not blinding flash. From the mind of Bobby and through the power of Omnilium, the 'vehimicle' had appeared; A tricycle. But not any tricycle, oh no, there were thick rubber handles with all the shades of the rainbow, discs on the sides of the wheels with bright yellow smiley faces, multicolored tissue paper streamers off of the plush back seat... And I say back seat because there were more than one. Each was custom molded and sized for Bobby and his buddies, with some tiny pedals beneath reginalds and even some equally diminutive pedals above Cuddles's, just so he could use his hands. Arm-stubs. Whatever.

"Woooooah!"

"Wasn't what I had in mind, but certainly appears both safe and functional, good sir!"

"Now how's THAT for a vehimicle! Shall we tally pip, Mr Reginald? Um, Sir Reginald"

"Absolutely, it shall be the most grandiose of journeys! Onward ho!"

With that, they all climbed aboard their new, trusty steed, heading towards the grassy fields of Camelot.

[Bobby Worthing]

The journey was much quicker from that point forth, although with Cuddles and Bobby singing multiple bike related songs, it probably felt like an eternity to poor Reginald and Sylvester, especially since the latter had no means of pedaling to occupy himself. As the group approached their destination, more and more came into view; a cobblestone path starting from the other side of the gateway, rolling hills and grasslands, and perhaps most importantly, guards. They weren't all identical as you may expect, but a mix of various disciplines; leather-clad bowmen, steel plate-adorned knights, robed magicians.

"Stop!"

Bobby squeezed onto the handle just above the handlebars, with the tricycle coming to a screeching halt. He was already petrified, he anxiety on his face as his 3 companions leant over to the side to see what was going on.

"State the purpose of your visit to Camelot."

One of the knights was wearing a more regal get-up than the others, strips of patterned cloth hanging from his faulds.

"I've come for a picnic, sir!"

"The insolence!"

Mistaking the genuine answer for sarcasm and hostility, the man reached for his hilt as the more attentive of his squad also readied themselves for conflict.

"Wait! Waiiiit!"

A very flustered and panicky Sir Reginald dropped from his seat, landing haphazardly on his front, before running as fast as his little legs could carry him to the front of the bike, between his loving master and the incensed aggressor.

"Ahem. Good day sir. There appears to have been a miscommunication, for Bobby was in fact being truthful. He genuinely does desire a good venue for a picnic whilst we ruminate, then decigind what to do in this strange new world we find ourselves inhabiting. I assure you most indubitably that he was not being insolent."

"Yeah, he's in clothes!"

Reginald merely brought his paw up to his forehead in embarrassment and Cuddles's untimely interjection.

"In truth, we have no definite plan or objective. We heard about the various destinations from here in the Nexus, and upon doing so decided that the comparatively peaceful and temperate nature of Camelot, as well as the values embodied by it's inhabitants, made this place the most desirable to give things the old college try, as they say!"

Whether partially due to the oddity of the spokesmen or whether they trusted his sincerity completely, the man in charge eased off, with his followers doing the same in response.

"Very well. You are hereby permitted to enter Camelot. At all times you are to respect the rules and laws of The Kingdom, as well as respect all under its banner. And for your sake, you better clean up after you. Move along."

A clearly intimidated Bobby just nodded meekly as Cuddles and Sylvester watched Reginald waddle back up to the tricycle. Once he climbed aboard, they started to pedal and the 'vehimicle' lurched through the gate, the four in stony silence.

Which, to be fair, wasn't unusual for Sylvester.