Getting Too Deep With Reasoning

[Gildarts]

Try not to be too self deprecating. Feel free to spam this thread or be vague.

Example instead of explanation:

What if I chose Gildarts as my alt because I've moved around so much I secretly feel like a hobo wizard and my subconscious knows I'll always be on the move?

Freeza: What if I secretly want to take over the world but I'm not an alien so I want to live vicariously through my characters?

Christa: Is this what it would be like if I had a sister?

What if Christa keeps killing her sister because metaphorically I keep trying to kill the innocence inside me to become a responsible adult ut it won't stay down?

[Gildarts]

What if I had Gildarts blow up that town in Camelot because he was afraid they didn't accept him for who he was?

[Trixie]

I definitely sink my own frustration into writing the shit storm that Trixie has to deal with.

[Handsome Jack]

What if I feel more comfortable writing villains because I'm actually just a high-functioning sociopath?

[Gamzee Makara]

I feel like one of the only reasons I excel at and enjoy writing Gamzee is because I rarely ever feel comfortable or any level of self confidence unless I'm intoxicated or under some sort of influence.

As a writer, I enjoy writing his moments of sobriety for the sake of a scene, development, etc etc. But as a person, I hate it. I hate depicting him as a psychotic, sadistic, masochistic person, because I really hope that's not who Gamzee actually is. I really hope he's just a fun loving goofball of an alien. I really hope he doesnt need some sort of soporific substance to keep him that way.

And even more than that, I really hope I don't ever feel the need to be high to be happy with who I am. I really hope I don't need alcohol or weed or whatever to not be an anxious, awkward mess.

I really hope a lot of things, man. Writing is pretty cathartic for me, especially when I can relate to a character. Maybe not the "kill all my friends while sober" aspect of Gamzee, but more of the "fear of being a better person while under the influence" part.

Hope that wasnt too edgy or self deprecating. If it was feel free to slap me ;*

[The Vision]

What if I picked the Vision because I hate dealing with my emotions and a robot who can turn his emotions off is a huge wish-fulfillment thing?

What if I picked Sun Ogong because I'm terrified of adulthood and want to go back to my childhood, when Ogong was a huge favorite of mine?

[Isabelle]

I always felt pride in my weirdness. In fact, for the longest time it was the only trait I could be proud of.

I don't want to get too deep into it since that's a long and depressing story I don't really want to share, but the American Education system fucked me, it fucked me hard. It took years to even remotely reverse what they did to my self-esteem, and I don't just mean the students, I'd consider myself lucky if it was just them screwing with me.

For the longest time, my uniqueness, my off-the-wall way of thinking was the only thing I thought I could grasp onto. And even as I've improved over the years and I could give myself credit for a lot more things, I still gravitate to that one thing I've always been able to rely on to make me special.

I don't think I need to go into further detail, Guu and Isabelle speak for themselves at this point.

[Sarah Kerrigan]

I'm rather sadistic towards Weiss in my writing, and I wonder if we've gotten to the point where it's starting to say something about who I am, that my brain tends to jump to that for a fairly nice and innocent character...


Meanwhile, the more I write Kerrigan, the more I realize how disturbingly easy and comfortable it is, and how good I feel when I get into character. It does make me worry about exactly why I enjoy playing a sadistic selfish asshole so much.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

What if I only play as Ebony because, like real life, all I want is a hug?

Really though, I wrote Dane because he seemed like he could be fun to write for, and Ebony because she's pretty different from both Dane and myself. There's not deeper meaning behind any of it.

[Strazio Rockwell]

Every character I write is just a reflection of myself sent through a funhouse mirror, some are closer to reality while others just have a few strands.

Strazio - When I was younger I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check, especially the negative ones. I was bitter, angry, and cynical. I lost a lot of friends and connections because I dug myself into a hole of self-loathing and apathy for a good few years and distanced myself from almost everyone. How cool would it have been to be an independent loner that got strength from their anger? At any rate I've gotten a lot better. I've learned how to be vulnerable to people and I don't take life too seriously. I can still get wrapped up in my emotions, but I have some perspective now to handle them better.

Valerie - Val is kinda who I want to be. I want to have that carefree lovable persona. I want to live in harmony within the world and love each moment for what it is. He's the free-spirit I hope to be.

Renji - This one's tricky, largely because I have such a difficult time writing as Renji. I think he represents my desire for perfection, but also my inability to decide on what to perfect.

Kuzuru - Arguably my favorite character to write, I think he represents my secret love for chaos. It's kind of scary, but I have a secret love for entropy. I love watching systems break down, it's a sort of morbid curiosity to see just how bad things can get. I'm not sure what to take of it, but it's like watching a train wreck - fascinating and frightening at the same time.

[Red]

The reason behind DP was one: I wanted a fun character. I've learned through my times writing that I simply can't sustain a cerebral character
Another reason is because I had ADD, and DP probably allows me to flush my Defecit into him as far as dialogue, etc. because my mind is about as random as his.


Red was a decision I made to sorta show my inner asshole. And before you ask, no, DP isn't an asshole. He's just an annoying fuck with harsh sociopathic tendencies. Red is literally my unfiltered "fuck you; fuck the world voice"

[Alex]

I write Proto Man because, like Proto Man, I genuinely think people are good in their hearts, but they just get fucked up and jaded along the way.

Shang Tsung is the realist, who has seen a vast chunk of human history and understands that people are flawed and imperfect and seek to manipulate and destroy one another for nothing but their own personal glorification. And that action and goodwill can only be brought about with some violence and shadiness. There are no utopias waiting to be birthed. You need to burn a little part of the forest down to let it grow healthy.

Seventeen is just my outlet for wonkiness and is essentially just me if I woke up a fantasy world where my thoughts/will could create magic rainbows.

[Sans]

Ballad - He's by far my most politically and thematically motivated character I've ever put on the site. His entire reason for existence is supposed to be a commentary and things I don't like about people, guns, politics, etc. I fucked him up badly, though. Part of the problem was that his overall character went through so many changes his continuity was FUBAR'd, the whole message I was going for was one that didn't need to be preached, and at the end I couldn't really take him seriously from a writer's perspective. Plus, the plan I had for him just ended up being too much to handle just from how insane the scope was.

Sans - I relate to Sans in a few ways. I don't care about things as much as I probably should; I take absolutely nothing seriously; I make light of a lot of things in an attempt to be funny and make people laugh; I love my brother to death even if he annoys the piss out of me. I'm still not entirely certain if I put up a front here or everything I show is my true personality shining through because when it all comes down to it, I really don't know how to interact with people. Being alone is comfortable for me and yet it's the also the scariest thing in the world. But I think the thing about Sans that speaks to me the most is that I also wonder a lot whether any of things I do actually matter in the long run. For instance, if I just left the site without even a goodbye, will anyone even know I'm gone? Have the stories I've shared on the site actually made a difference? Have they even been read? I feel like I have things to say and that need to be said, but I also feel like there isn't a point if it won't change the world or even a single person. Maybe I'm just way in over my head with this whole thing and I should stop trying, especially on a fucking Play-By-Post Roleplay Site of all things. No one goes on one of those things to read into the stories and find the "message."

Isaac - Made to counter the problems I had writing Ballad. This time, no message, really. Just going to do stuff without a plan and see where it goes.