Nationstates

[Handsome Jack]

Everyone is welcome.

[Dane Regan]

I might as well join you. Hadn't heard of this before now, but why not.

I'm joining as Fire Explosion Land. And already there was an issue with an explosion in a mall which caused millions of Michael Bays in damage.

Edit: An other fun issue:
[spoiler]
The Issue

A loose coalition of sartorially-challenged individuals known as “Let It All Hang Out” has called on the government to relax public nudity laws.

The Debate

“For too long, our bodies have been trapped in these prisons of cotton and polyester!” yells protester Sydney Frederickson, while apparently developing a nasty case of sunburn. “We must repeal the puritanical laws that make public nudity a crime. My body—my choice to dangle!”

Accept

“I agree,” muses sociology professor Bianca McFly. “But I don’t think the protestors are going far enough. Public nudity shouldn’t be an option: it should be compulsory. Nudity is highly liberating. And it would put that disgusting “Hooters” out of business once and for all.”

Accept

“Whoa, whoa,” says noted accountant Gabriel Spirit. “Are these people serious? The last thing I want to see when I’m out for a coffee is some lumbering, over-weight nudist coming down the sidewalk toward me. If people want to get naked, they can do it in the privacy of their own homes. Think of the children!”

Accept[/spoiler]

Edit 2:
I'm first out of your guys for:
Largest Wealth Gaps
Most Avoided
Highest Crime Rate
Most Pro-Market

Edit 3: Just increased my wealth gap by 91.6%. Hehe.

[Gaston]

So far I have Weega, Strotzloskia, SomeBODY, and Globlefet for nations. And I am proud to say that Strotzloskia has the highest percentage of nudity out of the Omniverse.

[Schwi Dola]

Trial by Combat? Of course, how else do demons resolve conflicts

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue

With the popularity of human racing in Flandarz booming, the growing number of retired racing humans being abandoned on the streets has become harder to ignore. As irresistibly cute pictures of sad-looking humans fill up the pages of newspapers, the time has come for government action.

The Debate

“We’re overflowing with humans here!” exclaims Beavis Popov, owner of the Sunrise Human Retirement Lodge. “And we just don’t get enough donations from the public to house them all. We’re now facing a choice between turning away humans, or putting them down. It’s the human racing industry’s fault we’re in this situation - make them pay for homing the humans they cast off.”

Accept

“Not far enough!” declares animal-rights protestor Charlotte Wickwire, wearing a human costume to show her sympathy for their plight. “There’s only one reason that humans get abandoned in the first place, and that reason is human racing. These poor creatures get cooped up in a cage all day and are virtually starved so they race well, all to line the pockets of some avaricious gambling bosses. The solution is obvious - ban human racing!”

Accept

“Hold on! Flandarz has a powerhouse Gambling Industry – do you really want to give it all up because of some humans?” asks Lance Dodinas, owner of the Dragmire’s Fortress Human Stadium. “What we need is less regulation - so we can race the animals more often, and draw more punters in. Besides, the humans love to race - at least compared to the beatings.”

Accept

“There’s a better solution to this all,” suggests animal shelter volunteer Hillary Lee, as she fixes a leash to a human. “There is a problem, but it isn’t with the human racing industry; it’s that not enough people are adopting humans. All we need is a national campaign to persuade people to adopt a human - and you can set them an example!” Handing you a grizzled old human, she finishes, “Here’s Buddy.”

Accept

[Schwi Dola]

Leader has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw.

Yes this feels right for Desco's country

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue

The human is on the brink of extinction, largely due to people hunting them down for tasty human-kabobs and humanburgers, and as ecological disaster looms, various factions are all calling for what they feel should be done about the human.

The Debate

“This is an outrage!” shouts Bella Henderson, outspoken member of the Flandarz Wilderness Protection Movement. “The government has to put a stop to the killing of our beloved humans. Do you want our children and grandchildren to miss witnessing the spectacle of wild humans prancing freely in our forests?”

Accept

“Who cares what happens to some dumb wild pest?” scoffs François Parke, employee of Flandarz National Lumber, “If they’re endangered it’s ‘cause they were too weak to adapt. They probably deserve to be killed off. With them out of the way, we could clear-cut the forests humans like to hide in, which would really boost the economy through the timber industry!”

Accept

“Nature is hardly a black and white issue,” Leela Vonnegut, a respected scholar, notes. “We should start a breeding program to help these creatures recover their numbers. We can display them in captivity, and gradually release them into the wild. Couple it with limiting, but not abolishing human hunting, and everyone benefits. Of course, humans raised in captivity don’t generally survive in the wild, but I’m sure we can find a way!”

Accept

[Handsome Jack]

The Talking Point

The only places to see humans now are at local zoos.

[Deadpool]

just thought I'd share this hilarious telegram I received:


37 minutes ago
Greetings United States of Social Democracy,
I am the Founder and Führer of the Viertes Reich. In English the translation means the Fourth Empire.
Our Ideology is National Socialism. And we support Neo-nazism. However, I do not encourage one race superiority or the genocides of a race.
Why you should join my region?
A great regional Role play and a great regional government system. We are modern and based in Germany trying to conquer other regions and nations.

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue

The fierce debate on human hunting in Flandarz has been brought to your attention after vociferous supporters of both sides of the argument stormed your parliament.

The Debate

“Human hunting is a cruel and horrible ‘sport’ for the wealthy,” says Whoopi Clinton of the ‘Protect Anything Cute and Furry Society’. “How can you possibly justify it? Oh, they witter on about ‘tradition’ and ‘pest control’ and other such nonsense, but really we all know it’s because these sadists love to torture poor, innocent animals! Hunting must be banned!”

Accept

“Banning human hunting would be the end for centuries of tradition!” wails esteemed aristocrat Barry Juran from atop his steed. “The thrill of the chase, the baying of the hounds, the human scooting through the undergrowth - it would be a travesty! We provide much needed stimulus to the local tourism, and you can’t deny that humans are pests - killing farmers’ livestock for example! I propose that human hunting be encouraged, for the cultural - and economic - benefit of the nation!”

Accept

“Well, you know what I think?” asks Heston Reagan, while helping to assemble a small trebuchet. “I reckon that the real issue about this sport is the cruelty aspect, and no-one can deny that sending a pack of dogs to tear apart a poor, innocent human is cruel. I reckon we should just ban hunting with hounds and only allow kinder and more instantly lethal methods like guns, tranquillisers, and cruise missiles.”

Accept

“I’m firmly against the slaughter of dumb animals,” says Melissa Wynne, while feeding an infant human with a milk bottle. “It would be best if the animals didn’t die, and hunters could still do what they love to do - how about instead of shooting them or sending vicious canines after them, the hunter runs up to his quarry and gives it a symbolic ‘tap’ with his hand? Now isn’t that much nicer for everyone?”

Accept

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue

After a close shave with a rabid human, a small group of apparatchiks in grey suits have gathered round the hospital bed in which you are recuperating to discuss the delicate issue of the succession.

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue

Recent research into human intelligence reveals that they have several characteristics associated with human intelligence. There is apparently evidence of advanced object permanence, capacity for empathy, self-awareness, problem solving, and even a language system. Voices in Flandarz are now demanding that the government should grant them legal personhood.

The Debate

“These animals are both sentient and intelligent,” says Roger Kringle of the Council for the Study of Animal Intelligence, while desperately trying to play Scrabble with a human. “In all important ways they meet our standards for personhood. The government must therefore declare them legal persons with some basic civil rights. That means no more cages, needles or circus shows; they must have full bodily liberty.” He looks down at the board: “Hey, wait a minute, ‘DEAT’ isn’t a word!”

Accept

“You’re not seriously going to listen to this quack, are you?” shouts Rosalia Rose, Great Big Bahpoo of the Cult of Cyan, a religious group so esoteric they make Violetism seem straightforward. “So what if humans are intelligent? Were they given dominion over the earth and all its inhabitants? No, those things were given to us, humanity. These animals are here to cater to our basic needs, like carrying heavy loads, or teaching them how to juggle and selling them to the circus. Human personhood? What blasphemy. You’d be better off stripping them of any ‘animal’ rights they have today.”

Accept

“Don’t listen to that human supremacist,” quips Mallory Johnson of the Animal Liberation Front, while donning a ski-mask and grabbing her bolt cutters. “However, merely granting humans personhood is not going far enough. We must give them full citizenship! You should allow elections as well, and let them vote and represent themselves in our government, free from human interest and according to their own concerns. Sure, it’ll be a tad complicated, and expensive. Voter registration might prove troublesome, and we need to figure out exactly how they would vote. But that’s the price we must pay to defeat speciesism once and for all! What’s that? Oh, yeah I guess humans should be allowed to vote too.”

Accept

The Talking Point

Children often kick humans for amusement.

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue

Angry farmers have taken to the streets demanding the government to act after reported sightings of strange human-like dogs eating all the crops in fields.

The Debate

“This unholy union should never have taken place to begin with,” comments Cortana Cumberbatch, an angry farmer. “The human was never meant to mate with a dog! They eat my crops, they attack my livestock and they’re breeding so quickly they’re swamping the environment! We can’t make a living like this! You’ve got to give us the funds and manpower to shoot anything that comes within a mile of our property and put an end to these freaks of nature! We must wipe these creatures out now or before you know it all we’ll be eating is fish.”

Accept

“We can’t just destroy these creatures!” exclaimed Homer Krauss, owner of Flandarz’s biggest safari park. “They may look ugly to you, but I think they’re just beautiful. We need to study them and understand them; think of what we could learn! These wonderful beasts may be a little harmful to the environment, but think of the people who will flock to see them! It would be an educational experience! Think of the money!”

Accept

“We could always just kill off all the dogs,” Michelle Roosevelt of the “Keep The Species Pure” foundation whispers to you in a conversation. “The human is one of the many things our country is famous for; any perversion of its image reflects upon us all! We can’t have their image spoilt by these ugly abominations! Just get the police to go around and kill them all and we can rest easy knowing our countryside is safe!”

Accept

[Madotsuki]

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=nexu...tral_verse

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue

After a series of fatal attacks by human sharks on swimmers during prime vacation time, a debate has arisen over how to respond to the finned danger.

The Debate

“My sister was seriously hurt in one of the attacks,” says Alexander Bach, waving a surfboard with a large chunk bitten out. “Okay, while that isn’t the worst possible outcome, these human sharks are here and are very hungry. We need to properly protect the beaches from them. Guard boats! Shark watchers! Sonic deterrents! It might be expensive, but it’s better than serving us up as a smorgasbord, right?”

Accept

“Oh, no, no, we can’t have any of this,” pleads local Mayor Elena Vaughn, pulling at your sleeve for attention. “If you so much as mention the s-word, we’ll have panic on our hands at peak holiday season, and cancellations coming out of our ear-holes! We’re a summer town, and we need summer Flanmires. Tell them it was a boat accident, that it’s a beautiful day and that the beaches are open. Then talk about something else - anything - to distract their attention, and remind them why Flandarz is The Omniverse’s number one tourist destination!”

Accept

“It’s not the human SHARKS that are the problem,” pointedly declares Jean-Luc Mombota, causing the Mayor to wince. “It’s the people! The government should protect the sharks from the beach-goers and industries that steal their food and habitat, forcing them to come closer to humans. The sharks were there first! Just put ‘No Swimming’ signs along the beach.”

Accept

“These human sharks offer us an opportunity,” says Nomathemba Suparman, your Minister of Tourism, poring over plans for oceanfront tourism development. “Think about it. How much are people willing to pay to see sharks up close? It’ll surely attract tons of new visitors to our beaches and aquariums, and we could make a fortune from cage diving. Sure, some people might get chowed upon, but it’s for the experience, you know?”

Accept

“Seems like you got a shark problem on your hands,” nonchalantly mutters Quant, a rugged fisherman and captain of the Okra, caressing a harpoon gun. “I’ve been fishing on the Flandish Bay since before I could walk, I served on the S.S. Dragmire’s Fortress that sunk. I’ve seen these sharks up close; they’ve got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. I’ll take care of your shark problem, so long as I get paid handsomely. But I’ll need a bigger boat.”

Accept

https://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/...25x350.jpg

[Dane Regan]

The Issue

When media boss Ian Tivruski green-lighted a new Brancalandian animated series for the Fire Explosion Landian Kids Network, he thought he was commissioning a delightful children’s show about metal-working amazons who knit cozy jumpers for their grandkids. As it turns out, the surprisingly explicit animation Sword Heroins: Love Needle has caused a lot of confusion amongst young viewers, and upset many parents.

The Debate

“Innocent children’s minds need to be protected from such corruption,” declares noted moral guardian Maria Polytunnel. “To achieve this, we should set up a Children’s Regulatory Animation Panel, with me as its fully-paid leader, of course. We can then deem what is and what is not suitable for broadcast.”

Accept

“Should we blame these images on TV? No! Blame Brancaland!” declares angry mother Sheila Brelufski. “We should send tanks, and planes, and soldiers to the Branclandian borders, threatening war unless they stop making this filth!”

Accept

“I don’t get why people are complaining, to be honest,” dissembles Tivruski defensively. “Clearly, we added ‘Sword Heroins’ to our line-up to educate children about the dangers of peer pressure, drug abuse, and challenging everyone you vaguely dislike to a duel. Let us broadcast what we like when we like, even if it does challenge the tastes of some of our more easily offended viewers. Stand up for free speech, and endorse our decision, Leader.”

Accept

“I think we’re ignoring a broader issue here,” bemoans frustrated animator Parker Stonetrey, “which is that animated art forms are never taken seriously enough to be considered anything more than kiddie fare. I say that we develop Fire Explosion Land’s artistic vision and creativity by subsidising adult animation. When people think Fire Explosion Land, they should think Hentai!”

Accept

---

Welp, I know where my nation is going:
"The realistic depiction of tentacles is on the core syllabus of most art schools."

[Handsome Jack]

12 notices • 1 issue
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1 FLANMIRE
The Dragmire's Fortress Post
VOL. 32 NO. 133CITY FINAL
TUESDAY NOVEMBER 21, 2017
When Humans Attack!

The Issue

After several reports of pet humans violently attacking, injuring, and even killing citizens, there has been growing pressure from public safety activists for the government to take action.

The Debate

“These creatures are a danger to the public and must be destroyed!” says Sherlock Weber, representative of the Public Institution for Social Safety, Equality, and Direction. “I was attacked by one just on the way here and I nearly lost my life! They’re a public menace. We must shoot and burn them!”

Accept

“Why punish the poor things?” asks animal-lover Anakin de Castro, covered in scars from previous encounters with humans. “All they need is good hands to care and rehabilitate them. We need a government education programme to tame them and turn them into loveable pets. The one I’m holding right now shows that it can be done. They are all good, kind creatures deep d- argh!”

Accept

“Who cares!?” screams Emily Lannister, transmitting from a pirate radio station broadcast. “Just repeal any laws preventing us from gunning the things down when they attack and we’ll be able to save ourselves without this stupid, authoritarian, overbearing government and legal system wasting our tax money!”

Accept

[Handsome Jack]

The Talking Point

Misbehaving humans deemed dangerous to the public are shot and hanged by the town hall as a warning to others.

[Handsome Jack]

Flandarz
12 notices • 1 issue
« Back to Issues


1 FLANMIRE
The Dragmire's Fortress Post
VOL. 32 NO. 558CITY FINAL
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 29, 2017
Turning a Blind Eye?

The Issue

When a blind man and his guide human were recently refused service in Dragmire’s Fortress restaurant ‘The Haute Potato’, it started a heated debate that few had seen coming.

The Debate

“This is a real eye-opener!” exclaims Mathias Murdock, head of the Flandish Blind Trust, speaking to a large group of cane-wielding protesters. “This discrimination against the blind and partially-sighted has gone on for too long. Not only should we be allowed to take our companions and guardians wherever we go, now is the time to realize our vision of a society completely accessible for the visually impaired!”

Accept

“Humans must be kept out of restaurants; why can’t these people see that?” queries Sun Hester, a young chef from ‘The Haute Potato’, reeking of paprika. “It’s not that I don’t understand, really, I do, but it’s a health issue, you know. Imagine that thing entering the kitchen; you’d get their fur or scales or whathaveyou all over the buffet,” she asserts confidently while her sweat trickles down into tonight’s babaganuche. “He should just tie his human outside along with any other mutt. They still have their canes, don’t they?”

Accept

Your human-walker, Akira Pavlov, who has 20/20 vision, rambles at you whilst untangling several leads. “Why are we only thinking of the blind here? I can’t see why the blind should be able to take their humans into restaurants, while my poor babies still have to be tied out in the rain. You’ll let me take my humans into restaurants as well, right?”

Accept

[Handsome Jack]

The Issue
Recent research into human intelligence reveals that they have several characteristics associated with human intelligence. There is apparently evidence of advanced object permanence, capacity for empathy, self-awareness, problem solving, and even a language system. Voices in Flandarz are now demanding that the government should grant them legal personhood.

The Debate
“These animals are both sentient and intelligent,” says Roger Richardson of the Council for the Study of Animal Intelligence, while desperately trying to play Scrabble with a human. “In all important ways they meet our standards for personhood. The government must therefore declare them legal persons with some basic civil rights. That means no more cages, needles or circus shows; they must have full bodily liberty.” He looks down at the board: “Hey, wait a minute, ‘DEAT’ isn’t a word!”

Accept

“You’re not seriously going to listen to this quack, are you?” shouts Rosalia Young, Great Big Bahpoo of the Cult of Cyan, a religious group so esoteric they make Violetism seem straightforward. “So what if humans are intelligent? Were they given dominion over the earth and all its inhabitants? No, those things were given to us, humanity. These animals are here to cater to our basic needs, like carrying heavy loads, or teaching them how to juggle and selling them to the circus. Human personhood? What blasphemy. You’d be better off stripping them of any ‘animal’ rights they have today.”

Accept

“Don’t listen to that human supremacist,” quips Mallory Johnson of the Animal Liberation Front, while donning a ski-mask and grabbing her bolt cutters. “However, merely granting humans personhood is not going far enough. We must give them full citizenship! You should allow elections as well, and let them vote and represent themselves in our government, free from human interest and according to their own concerns. Sure, it’ll be a tad complicated, and expensive. Voter registration might prove troublesome, and we need to figure out exactly how they would vote. But that’s the price we must pay to defeat speciesism once and for all! What’s that? Oh, yeah I guess humans should be allowed to vote too.”

Accept