Omniverse: Sims 3 Edition

[Erik Vrell]

Me please

[Chloe Price]

This series is amazing. Keep up the concrete fart house.

[Chloe Price]

This hasn't been posted in for literal months.

I pretty much have to bump it by now, because this was too great of a series.

Also, I'd appreciate a Mick Rory Sim. Not gonna go into specifics, but he's undoubtedly evil. insane and...Is there a 'loves fire' option?

[Marisa Kirisame]

if you do anyone do Chara who is as evil as you get.

[Kyle Crane]

When/If you make me and Chara Sims, why not put us in the same household? Mick's gonna be working with Chara.

[Tearen Wover]

Omnisims

Session

40,000

Okay you pushy sunzabitches.

You can have an Omnisims,

BUT WE'RE DOING IT MY WAY

Being that this is the 40k edition, the humor will be dry.

It will also be grim. And Dark.

Basically I'm just gonna do what I want.

not that different from usual actually.

Welcome to 1266 Lake Shor Lane. One of the town's nicer, older bungalows, and home to some of the town's most violent, unpleasant people.

This is one of them. His name is Tartaros Castus. That's a toupé. He wears these clothes only when his concubine impossible girlfriend, Zelda, is around. No, not that Zelda. She's just a random chick named Zelda with terrible taste in men.

This is Okor Pale blood. He cleans toiltets over at the military base in town. That makes Doom Guy and Trixie Zulenka his direct superiors.

That's not what's important right now. What's important is that Okor watches his vintage TV programs. They dredge up memories of Istvaan.

I don't know what that means, they just never shut up about it.

Oh yeah, Okor is a bit of a lard ass.

Here we see Tartaros (who sleeps in the buff) in bed with Zelda (who sleeps fully clothed). Tartaros dreams about Okor's random pet horse, while Zelda dreams of Okor.

Dear god woman.

Okor gets up bright and early to tend to his beast of burden.

Can't think of anything funny, srry.

The neighbors sure do make a heck of a racket.

Was that the sound of glass breaking?

Who's screaming?

...is that a ghost on New Babylon's lawn.

...probably a good morning to sleep in, says Tart.

"Mornin' Heretic."

"Greetings, obstinate one."

"You pay the bills yesterday?"

"Yes and I must say...your cellular bill is...inexcusable. So help me, if you go over...your minutes next month, I will...rain a blistering hell upon your...feckless corpus."

"Whatever. Toast?

"Please."

Satisfied that he's pissed off the Plague Marine for the day, Tartaros decides to see what it's like for non-Astartes to have to actually BUILD their muscles.

Meanwhile, Okor participates in the town's primary past-time, dumpster diving.

Okor is the Ten Time Regional Grand Champion.

You're going to have to come up for air eventually.

Looks like Lardo found a few things. Namely

A Moth

and

A Chair.

Outstanding. You gonna go get some food now or-

Ehp, nope. We're going back in. Okay. Where's the Luna Wolf?

"This blasted contraption only goes up to 250 kilos? Why am I even here?"

Looks like Mr. Flakey Face met another superior officer. She questions him on his representation on military decorum.

I dunno. Something about Yetis or something.

None of these pudding-limbed weaklings would last a second in Tartaros' world. He's going to work out at home from now on.

Whoa, hello Dawson.

Can we just take a look at this?

Dawson Guido, ladies and gentlemen.

The mere sight of his sideways cap forces Tartaros to suppress the urge to twist his head 90 degrees, so at least his headwear is going the right way.

TFW you just sit down to heat a hot dog and a guy named Cycl0ne Sw0rd walks up behind you.

Oh my god. He's just standing there.

Okay. Alright. Okor will bite.

...and rend, eviscerate, pummel, pulverize and mutilate.

After soundly whipping the yuppie's ass, more food spontaneously appears on the table. Praise Nurgle.

Tartaros also enjoys some lunch, delicately, reverently sipping canned soup at the gym's cafeteria. Some may consider this to be lowly fare, but the pampered weaklings of this town should be so lucky to have never face true starvation, true desperation of hunger.

The roiling pangs of pain that ricochet in the empty gulf where a full stomach should be. A persistent reminder of mortality and the endless struggle. Life. Pain. They are synonymous.

Not that Tartaros actually gives a shit. He's just eating soup, what do you expect from me?

Looks like Okor is having lunch with the guy he wasted. Mm. That's good. Too bad most of his teeth are missing and he's paralyzed from the waste down.

Let's see what Tart is doing.

Wow, there is truly nothing glamorous about your lives is there?

Quick update on Tartaros' girlfriend. She's been stuck in that spot for almost the entire day. I mean, but look.

There's this horse in her way.

How she sposed to get where she's going when there is literally a horse RIGHT there?

You picked a real winner Tart.

She does eventually unroot herself though. Obviously she has to pee, but unfortunately she lives in a house with Okor, so the toilet is both filthy and thoroughly broken.

I'm sure she'll figure it out.

Looks like the boredom of suburb living finally was too much for Tart. Poor sod fell asleep where he was standing.

Okor.

You are taking a shower.

But your body is like 90% grime.

Don't disappear on us.

Skip ahead, it's 3:00 AM, and there have been one too many loud explosions coming from next door. Better go over and SHOOT EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM talk to them.




Alright, so a Warp Spawn answers the door.


Why.

Why are there no guns in this game.




Okor heads out the back door to find Trixie Zulenka staring in through the back window. Okor summarily salutes.



Trixie summarily slaps the dick out of him.




Tartaros comes back in from his visit next door to find several people from that same house making themselves right at home in his kitchen.






No, no. You ladies sit right on down and watch as much of my cable as you want. Just...


...just don't break anything.



...just don't.

Where you headin' to, slimeball?

Well, it's official. Okor got a job as a grave yard grave digger.

Hm? What? No, no. Just doing some dishes, using MY water in MY sink in MY house.

Oh! You know. I feel I should warn you two; there are landmines in those sofas meant to go off on the push of a button.

Just so you know.

aaaaaaaaaannd Zelda is stuck again.

I'm not helping her this time.

Luckily Okor came home, so everyone immediately vacated the interior of the home. There are indeed a few advant-

...Okor.

Good sir.

What...are you watching?

Unfortunately for Tart, the Concrete Fart ladies are still hanging out on his property.

This is what he gets for communicating with other human beings.

It just...never ends.

Oh, and later Zelda starved to death.

Trixie, could you at least pretend to be slightly upset by this?

Oh I see. Okor is doing it too. Is it trendy to laugh at people's deaths now?

That is fantastic news.






After a short period of waffling around, the Grim Reaper finally takes Zelda's ghost and shits a gravestone on the yard. It'll get demolished soon enough.




Oh NOW you people care. Except not Tartaros, Zelda's living boyfriend, who is alive and is talking on his cell phone.

Attentive lover, that Tartaros.





Well, that's about all I can muster for now. So now we say goodbye to the Fortykay household until I can think of something funnier to do with it.

The grim dark is grim in term of profits. That made no fucking sense. Fuck I'm tired.

Oh, here's this last thing.




Oh, here's this last thing. No Okor, Nurgle will not answer your pleas to be released from this coil of purgatory.

You're here to stay.


Just go smear rust all over something, I dunno. What do plague marines do in their off time?

No time to figure that out.


Now shut up about Omnisims. This is what happens when I force it out.

[Jade Harley]

quee: Thank you for this gift to simkind!

[Chloe Price]

...Every part of this just always makes me laugh out loud. Just always. This is the best thing in the Arcade section right now.

[Violet]

Quan Chi really let himself go.

[Kalli]

This, this is all sorts of beauty, I LOVE IT

[Okor]

Fuck my sides have left orbit, have forged themselves into impromptu starships, and have begun a great voyage between the stars.

[Tartaros]

Pretty good. 10/10 would laugh again.

[Dean Winchester]

Even though I am never around anymore (thanks work and life) it still needs more Dean.

Awesome stuff as always man, brought a smile to mah face.