Ara Haan from Elsword

[AraHaan]

Character name: Ara Haan

Character source: Elsword

Character history: Ara is the daughter of the Haan Family, a warrior family that protected the seal of the Nine-Tailed-Fox for generations.
At first glance, Ara looks like a kind and polite girl, but because of her family's influence, she is actually a highly skilled martial artist and spear wielder.
Her brother, Aren Haan, began his training early and was able to become strong enough to become the Defense Captain of Fahrmann's capital.

On one night, the village Ara had lived in had been attacked by an army of demons to take the village's Moon Elstone. Ara tried her best to fight back, but was outnumbered and cornered.
In the destruction, Ara fell into a room containing a mysterious altar. A large hairpin that was pinned to the altar was thrown across the floor. Ara is approached by her brother, Aren, who is now Ran, the demon general who had led the invasion.
Aren, who had inherited his strong spirit from the moon, had been corrupted and reborn as Ran due to the Dark El contaminating the moon's power. Ran had conquered Fahrmann's capital and led his army to retrieve the village's El-fragment.

As Ran is about to kill Ara, the last survivor, she instinctively protected herself with the hairpin on the floor. The pin unleashed a powerful light and Ara fell unconscious.
When she woke, Ara found herself alone in center of the village. The nine tailed fox had possessed her and fought the demons back, but the Moon Elstone had already been taken by them.
Ara then hears the spirit's voice, Eun, who had been sealed in the pin for centuries. Eun makes a contract with Ara, agreeing to lend Ara her power and help her find her brother, Aren. In exchange, Ara has to help Eun bring back the Elstone. Ara accepts, and they go on their journey to search for Aren.

She has suddenly disappeared after she became a Sakra Devanam, but we only know that she is taken to a mysterious place called Omniverse

Physical Description:


Stats:
ATK: 3
DEF: 2
SPD: 4
TEC: 1

Starting Proficiencies: Physical Strength, Area Attack Proficiency

Starting Powers:
Basic Super Jump- 300 OM

Starting Moves:
Spear (Requires Physical Strength)- 300 OM
Ara is a skilled martial artist who uses spears as her weapon, Her spear has a long melee attack range that could hit anyone farther from her. Her spear can be useful for catching someone that is running away or such. Her spear is capable of creating powerful moves such as Dragon Stances, Tiger Stances, Secret Arts, and etc. Keep in mind that she could also tire herself if she keeps using her spear.

Secret Arts
Ara links moves to create a super powerful move that could really tire you because it uses all the remaining energy. There are two types of moves that you can do here, Secret Dragon Art: Blast, and Secret Tiger Art: Fierce Tiger. Secret Dragon has 3 stances and S

Dragon Stance 4.1: Full Moon Slash (Requires Physical Strength, Area Attack Proficiency)- 600 OM
Same as Dragon Stance 4, but the only difference is that it is chargeable and could increase the range of the attack. While she is charging, Her energy will have an extra energy drain on how long have you've been charging but she will slowly do the move after she charged her move unlike her original move. She can only charge up to 5 seconds and she'll slowly do the move after her recharge, the longer she charges, the slower and stronger her attack is. This move is tiring to very tiring if you let this move charge for 5 seconds. (Cooldown: 15 sec)

(Tier 1 Super Move) Dragon Stance 3: Eight Tigram Palm (Requires Physical Strength)- 600 OM
Ara uses her palm to stun and knockback her opponents. This skill starts by palming the opponent which stuns them creating a lot of damage, and creating a yin yang symbol which could let you explode you're opponent by palming again that could create a multiple hit. It is optional that you could cancel you're attack before the 2nd move happens so you could create a combo. It only includes 2 palm strikes and it is not kinda tiring to use that you only have a few moves you can link with. It is also deals a good amount of damage. (Cooldown: 6)

I confirm that I have read and agreed to the Rules of Conduct.

Where did you find us? When I was finding good quality content rp, I found this. I was curious so I started to

[Mark]

History: At what point specifically was Ara taken to the Omniverse?

Your moves are a bit on the confusing side. Firstly, you'd need a separate move for the Spear you describe in your moves. Be sure to describe it to the best of your ability, including dimensions and anything special about it. The others seem like they could either be reworked or taken out entirely.

Tempest Dance and Dragon Stance 4: Both of these you wouldn't need to pay extra OM for after purchasing the Spear, as maneuvers like this are just how you swing the spear. If you want you can make the charged from of Dragon Stance into a separate move and just describe it as being a version of the normal movement, just charged with energy or what have you.

Dragon Stance 3: So is this a two-palm strike that consists of a strong thrust and then a knockback, or are there more strikes involved? Is there a charge time for this? How draining is it to use? Is there any debilitating effect beyond being knocked backward?


Lastly, Power-Ups aren't available until you reach 7000 OM. Also, as an FYI when you want to get this approved in the future, be sure to include a description.

[AraHaan]

I added 1 proficiency, 3 moves, replaced Tempest Dance with Dragon Stance 2, separated Dragon Stance 4 so that the difference is that the other one is chargeable and other one is quick to use

Sorry if I din't make more because it's already midnight when I updated this and it is morning already at my place

[AraHaan]

I added 1 proficiency, 3 moves, replacing Tempest Dance with Dragon Stance 2, separated Dragon Stance 4 to make a chargeable version, and a quick version

[AraHaan]

Seriously why does my comments never appear wth mod???

[AraHaan]

mod why don't you post my reply? I'm not mad but maybe I put too many messages so I better delete it before anyone could see it

[Mark]

Please try to be patient. Since your account is not yet approved, your posts require approval. It's not a matter of willingly ignoring your posts, just no one had approved them yet.

[AraHaan]

Oh ok I was worried that my post wasn't appearing yet

[Mark]

Spear: Can you describe the spear? I'm assuming it the one in your picture, you'll still need to describe it though. In particular please mention the size as it's hard to tell in respect to your character since we don't know her height or anything. Also, what does the 'secret art' part mean? Is that in reference to the Dragon Stances, or some other power?

The rest of your non-super moves, like the others I mentioned above, wouldn't need a move to accomplish. The only part that would need a separate move would be the charged attack in Full Moonlight Slash. Also, the bit about being 'unstoppable' isn't going to fly, your charge-up can always be broken (especially with such a low TEC stat).

Eight Trigram Palm: Please address the points I made in my last post.

It seems like you might be misunderstanding how our Move system works. Please give this page a thorough read and go over your moves once more.

[AraHaan]

I added a new feature to my char (Yay more confusion to myself and others), which is the energy system (like a mana system at her game) and I also added a cooldown because it's sto unfair when she uses it all the time so I decided to add that

The secret part is when you mix stances in order to create a powerful move that can be avoided if you have a evasion move

I dunno what height is her spear but I think it is about 200 cm. (Ara is about 169 cm so I could guess that it's bigger than her)

[AraHaan]

Her energy is maxed at 300 btw

[Mark]

We don't use any kind of 'energy system' here beyond SP for Super Moves/Power-Ups/Assists and just general best judgement for fatigue. You're free to mention your character using whatever energy source you want in your writings (like: "oh, I can't use this move because I'm running low on energy!"), but the actual energy meter can't be a part of the moves. You'll need to define your moves in terms of general fatigue and damage, as stated in the Moves section that I linked above.

In regards to your moves in general, please re-read my last post. You seem to have skipped over it.

[AraHaan]

I removed the energy system, I also added that Secret Arts is super tiring so she has to regain her energy to fight again or she could just keep using her spear

[Mark]

I've said this a few time already, but you don't need separate moves for every way you want to swing your spear. As long as you're just swinging it, punching, kicking etc., you don't need a special move. Any way you want to swing or stab or hook or whatever with your spear is free after you buy the spear. The same is true for any way you want to punch or whatever being a part of the Physical Strength power.

You only need to buy a move if you're doing something significantly more powerful, like the charged form of one of your moves. So aside from the Spear, the charged from of Full Moon and your Super Move, you don't need to pay for the rest.

For the Secret Arts, you need to describe what they do. Pretend that anyone that would be reading your description has no knowledge of your source material. Also, the combo system is a little superfluous but if you want to have such a complicated way to trigger the move, that's up to you.