Dante's Abyss['17] Fan Mail

[Dust]

This virtual room is flooded with all the hype-filled letters, the hate-mail from all the sour fans, and the love letters of secret(or not so secretly) admirers. Each contestant gets a box, it would have been a room but that takes up too much RAM and the mail can be compressed regardless how big the love, hate, or hype. Please come empty out your mailbox when you have some time out of your busy schedule.

Feel free to use this moment to answer all your fan's important questions, and a response will be sent.

(If anyone wishes to also send a fan letter to a participant, there's no guarantee you will get a response or that the participant will even get it, as they are busy with life. Perhaps they will get to it when they are too broken to move.)
(For any Prime DA participant, these letters can be accessed in the Dataverse via Mobile Device or by visiting the Mailroom directly to be buried under a pile of virtual pink letters.)

---

TO: Cirno
FROM: Elixa
NO FAIR!! you are so cool, whoever those guys were need to die!!!!! ><*
NEXT YEAR KICK THEIR BUTTS!!
#teamcirno #teamdane #teamfairy

--

TO: Dust, Illidan
FROM: Elixa
GO DIE!! ><**
#teamcirno #teamdane #teamfairy

--

TO: Jak Mar
FROM: Anonymous
I'm your biggest fan~!! I was cheering you on the whole time!! Good Luck next year!!
>///> And you are hella cute!! :<3:
/).(\ OMG I CAN"T BELIEV I SAID THAT!! (good thing this is anonomous)

--

TO: Dane
FROM: Anonymous
DUDE!! Selfie-Stick Fight!! #bringingselfieback
#hellasexyman #aintgotshitonyou

--

TO: Shinmen Takezo
FROM: BloodyMess
I like your style. If you ever need aid in any matter, look me up.

[Jak Mar]

From Jak
To Anonymous

Glad I have a big fan. Hope to meet you someday.

[Gildarts]

Dear Gildarts,
I loved you in this year's Dante's Abyss! Your arena battle was soooo cool and I loved it when you KILLED THAT SUITED FUCKER. Thanks for being a great role model! I hope to be more like you someday!
Signed, Ashley

Gildarts blinked, he hoped he wasn't being seen as a murderous fiend in cable television. To change his mind he decided to open the next digi-letter!

Gildarts Clive,
I idolize you. You're the strongest fucking prime I've ever seen! You're a fucking beast. This year's Dante's Abyss was your best work, I'll be stalking you from now on. Just don't look over your studly shoulder! Anyway, you're a badass, and while I thought you were acting kind of weird or stupid I think now I see it was just for pizazz. You were really entertaining, and you having the hots for that cute maid made -hehe!- my day. Next year try harder! Baka!
Signed,
Hamachi kama.

The prime blushed, that was awkward. Had it really been that obvious? Gil hoped not.

Gildarts, DA 2017 contestant.

Hello. My name is Doctor Philo. I have noticed while I was watching your performance this year that you have several levels of mental agitation that I think I can help with. Enclosed is my data-digital card, along with the address of my office in Coruscant should you ever want to come by and allow me to do some tests, or just allow me to harvest your brain in general. Thanks for your time and thoughtful consideration, I know you are a busy man.
Signed,
Doctor Philo

"..."

Gildarts!
Oh my Omni! I know EVERYTHING about you. I think you're cute, charming, funny, and gods, dare I say godly! I may have a thing for immortal guys- but that doesn't make this any less real! Ever since Karl Jak's first Dante's Abyss you caught my eye! I wondered if I could return the favor. Enclosed are a few "pictures" -tehehe- of me that I think might catch your eye too! Also you partnering with the Red superman was lame, he killed you! I know you're a hero type but HAVE NO MERCY, even when they have mercy on you! It's just a ploy! He wanted to destroy you, I could tell by the expression on his... masked face. Anyway,  I've started following you on Omni twitter and noticed you have 2.5 million followers, who are these other women?! Are you cheating on me?
Xoxo and forever yours,
Kallie

"..." Gildarts looked dumbfounded. "Hero type?" And then there were these dirty pictures. God, he didn't know women could bend that way.

I totally ship you and Tamsin, and then you and Graw too! Gil x Dust too! Here's my reasons!

Gil +Tamsin: She tended to you when you were wounded, you're kind of oblivious but she was kind and I think you appreciated it. Too bad she was stolen away to the arena, you're like two forbidden lovers!

Gil +Future Warrior: You never officially met but you were rival competitors! I'm really into supporting interracial couples that aren't always the same species! Graowr is like... a blue alien thing and you may as well be a beast of a monster for all the magic you swing. And you're both really oblivious and it would be cute to see you guys together because you could buy or summon her flowers but she'd do something silly like eat them and then you'd both blush.

Dust + Gil: Well, Dust might be a little under age but there is nothing wrong with that! You're both shirtless, you're both hot, you're both... I donno, male. You're both good spirited people and it seemed like you made a good team! Too bad we viewers couldn't see how well you fought together side-by-side

The one true ship is Gillidan, too bad you didn't reunite at the end for a kiss! Hehe!

Signed,
The Fabulous Shipper and Silly Fanboy

Gil had only just recently discovered what "shipping" was. After this was read the old fashioned prime was now speechless.

[Ash]

deadpool,

i watched you with mild amusement during DA as a whole, and i enjoyed your cracks more than you cracking necks. i found it curious that you would befriend the very guy you double-teamed with that other swordsman. but who am i to judge? i wanted to show my appreciation, however, for taking it upon yourself to update his wardrobe to a fan-friendly level~! even if his shoes did look like banana boats. you're such an excellent friend, i can tell.

congratulations on 4th place, best of luck until next year, and better luck for that DA if you decide to participate. i'll be watching with a smile ready for your antics.

well, thank you again~!
anonymous

[Gildarts]

Dear Gildarts,
I think you're reckless and dangerous. You should banish yourself or turn yourself into the authorities.
Signed,
A concerned citizen

--
Dear Gildarts,
Answer your dang phone! Also how could you blow up that one guy! You're supposed to be a lovable dad figure! Also thanks for the cool cape, it was a good present to landmark my 10th! Hugs! Hope you come visit us at Ambrosia soon!
Signed your #1 fan,
Molly <3

--
Dear Gil,
Fuck the fuck off.
Signed,
Hater

--

Dear Gildarts,
Best of luck.
Signed,
Behemoth


--

Gildarts,
You're the worst competitor in the world. I wanted DUST Senpai to win, asshole! This is a competition run by Karl Jak, you have no right to stand up for yourself! Next year if it isn't like Omni Idol you'll have lost a loyal Dante's Abyss follower. Go get banished Gildarts, you think you're so great because you're all muscly, but the truth is you're a handicapped hobo womanizer who has no real job or life. Diablo would make you fall to your knees, where you belong. Hail the D! Hail the D!
Signed,
Diablo Rises Again

--

Dear Gildarts,
Another losing year. I was really rooting for you, sure you'd learned at least something from your first event, but you haven't changed a bit.
Signed,
Disappointed Fan

--

Dear Gildarts,
Marry me.
Signed,
Anonymous

--

Dear Gildarts,
Every time you destroy someone it gives me pleasure.
Signed,
S&M fan

--

Dear Gildarts,
Thank you. Thank you for being shirtless. Thank you for forming Karl's Chippendales. Thank you for your hot bod and all the shirtless merch I'll be buying from Syntech after this event. Your abs are beautiful and I love the half-steel look you have going on. I only found out recently that those are real appendages! Go you! Next year maybe they'll have a wheelchair Dante's Abyss for old people like yourself! Have a great day!
Signed,
Supportive fan

[Lord Zedd]

Dear Zedd,

We really enjoyed watching this year's Dante's Abyss. The only thing better than seeing Graowr totally upstage you was watching you literally explode into blood and guts. The entire bar cheered, Knox paid for the next three rounds, and Laci danced on the table. Looking forward to a repeat performance next year!

Signed,
Your Stormtrooper Unit

[Deadpool]

deadpool,

i watched you with mild amusement during DA as a whole, and i enjoyed your cracks more than you cracking necks. i found it curious that you would befriend the very guy you double-teamed with that other swordsman. but who am i to judge? i wanted to show my appreciation, however, for taking it upon yourself to update his wardrobe to a fan-friendly level~! even if his shoes did look like banana boats. you're such an excellent friend, i can tell.

congratulations on 4th place, best of luck until next year, and better luck for that DA if you decide to participate. i'll be watching with a smile ready for your antics.

well, thank you again~!
anonymous

Dear anonymous Stan,

You're letter brought me much happiness, very similar to how cabana boys and Chippendale's bring happiness to Karl.
To touch on my peculiar friendship with Jak, unless he found me sexually attractive, in which event my asshole would be wider than my head, I had nothing to fear. 
I am not sure if I will be participating in next year's event, but if I do, I promise you that more antics will be unleashed.


Yours Truly,
Deadpool

[Gildarts]

Gildarts,
While I found your performance phenomenal, I can't help but to think you could've done better with a more strategic approach. If you ever want some consulting advice, gimme a respond back.
Your intrigued fan,
Holmes

--

Dear Lead Chippendale,
I would like to hire you for my daughter's twenty first birthday, you strip, right? I want to know my daughter is in good, gentle hands. Will pay extra if you take your arm on and spank her with it. Doesn't matter which arm.
My phone number and address are enclosed within this email. Her birthday is August 10th. I expect you to be a good gentleman if you want me to hire you and recommend you to my friends.
Signed,
Your Employer

--

Dear Chippendales,
Do you have a show in Coruscant ? Do you travel abroad to Costa Del Sol? Where can I get tickets? The elf one will SO play into my kink. Can we hire you for a private event? Do you think you'd consider mock-fighting each other to enhance the show? Thanks!

--

Dear Gildarts and Deadpool,
Have babies.
Signed,
Your favorite fan

--

Dear Gildarts,
Why didn't you fight more people this year? Little disappointed. Wanted bloodshed and death and I had to rely on Strazio and Enel for it. LAME.
Signed,
Disappointed fan

P.S. aren't you supposed to be the strongest prime and BEST AND ONLY crash mage?

Scoff.

--

Dear Karl Jak,
Love what you've done with the place. Mind if I visit sometime?
Signed,
Curious Sailor

--

Dear Karl Jak & Chippendales
If you could respond to this with your autographs, a DVD of this entire year's event, and some free merchandise, I would be forever grateful.
Signed,
Grounded for Watching Dante's Abyss

--

Dear Gildarts,
It's me! Cana of Fairy Tail! Gods it's so good to see you, I want you to know I was cheering for you the entire time. My heart stopped when you were in times of desperation, and flooded with hope, faith, and joy when you triumphed through adversity. Watching you from the sidelines was crazy and frustrated, how I wanted to be by your side and leap to help you! You could've used it too, my expertise being fortune telling and all. Anyway, I meant to join Karl Jak's Dante's Abyss to find you but I wasn't able to, something about a no casualties rule? Now that I watched it, you in it, and all the violence I'm not sure I would've enjoyed it. I can't tell if you enjoyed the challenge or just liked having a chance and place to extend your power. You were great up there Gildarts. Hope to see you soon.
Signed with Guild Love,
Cana

[Dust]

dust,

ahh!!! 

you and tamsin are so cute!! what's your celebrity couple name going to be? Dustam? Tamst? Suzukori? Hoshuaku?

and omg your babies would be so hot!!

---

Hunky Dust-Man
You are sexy as fuck, but you lack commitment. When you are don playing with little girls and want to be satisfied like you never have been, come find me.

-The Man You Need.

---

omg dust im your biggest fan!! please read this story i wrote for you!!

-

dust was a man of men, a giant man, a gorgeous hunk of a man. and he was alone on an island. he saw a man in the fog, it was a shadow. then he found his friend. he was also a man of men. he had a sword.

dust and his friend found a girl. she was cute but covered in mud, that made her not cute. the group goes to fight the lady leaves. dust is alone with man, and desperately needs kisses.

dust pushes sword-guy to a tree. he stroke his cheek. his friend touch his bare chest. dust rips his shirt off, they kiss. it is a passionate kiss and it is hot. they make out for what feels like hours, touching each other. and then they have sex. super hot sex that leaves them covered in sweat!! dust is top, and sword guy is bottom. and it is hot.

-

tell me what you think!!

waiting patiently,
your biggest fan.

---

Hey Man,

Love what you do, even if I don't know what you do exactly. I heard some girls screaming their heads off on the streets and ran to come see what the fuss was about when I saw you making out with a blonde chick. Half the crowd fainted as you held her down for a good minute almost

Honestly I got sucked into DA because of that, and damn did that look like it hurt when she punched you.

You would not believe how many people flipped out when I kissed that maid next. I had to catch a girl myself from falling and hitting her head. She muttered your name as she fell unconscious.. It was weird, but I was kinda in it. I didn't do anything, I don't have the balls you do.

Speaking of balls.. I heard a lot of people flipping out when you challenged that monster. MAN. Inspiration to guys like me, who want to do great things but are scared as hell. It was epic. Can't wait to see what you do next.

Guy on the Street

---

Dust.

This is a letter to inform you about Sexual Harrassment. It was brought to our attention that you have physically assualted three women and one male member of the competition called 'Dante's Abyss'. We were also informed that we cannot slap your shirtless ass with law suits, because of some previously signed paper work by said members. Fine, but we WILL be watching you!! Karl Jak can save you while you are on the island, but not when you come back!!

SAPA (Secondaries.Against.Primes.Assulting.)

---

Dust-Kun, there is a writing competition, I'd like the be fully accurate in my interpretation of you, please look this scene over for me?

'Dust, just having ripped the throat out of his enemeies, finds himself in dire need of one thing. A kiss. Without much thinking at all, he turns and finds someone that suites his needs. His name was Calum.

Calum was obviously the submissive type, his features boarder line femanine, his eyes blue, his hair like sunshine. He was there fighting at Dust's side because he had a crush on the shirtless Prime, but he was too shy to ever admit this.. He turned to say something about how well the battle had gone, only to find Dust already on him with lust in his eyes.

Dust's dark eyes deepen before he seizes Calum and thrust the poor boy against a tree. Their lips were on each other in moments, Dust feeding off the kid's surprise submission. He pinned Calum's dainty wrists on the rough bark of the tree, deepening the kiss and making it impossible for the other male to escape.

With one hand pinning his hands, his lips pinning Calum's head to the tree, Dust reaches another hand down his tender body. The nails on the large hand grow as he reaches his fingers into the unsuspecting man's pants, turning the belt, the buttons, and the zipper into shreds with one flick of his hand. Calum moaned in surprise as he felt his pants fall to the ground.'

I just hope that when I win, I get to meet you~!!
-Calum

---

Dear Stud(I mean Dust. oops~!)
You can come kiss me any time you need to, just leave the shirt at the door.

---

Mr. Hoshi

You need to stop. Children watch this. I will be writing a letter to Karl about letting someone so barbaric as you. The nerve of this man. Allowing such SMUT on a public showing of Dante's Abyss. There are laws against this!! I don't need to explain to my 5 year old what you were doing to that demon just before you ripped his throat out.

Kissing another guy!?!

HOW IMMORAL!!

Concerned Parent with the Gore-Loving child.

---

Dust

YOU DIDN'T KISS GIL!?!? OR ILLIDAN!! WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY!! THAT WOULD HAVE SHOT THE RATING UP THE ROOF, I'M TELLING YOU MAN!!

Potential Producer

---

YOU CAN'T FUCKING KISS TO WOMEN AFTER YOU KISSED A GUY AND THINK WE FORGOT!! GO DIE IN THE UNDERVERSE YOU SICK BASTARD!!

---

Gildart's lays Dust down, putting his metal finger against the now naked man's lips and hushing him gently. "Shh. I'll be gentle.". The fairytale mage promises before getting to work. Dust's body is on fire in anticipation, feeling the cold metal brush against his skin as it trailed down his body brought comfort and stress to the younger Prime..

(This could have been you..
Dissapointed Gildarts-Fanboi)

---


Why did you stop at just her hoodie and her boots? We were hoping to see what the blonde girl looked like without a shirt!! we thought you were cool!!

Not Your Bro

---

Hokori-Kun

I wasn't expecting to like any of the new people, but you instantly caught my eye. It was probably because of how little you had. (Just shorts? Cool)

I watched all your fights, and I gotta say it was interesting. Not that you are particularly good, or extremely lusting for blood, but you meshed very well with whoever you were fighting with. Even that blonde girl who threatened to skin you. Great chemistry despite the knuckle to the check.

I'll be watching next year, do your best to impress me again.

---

I love how gutsy you were in the end!! How did that finish?

-Interested Fan

[Cirno]

As cirno looked at her small amount of fan mail she could see one from Elixa and opened it up.

TO: Cirno
FROM: Elixa
NO FAIR!! you are so cool, whoever those guys were need to die!!!!! ><*
NEXT YEAR KICK THEIR BUTTS!!
#teamcirno #teamdane #teamfairy

She smiled as she had another person rooting for her. and decided to write something to them.

TO: Elixa
From: Cirno
Thanks for the fan mail. I will try to be number one next DA.
#the strongest #what's cooler than a ice fairy?

That was the only real letter she could see. The others were hate mail or shady corperations that were trying to put her on the face of there products.

[Clownpiece]

To: Clownpiece
From: Billy Joe
Your doin your country proud son
Show them commie bastard’s how its done!
#AMERICA #USA


To: Clownpiece
From: Jed
THANK YOU for representing the GREATEST COUNTRY on EARTH at this year’s DA
God bless you, for going as far as you did, and GOD BLESS AMERICA
#starspangledbanner #USA


To: Clownpiece
From: Anonymousse
You fought so fearlessly. I can’t believe a little girl’s got more balls than half the contestants at DA this year. Can’t wait to see how far you go at next year’s!


Dear Clownpiece,
My name is Chevy Winchester, founder and owner of Bullets, Banners, and Bibles Inc. I watched you closely during Dante’s Abyss this year, and I just have to say, you’re the kind of fresh talent we’ve been looking for in the Omniverse. We need a cute, God-fearing face to be the mascot for our brand and we think we’ve found it in you. If you’re interested, come by our Headquarters in Tier 4 of Coruscant, at [ADDRESS REDACTED]


Hey, Clownpiece
Hi I rlly enjoyed watching you fight. You kicked total ass this year. You’re an inspiration and I hope you do better next year. There’s just one little thing I’d like you to do differently. You know that dress you’re wearing? It’s rlly problematic. I’ve got a much better design for you that doesn’t carry shitty, capitalistic connotations. You’re a prime, so you should be able to make it even if you don’t know how to sew.
[Attached to the fanmail is a shitty photoshop of Clownpiece’s dress changed into the patterns of the Soviet flag]

[Deadpool]

Dear Gildarts and Deadpool,
Have babies.
Signed,
Your favorite fan

Dear My Favorite Fan,
What type of arc would that be?

Yours Truly,
Deadpool

[Dust]

TO: Dust, Vic
FROM: I'LL FILL IN THE FUCKING BLANKS!!

Dust spit out the foul fur covered shoulder chunk he'd ripped out of the man below him. In pain, Vic pushed the two until he was on top - where he belongs - and scratches the human under him with his claws across the face.

Not allowing that to happen unpunished, Dust slashed across Vic's nose, leaving claw marks across his lion nose. His tail flickered angrily before the monstrous animal goes to end this with claws through his opponent's face.

Dust dodged just barely - leaving Vic's claws to pierce the wooden planks and into the water - before taking swipes at the monster's maned neck. Doing so he slices the necklace that hung around the creature's throat.

If the transformation was painful the destransformation was more so. Vic, still trapped in the wood shoved his shoulders into the air and screamed out in pain while the necklace clatters to the wood, the chain falling over the edge dangling like a lure in the choppy waters. He clawed at the air while his bones broke, popped, and shifted violently back to normal.

Dust was trying to take the seat of power again, but Vic's hand seized his muscular throat! His wrist free from the wood pulls free and he forms the knuckles as he raised his fists. Still choking the kid he began to punch his face in until Dust was covered in bruises and even more bloody.

Vic paused at the scent of the man's blood, his nose flared but his face twisted in a frown of disgust. "Your blood smells like shit." He insulted, and then gave the boy another strike before letting his throat go and stumbling back onto his feet and further. Into the metal patio table he'd danced around earlier. He watched the kid's arms curl up and touch his face.

The kid had been wise and turned the other cheek, but that side was broken no doubt. But Vic suddenly wanted to know what that kid took to be so resilient to his attacks. He watched the bloody mess roll over to reveal the deep claw marks on his back as he stood up to his full length. In his transformed state the kid hadn't looked this tall, but now Vic had to look up to see his gruesome face.

Dust turned back to face Vic and the vampire shook his head. He couldn't have some pup disrespect him so god damn much!! Time to teach this asshole a lesson.

The two clashed again, both a little weaker, a little tired.

Smaller now, Vic was shoved back onto the table and Dust beat on his exposed belly knocking the wind out of the de-beasts belly before climbing up to give him the same treatment. As soon as he did, Vic's leg came up and kneed the good sir right in the balls. Dust crumpled over on top of the guy, feeling like a heavy-weight champion and Vic only mildy regret his decision because of the heavy body on him. He grabbed the kid by the hair and pulled him up to face him.

Dust let out a cry as his hair was yanked and followed Vic like a dog on a leash, only to be punched hard enough to throw the hunking human off the table, landing first on the benches next to them, secondly on the wood platform they were fighting on, and lastly in the water.

Vic half fell and half stumbled over to the edge just in time to catch the man's hair again as he surfaced once more. With one final breath Dust was shoved down into the cold, dark, murky water.

Panic struck him first, Dust let out half his air before he could stop himself. Dust paddled at the water around him in an attempt to rise, then tried to leave only for the hand in his hair to grip it tight and hold him where he was. Dust grabbed the hand weakly and tried to unravel the fingers from his hair, no use.

Vic's face hovered over the water, able to see the man's hair floating around like seaweed, or he did at first. The stranger's panic delighted the man as it clouded the water and Dust's mind. Just as he felt victory in his hands, however, Dust's arm with its superior length shot forward and grabbed the man by the throat, cutting of his air just as easily. Vic's grip weakened momentarily, but even while he struggled with the air in his lungs, Vic continued to hold him down. Drowning was one hell of a way to go, but it would be the death that won before he'd loose conscious!!

Dust felt the man's throat in his hands, and he felt the hesitation as well as the reforming grip on his head. That was fine. Dust held the man in his troat, and began to squeeze. It was not the first time the man has killed, and that was the name of the game. His hand crushed Vic's windpipe with such force!!

The two were dying, and they were still trying to kill each other, it was beautiful, it was glorious, it was epic..

---

TO: Tamsin, Dust
FROM: Maid of Honor

When are you two getting married? A kiss like that? No one just does that on a whim.. How long have you known each other? Dust, doesn't it bother you how much attention Gil was giving Tamsin? Tamsin, does it bother you that Dust was kissing other girls?

Oh crap, what if neither of you knew that? Um.. Well..

Send me an invite to the wedding!!

---

TO: Dawn, Dust
FROM: Curious and Inclined

Did you guys fuck? Like.. It was getting really steamy in that safe house!! But I had to go to work that day. Did anything happen? Was it censored out? I can't find it on any of the recap sites in the Dataverse.

Are you two a thing? Or is Dawn available? (Sorry Dust, I'm not into guys.)

---

TO: Gildarts, Illidan, Dust
FROM: Take-My-Money

We really need to talk about getting you strapping lads in something other than this bloods and guts kind of thing. Karl's Chippendales could really make a killing!! Bridal Showers, birthday paties, private showings.. The fan base is on fire!! Here, you talk it over and get back to me.

Also, last question. Is kissing each other a deal breaker for anyone? I got people who are into it. (Not me a swear.. I feel the need to point that out.)

---

Dust,

Congratulations on your fights in DA, can we talk about product placement? Or just some in depth suggestions? See I think you can be a model. Attractive, healthy. A hit with men and ladies according to the polls done online. (More with the men. Is that weird? Do you even swing that way? Frankly no one can tell me...) Anyways, gay or not swing by my place. We can take some sample photos and get you out there and working. Maybe you can return to your beach with the money to by water-front property.

Call me at [Redact]
Or just message me back with your number. Ciao!!!

---

TO: Crino, Dust
FROM: CoolNews

Was it just us here at CoolNews or was there some tension between Crino and Dust? Was that guilt we saw in Dust's eyes actually just him feeling bad about killing the ice fairy, as it because there's some hot story lurking in the background. Our viewers deserve to know!!

[Jak Mar]

To: Jak
From: OmniNews network

#teamjak:

Dear Mar,

I heard that you were in a team called Jak pool. How did you deal with each other?

[Handsome Jack]

To: Cell
From: literally_everyone@ommail.com

Subject: DA '17

Roflmao! Git gud, n00b! U got pwnd in every fite u was in!

[Ash]

Abyss,

After some business letters with a 'Shock N' Awe' we have come to a business deal and just need your approval. The previously mentioned your dire need of some slip-resistance shoes, and has brought to our attention to Dante's Abyss' video of you falling into a lava pit. We can't promise that this will not happen again, seeing how it was dry rock that you tripped over, but we'd love the endorsement nevertheless. Please just present to us permission to send you some shoes in different styles for your pleasure of trying on. The shoes will be free as long as you remember to always recommend them to us. A nice bonus at the end of the year is also on the table if this is as profitable as your partner has convinced us it would be. Contact us when you are ready.

ShoesForCrews

---

TO: ABYSS
FROM: STOPDROPANDROLL CO.

Abyss.

We've had the pleasure of taking the messages from a frantic and concerned 'Shock N' Awe' who has filled our inbox with at least 795 messages - were not entirely sure how she's achieved this in a mere couple hours.. But we digress. The problem is we can't truly create a lava-proof suite, the best we can do is fire-resistant. If you would be so kind to please inform your friend that lava-proof is impossible and stop these messages we will happily send a suit.

Thank you,
James Arson

-

CONGRATULATIONS MR/MRS/MS ABYSS!! YOU HAVE WON A LIFE-TIME OF YOGA LESSONS!!! AFTER ENTERING THE CONTEST 76685038 TIMES UNDER THE USERNAME: SHOCKNAWE!!!

WE WILL BE SENDING YOU YOUR MEMBERSHIP CARD, A LIST OF PLACES THAT WILL ACCEPT THE CARD SOON!!

(Life-Time Terms: This offer is only good for 156 lessons, which equals out one per week per year up to three years. If the card holder dies within that time limit it will become void. If the card holder survives they have the option of re-entering the contest and have a better than normal chance due to returning customer applications in the contest entering process. Thank you for you time.)

[Ash]

gamzee,

watching you was a trip~! i have to ask though, what's your favorite flavor of faygo? and would you be interested in meeting a fan?

anonymous, for now.

[Gamzee Makara]

Dear Rando-Dude,

D'awww thanks mang. Means a lot to me. Brings a MoThErFuCkInG tear to my eye :'o)

AnYwAyS

Mmm...Brother, I don't even know where to begin answering a beeeeyoootiful question such as this'n. Each and every flavor is special in its own way, my pal-o. All fifty-three of 'em. But if Iiiiii PeRsOnAlY hAd to pick a flava, it'd prolly have to be Cherry Cola, Jazzin' Blues, or good old fashioned RedPop!

Annnnddd hells yea boiiiiii I'd be down for the doing that thing you just said! Anytime, brother.

-GaMzEe MaKaRa :o)

[Karl Jak]

To Dust, Dawn, Gildarts, Tamsin:

Dear The ABOVE

Please go home and read your damn letters in the comfort of your own home/apartment/cardboard box.

Love,

Karl

[Tearen Wover]

Dear Tearen (nealaphh??)

In your fight against enel you said that your abilities came from study and practice. does that mean that anyone can learn how to fight like you? Could you teach someone?

sincerely,
A Potential Student

---

HEY ASSHOLE

HEY YOU FAGGOT ASSHOLE ONLY PUSSIES USE ITEMS AND SHIT DURING A COMPETITION YOUR A SHIT FIGHTER AND THE ONLY REASON YOU WON ANYTHIG IS BECAUSE U KEPT HEALING YOURSELF LIKE A BITCH I BET AN Y OF THOSE OTHER PRIMES COULD HAVE KICKED YOUR ASS 1 ON 1 IN A FAIR FUCKING FIGHT

GET BENT YOU SCRUB

LOVE

NOBODY

---

Dear Mr. Wover

I just wanted to extend my appreciation of the fact that you elected not to kill anyone during this year's Syntech event. Furthermore, your protection and caretaking of the Prime Malon sent a clear message that teamwork and compassion can go a long way. I know many have persecuted you for your use of items, but I can see that your intent was actually rather noble.

Please, keep thinking past the judgement of others and pursue that example you set for all of us.

Sincerely,
Howard Lester, PhD.

---

Dear Tea,

is there something special about your brain how you can do all that stuff? I think it was really cool

a fan

---

Dear Tearen 'Chocolate' Wover,

I must say that I was disappointed that you did not join the Chippendale's team of this year's Dante's Abyss. I personally know that my girlfriends and I were disappointed that your handsome self kept your clean-pressed shirt on over those rock-tight abs you didn't show off until the final fight.

You got a gf, boo?

Love,
A real woman