ARK: Survival Evolved

[Jade Harley]

ARK is a super fun sandbox-y game that Demetri and I have been playing for the past week or so! We're building a dinosaur ranch and have succeeded in not dying every five seconds. If you have this game and are interested in playing with us, you can reply here and I'll give you the server details. We're on PvE, not PvP, so people aren't being total asshats! It's nice.

Also I'm just going to use this thread to post gratuitous screenshots of the giant frogs and Demetri being eaten by a Tyrannosaurus rex.

:frogbon:

[Demetri Malius]

JADE NO IT WAS DARK AND BY THE TIME I SAW HIM IT WAS TOO LATE :froggonk:


also...

GET THE DODOS OUT OF THE HOUSE THEY ARE POOPING EVERYWHERE. I CAN'T CREATE NARCOTICS WITH POOPY SOUNDS EVERY 30 SECONDS

[Jade Harley]

don't fight it Demetri

dodomination is imminent

[Trixie]

I have this and play this. Does it run any better than it did?

[Jade Harley]

There's still lag, but I haven't experienced very much personally. People occasionally mention it in the chat, so I can't be totally sure.

[Demetri Malius]

DODOMASSACRE ABOUT TO COME UP SOON. STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT.

[Demetri Malius]

Alright so its been a while, and after dwindling in a dying server we have joined another for a fresh start. HOWEVER, enjoy these spectacular screenshots from our forgotten land from the world we left.



Here in the the dim light of the night we can see the home of the tribe "omnoms", a disorganized mess of wood and containers. Here lives the princethief "Demetri" , the knight "Animbus", and the Dodo Queen "Jade". Yes that is animus floating off the side of the building after i dragged his body. I do this often.



Here on a random, bright, sunny day, a naked man(not pictured) rides his giant bird into the fenced tribe of Omnoms to investigate his new neighbors. HES ONTO US



A short time later, due to being one of the only dinos without a mate, Rex decides to try to fornicate with the house. He is unsuccessful. Animbus what happened to your pants.



Dude c'mon i can plainly see your undies. Have you no shame?



Oh okay. I see how you want to play this. Just wait until you get offline and i drag your body around.



heheheheh.Totally gonna be worth the waste of materials and upgrade points.



The nudist awakens from a drugged slumber and finds himself in a rather unpleasant situation. DO YOU WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN A GAME ANIMBUS? He says no and opens the cage, before going off to find some pants.

SOME TIME LATER...

GEORGE WE NEED TO FIND OUR FROG OR JADE IS GONNA KILL US. ITS NOT MY FAULT I DONT HAVE IRON LUNGS. WE MUST RETRIEVE MY ITEMS, AND MY ATTIRE.

George replies with a few grants as he scratches his butt, and points to to a cliff.

WHAT IS IT GEORGE.




George grunts and squeals.



NEWS HEADLINE: TWO DEAD NAKED BODIES FOUND ON CLIFF BY MONKEY RIDING A MAN RIDING A PTERANODON.

[Trixie]

I'd want a Spinosauraus as a pet.

[Demetri Malius]

I'd want a Spinosauraus as a pet.

Spinos killed George's cousin >.>

[Trixie]

I'd want a Spinosauraus as a pet.

Spinos killed George's cousin >.>

Well maybe my Spino seduces George.

[Demetri Malius]

THE FRESH NEW SERVER


Alright, so after learning from past experiences and gaining a vast amount of knowledge about their environment omnoms moved to an unofficial server due to bad devs nerfing everything and causing mass disappointment. SO WE ARRIVE AT THE SHORES OF THE WESTERN ISLES



Here Animbus and I are the first to arrive, naked and cold in the vast new world. We must quickly find shelter, friends, AND CLOTHING.



Friends have been made, but chests are still bare. It is at this moment I must allow myself to be unconscious for 15 min.



I come back to an unconscious Animbus, who is somehow fully clothed and all of our animals are dead. I drag him to the water and waterboard him as punishment.





The next day Animbus must repent for his wrongdoings by taming dinos under my supervision. He is successful because of it. I swear i didnt name that dilophosaurus



It is a great day. Clothes were equipped and dinos were tamed.



and then Animbus had the task of building a house. Dont mind the giant gaps in the walls, he says.




Here i tend to the dodos that grant us eggs as they await the arrival of their queen, who has not arrived to do severe internet issues and angry internet gods.



Here are our duck-faced loveparasaurs, Chris and Sasha. our first mountable dinos.

Since we have an established base, lets get some water flowing up to this hill.



Just a bit up here...



Then over here....

And a few days later, after some remodeling and arguing..



With some sweet new black clothes the princethief continues his quest to quench his thirst and steal from the very ocean.



WE CAN SEE THE BASE WE ARE SO CLOSE.



FRESH WATERRRRR.... and plots for plants

Wait... is that fighting music? Who is fighting? Animbus is offline...

OH NO.



A RAPTOR HAS KILLED A DODO.

JADE IM SORRY PLEASE DONT KILL ME

PRINCETHIEF MUST HURRY AND



...strife.

The dodos killed the raptor.

They are ready for their Queen.

[Demetri Malius]

I'd want a Spinosauraus as a pet.

Spinos killed George's cousin >.>

Well maybe my Spino seduces George.

I don't think that's how it works. :frog: George is an innocent monkey in a top hat and does not wish to comply with sexy spinos .

[Trixie]

You're making me want to install this and play it now. What is your steam name Demetri?

[Trixie]

I don't think that's how it works. :frog: George is an innocent monkey in a top hat and does not wish to comply with sexy spinos .

GEORGE WILL COMPLY

[Demetri Malius]

current username is demetri, but i believe nickzjmnz in the original account

AND GEORGE WILL GRACEFULLY PICK BERRIES FOR MY BREWS

[Trixie]

current username is demetri, but i believe nickzjmnz in the original account

AND GEORGE WILL GRACEFULLY PICK BERRIES FOR MY BREWS

I added you. It'll show up as Vad, but the original name was hellzplayaz. Can totally tell I was 16 when I made the account.

I WILL GET A SPINOSAURUS.

[Demetri Malius]

FIGHT ME :rage:

-sends Jade's dodo army-

[Jade Harley]

thirteen dodos tamed

no regrets

[Trixie]

What's the server info?

[Marisa Kirisame]

I chat play because the computers don't have the basic components to play it.