Rin Takao - Joining

[Rin Takao]

Character name:Rin Takao

Character source: Original

Character history:Rin was a Martial Artist born in Japan and raised in the UK, he got a random phone call from an unknown number and when he picked up a man with a deep voice said "Hello? Mr Takao? I am here to ask for a favour, I need some… Help with my experiments, stuff like cybernetics and chemicals..." being the kind person he was Rin accepted the offer, Rin was not seen for around 1 month and then a group of assassins started terrorising the city, they were all cyborgs and Rin was one of them except he was more human than the rest, the day after the last attack on the city the leader of scientific cybernetic advances died, thats when Rin changed for good, fighting for good over evil, When Rin killed the head scientist he was chased by a team of guards and S.W.A.T and he suddenly came to a halt after reaching a broken elevator, "I'm cornered" Rin said, suddenly he jumped out the window and braced himself for the fall, after 1 minute he didn't hit anything... He opened his eyes while laying on the ground and all he saw was a black void, followed by a grinning silhouette in the darkness telling him what this place is and what Omnillium is.

[b]Physical Description:6.1ft, Dragon etched into left arm plate, 20 year old, Average build. Green spiky hair covered by a long black cloak, steel cybernetic implants in/on all limbs, dark red eyes, Black Aviators, Caucasian, often seen wearing a black belt. (originals only)

Stats:
ATK:3
DEF:2
SPD:3
TEC:2

Starting Proficiencies:Ranged (1000 OM), Physical Strength (1000 OM)

Starting Powers:Hive mind (400 OM),Basic Superjump (300 OM), Disassemble (800 OM)

Starting Moves:Magnum revolver (Requires Ranged Proficiency) (300) - A plain, silver colored, revolver with a black, synthetic, grip. The Revolver itself is only single shot and takes about four seconds to reload. The revolver is roughly average in size and Rin carries it around in a brown, leather, holster which he keeps strapped to his waist.

[b]I confirm that I have read and agreed to the Rules of Conduct.

[Cloud Strife]

I'm going to point you Here.

I would also suggest looking over some other Join forms to get an Idea of how everything is set out, you're almost there but your Moves and Appearance need to be fleshed out a little more.

Your History must also state when your character came to the Omniverse.

[Rin Takao]

I'm kinda confused by when, like time or what happened when he came?

[Cloud Strife]

As in at what point in the timeline your character is coming from (You character is an Original character right? So you'll have to come up with one).

For Example, I took Edward from the End of Brotherhood, and my second Character, Minato Namikaze, I took from when he died fighting the Nine tails.

[Rin Takao]

I think I've done ok.

[Rin Takao]

I misspelled cornered somehow... Fixed it now.

[Minato Namikaze]

Your history still needs to tell us when He came to the Omniverse. As in, what was he doing and where was he at the time Omni pulled him to the Omniverse?

[Rin Takao]

I put it above "I agree to the rules".

[Minato Namikaze]

Okay, there's isn't a portal that just takes people to the Omniverse, Omni pulls your character from their world, one minute they are in their world, the next minute they are in the Omniverse, it should also be part of your history.

[Rin Takao]

I think it's ok now.

[Rin Takao]

Im wondering if I should add anything, should I?

[Minato Namikaze]

is there anything you feel should be added? add it if you want to.

[Rin Takao]

I don't really know, in my opinion it seems a little blank.

[Minato Namikaze]

Your moves need more description, I'm going to ask that you look at some of the other joining applications to see how people have gone about setting up their move descriptions.

[Rin Takao]

I honestly don't know how you could describe a revolver and a baseball bat anymore than that.

[Minato Namikaze]

Revolver - How many bullets can it hold? How fast can it fire? How long does it take to reload? How large is the gun?

Baseball Bat - What is the size of the baseball bat (Length and Width)? Other possible options to add into the description for baseball bat is his method of carrying it, does he just always have it? does he have to summon it? If he always has it on him, then does he have some sort of sheath/holster for it? If he has to summon it, how long does that take?

[Rin Takao]

I've done some more to it.

[Minato Namikaze]

Can you please separate your moves into their own, separate, spaces? It makes it a lot easier to look at. Also, something else I overlooked, you'll need Physical Strength proficiency for the Baseball Bat.

Also, if I can just offer a bit of help with your move;

Magnum revolver (Requires Ranged Proficiency) (300) - A plain, silver colored, revolver with a black, synthetic, grip. The Revolver itself is only single shot and takes about four seconds to reload. The revolver is roughly average in size and Rin carries it around in a brown, leather, holster which he keeps strapped to his waist.

What I wrote there is a little more of what we look for in move descriptions. I reduced the reload time because I felt that 10 seconds was way too long. I don't know about gun sizes... so I just said average.

[Rin Takao]

I have updated it.

[Minato Namikaze]

Nothing looks like it's been updated.

Also, please take a moment to look at some of the other joining applications, they will help you Also, if you need help describing moves, then the Writing Moves section of the moves rules will help you