Legacy & War [Base Assault; LAW vs. New Babylon] Discussion

[Proto Man]

This will begin Monday evening at 9 PM EST, 2 AM GMT.

Set your forum to GMT. We will run off of that time zone.

No excuses.

[Thaal Sinestro]

yo for GMT should "Summer Time/DST is in effect:" be on Yes or No?

[Proto Man]

No.

It should be 3:26 PM

[Thaal Sinestro]

tyvm!!

[Tearen Wover]

When will the post calling thread be up?

[Thaal Sinestro]

I figure we can put it up, but we aren't calling until the calling time begins, correct?

[Yu Kanda]

May i suggest a judge creates the thread....with maybe 1 or 2 openinglines ? this way no one can accuse another party of cheating. So to avoid the drama...let the judges give us the starting shot.

[Roger Smith]

My apologies for missing out on the discussions in this thread. I didn't realize things had gone the way they had. But in regards to the topic of injuries, damage and SP use from New Babylon's previous fights, I never assigned any particular values because at the time there was no directly-following competitive events that would require specific, hard numbers and injuries to be assigned. Now that there is such an event and such things are kind of important, I had best get around to doing that. Below is the judging card and results I used, for memory refreshing/clarity:


[spoiler]

The judging and scoring for this started from Donnel's first post in the fight, just so everyone is on the same page here. Actual C&C will be unfortunately minimal, aside from some key points and general notes. I can offer more detail upon request, but due to trying to stay timely and efficient, won't be going into too much detail for grading purposes.


Stephan Donnel

Description & Clarity: 3
Lots of straightforward description and getting straight to the point. Some details that would have been nice to have are left out, but nothing that overly detracts from a general understanding of what's going on.

Voice: 3
Donnel definitely stands out. His annoyance and general irritation at these crazy kids and their shenanigans seems evident enough.

Character: 3
Donnel is an interesting character. There was some good, there was some bad. The relatively short exposure didn't really give me much time to get a bead on him.

Story: 3
The story was...well, it was decent. Not bad, but not amazing. I get that he came to the city to do some trading of some kind, and then just kind of got caught up in general chaos and he's tired of it, but that's about as far as it goes.

Grammar: 2.5
The biggest thing that gets you is some awkward wording of things. Several times you left out 'the' when describing someone or something, which is a little jarring and clunky, and in general there was some oddness in sentence and paragraph structure, specifically in your first post.

Score Total: 14.5

FIGHT TO SURVIVE Bonus: +50%

Total: 21.75


Erik Vrell

Description & Clarity: 2.5
Your descriptions are very short and to the point. There is a lot of telling rather than showing. Your descriptions are clear and it's easy to tell what is happening, but it leaves something out, like there's something...missing. It's not BAD by any means, but it's....plain, I guess is the word I'd use.

Voice: 2
Your posts aren't bad by any means, and I can definitely tell it's you who's writing them, but...that's all you really have going for you. Erik doesn't really seem....present. No clue how he really thinks or views the situation, or how his thoughts really flavor his actions.

Character: 1
The entire scene felt kind of...flat and bland. It's not terrible, but I can't really tell anything about Erik. He just seems to kind of....be there.

Story: 2.5
Erik is there, he's fighting some intruders, and there's this angry steam-man in his way to his real target. Good, lovely. There's only one post to judge on so it's hard to get a real sense of scope and story.

Grammar: 2
For the most part your grammar and sentence structure were fine. Minor errors here and there, but nothing major. The real killer, though, is your paragraph structure, or...lack thereof. It's just these huge blocks of text that make it very difficult to read.

Total: 10


Victor Wolfe

Description & Clarity: 2.5
I was able to follow what was going on in your posts fairly well. It was straightforward and concise, but didn't really fully convey meaning. Lots of just telling what was happening, what Victor was doing and less of how he was doing it. It wasn't terrible or even bad by any means, but it wasn't fantastic either.

Voice: 2
Your style of writing is very direct and to the point. It definitely gets the point across, and it feels very....plain and cold, just like Wolfe himself. That's not entirely a good thing, though, and it still comes across as a little...dull.

Character: 2.5
It's kind of tough to get a bead on Wolfe as a character, I have to admit. From your fight post, I can gather he's at the least devoted to New Babylon, and that he's either angered easily or doesn't let go of his anger...but that's about it. He knows his limits in a fight, I guess, but I don't really...connect with him, get a feel for how he's thinking or why he's doing what he's doing, beyond just being angry at Daxter.

Story: 3
Again, with only one post to judge by, it's hard to really tell any kind of story. You jumped back into the scene against Donnel, made your presence known and stopped him from escaping, forcing him to stay and fight, which is definitely a good way to progress things for your allies.

Grammar: 2
Lots of awkward sentence structure and punctuation usage. Frequently punctuation was just outright missing, leaving out periods and commas to separate sentences properly and making things clunky to read through. It overall doesn't really detract from the reading of things, but it did sometimes cause a double take and need a re-read to grasp fully what was going on. Your actual grammar and spelling were quite good however.

Total: 12


Shay Cormac

Description & Clarity: 3.5
For the most part, your descriptions were solid and left no real difficulty in following along and understanding the flow of events. Improvements could be made, such as focusing a little more on clarity on the specifics of things, focusing less on exactly WHAT was done and more on HOW it was done, if you catch my drift?

Voice: 3
Your writing is solid and very present. It stands out from the other writers in the thread in a notable way, but it's not quite what I'd call spectacular. There's a lot of focus on the happenings, the whats and wheres, and somewhat less on the whys and hows, sort of just flowing along with a rapid stream of events.

Character: 3.5
It comes across pretty clear from the first few sentences that Shay is tired and annoyed with all of this mess. It even seems like he's downright bitter or angry at Donnel for his antics.

Story: 3
Shay showed up and things happened, taunting and angering the old captain before tugging Donnel off balance and leaving him open to a dog pile. It's good progression and well done all in all.

Grammar: 3
Sentence and paragraph structure and formatting is good for the most part. No major spelling errors or the like to speak of, but there are a few scattered over things here and there. It doesn't several impact anything, but a careful look over things never hurts.

Total: 16


Sasuke Uchiha

Description & Clarity: 3.5
Your descriptions are very good. Everything was clear and easy to follow and keep track of. I didn't get confused or lost at any point. There were a few places where a little more information and details would have been nice, but at the end of it all not entirely necessary.

Voice: 3
Your style of writing is strong. I could easily tell that it was you who wrote this, even if I didn't know that beforehand.

Character: 3.5
Some nice introspection and a bit of personal crisis in there. It definitely drives home Sasuke's personal motivations and some doubt about what the actual hell he's doing. It did seem kind of....shoved in there and awkwardly brought up, and just as awkwardly and quickly shoved away again, but that doesn't necessarily make it bad.

Story: 3

Grammar: 2.5
Boy you sure do love your commas. Overall your paragraph formatting and structure is good, but it's those darn commas that get you, letting your sentences drag on a little too long, and just shoving in commas in places they aren't really needed. It doesn't really detract from things, but it does make it more clunky and awkward to read. Spelling and overall grammar were fairly good overall.

One thing: why the censorship, yo? Nothing major and not even a factor in scoring, but it just seems jarringly out of place.

Total: 15.5


New Babylon

ERIK: 10/2 = 5

VICTOR: 12/2 = 6

SHAY: 16/2 = 8

SASUKE: 15.5/2 = 7.75

5 + 6 + 8 + 7.75

Total: 26.75

WINNER: NEW BABYLON

At the end of the day, this actually turned out closer than I was expecting it to. The members of New Babylon may kill, banish, or otherwise deal with Donnel as they see fit.

[/spoiler]


Actual injuries and damage, taking into account damage sustained in the encounter against Demetri as well:

Erik Vrell: 7 points of damage
-- Two minor injuries
-- One Moderate injury

Victor Wolfe: 6 points of damage
-- One minor injury
-- One Moderate injury

Shay Cormac: 5 points of damage
-- One minor injury
-- One moderate injury

Sasuke Uchiha: 6 points of damage
-- Three minor injuries


Any SP used in the fight against Demetri or the following one against Donnel has not yet recovered.


Demetri has mostly recovered from his injuries during his time in prison, but still remains a little less than 100% fighting strength and suffers 3 points of damage, and a mostly healed Major injury, by this time downgraded and healed into a Moderate injury. (The hit from Erik's super move, if you're curious; that one was a major blow).


And there is that. Enjoy the upcoming fight.

[Dean Winchester]

This will begin Monday evening at 9 PM EST, 2 AM GMT.

Set your forum to GMT. We will run off of that time zone.

No excuses.

GMT is Greenwhich Mean Time, correct? So if I had UTC, Western Europen Time, Greenwhich Mean Time, selected then that is the correct one?

I am just double checking out of nervousness and I do not want to fuck up. Sorry.

[Sasuke Uchiha]

Unless it is ruled that I can't, Sasuke will be leaving and not taking part in this.

[Ganondorf]

I don't see why not, unless someone states they are gunning for you specifically, and thus far I haven't read anything in that regard. Of course, it'll be pretty straining on your relationship with the other New Babbers, if you ditch them in the moment of their struggle.

It, of course, also doesn't prevent the victory (either side) from hunting you down afterwards, though you may be able to make it hard for them to find you in that time.

[Ganondorf]

I know I said I'd post before the fight kick-off, but LIIIIIIIIFE. So, for now, assume Ganny D has not yet joined the battle. If things happen where I'm unable to join at all, then no big deal. But I'll likely be able to post each round, and will include my intro in my first fight post.

[Thaal Sinestro]

I would assume you'd jsut make your first post an intro post being like, "And now Ganny D is here"

[Gildarts]

The fight begins now (9:00 EST)... And I'm calling.

[Dean Winchester]

So, unless someone posts coming after Dean before I get to call I need to know something, I am outside the gates and I think there were a few people from NB outside them from the last fight? Possibly? At least Victor, Shay, and Erik maybe?


Is this correct or was I misreading it?

[Roger Smith]

So, unless someone posts coming after Dean before I get to call I need to know something, I am outside the gates and I think there were a few people from NB outside them from the last fight? Possibly? At least Victor, Shay, and Erik maybe?


Is this correct or was I misreading it?

You are correct. Last conversation I heard put them about a half to a quarter mile out from the gates.

[Gildarts]

Hey Deanbean, I don't think you're outside the gates, but I can't offer much feedback than that at this time. Best let someone else answer, or wait for one of LAW to let you know where you last left off (officially in their post.)

Personally when I was composing the first battle post, I left it a bit vague for most characters (sans nealaphh) so that way people could "find their own step" but also, so that those characters who weren't able to participate, could not have to feel such a direct magnifying glass on their presence which may have been there, but now isn't around.

This strategy kind of saves some of those 'where am i, where was my character last?" and gets down to establishing the area for the battle. IE just plain fighting /brawling it out. People are spanned across the dunes, and unless anyone wanted to write it differently, I left everyone's positions in my post implied that everyone had taken the time and was at nippur.

You were the IMPLIED one who "Grr'd" Mr gravelly voice. but if not, then it was so ORION :DDDDDD

EDIT: the judge has ruled (as I was typing this >.<)

[Dean Winchester]

Ah, no that is ok! I can wait to post after someone else. Almost time to sleep and do stupid amounts of training tomorrow anyway.

[Yu Kanda]

First of all...lemme say...awesome opening from both gildarts and neal....gave me chills haha

On another note....which character is where ? Dean and myself are at the gate....is this open / closed ? And which NB members are there ?

[Gilgamesh]

Gilgamesh is about outside the Palace. I plan to post him exiting the castle soon but if anyone gets to call before i wake up tomorrow and wanna fight me just have him be trying to inspire the soldiers outside the gates or something when you come and get him

Also fairly sure the gate was broken in by Dean