The Good, the Rad, and the Snuggly

[Dr. McNinja]

Coruscant. That's what this place was called. Doc vaguely recalled from his childhood that this was the capital of the Empire in Star Wars, so he expected everyone to be evil and/or unhappy. They were neither. Coruscant was a huge, sprawling city, with glass and steel towers that seemed to stretch forever both up and down. Filling these towers were uncountably numerous people, of various shapes, sizes and colors, giggling, laughing, and at most hostile, engaged in a friendly debate. A utopia.

"There's always something hiding in utopias," McNinja thought to himself.

He confirmed his suspicions by looking up. There were drab, grey spaceships whizzing around as a thick blanket of ominousness. Their shadows seemed to watch the people of Coruscant with some invisible, storm-cloud eye.

Doc was about to wonder what was up with the ships when what looked like a homeless man barreled out of the Nexus portal. Doc turned around and noted the man's presence when he lifted an AK-47 over his head. McNinja rolled out of the way and took cover behind the nicest trash can he had ever seen in his life.

"It's Radical time!" the homeless man shouted. He started shooting his gun. Doc flinched, but quickly realized the gun wasn't shooting bullets, but rainbow-colored bacon with mustaches.

Within a heartbeat, one of the grey ships dropped out of nowhere to the rainbow-facial-hair-bacon-terrorist's level. After a quick whir, a green laser burned through the man's chest. Doc recoiled in horror.

"Perpetrator has been neutralized," the ship announced. A ramp stretched from the bottom of the ship and landed in front of the fresh corpse of the bacon-terrorist. Doc rushed over and checked the man's pulse, just to check.

"He's dead," Dr. McNinja whispered to nobody in particular.

Three men in white Stormtrooper armor emerged from the hull and walked briskly over to the body. Doc looked up at them.

"He's dead," Doc repeated, "You killed him."

"Step away from the perp, civilian."

"But you killed him!" Doc argued, "You didn't give him any warning or - hey!"

The other two Stormtroopers were now carrying the corpse into the ship unceremoniously. Doc stood up to protest. "Where are you taking him?" he shouted.

"His citizenship will be deleted."

"You're just gonna.. gonna... delete him? That's it? You're gonna brush him under the rug and pretend he's not there? He was a real person, with a life and goals and dreams-"

"Sir, you are currently impeding an Imperial Investigation."

"Investigation, my *ss. You shot him without investigating anything at all! You can't arrest me just 'cause I'm asking questions!"

Without missing a beat, the Stormtrooper whipped out a taser and stabbed Doc's belly. Doc screamed, then collap[sed onto the ground. The Stormtrooper promptly lifted the limp physician over his shoulder and reentered the ship. One of the Stormtroopers sighed.

"We got another one?"

"He was being noisy," the one carrying Doc grumbled, "Put him in a cell."

"Yeah, yeah," the soldier replied, taking the physician and carrying it away to be locked up forever

And that was Dr. McNinja's first day in Coruscant.

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc rubbed his forehead, where the Stormtrooper had hit him. Luckily, it wasn’t anything serious, but the force that the Stormtrooper was using certainly could have done a lot more damage. He would have to ask Judy to check him for concussions later.

Of course, if he would ever see Judy again. She didn’t seem to have come to the Omniverse, and frankly, he was sitting in a cell with the most deadly man in every single alternate universe. The man that Dr. McNinja had sworn to fight and kill.

“Doctor.”

Doc scowled at the other man in the cell.

“Radical.”

King Radical sat cross-legged in the cell, hands on his knees, back noble and straight, in the opposite corner of the cell from Dr. McNinja. They had been in this staring contest of wills for a few hours as the Stormtrooper craft hovered to wherever it was going.

“You know, where I’m from,” King Radical said, “You'd call me ‘Your Majesty.’”

“Yeah, well, where I’m from, I call you terrorist,” Doc replied with a scathing tone, “So consider ‘Radical’ a compromise.”

King Radical stifled a laugh. He then pulled something out of his robes. A wide cardboard box.

"Battleship?" he offered, "We use it as a form of divination in the Radical Lands, and we might as well pass the time."

The ridiculousness of playing Battleship with his mortal enemy befuddled the physician so much that he shrugged and nodded.

King Radical warily passed Dr. McNinja a board and two graphs. After a minute of tense silence, the two mortal enemies had prepared this round of such an intimate game. The danger in the room was set by a hair trigger that seemed to rest on their fingertips.

"After you," King Radical said. His voice was coated with spite.

After a pause, Doc called out, "L10."

"Lucky guess," Radical said. "Hit."

Dr. McNinja scribbled in the squares. King Radical thought for a moment. Dr. McNinja gripped his pencil so hard that splinters were entering his nails. Finally, King Radical inhaled a deep breath through his nostrils, and sighed.

“I want to ask you a question, Doctor.”

Dr. McNinja scowled, “Yes?”

“Why do you hate me so much?” King Radical straightened his sicknasty shades as he scribbled in the results.

"Because you're reckless and you don't have to answer to anyone."

The King shrugged, "Frankly, you're the same way. Ah, yes. It's my turn. F5."

"Miss. And I'm not going around blowing up doctors' offices," Doc snapped. "L9."

"Is this what your war on me is about?" King Radical scoffed, "Because the Cumberland mafia blew up your office without my permission?"

"There were patients in there!" Dr. McNinja shouted.

"None of them got hurt, and I rebuilt your office."

"No, you did not. It was Agent Bearclaw."

"Please," Radical sighed, "Agent Bearclaw worked for me."

Dr. McNinja frowned. Actually, that made total sense. Agent Bearclaw was transformed to be more radical than his original lame self. Only King Radical had that kind of power.

"Also. L9 is a miss."

"Well, either way, I know you're up to something," Doc snarled.

"A1. And how would you know this?"

"Hit," Doc muttered, "You told me."

King Radical raised one eyebrow, and moved nothing else.

"Your future self told me," Doc explained.

"Ah, yes. After you activated Chuck's time jump," the King said, "How was the future?"

"Terrible," McNinja replied, "The dinosaurs took over the planet. I10."

"Hit. I was afraid that would happen," King Radical nodded.

They sat warily for a few more minutes, staying as still as statues even when filling in squares. Dr. McNinja scowled.

"What were you up to?"

King Radical snorted. "Call your shot."

"Tell me what you were up to."

"I said, call your shot."

Dr. McNinja felt a certain apprehension in the air. He had asked this before, and did not receive a clear answer. Somehow, he felt that once King Radical told him, that Dr. McNinja had become a liability in Radical's business. He felt that knowing the answer to that question would kill him. No matter how Radical answered that question, Dr. McNinja felt that he would not leave this cell alive.

"A6. Now tell me."

Anticlimactically, King Radical sighed and rubbed his chin.

"You're like a broken record," Radical muttered, "Fine. I'll tell you. It's not exactly like I can pull it off anymore. I was going to turn Cumberland into a huge robot and use the resulting Radical energy to bring my kingdom into your universe."

Dr. McNinja blinked.

"Also, hit."

Doc marked a tally on his notepad. "Would that even work?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," King Radical said, "We turn cities into robots in the Radical Lands all the time. B7."

"Nope."

"Damn, that time I was sure..."

Dr. McNinja stared at his sheet. So far, the two of them had similar locations for their ships. All of their hits were in the exact same place; they also shared misses. At the moment, their board might have seemed to be the same.

Almost the exact same.

"Have you rigged this game?" Doc growled.

King Radical frowned, genuinely offended. "Doctor, in the Radical Lands, Battleship is a sacred ritual that takes place between two enemies in order to form a peace treaty or to continue war. Cheating in this game is sacrilege."

"Hey, I've never been," Doc snapped back. "There's no way I would've known that."

"Well, now you do," King Radical grumbled, "That being said, I can't help but notice that we have very similar boards."

The two squinted at each other, trying to catch some evidence of foul play. When both had decided that this was a clean game, Doc sighed.

"Well, you're about to win, anyways. I concede."

King Radical chuckled. "Excellent. I have vanquished my greatest foe. And now you must pledge allegiance to me."

Doc snorted. "We're not in the Radical Lands. Those laws don't apply."

"They seem to. After all, I think our game must've given us wise advice."

"And what advice is that, may I ask?"

"Give me your chart."

Dr. McNinja picked up his sheet of paper and handed it to King Radical. Behind those shades, Doc could tell his eyes were scanning the sheets rapidly. The King grinned.

"I see."

"What do you see?"

"Doctor, Battleship prophecies are delivered in the form of a visual pun. This... This prophecy is one I've only heard legends of."

"What's it say?"

"This prophecy marked the beginnings and the ends of the two Great Radical Empires, and even founded the Holy Church of Dunk-slam."

"And what does it say?" Doc growled through grit teeth. "Stop playing games with me. Just tell me what your shamanistic ritual says."

King Radical flipped the two sheets. The two had, in fact, put their boats in the exact same place.

"The Radical Lands are trying to tell us," King Radical announced, "that you and I... are in the same boat."

Dr. McNinja sat on the floor of the Stormtrooper Patrolship hull. He blinked unceremoniously, uncomprehending, then whispered, "You rigged a game of Battleship to make a bad pun?"

"No," the King grinned, "I rigged a game of Battleship to prove a point."

Doc choked up, throat strangled by the thought of such a sacred rite like Battleship had been ravaged thus.

"But..." Dr. McNinja choked, "you said... You said you would never cheat in a game of Battleship. You said so."

King Radical snorted. "Please. We would never use it for divination. Battleship is lame."

That was the last straw. Doc unsheathed his katana.

"Now that is sacrilege."

"Watch yourself," the Mountain Dew Monarch boomed, "You heard what the Stormtroopers said. We are going to be executed, and if we cause any trouble inside our cells, we would be disintegrated completely."

Doc flinched.

"Put your sword away."

Dr. McNinja scowled, then, to his utter humiliation, sheathed his katana.

"If we want to get out of here alive," King Radical whispered, "we have to work together."

"Never."

"Doctor, all I wanted for Coruscant was for it to see how radical free will can be. I had to stoop down to debate for basic rights like Freedom of Mad Skillz."

Dr. McNinja squinted. "That's not a real thing."

"Of course it is. Now listen. You and I will have to work together to escape. I only know one person in this Omniverse who has demonstrated to be sicknasty enough to survive the Radical Lands."

"Is that why you got one of your men to sacrifice himself?" Doc snarled. "To catch my attention?"

"George of the Wrestling Bacon Strips was a loyal servant," Radical pouted. "His murder was totally lame. But it was necessary to liberate Coruscant. It was necessary to enlist you."

King Radical stuck out his hand.

"Please," he whispered, "I need your help."

Doc scowled. He didn't like having to work with this terrorist, but at this point, there was no way he could escape Coruscant alive. So he clapped King Radical's hand.

"Until I get out of here alive."

King Radical smiled. "Until we get out of here.... partner."

"So that's what that feels like," Dr. McNinja thought.

They each slid their own fingers across the other's. When their fingers were no longer touching, their hands curled into fists. They lightly tapped each other's knuckles with their own, then, upon impact, withdrew their arms and made explosion noises with their mouths.

[Dr. McNinja]

"Are you sure this is gonna work?"

"When am I ever sure anything's going to work?"

Doc and Rad crouched near the bunker hatch. They glared at each other. Dr. McNinja was still emotionally injured after the Betrayal of the Battleship. King Radical always had that bad-ass glare of his, so this was nothing unusual for him.

"I would rather not be blown to millions of ninja-physician pieces," Doc snarled.

"Excuse me, Doctor," King Radical snickered, "But are you telling me you are doubting the Back-to-Explosions Maneuver?”

"I'm telling you I doubt the legitimacy of your portable Cumberbot," Doc replied.

"Say what you will, Doctor," the radical royal chuckled, "My plan is foolproof."

"It's our plan," Dr. McNinja snapped, "And last time you said, that lovely robot of yours dissembled into my hometown."

"Yes, but this time, you're on my side."

"Not for long."

"Oh, just wait, Doctor," King Radical whispered in a sing-song voice, "You and I are more similar than you think."

"We're nothing alike."

"Don't talk like them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now. But when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper-"

Doc slapped King Radical hard across the cheek.

"As much as I loved Batman Begins, that's plagiarism."

"YOU DARE MISTAKE-"

The hatch of the prison bay hissed open. The two Stormtroopers from earlier marched in. They scanned the prison cell that Dr. McNinja and King Radical were trapped inside just moments before.

"We've arrived."

Nothing.

One Stormtrooper looked at the other in fear.

"I thought you locked them up."

"I did!"

"He did, it's true."

The Stormtroopers looked up. An invisible veil moved aside. Dr. McNinja's ninja tricks! The veil revealed a man-sized robot with a mustachioed castle for a head. It marched forward and reached out its arms. Missile launchers and laser cannons cocked and two bazookas propped on its shoulders.

"You're under arrest and all that," King Radical said from inside the robot.

"Actually, this is sort of a prison break. We'd be the ones under arrest."

"Doctor, you're ruining my flow."

The Stormtroopers raised their rifles in panic. "You're under arrest!"

"See? I told you so," Dr. McNinja commented as he spun forward, katana twirling in the air. He hacked through the two Stormtroopers as whole legions of them arrived at the location, ready to apprehend the two escaping convicts.

The miniature Cumberbot fired its entire arsenal, decimating the Imperial troops to the various rings of Hell. The legions fired their shots, but they all seemed to whizz right past them. Even King Radical, who was slowly advancing in a clunky robot, seemed to be completely nonplussed as lasers almost bent out of their original trajectory.

"Crap, did the armory give us the training Must-Miss Rifles again?"

"Just shoot them, God dammit!"

Lasers showered the skies as King Radical mowed down the main chunks of soldiers and Doc eliminated stragglers and snipers. Unbeknownst to them, the battle was about to go downhill...

[Dr. McNinja]

The prison courtyard was getting bloodier by the minute. Cumberbot mowed its way through most of the Stormtrooper legion. Waves and waves of bullets and missiles swept away the soldiers in white. If you listened closely before you got massacred, you could hear the impatient sighs of the Radical royal inside.

You could also probably hear the distant roar of something huge. King Radical surely did. He flinched.

"My good doctor?"

Meanwhile, Dr. McNinja was dashing up a wall, his sword moist and red. As he ran up, he used his blade to slash up another Stormtrooper sniper who had positioned himself on a balcony, and landed on the ground with an evasive roll. As the other Stormtroopers on the balcony took multiple shots, Doc kicked off the nearby wall to run his sword through another Stormtrooper's neck. Catching the railing of the balcony, Doc swung around and slammed his foot into another soldier's helmet, cracking his neck, and landed on his knees. Before the last soldier behind that Stormtrooper could take his shot, Doc kicked his legs out from under him. He hopped onto his feet and jammed his blade into the Stormtrooper's stomach.

"What," Doc panted, "You tired?"

"Brace yourself."

"For what?"

An explosion. All of the balconies collapse. Rubble everywhere. Falling. Corpses everywhere. Rock crushing limbs. Dust in eyes. Lightning.

Lightning?

Dr. McNinja slowly came to and looked up. Concrete dust and sparks swirled around him. A stray Stormtrooper corpse was obscured in the ocean of debris from the explosion.

BOOM

He whirled around to find any sign of his temporary ally. The Cumberbot was nowhere to be found.

BOOM

Dr. McNinja couldn't help but wonder why Stormtroopers had taken to using cannons. Last time he checked, there was no hard ammunition in the Stormtrooper arsenal.

BOOM

Doc got onto his feet, taking care to listen for any flying cannonballs. It was very strange to think of Stormtroopers with cannons.

BOOM

"Oh," Doc mumbled, "That's cause they aren't cannons."

BOOM

Doc grimaced. "Those are footsteps."

BOOM

In the dust cloud, two blue sparks came to life. They grew in intensity and size after each tremorous BOOM. Soon enough, Doc heard a low growl in the back of his brain. As he heard this, an outline of a giant revealed itself. Two balls of lightning seemed to spiral statically where the figure's hands would be. The blue sparks shifted upwards, then a third ball of lightning crackled into existence just below the sparks.

The figure roared.

It wasn't any roar. It was a roar that shook the ground. It was a roar that shattered bones. It was a roar that terrified Dr. McNinja so much he wanted to kill himself at the very spot, just to avoid whatever was coming. He would have done so, if all the strength in his arms hadn't fled.

BOOM

The cloud cleared, as if even the dust wanted to flee the giant. As the dust cleared, Doc got an exact look at his new opponent.

"You have got to be kidding me."

The figure was a giant polar bear. It was wearing steel plates as armor, embroidered elaborately with images of, well, it was safe to assume that they were depictions of the victims it had slaughtered. Blue lightning coursed through its entire body. The ball lightning Doc had seen earlier was surrounding the bear's balled fists. The third ball of electricity was barely contained in the bear's mouth. Each breath the bear exhaled raised hairs on the back of Doc's arms.

The monstrous lightning bear opened its mouth, revealing lightning that almost blinded Doc. It grumbled something, then roared again, this time proclaiming a statement, a command that Dr. McNinja almost wanted to submit to.

"Face... the STORM!"

With that, the courtyard lit up like a giant blue disco ball as a bolt of lightning struck the bear.

"I don't suppose that was an accident?" Doc weakly asked.

The bear looked at Dr. McNinja and clapped its hands. In a small explosion of static, Doc was flung back several feet. He rolled and tumbled until he managed to regain his balance. The bear glared at him with those electric eyes. Suddenly, a torrent of bullets assaulted the bear.

"Now this is a radical battle!" an all-too-familiar voice roared.

The Cumberbot had finally revealed itself and was releasing its entire arsenal into the polar bear. The rattle of the bullets and the roaring fire from the flamethrower covered the bear in a cloud of destruction, allowing Doc to stand up and shake the static off. He gripped his katana when the barrage ended.

The bear had been brought to his knees, severely wounded. Suddenly, the static around his body doubled in intensity and the bloody wounds in his body and the burn marks on its back shrunk and retreated back into its body.

"Are you quite done?" the bear grumbled.

"Actually," King Radical whimpered, "I had another trick I wanted to-"

The bear charged forward in a burst of lightning and gripped the sides of the Cumberbot. With a growl, the bear tore the robot suit apart and flung Radical into the air. The king whirled in the air as he made an arc over the bear's head. The bear spun around and punched the king, sending him flying off into another wall.

Dr. McNinja stood. His feet were frozen and his arms wouldn't move. The bear slowly made its way over to McNinja.

"My name is Volibear," it growled, "I am the Chosen of the Storm. I was sent to kill you."

Dr. McNinja shrugged.

"Please don't?"

[Dr. McNinja]

Volibear let out another hair-raising roar and lunged forward at Dr. McNinja. He rolled under the exposed underbelly of the gigantic polar bear, slashing at it with his katana. He tumbled onto his feet and stood up, sword gripped in preparation for the next attack.

However, Doc realized that his evasive maneuver had actually earned him several burns (presumably from the static surrounding the bear) and a slash on his back from the bear’s claws. He felt his coat dampen and grimaced at the sudden feeling of pain.

On the other hand, the bear was also injured by this first engagement. Volibear gently lifted his paw to his stomach, where he felt his wound. The blood from the deep cut stained his white paws. He snarled at the doctor. Then, seeing the metal sword in his hand, he smirked.

“Why you laughing?” Doc asked.

“Oh, my dear Dr. McNinja,” Volibear laughed, “Learn to know thine enemy.”

Volibear thrust his left paw forward, sending a current of electricity to pulse through the air, shooting towards Doc. Doc blocked the pulse with his sword, sending the shock wave coursing through the blade… and into his palm.

“GGGUUHHH” Doc roared in pain as the shock burned him from the inside. He collapsed on the ground, sword clattering onto the ground. He couldn’t move - his muscles had seized up. He remembered, in the back of his mind, Professor Franklin II’s lessons on electrocution. If enough voltage went through your body, your muscles responded by locking up, causing intense pain and sometimes permanent paralysis. If the electricity reached your heart… it would cause fibrillation.

In layman terms, Volibear could shoot heart attacks and third-degree burns out of his fingers.

And Dr. McNinja tried to Jedi-block it with a metal sword.

“GGGAHHHGG” McNinja grunted, doing his absolute best to rise to his feet. His limbs did not respond. His jaw was clenched to the point where thought he felt his teeth starting to crack. To escape this scenario was simple. All he had to do was jab under the right shoulder-blade, hit that nerve cluster, then activate the River Mountain chi sequence whenever his arm loosened enough to move. Just releasing his arm from paralysis was relatively simple. It took simple meditation, and purging the residual static through his fingertips. Not enough to fire his own electric shock at anything, (which probably wouldn’t even help him in this case) but enough to help himself back up.

Except he didn’t have the time to meditate.

Volibear was greedily gulping down a mysterious red bottle, which he then crushed in his hand and threw aside. The bloody cut on his belly started healing at a much more accelerated rate, leaving only dried blood as evidence to the wound.

“A healing potion?” Doc wanted to say, “That’s cheating!”

The universe suddenly snapped into slow-motion. Dr. McNinja was alarmed by the surreal time change, but it became much less important as he watched the front end of a circle appeared from out of nowhere. It landed directly on the bear's right cheek, who watched with shock as the flesh on his face began to quiver under the impact of the mysterious object. The circle manifested into a tire, which seems to grow a yellow frame, which transformed into a...

A dirtbike.

Time began passing normally. The dirtbike roared out of view as Volibear tumbled to the side. Doc then saw the dirtbike skid back into his line of sight, sliding to a stop at the feet of the Madskillz Monarch. Rad mounted the bike and revved the engine in anticipation.

Volibear had now recovered from the motorcycle ambush and was back on his feet. He roared again, triggering that horrible dread that the Dynamic Duo had felt before.

King Radical again revved his engine in response. Volibear started bounding towards Rad on all fours. Rad's dirtbike let out a horrible screeching as the tires skid on the concrete, consequently blasting him forward in a bombastic back-wheelie.

The universe went into slow-motion again as Volibear leapt forward, claws gleaming. King Rad propelled his weight up into the air, jumping and spinning at the same time, still in a wheelie. Dismounting the bike in mid-air, but holding onto the handlebars, King Rad swung the bike like a giant club with engines directly at the polar bear's scalp. Landing with a sickening crack, the bike sent Volibear crashing to the ground. Sliding a few meters due to his initial momentum, the Freljord warrior lay on the cracked cement.

With a strained grunt, Volibear slid to his knees and stood on his feet with great effort. King Radical snapped his fingers with his left arm. Four men in tuxedos with hollow eyes stepped forward from behind him. They lifted their hands, as if to offer them, and the middle two lowered onto one knee. A moment later, a horrible screeching noise pulsed from their mouths, nearly crushing Volibear’s eardrums. The tsunami of sound crashed like a windstorm of mad beatz.

“AAARGH” Volibear cried out, “THIS TRACK IS TOO DOPE”

Doc was paralyzed, but if he were able to move, he would have likewise howled, “DIS MIXTAPE STRAIGHT FIYAH”

King Radical nodded at the four men, who closed their mouths. Volibear was curled on the ground in a fetal position, as best a polar bear can. One of the four men opened his demonic mouth and announced, “D-D-D-D-D-DROP THE BASS.”

In one explosive burst, sound waves rippled through the air, sending Volibear across the courtyard and into a wall. He disappeared in a cloud of concrete dust. The demonic four were blasted back as well, and completely disappeared as suddenly as they came.

King Radical rushed over to Dr. McNinja.

“Doctor!” he whispered, “Are you okay?”

“R…r…right…” Doc stuttered, “Sh…Sh…ull..duh…”

“Shoulder? Right shoulder?”

Dr. McNinja managed to reply with an affirmative “GUH”. King Radical carefully aimed, then lightly karate-chopped him in the shoulder. Doc rattled into a spasm, then calmed down again. He found that his jaw could move again.

“GUH! Radical! Radical! Under the shoulder blade!”

King Radical, frowning, jabbed as he was instructed. Dr. McNinja jolted around on the ground like an aggressive Magikarp, then finally collapsed on the ground. He could feel his arms again. Slowly pushing himself up with great effort, he turned to King Radical.

“What the hell were those monsters?”

“Your welcome,” the Mantastic Monarch snapped, “And that was my Dubstep Quartet.”

“Your what?”

On the other side of the courtyard, Volibear stumbled out of the rubble. Doc and Rad heard the bear rise. Dr. McNinja sheathed his sword.

“I need to figure out how to attack him without any metal weapons. That leaves only my grappling hook and my stun grenade. I could possibly use my throwing stars, if I’m caref-"

“Forget the polar bear. Get on my bike.”

The dirtbike skidded to a halt right in front of the pair. Doc glared at King Radical.

“Trust me?”

“Uh, no, definitely not.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“I’m sure you do.”

Volibear roared, then picked up a rather large chunk of concrete.

“I don’t even care anymore,” King Radical muttered, pulling the physician onto the bike by force.

Jumping on it himself, he revved the engines as hard as he could and drove the bike at maximum speed towards Volibear. The tires skidded against the concrete and Dr. McNinja screamed in fear, “TURN THE D*MN BIKE”

Volibear roared one more time and let the concrete fly from his paws. King Radical placed his foot on the ground, causing the bike to topple to the side. As it rolled, King Rad pulled the bike so that it would just slide on the ground. The sudden drop caused the concrete to fly over their heads. The dirtbike smashed directly into Volibear’s shins, and slid forward a few more feet before slowing to a stop. Volibear had been properly knocked out.

Dr. McNinja stood up and brushed the dust off his coat. He then tugged his mask, letting all the blood rush out like a giant crimson waterfall while keeping his identity secret.

“Do not ever do that again.”

“We’re here,” King Radical murmured.

Dr. McNinja squinted. “Where?”

King Radical whipped out a pistol and shot Dr. McNinja square in the chest. Dr. McNinja would normally be able to dodge it, but his sustained wounds and the sudden ambush caused him to take it in the left arm. He collapsed onto the floor.

“What the hell?!?” Doc screamed.

“Agh, you’re right,” King Rad sighed, “I should have let you fix my arm first. I think it’s broken.”

“THAT’S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART” Doc howled, "Why'd you shoot me?"

“Well, Doctor,” King Radical snarled, “You ruined my plans, let my kingdom die, and still seem dead-set on defeating me. You were not to be trusted. Plus, this means I get to keep the goodies to myself.”

“What goodies?!” Doc yelled.

King Radical ignored him and walked down the hallway. Dr. McNinja felt himself pass out from the blood loss. He thought to himself, "I really should have seen this coming."

[Dr. McNinja]

Dr. McNinja awoke on the cold steel floor of some other location. His instincts told him he was still in Coruscant. It didn't take long for him to recover from his mini-coma, given that he had had so many since he arrived in the Omniverse.

Seriously, I think that's my favorite way to end a post.

He had awaken next to Volibear, who was bleeding rather quickly right next to him. "Well, at least that's one person who's not trying to kill me anymore," thought McNinja.

Looking around, he noticed that he was no longer in the prison courtyard, where the raging battle had taken place. No, he was somewhere else entirely. He recognized the place, somehow. As he turned, it became fully clear to him where exactly he was.

"Oooh, Nexus!" Dr. McNinja exclaimed, "That's super convenient."

"Once!" grunted a gruff voice.

Doc whipped out his blade with a satisfying SHHHANG. Volibear was still somehow alive.

"What did you say?" Doc growled.

"I save... your life..." Volibear groaned, "once. We are not allies, Dr. McNinja. Next... time... I will k-agh! Kill... you."

Doc had no idea what Volibear was on about. The bear tried to kill him.

Then, he remembered that he had fainted in a prison courtyard. Someone had to have moved him.

Ohhhh.

Dr. McNinja sheathed his sword and, smiling widely, pointed both his index fingers at the mortally wounded bear, and said, "AAAYYY LMAO"

He put his hand on the edge of the portal, but turned around before he entered it. The bear was draining to death. Doc sighed and knelt next to him, pulling out bandages and medical gloves. Volibear winced as he felt Doc’s nimble hands dance around his wounds.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Just making sure you don’t bleed to death here, Smokey."

“…why?”

“Since you’re such a fan of macho justice, let’s just say…”

Doc tore the last bandage and tossed the medical gloves onto the ground. He squinted at Volibear and gave his best Clint Eastwood impression.

“We’re even now.”

Dr. McNinja heard Volibear chuckle as he stepped into the Nexus.