Bounty Hunt Caira and Toybox Girl vs Magus

[Magus]

Okay, maybe another day. I'm having a hard time thinking of how Magus will act after taking a huge hit from the Gatling Bazooka.

I'm so sorry. I didn't see you post this until just now. I didn't realize that's what Retane was referring to or I'd have looked and responded.

I haven't read your post yet but I will right away.

[Magus]

So, uh, are we all good with DL judging, since Proto is currently very busy? It seems like I'm not getting PMs; figured this was the next best thing.

[Gildarts]

I'm alright with it.

=D cool, we're DL's first !

[Dark Link]

I've now received confirmation from all three participants that they're alright with me replacing Proto as the judge. I'll start working on this tomorrow.

[Gildarts]

Thanks DL~

[Schwi Dola]

-poke -

[Dark Link]

My apologies for the delay. I should have the judgement done by some time tomorrow. I just ask for a bit more patience.

[Gildarts]

You're good DL.

[Magus]

AUUUUUAHAAAAAAAUUuqaaauauauaaaaaUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

It's cool man. Thanks for the heads-up.

[Dark Link]

Due to some complications, I'm postponing this for one more day.

EDIT: Make that two. -_-

[Dark Link]

Waaaaw....it's actually kind of surreal how long this has been taking. -_- I am really sorry that I let this happen, guys. All I can say in my defence is that certain stuff in the background took longer for me to settle than I ever planned for and that I also had a quest to judge. If it's any consolation, any future judgements will be much more rapid precisely because of the background work done in this case.

I've told Magus that the judgement would be done today...and, in fact, it probably still will be. However, I have some concerns over the accuracy of some of the assessments I've made. So in the interest of delivering a fair final verdict, I've decided to postpone putting up the judgement until tomorrow, so I have the chance to sleep over it and go through the judgement again with a fresh perspective.

However, don't be concerned. Since this will just be a re-examination, it won't end up dragging things out much further. This time, I can say with complete confidence that the judgement will be going up tomorrow. In fact, given the time difference between us, it might even end up going up before you've had a chance to read this post. But I just wanted to let you know what was going on, especially after I unwittingly kept dragging you by the noses for this long. -_-

[Schwi Dola]

If you have any questions let us know :p.

[Magus]

So... what?

Is there something we can help you with? I'm certain you're not just stringing us along but given we can't see what the issue is it kind of feels like it.

If there's something I can do that would help you out, just let me know.

[Dark Link]

At long last, Judgment Day has come. I hope you've strapped yourselves in, because this will be a long one.

Before anything else, I first noted whether all participants respected the set terms and limitations of the fight. Since you guys have chosen to have relatively lax conditions for this fight, the only limitation of note was the word count of 1500. However, there was one violation — Magus' second post was 1618 words long. Since that is a fair amount beyond the agreed limit, it isn't something that I can ignore. As punishment, Magus has had a single point deducted from his total personal score.

With that taken care of, we can now move on to the judgment itself. As with other judgments, each of the participants was graded based on four categories:

• Style - This category deals with how the story is conveyed. How well does the work flow? Are the word choices appropriate and varied? Does the writing fit the intended tone and atmosphere? How detailed is the text?
  
• Grammar - This covers the technical quality of the writing, i.e. spelling, capitalisation, proper use of tenses and punctuation marks etc.
  
• Realism - This is about how believable the fight and its various elements were. Did the moves and tactics employed make sense within context? Did it feel like a genuine struggle? Was your character subject to as much damage and fatigue as one would expect from such a fight? Were the differences in stats and numbers taken into account?
  
• Awesomeness & Cohesion - Lastly, this category deals with how much I enjoyed the fight and whether it was exciting and engaging. Due to the fact that fights are just as much about cooperation between writers as they are about competition, special emphasis is put on whether the fight worked as a cohesive whole.

Each category is graded from 1 to 5, 1 being 'abysmal' and 5 being 'excellent' (note that this does not mean 'perfect'), whereupon the scores are totalled. Since this fight involved more than two participants and the sides were not numerically even, I will use a different method to determine the winner. But I'll describe that at the end of the thread.

For now, here are the individual scorecards for each participant:

Magus

• Style - 5/5
  I have no particular complaints here. The events proceeded at a rapid pace, yet you still took the time to provide detail where it was necessary. Your words and phrases were appropriate and eloquent. I also didn't think there was any particular aspect of the events and their circumstances/surroundings that you ended up neglecting. Overall, you have perfected your style of writing to a tee.
  
  
  
• Grammar - 4/5
  The technical aspect was also fairly top notch. The majority of your posts were, near as I could tell, free from errors. There were a couple of typos and missing dashes, but they didn't detract from my enjoyment too much.
  
  
  
• Realism - 3/5
  Even though it seems obvious, I'm glad that the fact that Magus was outnumbered helped shape his actions. I liked that you had him primarily focusing on trying to escape and that most of his moves served as either delaying tactics or attempts to knock one of the pair out in an attempt to even the odds. I also thought that the intentional stirring of chaos and confusion was a logical way of dealing with the situation.
  
  I have mixed feelings about how you handled his injuries. You didn't ignore this aspect and I actually thought it was neat that he twisted his ankle in the fall. Most people wouldn't consider adding such mundane accidental injuries. However, considering your character has a whopping defence of....zero, I honestly would have thought he'd be more battered from the whole affair than he was. It was particularly odd that he essentially suffered nothing but some damage to his armour when TBG hit him with that electric punch.
  
  But what really bothered me was that fatigue hardly played a role. Magus used some fairly potent magic multiple times and also did a lot of running and physical activity. Considering this, I would have expected him to be quite drained from the ordeal. Yet, aside from a single mention of panting and sweating, I didn't really get any sense of the toll all this effort was taking on his body.
  
  
  
• Awesomeness & Cohesion - 4/5
  It was a joy to read your posts. The vivid representation of Shadow Step, Magus' conflicted state of mind, his sudden swings from cruelty to sympathy....it really kept me hooked and invested in what was happening.
  
  Your posts predominantly focused on Magus and didn't feature Caira and TBG much. However, this did make for a nice contrast to the more all-inclusive posts your opponents made. Also, to the extent you did use them, there was nothing that I felt was particularly out-of-character or strange.

Total Score: 16 - 1 (penalty) = 15/20

Caira

• Style - 3/5
  I can appreciate a writer that takes his/her time to really describe a scene to the reader. Certainly, reading your work sometimes almost feels like I'm watching a painter while he/she is in the middle of making his/her new painting, watching every brush stroke with bated breath. It's actually a bit of a magical experience and I have to commend you for it.
  
  However, I do feel that this (to some extent) works against you as well. In some parts (especially when you were describing the fall), the pacing almost stopped dead in its tracks. The great focus on the fall and its consequences also kind of forced you into a sudden and abrupt transition to the flea market scene. Both of these factors ended up having a rather negative effect on your flow. In addition, you used some rather odd turns of phrase ('soundless ears') and some needless repetition ('ferocious ferocity').
  
  I get the sense that you are gradually developing a style that is uniquely yours and I think it is fantastic. Just don't lose your focus on the bigger (no pun intended) picture and don't try too hard to be fancy..
  
  
  
• Grammar - 4/5
  I was rather conflicted about this category. Your first featured a fair number of tiny errors (needless extra words, missing punctuation marks and so on), enough to have a rather cumulative effect on the experience. However, most of it was good otherwise and your second post felt like a marked improvement in this area, so I've opted not to judge this too harshly. However, for the future, I would recommend some proof-reading.
  
  
  
• Realism - 3/5
  One thing you addressed fairly thoroughly was the psychological aspect of the fight. It made a lot of sense that, even with the advantage in numbers, Caira was nervous about facing Magus. He is a fearsome magician and a wanted criminal, after all. Also, I appreciated how you did not underestimate the consequences of falling off a building, even though Caira had the highest Defence among the characters.
  
  That said, for someone who had found her resolve to fight two times throughout these events, Caira....did surprisingly little. It was actually kind of an odd experience to see the other two writers utilise Caira in the fight more than you yourself did. And while I can imagine Caira isn't necessarily gung-ho about fighting, I'm not sure it made much sense for her to be as passive as she was.
  
  This leads into another, bigger problem that I had with both your and TBG's posts...there was no real teamwork between your characters. The biggest advantage to having a partner in combat is that it opens up a slew of tactical options that wouldn't have been available to you if you were alone. And considering who they were up against, I find it hard to believe that they wouldn't have at least tried to press their numeric advantage more than they did.
  
  
  
• Awesomeness & Cohesion - 3/5
  Overall, I thought your posts made for solid reading. Especially thanks to your vivid descriptions, they managed to keep my interest and didn't make me feel like I was forcing myself to get through them.
  
  Though it arguably came at the expense of your own character, you did make good use of Magus and TBG. I particularly thought that the way you implemented the Miasma and Gatling Bazooka complemented their personality and behaviour well. However, I did notice that you didn't pay as much attention to Magus' post as you should have, since you ended up breaking continuity a bit (you wrote that a fist hit Caira, even though Magus slammed into her with his shoulder, and you also didn't have TBG help out Caira like she went to do).

Total Score: 13/20

Toybox Girl

• Style - 3/5
  Your type of writing is more activity-oriented....which is certainly not a bad thing, especially when it comes to a fight. You kept things constantly moving at a steady pace and your posts always involved a lot of movement and actions. Also, even if it seems obvious for a character of a robotic nature, the analysis messages and repair updates made for a nice touch.
  
  However, I do feel that your posts would have made even more of an impact if you occasionally took the time to describe things in greater detail, which would have helped give them a bit more flair. Furthermore, you need to diversify your vocabulary, since you have a rather serious problem with word repetition. On a consistent basis, you ended up reusing the same word twice (and in certain cases, more) and it made for a bit of a grating experience.
  
  Also, a bit of a side note. I don't pay much attention to formatting when it comes to grading, since it's mostly an aesthetic matter and it's up to each individual how they go about it. However, I noticed that you sometimes used different colours to indicate who was speaking...and sometimes you didn't. This didn't have any bearing on your score, but for the future, I would recommend choosing one and sticking to it.
  
  
  
• Grammar - 3/5
  As with Caira, your posts were filled with minor grammatical errors, mostly typos and missing punctuation marks (though I seem to recall an improperly used tense or two as well). But in your case, the second post didn't feel like a noticeable improvement over the first. Like I advised Caira, I would strongly recommend taking a bit of time to proof-read your posts.
  
  
  
• Realism - 3/5
  If there was anything that you portrayed quite well, it was 'fatigue'...or, in this case, TBG's energy reserves. You actually made it fairly clear how greater-than-normal efforts like carrying someone, the use of Time Step and the constant chasing gradually took their toll on her energy and how she was forced to adapt in order to make up for that. And though it's kind of obvious, having TBG help her ally out and not just leave her to dry was nice to see.
  
  But while you covered 'fatigue' rather well, I'm more ambivalent about your portrayal of her 'injuries'. I perfectly understand that TBG is a robot and thus wouldn't react to injuries like a living being would. Still, between her and Caira, she pretty much handled the brunt of the fighting and also received a fair few hits from Magus. And while TBG does have 2 DEF and thus could withstand some punishment, I still would have expected her to be more damaged than she was.
  
  But as I told Caira, I think the biggest flaw was the lack of coordinated effort between Caira and TBG. Granted, you did at least have TBG help Caira out, so that was at least some teamwork at play. But again, I still would have expected the two of them to have utilised their numeric advantage more. Especially since TBG would be capable of analysing the situation and concluding how to best use combined arms in order to apprehend the suspect.
  
  
  
• Awesomeness & Coherence - 4/5
  Though I thought your writing was a bit dry, the action and excitement still kept me going all the way to the end and prevented me from ever getting bored. Also, I kind of felt as though you were the one who was doing the heavy lifting in terms of keeping the fight more cohesive by compensating for the weaknesses of the other two. You not only described TBG's own actions, but did not neglect Magus either and you also got Caira more involved in the events as well. So it was primarily thanks to you that, in spite of the differences between you three as writers, the encounter still managed to form a reasonably solid whole.

Total Score: 13/20

Alright, now that we have the individual scores, it's time we determine the winner. As I said before, since this is not a normal 1v1 fight, we will be using a different method to determine the outcome.

Specifically, we're going to tally up Caira's and TBG's scores, whereas Magus' score will have a 'Zeal' bonus applied to it. The 'Zeal' bonus represents that person's increased determination to win/desperation to escape in the face of overwhelming odds. What that means in practice is that, for the purpose of figuring out the winner, Magus will receive half of his total score as a bonus to his regular score (in the case of decimals, the number is rounded up). We will then compare the two scores and whoever's score is highest is the winner.

With explanations now done, let us see how our participants fared:

Caira & TBG: 13 + 13 = 26
Magus: 15 + 8 (7.5 rounded up) = 23

Final Verdict: Caira & Toybox Girl have defeated Magus and may decide his fate. Regardless of their decision, they have successfully completed the Bounty and are eligible for its associated OM reward.

Since you guys have chosen to do the fight with the Damage Meter off, I will not be allocating damage. However, please do keep in mind that any damage you may have suffered in the battle will take some time to recover. I expect the next IC posts from all three participants to take that into account and not just have them instantly recover.

It's up to you guys how to handle things from here. I ask Caira and Toybox Girl to inform me of what they plan to do with Magus and whether the bonus OM is split or if it goes to just one person.

Thank you again for your immense patience. As I said, I can assure you that future judgments will not suffer from the same delays. In any case, I've delayed you for long enough. Good luck and have fun!

[Schwi Dola]

As far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't mind if Magus decided to die or get captured.

By the way, in posting order Magus is next so, do as you see fit Magus though try not to do too much

[Schwi Dola]

Give the Reward to Caira.

[Gildarts]

Give the Reward to Caira.

As much as I disagree with this, I won't doubt your decision as I have assumed you have thought and deliberated hard on the matter, as well I have been trying to improve my "perseverance" skill.

As an update to DL and Magus I will be writing the concluding post involving our three (TBG, M-rizzle, and Caira) characters and am still waiting to see if magus wants to decide capture or death. I could easily formulate either, or both. Let me know. I will be starting to write it tomorrow or the day after and am usually quick if I can find the time.

[Magus]

Oh. I'd actually really like the opportunity to RP-reveal the outcome of my decision, if that's ok with you. But if you're set on doing it, I'll PM you the decision once I've made one.

[Gildarts]

Just give me the heads up on how you plan to roll with it

[Gildarts]

Stupidest question ever, but I'm allowed to go over the word limit right DL?

*thorough*

Also something AWESOME just happened, but not at all what you would expect. Stay tuned folks