Magus and Stuff

[Magus]

S'up dawgs. Are you reading my stuff? I'm kinda curious to see if I can get some feedback and whatnot on my/Link's current thingy in Camelot there, 'To the Stone City.'

I'm curious; whaddya like/not like about my writing/characterization and stuff. Is it believable? Interesting? Low in sodium?

I'll be happy to offer some critiques in return, if that's what you like. Just curious to see what people think about how I'm doing. And, uh, Link can ask for feedback too, if that's... what he's into.

[Proto Man]

I followed along until the last one or two posts, so on my next day off, I'll get caught up and try to get you some feedback. (next day off is Thursday)

[Porphyr]

I'm reading everything, but just cursorily. I can check it out more in depth one day this week.

[Magus]

Okay. Well, cool. I'd really like to see what people think.

I'm considering writing more seriously but, if it hasn't come across, I'm not really very confident in my ability. So I guess this is more for me to help improve areas where I'm weak.

[Omni]

I thought your last post was pretty fantastic. I'm hoping the Arthas is your own NPC

[MDGEIST]

Overall good, maybe explore more of the implications of violence. Hurting someone is a terrible, graphic and traumatic experience for most. Enhancing the weight of violence gives it greater purpose and its effects are as psychological for both the recipient and giver. If Magus is going into torture, it is important that something so horrible isn't treated lightly. Swashbuckling light hearted battle is great and fun, but detailing the motivations and aftermath of something truly violent is very different.

If you were to take a woman, pin her to the ground and then break her elbow with a hammer, what is her first reaction? Does she scream, does she faint, does she beg for more? What is your first reaction? Are you sickened by what you did, are you angered by her response, are you pleased with the pain you caused? Explore this and you'll find a rich place to draw from, especially from your own psychological horror of the actions your character found themselves capable of doing.

[Magus]

Yeah, I think you're right. That scene should have moved slower. I rushed it; shouldn't have. I actually already did intend for Magus to reflect on the scene, having in mind that he'd been overcome with images of harm to his sister and that the fear was very real given since Sif now knew who she was, he could summon her himself. I may have done a poor job getting that across. But you bring up a good point about needing to take the time to express the scene from the other's point of view in a scene this intense.

I say 'scene' a lot in this thread, apparently.

Thanks, Geist. I appreciate the advice.