DA's The Person Below You

[Sasuke Uchiha]

So, I wanna do a fun game where we talk about the player's posts, not Alex's(Most the convos are about the F2F's or EE's)

The way it works is you post a link to a post(Can be from you or another player in DA) and the person below you reads the post(If they haven't already) and gives feedback and/or discusses it.

Please try to give every post a decent amount of discussion. I don't want to set a word limit or anything, but I also don't want to see 20 words or less about it and then move on to another link, because LAME.

Since I am first, I will go first!

'Warpool Valenchiha' At Their Brightest!

[Mickey Mouse]

I told you I'd do this, so here it is. Sorry it took so long!

Oh, Warpool Valenchicha -- one of the most intriguing and fun to read alliances in the entire game. On one hand, you have characters which seem altogether deadly serious like Sasuke and Vincent, and then on the other, these two huge, ridiculous personalities that are Deadpool and Wartortle. It's an interesting combination, to be sure, and one that I was excited about after that initial F2F where Wartz joined your little group.

Honestly, Sasuke, one of my favorite things about your writing is the skill to which you can write different kinds of characters. On one hand, your portrayal of Sasuke is -- at least from the very little I've seen of Naruto -- pretty spot on, but at the same time you can also hold your own with Deadpool or Wartortle. I think this might've been your first or at least one of your early posts with both of those characters, so you can see yourself adapting to them, but despite the newness with the characters they still come across incredibly vivid, especially Wartortle in this one.

As a note, your portrayal of Vincent seems distinctly more tentative, but that may be because his character is forced into the background in this post, which seems to be set up as an introduction of Wartortle to the dynamic.

Your style of writing intrigues me a lot, Sasuke, because it relies a lot on huge imagery, whether it be your big, bold onomatopoeias or the way your dialogue seems to just lift loudly off the page. It's interesting because that stands in direct contrast to Sasuke himself, but I love that. It makes Sasuke seem like such a stranger in his own world, in some ways, and that imagery is really cool. I've never seen a writer play opposition like that and it is genius if it's deliberate and is probably one of the reasons you won the whole shebang.

If I had one complaint about this post, it's that I think Sasuke gets swallowed by it. You get some nice characterization of him in the beginning, but about halfway down Deadpool takes over and I sort of lose Sasuke amidst everything that's going on. I would've like to hear a bit more of Sasuke's continuing thoughts on the confrontation between DP and Wartortle, as I'm sure they're intriguing. (That said, this is a complaint I have with most people who write extensively with Deadpool, especially myself; Baron is a master at handling him, but I haven't yet found someone who could fully include him, stylistically and all, in their writing without compromising their own character's position as the focus of the post at least a little bit.)

All in all, this is a great post pulled out of a library of awesome ones you put into this competition. I envy your ability to write the whole group at once, because that's something I struggled with while with MESH and as such you might have noticed my posts often consisted of one-on-one scenes (Mickey/Erza, Mickey/Samus, Mickey/Pepsiman, etc), with everyone else taking a back seat. Great job, Grand Champion!

[Gildarts]

I read this post quite a few times before finally figuring out what I wanted to touch on. I'll also try to construct around what Mickey said above.

Character interaction: You captured this very well as a writer, Warpool Valenchia is a larger alliance and it is difficult to get everyone's voice heard under the limits of the competition (such as time and length). However everyone has their role. I felt Sasuke narrated with good observation as well as made some good remarks that held the group together like glue. Wartortle and DP got along, in a clash that two powerful characters would be prone to.

Alpha male display of dominance with both their outgoing personalities also brought attention to those in the shadows like Vincent and Sasuke who seem more logic oriented than willing to brawl with their own teammates.

There were definitely parts where I felt "macho-guy talk" would be an understatement, but it is a manly and dominating team, with a rebellious Pokemon and a 4th-wall-crashin' DEADPOOL, I actually felt like the dialogue was well placed and with the blame and banter that rebounded off of others, the group bonded more and united under a same goal.

DP lightened the mood of the group and subtly showed his leadership skills in assisting others (who knew he was a team player?) and at the end the serious mood returned with new morale.

With a group, it can be hard to display other characters without putting your own in a less "showcase" oriented perspective. Mickey touched on this above, but I wanted to put it into my own words. We may not get a lot of screen time in DA (who knows when death will come) and no one else will portray Sasuke the way you will, so don't hold back showing his character a little more (champ!) and how it effected him. Though in your later posts, let it be known I thought you brought out Sasuke really well, and group moments like this make memories for a lifetime both in an out of character.

The dialogue is my favorite part of this post, because everyone has something to say and there isn't a reason for them to hold back saying it. A fun post and undoubtedly some of Warpool Valenchia's best.