A Criminal Elf, a Street Artist, and a Ninja Walk into a Bar

[Dr. McNinja]

Dr. McNinja sighed and rested his chin on his palm as the other Knights laughed at him.

"Durr..." one of them mocked, "Lunch time? Hammer time? Miller time?"

The whole table roared in laughter. Doc's chin slowly slid off the palm and down his forearm. Another Knight decided to chip in.

"And - and then just... POOOM! Lightning! And then he just goes FLYING!"

The Knights laughed again. Several imitated what it looked like on the screen, making explosion sound effects with their mouths and miming the body flying with his hand. Another Knight slammed the table, having thought of something hilarious.

"And-and the Mr. T doll! You just freaked out so much, man! It's just a doll-"

The rest of his sentence was drowned out with the loudest laughter of all. It was noisy. It resonated through the Cygnus Knight dining hall. Well, at least they were happy, right?

But now they were making fun of Mr. T.

Dr. McNinja stood up. The other Knights giggled.

"What," one of them jeered, "You gonna forget an omelette at us?"

Many laughed. Doc then drew his katana and slammed the blade into the table.

THUNK

That got everyone's attention. Doc glared at all of them. He cleared his throat and said, "Don't you think that's in bad taste?"

Seven simple words sent ripples of remorse through the crowd. Many frowned, as if confused. Clearly, they were not emotionally prepared for that kind of reaction. Some even snorted, obviously at the shame of having laughed at the tragic fall of a brave hero.

"You mean..." a Knight snickered, no doubt ironically, "The Mr. T doll."

"Damn right I mean Mr. T! He was... Just... He was..."

Dr. McNinja felt a flood of emotions wash him away. He was drowning in the useless tears of his penitence, and in blood, which wasn't actually blood, because it was just polysynthetic stuffing. In this torrent of remorse, Doc had to wipe his eyes again with another flask labelled "Ninja Tears". He was running out of vials.

"I'm sorry, I... I have to..."

Doc pulled out the katana and sheathed it. He left the table in a hurry, and mourned for the morality of mankind as he heard them laughing again.

***

Dr. McNinja walked in the woods. The trees grew like mangled hands, reaching from the ground in a scramble for dank sunlight. This was not a particularly happy part of the forest, and it seemed to be always dark. Probably best for some of the more nocturnal creatures here, like owls, bats and...

FLICK

THUNK

The tree that Doc was passing was now decorated with a very intricately designed and distressingly sharp shuriken. McNinja had a second to process this, then leapt into the air and ran up the trunk of a tree, avoiding at least sixteen other throwing stars. He deflected two with the katana he had drawn out of instinct, then landed on a branch and took cover behind the trunk.

"And ninjas," Doc muttered.

Oh, how he'd LOVE some help right now.

[Jak Mar]

Jak's brief time in the Omniverse after DA was a little more awkward to process as he slowly made his way to the Twisted Greens portal. Once he had stepped inside, Daxter decided to speak up "The doc should be here after what he told me to tell ya, Jak..."

Torn heard something what seemed to be close by and looked at Jak and grabbed his dagger... "Jak, there's something coming... be prepared for whatever happens... "

That's when Jak loaded his guns.

Ca...PHUNK...

Daxter hopped down to see what all the hubbub was about and he slowly began to regret it as he got closer as a few sharp throwing stars hit the tree. Jak and Torn wasn't too far behind.

Jak nodded and looked up seeing Mcninja in danger... Now wasn't the time for friendly banter.. he took his blaster and bent down searching for the ninjas trying to attack Mcninja close by.

"McNinja, if you're close... Be CAREFUL!

The dark man with long ears ran while carefully crafting a shot at the ninjas near the Doc trying to kill him.

[Dr. McNinja]

The ninjas all turned around, noticing a familiar voice yelling. Dr. McNinja frowned. Was that Jak, being an idiot and exposing himself to all of the other ninjas? Sometimes, it was frustrating working together with someone untrained in the arts of ninjutsu.

There was a pause, and the enemy ninjas started muttering Japanese to each other.

"Ooh, I got this," Doc thought to himself, "I learned Japanese in college!"

He listened in.

"Did that man just say 'McNinja'?"

"Isn't that the idiot that was on Dante's Abyss?"

"Yeah, he got punched in the face by a zombie! What self-respecting ninja can show his mask again after he's been punched by a dead man?"

Some of the ninjas chuckled.

"Okay, that's enough of that," Doc growled.

Dr. McNinja sheathed his sword, then closed his eyes and inhaled. He tore off the sleeves of his coat and shirt, took of his tie, and tied it around his mask. He cracked his knuckles, flexed his now-bare arms. The epitome of sexiness and badassery. He channeled his ki into a physical force field that only affected the Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu. He became an isolated battlefield, and all of the ninjutsu available per battle were flowing through his metaphorical ninja veins.

And now, he was just one man.

He again drew his katana, centered it around his face. With a grunt, and opening his eyes wide open, he lunged off the branch and landed katana-first into several ninjas. The others stared, shocked.

"HA!" Doc cried out, "It's like a skewer of ninjas!"

He paused. "That's actually quite tasteless, isn't it? Sorry about that."

Some of the other ninjas yelled their battle cry, and began charging Doc as well. He sighed, and thought, "Jak, where the hell are you now that I saved your ass?"

In a flurry of clashing metal, Doc was no longer visible as dozens of the assassins jumped him. Waves of the warriors were collapsing on the ground as McNinja moved his sword impossibly fast. He was swinging the katana as deftly as one would swing nunchucks, the gleaming blade twirling and chopping, as if the physician was doing an impromptu ribbon dance with red liquid ribbons.

The first wave was simple enough, but Doc still found himself with mysterious cuts - deep cuts - all over his arms. He was covered in blood, but he soon realized that some of it was his own. His shirt was even more torn than it was when the battle had started. He had forgotten that, despite the Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu, this was still an army he was fighting. He would need help.

He saw the second wave manifest as a silent ring move stealthily through the forest. However, they did not approach the doctor himself, but someone el- Jak.

Oh, and probably that annoying raccoon thing. Why the hell did Doc invite them over again?

McNinja sighed, gripped his katana, and lunged into the bushes to hopefully weed out some of the other assassins. Hopefully, Jak knew what was coming to him.

[Jak Mar]

It was then Jak covered Daxter's mouth to make sure he didn't say anything more. Torn quickly pulled out his dagger and was pulled behind a tree.

Torn wanted to mutter something about the whole Jak pulling him behind a tree thing, but quickly decided against it.

Jak bent down as a wave of ninjas were suddenly moving through the forest quite quickly and his eyes suddenly caught on to some movements that looked like those ninjas the Doc was fighting.

Jak frowned at Daxter "Don't even..."

The man started to shoot at the enemy ninjas and aimed as he saw movements.

...

...

!!!

There was something else.... But Mcninja would probably see it and crap his pants in fear...

His dark form...

He had to do it quickly... but it was quicker than his guns, and they'd have a better chances at taking out the ninjas.

Jak stood there and he felt pain rushing through his head and coursing through his body as his body began to rapidly change into that of a monster. One with black horns, purplish skin, large black fingernails and his eyes turned black...



The dark eco crazed monster instantly saw the ninjas and Jak's dark form grabbed onto a tree with its claws and climbed up it. There was a reason Jak didn't like his dark form and it came as no surprise once the dark creature used his claws to grab onto a ninja's leg and started to pull the man down.

[Dr. McNinja]

RRAAGHH

"Please tell me that's on my side, please tell me that's on my side..."

Ninjas were still assaulting him as Doc threw himself off of a rigged branch. As it exploded behind him, the physician gripped a branch that was below him and used it to swing his legs around in a circle, kicking all of the attacking ninjas. He then leaped along several trees, running up and down trees, until he reached the source of the roar. As he approached the source, he started hearing slashes and screams of pain.

Doc looked down from a branch, and noticed the litter of bloody, broken ninja bodies. Incidentally, a feral giant raged on a nearby tree, with blue-ish black skin and (in Dr. McNinja's professional opinion, unhealthily long) claws. It had spiky hair that slicked back like Jak's. It had Jak's goggles and- okay it was Jak. But the Jak that McNinja had met was not this rabid. He had met a remorseful, serious man with serious guilt issues. Besides the outfit and the annoying squirrel on his shoulder, Jak was nigh unrecognizable. This couldn't be Jak.

"Unless he's a werewolf," Doc pondered, punching another assaulter without lifting his eyes, "I suppose that could happen too."

"RAAAGH!" were-Jak seemed to reply. He picked up a nearby ninja with his claws and chucked him at Doc. In response, McNinja boosted off of the branch, but kept his feet hooked around the branch and swung his whole weight under it. Hanging upside down, ("LIKE BATMAN" "no, not like Batman") Doc grinned goofily at Jak.

"Hey, Jak!" he cheerfully exclaimed, "Nice to see you again. Didn't know you were a werewolf!"

"I'm... gonna kill... ALL OF YOU!" Jak growled. This time, he stuck his claws through another offending ninja and chucked him at Doc too. Doc let go of the branch and used another to swing over to were-Jak.

"Whoa there, Jak, you might need to slow down!" Doc ducked as Jak tried to slash his face. "It's me, Dr. McNinja! Doc! I fixed your arm!... not really." Doc leaned to the right to avoid another blow. "I'd really appreciate if you could calm down a bit-"

Jak threw a punch. Dr. McNinja slipped under and jabbed right under the elbow. Jak roared in pain, then looked bewildered at seeing that his arm could no longer move.

"Remind you of anything?" Doc whispered. He could feel the hostile ninjas gather up for a third wave.

"Doc..." Jak growled.

"Heya, nurse!" Daxter shouted.

"I'm a doctor- you know what? Never mind, I don't care about you, you beaver," Doc grumbled, "Jak! It's nice to meet you! We should totally catch up. When we're not... you know..."

Doc drew his katana again. Jak started growling. The third wave had revealed itself. It was the biggest they had seen yet. There was no way the good doctor could have fought this by himself. Luckily, this time, he had his old ally.

"Just like old times, eh?" Doc grinned, then grimaced. "Weeeell it's not that old, seeing as it was more or less yesterday, but it's pretty old. ...I think."

Jak looked at him confusedly. Daxter sighed. "He's not that good with words sometimes when he's like this."

Doc rolled his eyes. "Alright... Well, Jak?"

Jak snorted and looked at the physician, who grinned.

"Smash."

The bestial form of Jak Mar smiled a toothy grin, then charged forward in a blast of dark energy. Doc similarly lunged a few meters high into the air. Crying out, "Lucky Seven!" he chucked four shuriken, two with each hand, at the ninjas who were attempting to attack his ally from the back. They all landed their mark. Doc landed and casually stuck his sword into the abdomen of another assassin.

"Eckhart was right," he commented, slashing another ninja's head off, "It does feel a lot better if you say the name out loud."

He pulled the sword out and slashed a bunch of assassins, curious to see how Jak would fight in his new state.

[Jak Mar]

Jak's dark form rushed at the ninjas and started to slash them, throwing the dead ninjas at the ones that were coming. The claws went through a few other ninjas as the dark creature threw them at the ground.

The dark creature could figure out Doc from the other ninjas at least but it would be a rough ride for the time coming.

As the dark creature hopped from tree to tree with his claws holding on tight, he'd pull a few more ninjas to the ground and attack them merciless.

Daxter held his head "I'm a OTTSEL!" "Get it right, nurse.."

The dark creature would continue until the ninjas stopped coming, but who knew how many waves were going to come at this rate.

Meanwhile down below, the Commander was doing his own stabbing of ninjas coming at Jak from the ground.

His military training snapped back into play as he took out a few assassins from below with his dagger.

[Morene Fellon]

Delsin had too many experiences in just a couple of days related to being teleported to some random place he's never seen before.

Just like that, Delsin felt himself moving forward, seemingly suspended into the air, gaining momentum. He still couldn't see, but this feeling was getting all too familiar for him to even care.

Before he knew it, Delsin felt his feet hit the grassy ground beneath him with a surprising force. He opened his eyes, dilating as it adjusted to the sunlight, strangely darker than his experience travelling through the gate.

Honestly, it was quite headache inducing, but for some reason, Delsin noticed he was getting used to it. In this case, he had just stepped into the Tangled Green, and all Delsin could see was blank white light, blinding him.

Groaning again, Delsin grabbed at his head, grateful that the throbbing pain in his head was fading away quicker than he expected. Looking at both of his flanks, Delsin realized he was yet again separated from Jak Mar's presence.

Delsin shook his head, grumbling, "Oh, of course this happens again..."

With another deep sigh, Delsin looked ahead of him, taking in his surroundings.

All he could see from left to right was trees, grass, and even more trees. No wonder they called it the Tangled Green. Heck, there wasn't even a small trail to direct him to any sort of important landmark, whatever that might have been.

Looking around the densely forested area, Delsin's ears vibrated with the sound of metal slashing through the air in the distance. Delsin flinched a bit, frantically looking for the source of where it had came from. The sound was quickly followed by more slashes, and even a few screams. Delsin had no idea what exactly was happening out there, but it sounded chaotic.

Taking no time to talk to himself, Delsin jogged onwards into the forest, following the sounds. Delsin had suspicions this might have been Jak's doing for only a moment, before dismissing the thought, quickly going back to running into the woods.

Shaking his head as he ran, Delsin chuckled, "Man, it's like trouble just follows me around nowadays..."

[Jak Mar]

The commander named Torn was closer to Delsin then he thought he was. Jak and the Good Doctor was taking over the fight and keeping the ninjas at bay so this was a good time to get Delsin's attention.

The brown haired man with tattoos finished killing the other ninja rushing at him and could see a figure starting to move closer to him, at first he didn't recognize the figure until he saw the red hat.

"What took you so long?!

Torn ran the opposite direction toward Delsin trying to get his attention.

"That figure you see there, that's Jak... his dark form anyways.... The good doc is over this way.... Keep going that way...

Ninjas are on..our butts too.

[Dr. McNinja]

"Whatever you say, Pikachu" Doc shouted to Daxter, throwing two more stars at some approaching ninjas. He slashed up three more as he kicked another in the face.

"Hey!" Daxter shouted, "I am not a whatever the hell that is!"

Suddenly, a ninja he was about to punch all the way to Neverland collapsed for no apparent reason. Doc looked around and saw a man that looked like he came from Jak's world.

"I hope that's an ally of yours," Doc muttered, before hooking his arm around a ninja's throat, jumping up, and using the enemy ninja to swing himself around in an arc and kicking three airborne ninjas on the way. It was like an upside-down ninja pendulum.

"Yeah, that's Torn. He's all dark and stuff," Daxter whined. "Super scary soldier guy. Reeeal rude."

Doc was about to start calling Daxter names again, when he noticed Delsin in the distance.

"Yo, Delsin!" Doc cried out, running his katana through two ninjas. He got whacked in the face with a flying nunchuck and he growled.

"Okay, I know we're shameless assassins, but COME ON! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?" McNinja shouted.

STOMP

Doc gave Jak an uneasy look. Jak himself looked back. It was weird seeing such a huge hunk look so afraid.

STOMP

"Oh God I know who that is."

STOMP

"GRAAAAAAAGH"

"It's Mongo the Uber Ninja."

The giant ninja stood solemnly in the distance. He was twice the height of Dr. McNinja, and had a belly the size of a cauldron. The only part about that said "ninja" was the traditional mask covering his entire face. Otherwise, he was big, clumsy-looking, and had no shirt whatsoever. But Doc had fought him before. Mongo was dosed with a mutagen of the ninja virus, which gave you sicknasty ninja powers. Mongo was almost superhumanly masterful in the arts of ninjutsu, despite his size. He was one of the only foes that almost killed the good physician... multiple times. ("He's sorta like Bane!" "YOUARENOTBATMAN")

The most terrifying thing about Mongo was that he was effectively a master of all weapons because of his outrageous ninja skills. His favorite weapon? Well... he was holding them at the time.

"Sooo Delsin? Now that the power collars are off," Doc muttered, "I was hoping you could help us out some. Pleeeeease tell me you have superpowers or something, cause, well, MONGOTHEUBERNINJAISGOINGTOKILLUS"

In a giant roar, Mongo's chainsaw nunchucks came to life and rattled as the blades spun terrifyingly fast.

"Man, I totally should have kept mine," Doc thought, preparing his sword. Last time he fought Mongo, he only survived because his master called him off. But this time, he had Delsin, Jak, and physics on his side. Implying, of course, Delsin was a good fighter. Doc had no idea what he could do, but seeing as what Jak was able to do without the collars, it was bound to be impressive.

The other ninjas started backing off. Good decision on their part. Mongo tended to... get careless when a kill was not as easy as it looked. Doc charged the obese ninja, hoping that Mongo let his guard down. Silly McNinja. Good ninjas never let their guard down. Though he was moving instantaneously fast, Mongo deflected the blade with ease and swung the other chainsaw down on Doc's head. Doc catched it with his own blade, but the force of it knocked him onto the ground.

By now, the other ninjas were now attacking Jak, who was fighting them alone. Doc was about to be turned into ninja kibble, and the sparks from the chainsaw and sword clashing flew in his face. Hot sparks in your face can be very distracting.

"Delsiiiin? Jaaaak?" he cried out, "I need help!"

[Jak Mar]

Dark Jak was holding back the ninjas quite well with Torn's help and the Dark creature looked at Torn.

"Can you handle the ninjas? I need everything i got for this guy. RARRRR!

Torn turned his head and nodded "Go... I'll handle the ninjas, you handle the giant ninja guy with your friends... I'll be here..."

Soon Torn was off to fight the ninjas again holding them back from attacking Jak, Delsin and the good Doc.

Soon Dark Jak rushed over to Mcninja's aid and grabbed the chainsaw in his claws trying to hold back the chainsaw from the Doc's sword as much as possible. He pushed the chainsaw toward Mongo and kept pushing.

When he could get close enough, he'd send some dark eco pulsing through Mongo's body hopefully making the huge ninja die faster.

Daxter turned to Delsin and said "Glad you could join us... Sorry about the separation... but we didn't DO anything!"

[Dr. McNinja]

"Alrighty then, let's go fight an uber-"

THWIP

Doc felt his neck. He definitely should've been able to see this one coming. Why hadn't he? Ah. His ninjutsu manipulation had run out. He had no more energy to maintain his Army of One. And now, on his neck, was a dart. He felt the anesthetic pulse through his circulation.

"Please," he scoffed, "You think this is gonna work? Y'all know as well as I do that ninja training involves sleeping gas resistance-"

Doc collapsed suddenly onto the floor.

"Okay this is new stuff."

Jak was busy tearing the ninjas a new one, and Delsin was busy. Nobody had noticed. One of the ninjas dragged the sleeping physician away.

A bag was thrown over his head, and a cart wheeled him away, far from the battle.

[Jak Mar]

Jak was fighting the ninjas when the doctor suddenly fell down. Jak's dark jak powers wore off and he grabbed Daxter and ran. Torn also started to run seeing that they would potentially be hard to fight on his own.

Torn yelled "Jak! COME ON! We gotta go!"

Daxter screamed "DOC!" as he was pulled away by one of the ninjas.

Jak heard daxter and now started to run after the ninja taking McNinja away.

[Morene Fellon]

Suddenly being thrown into the heat of battle with his previous associates, Delsin found himself very busy these past few days.

Usually, it was same old, same old back in the heart of Seattle. Glide around, take down some Department of Unified Protection troops, whom were now long gone at that point, and repeat the process.

Now, Delsin was fighting an entire group of ninjas back in the middle of a densely packed woodland area with nothing but his palms and whatever fiery smoke he could channel through his body.

The only dialogue being exchanged between the three Primes were simple warnings of oncoming attacks, or just orders to follow. Quite a busy day, to put it lightly.

It didn't take much long after Delsin's appearance in the whole fight scene for a single sudden moment in which a few ninjas had put down McNinja, before taking him off. It took awhile for both Delsin and Jak to notice the whole ordeal, but when they did, they both could easily say they were slightly worried.

As Delsin continued to jump over the crowds of oncoming ninjas, he attempted to keep pressure off of Jak and the rest of his allies by peppering various hostile ninjutsu practitioners with a barrage of Smoke Shots. Whilst he did this, Delsin tried his hardest to run for the few taking away McNinja himself, only finding his speed outmatched by their obviously trained footwork.

Delsin puffed out a breath of heavy air, almost coming out as darkened smoke as he complained to himself, "Gosh, can I ever get a break?!"

[Jak Mar]

Jak looked up at Delsin and just shook his head "Good luck Delsin, heros never seem to get a break around the Omniverse..."

Daxter stayed on Jak's shoulder as Jak rushed trying to keep up with the ninjas trying to escape with Mcninja in hand. This came as a big relief as various balls of smoke began to hit various ninjas around Jak and his allies and Jak was happy at least for now. He could hardly say the same for himself, who tried to outrun extremely quick ninjas who seem to outpace him.

Torn eyed Delsin who nodded as smoke balls helped clear out the balls around the group.

Jak eyed Delsin.

Jak was frustrated that Doc broke his arm and fixed it all in a day, but he meant well at least. He wouldn't let the Good Doc down, not now.

[Morene Fellon]

Chuckling at Jak's response, Delsin turned his head to reply, still trying to pester a few distant ninjas trying to escape through the trees with his Smoke Shot.

"Yeah, no kidding!" Delsin yelled, distracting him enough for about four ninjas to jump out of some nearby bushes, quickly surrounding Delsin. The menacing group of ninjutsu practitioners began circling Delsin, knowing they had him pinned down. Smiling, Delsin knew he still didn't use all the tricks up his sleeve, at least not yet.

Rushing forward suddenly, the ninja in front of Delsin raised his sword, only to go wide-eyed at the sight of Delsin turning into a small cloud of smoke, immediately speeding towards the defending ninja. The remaining three were ninjas were just as confused as the first, stuck looking at the display in shock. After only a second had passed, Delsin reformed into his original self right in front of the frontmost ninja, revving his arm backwards, watching the look of fear in the ninja's eyes form as Delsin unwrapped the chain around his wrist, channeling a current of smoke through his arm and up to the metallic rings.

As Delsin slammed his chain down onto the ninja, the mook assassin raised his sword, watching as the chain wrapped around the blade itself instead of hitting him. Delsin almost chuckled. Pulling his right arm backwards, Delsin whipped back the sword from the ninja's hands, before kicking him in the chest, knocking the ninja backwards.

Giving Delsin no time to breathe, one of the ninjas behind Delsin quickly ran up to the Conduit, before slashing at his back with a dagger. Delsin yelped, before turning around immediately and making a very predictable horizontal swing with his chain, only for the ninja previously attacking him to jump backwards, swiftly avoiding the attack. Inhaling deeply, Delsin used the momentum from his swing to jump into the air slightly, right above the ninja, before firing a close-range Smoke Shot directly into the ninja's face, knocking him down immediately.

Once again, Delsin was then met with the sight of the two ninjas remaining jumping above Delsin, their weapons raised as they dove down, aimed at his chest. Rolling his eyes, Delsin was really wishing Jak wasn't busy already, or Dr. McNinja, for that matter. Swinging his chain in a circular motion, Delsin caught it in his left hand, raising it to hopefully catch whatever pair of attacks were coming his way.

[spoiler]

- OOC Note -

Good lord, I am so sorry to Jak Mar for delaying this post so much. My computer has been crashing a ton lately (much making my forgetfulness of the "Save Draft" button a lot worse on me,) E3 got my mind all scrambled, and the fact that I was dealing with all that without the slightest motivation to do much other than get up and go to work. Hopefully I'm back on track after this, though! Again, apologies to Jak!

[/spoiler]

[Jak Mar]

Jak's eyes wondered over after he finished the ninjas near him. Jak had to smirk at the response Delsin gave but he rushed over to Delsin and said "Backup's arrived... Hope you don't mind the extra help."

The man nodded and went right back to business, he started to take some of the ninjas down using some of his better weapons from the background as Delsin took out the front ninjas.

It was then Jak let out a large ball that went flying from his gun and a kaboom sound as it hit several ninjas at once. Jak pumped his arm "OH YEA!"

Daxter actually was handling a gun quite well and backed up Torn and Jak as they were stabbing and shooting with Delsin.

Daxter frowned "How many ninjas are there anyways?"

Torn remained steady in his shooting [color=#red]"Shut up and keep shooting, Ottsel."[/color]

Daxter groaned and kept shooting.

Jak avoided Delsin the best he could, but his dark side wanted out. Jak placed his gun away and held his head. "AHHHHRG!" Jak's form was that of a monster, the one that could take out metalheads and ninjas t the same time. Or so the people said.