Bounty Hunt: Harry Dresden vs Mami Tomoe

[Harry Dresden]

Alright, it's time! Mami, what do you think of these rules, starting from when Mami makes the first aggressive move (because Harry isn't going to Fuego a little girl until she starts doing something obviously aggressive and magic, like summoning a musket).

Word Limit: 800
Posts Per Player: 3
Time Limit: 36 hours
Random Elements: On
Damage Meter: On

[Mami Tomoe]

#HYPETRAINMOTHERFUCKERS
also #plsdontbanishmebby

Sounds good to me, though this will be my first fight here ever, so I don't have any real standards to go off of. I'm going to be posting really soon, so keep an eye out for that.
Good luck to you, and may the best man/girl win~
We're OK with no one judging this? Or have you found someone and I just didn't pay attention?

[Harry Dresden]

Gil is our judge

[Gilgamesh]

WOOT WOOT. Also post in here when it starts and/or when I need to supervise or anything

[Mami Tomoe]

I made Mami's first fighty-post. *Sets up a chessboard on a table and moves a pawn forward* Your move, Dresden.

[Harry Dresden]

Working on a reply now.

[Harry Dresden]

Used my super move in this post.

[Mami Tomoe]

Ahaha, yeah... Mami's gonna be dead soon. ;.;
I plan for Mami to restrain Harry with ribbons, but she's borderline ready to collapse after one more round, since she had nothing to block a Super Move with and she already was hurt beforehand. How's that sound?

[Harry Dresden]

Seems legit.

[Harry Dresden]

How close is Mami to Harry? I take the two feet comment to mean that Harry's being held between the two palm trees?

[Mami Tomoe]

Harry is being held between the two palm trees thanks to the ribbons, and he would be about a foot off the ground thanks to the ribbons (The two feet comment was meant to say that while Harry's naturally a foot taller than her, he's now two because he's being held off the ground) - The palm trees would be a fair bit farther than two feet. Apologies for the lack of a distance between Mami and Harry - I'll spare you my justification for that. Three feet sounds about right, doesn't it?

[Harry Dresden]

Three or four, yeah. I just need to know these things.

[Harry Dresden]

I know I'm already over the time limit, but can I get another day to work on this? Finals week begins, but I was already planning on that. No, the problem is that I'm sick with something. I thought it was just allergies, but allergies don't give you nosebleeds in the middle of the night and almost choke you on your own blood. I wasn't going to go to the ER and sit up for 8 hours, so I slept in an upright position with my years of lecture hall training and I'm about to head out now, first to take my first final, then to see a physician. If you want to end it here instead of wait, that's fine too.

[Atelos]

It's good with me! What say you Mami?

[Mami Tomoe]

I said it in the chat earlier, but just as a formality (And to have it written out here), I'm perfectly fine with you taking your time. As long as there's a reason, I'm OK with giving you all the time you need. Say the word(s) when you're OK, and we can start the fight up again whenever.

Consider this a timeout until all's well. Or relatively well, at least.

[Harry Dresden]

And there's the end of the fight!

[Atelos]

Alright well here's my scorecard to what my criteria is. If you'll notice it's a bit different from my Quest Critera as well as Sarah's and Proto's Fight Grading Criteria.

Style-The flow of the work and the way it sounds. Does it sound good in a sense and was there anything that detached me from the story? The things you do to create the story and the literal words you use.

Grammar-Basically what it says. Are there a lot of grammar errors or are there none? This can vary to actual punctuation to sentences and etc.

Character Involvement- Am i interested in your character? Not necessarily "Do I want your character to win?" but more of a sense that I want to be attached to your character. Do I enjoy reader your character fight and his evil or heroic plots? This is kind of like "Awesomeness" that I usually do but this has more additions onto it.

Believability-Do I believe that these things would happen or was it forced to fit in with your plot? Did your character God-Mod a bit? Did you write fair injuries in and fatigue or did your character seem to get off scot-free?

Penalties/Bonus'- For the gamey aspects of the RPG such as Super Moves, Transformations, Stats, and other things that would not be accounted for in just plain old writing.

Each section is out of 5(Except for Bonus' since those are actual Bonus')

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Harry Dresden

Style: 3.5
I really like the way you write, your overall word choice is great and I have little complaints to the actual writing. It is very descriptive and I really enjoy the picture you create as well as the tangible diction you use to make me even more interested into the story. Only preference I have is the very long nature of some of your sentences. Some of them run on a bit and seems like you put a little too much detail into one sentence but overall it was very nice.

Grammar: 4.5
Other than the mention above there isn't that many grammar that took me out of the story. Good Job!

Character Involvement: 4
Harry Dresden is a badass. He doesn't want to fight but he does so without hesitation because he doesn't take shit from no body. While I'm not familiar with your source I wasn't prevented from feeling apathetic with your character. While the word "Fae" doesn't mean much to me I got the feeling that they were something that Harry had to deal with in his Canon world. I just love how gruff he is and even when she continues to test him he keeps on telling her to leave him the hell alone. I really like the character and I enjoyed seeing him fight.

Believability: 2.5
Similar to my fight with Guu I feel like you wrote your injuries very well but the fatigue(how short the fight was) seemed nonexistent. All those spells and dodging and those ribbons would be tiring. (I would assume)

Bonus'/ Penalties
+.5- Your stats are placed fairly well and your attack is slightly higher than her's as well as her low defense. I thought it deserved a little something
+.5 That one round with the Transformation kind of seemed very granted. Since she didn't have a response those high stats seem very daunting.

Total: 15.5/20

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Mami

Style: 4
I originally had you at the same as Dresden since the large amounts of ellipses, dashes, and parenthesis. This is just a personal preference but I kind of feel like occasionally it would be ok but you used them a little to much.The reason why I bumped you up was because of this paragraph.

The flames subsided and Mami found herself lying on her stomach with a chilling feeling running up her spine... In more ways than one. She had survived, it seemed, but not without pain, and more physically, she was laying on ice. The beach before her had turned to glass, where she saw drag-marks of her boots where she must have slid backwards. With shaky arms and shakier legs still, she put her palms to the ice and pushed herself upwards slowly, with pain boiling and freezing in her veins. Everything in her screamed for her to stop, but she just couldn't. It wasn't time to give up quite yet, which she feared would get her killed.

That paragraph was super good and it just gave me a bit of chills. Not sure if it was just me but the fact that the ground beneath her turned to glass was super cool and very well written.

Grammar: 4
Not too many errors that were in the writing but the few that were in there jarred me a bit. Some times it felt like it was a thought where it jarred to third person perspective and it kind of made me confused as a reader.

Character Involvement: 4
I really enjoyed the almost "underdog" aspect of the fight and I wanted her to win…despite her being the one who started the fight. I really enjoy the character and you wrote her well!

Believability: 3
Same comments as Harry however I do see some nods to the fatigue. I do see spots of it, however it didn't seem to stop you from doing amazing tasks.

Bonus'/Penalties:
-.5 Due to the injuries from the Tier 1 Super Move inhibiting her from the rest of the fight.

Total: 14.5/20
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Winner: Harry Dresden
He decides where the plot may go in the next post, whether it be kill or anything else that he wishes to do. Good work both of you and I really enjoyed the fight. Very hard fight to grade. Hate you guys.

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Damage:
Harry Dresden: 5
Mami: 7