Sign Here (Omnizon Delivery)

[Gaston]

"Alrighty then! Ya see right up there in those bushes?" Bob spoke intentionally quietly, hoping not to alert his target.

"Y..yeah, but why'd you um, bring me out-oh." Sitting in a small area of bushes was a small group of goblins, all armed, waiting to ambush something. 

"So, we're gonna hafta kill them!"

"I...I'm not sure that I..."

"Oh come on! Even without the mutations, ya've got the gun arm! And those guns I gave ya! I bet you'll be fine." Bob grabbed a rifle from off his back, firing off in rapid succession at the bush. All his shots missed, but the goblins knew he was coming now. They filed out, revealing there were surprisingly many of them. 

"Shit! These communist goblins gonna ruin our delivery!" Bob fired as he talked, hitting one in the arm and causing it to drop its club. He fired again at its chest, causing it to be knocked back a few inches and fall, dead. One goblin saw this, and ran with his spear up in the air at Bob. Bob quickly ran toward the van. He leapt into it, slamming into it and bouncing off into a flip. In mid air, he used his gun-leg to shoot the goblin with the spear directly in the head, splattering it onto the grass below. 

"Bill! We gotta kill em!"

[Desman Black]

“I-I don’t want to tho.” Bill said, his head looking around for anyway out. “Thiscan’tbehappening… Thiscan’tbehappening... “ His voice was hushed and frantic as tried to deny what was happening, but it didn’t help with all the gunshots.
“Bill, lookout, 1 O’clock!” Bill immediately looked at the direction Bob was referring to, but it was to late, the goblin was already pouncing on him. The buff dude tried to shake the creature off but it held on. With only a sense if panic running over him bill body reacted on it’s own and shot the arm cannon.
The effect it had on the goblin was now there was a big hole where it’s chest should be. The effect on bill however? Well, after seeing the insides of another living creature he just sat there for a few minutes repeating the word no to himself over and over again… but then, they began to slow. One by one they turned into yeses, and soon they were slowing growing in speed, and a psychotic laughter. Bill Der grabbed the head of the now dead goblin and teared it in half from skull to privates.
He rampaged through the rest of the goblins, putting holes into various body parts with his arm gun, either by shooting them or punching straight through them, he prefered the later, more gore, and closer up too.
And what happened after the goblins were gone? Well...he just calmed down. “Ugh… Bob, my head is killing me, I’m going back to the Van while you finish clearing whatever we came out here out here to clear…”

[Gaston]

"What we-Bill, the thing we came to clear out was those goblins, ya, ya Froot Loop dingus!"

"Oh...Oh. Sorry," Bill sheepishly replied. He walked back into the van and the spider leapt into his arms. "Hey buddy," he said cheerfully. Bob walked in and stretched, getting ready to start driving again.

"Oh yeah, and Bill. Good job out there! Ya really showed yer uh, fighting spirit!" Bob spoke as he sat down at the controls.

"My what?" Bob ignored his question. Bill sat down at his side and began to accelerate. For a long period of time, they moved steadily and oddly without any disturbances. That is, until a rumble echoed through the van.

"Eek!" Bill shrieked.

"Relax! That was just eh, the ole' stomach here. Press the rations button, will ya?"

"B..but sir-"

"Oh yeah, colourblind. I'll get it." Bob reached over and pressed the rationsnbutton, causing a hole in the dashboard to dispense a cold hotdog. 

"Ah, just like Ma used to make!" Bob ate the hot dog slowly, taking in every bite.

"Bob, look up!" Bob did look up, and what he saw wasn't good. They were rapidly approaching a cliff.

"Nani?!" Bob quickly geared into action. He gripped the steering wheel firmly and flipped a saitch, causing a ramp to slide out from under the car. "Bill, faster!"

Bill pushed the speed lever forward as far as it would go, and they flew towards the ramp-causing their spider to likewise fly, but for the spider, into their windshield. They hit the ramp going fast, and soared off of it.

"Bill-brace yerself! We're going down!"

[Desman Black]

“Spider! SPIDER!!!” Bill shouted to the back as he got out of his seatbelt to make sure his friend was still safe.

“We really should think of a name for that thing.” Bob intervened, thinking it over for a minute before suggesting something. “How about The Omnislash.”

“We are about to plummet to our probable deaths and you are worried about the name of our spider!!!”

Like all other attempts at questioning bob’s soundness with shout through right over his head. Did he have an ear plant that made him unable to hear panicked tones? It wouldn’t be surprising with everything else here. “Relax, OMNIzom has coated all their trucks in PlotAmourium(™) to make sure all employees get their package within 5 miles of its destination. And if that wasn’t enough upon dying our suits recognise this and pumps a special liquid that reanimated you, though side effects may include dizziness, rotting flesh, lowered IQ and a hunger for brains.”

“I DON’T WANNA BE A F*CKING ZOMBIE!!”

“Oh, there is no chance if that's happening, zombies rarely get laid.” Bill wondered how bob managed to keep such a straight face and tone. He was about to die with a psychopath!