Oh Happy Day

[Kenpachi Zaraki]

“Looks like we’ve got another.”

“Never a dull moment.”

A pair of stormtroopers had paused their patrol to analyze the new arrival from afar. He had appeared as most Primes did, popping into existence precisely when one was not paying attention, as if Omni were hiding his machinations from voyeuristic onlookers. The Fountain had just recently shifted form--as it so often did-taking the shape of a shabby-looking stone building outfitted with an enormous spinning fixture. This bit of antiquity was as foreign to the troopers as the garb of the newcomer.

“Your turn to give the recruitment speech,” the first trooper asserted, cautiously leveling his blaster at the windmill. “Hopefully this one’s calmer than some of the other recent arrivals.”

As the pair of soldiers looked on from across the Nexus, the fountain-fresh shinigami began to stir from his slumber. He struggled briefly against the tangles of his Shihakushō, eventually raising himself to a seated position and slowly opening his heavy eyelids. The Captain yawned as he glanced around, taking in what little there was to his surroundings. He did not remember falling asleep, though one rarely does.

“Where…” the death god rasped, gazing off toward the nondescript horizon. As far as he could tell, he was sitting smack in the middle of nothing.

Kenpachi Zaraki climbed slowly to his feet, dusting off his haori as he searched for any clues of where he had wound up. A glance over his shoulder revealed a windmill, its canvas blades spinning lazily without the assistance of any noticeable wind. Aside from this lone edifice, nothing of note offered itself for inspection. Where exactly had he wound up now?

“So much white,” the newcomer grumbled, glancing at the windmill as if it might reply. “Did I end up in Hueco Mundo?” His hand instinctively fell to his side as his eye left the millhouse to scan for threats, pausing as his fingers failed to find their quarry. “...Where’s my sword?”

Zaraki’s lips contorted into a scowl as he glanced down at his obi, noting that he indeed seemed to be short one nodachi; not even the sheath remained. A quick investigation of the nondescript ground/floor at his feet yielded no results, to his chagrin. “ ‘Ey, Yachiru…” He stopped short as he glanced first over one shoulder, then the other.  “Dammit, now where’d you run off to…?”

The swordless swordsman heaved an aggravated sigh as he shook the last remnants of fatigue from his body. That girl loved to mess with him, that was for sure. Knowing her, she’d probably ran off to torment some puny Hollow and taken his sword with her. If only he had ever bothered to even learn to sense reiryoku, he would at least know in which direction she’s scampered off. “This is really pissin’ me off,” the shinigami muttered, striding toward the windmill. “Maybe if I jump up there…”

“KENNY!”

Kenpachi winced as the familiar excited squeak of his subordinate met his ears. Before he could leap to a higher vantage point, the pink-haired girl came racing toward him from behind the windmill. She dragged his sword behind her, his weapon lacking the benefit of the tiny pair of wheels that her own sheathed katana bore, likewise dangling behind her as she ran. Her eyes bore a look more closely akin to confusion or concern than mischief. “There you are,” the shaggy shinigami affirmed, squatting to take his blade from his lieutenant.

“Where are we?” Yachiru inquired, squinting off into the distance. “Everything here is so...bland?”

“I don’t have any idea,” her captain answered, tucking his zanpakutou back into his belt. “Seems maybe like some Hollow dragged us home or something.” He scratched his stubbly chin contemplatively as he spoke, again casting his glance around for any clue of where they’d wound up. This time, however, he caught sight of a pair of armored humanoids marching toward them from around the other side of the building.

[Kenpachi Zaraki]

“Hollows!”

Before the girl’s cry could reach his ears, Zaraki had already taken off in a mad dash toward the approaching pair like a bat out of hell, grinning ear-to-ear. From his perspective they looked nearly human, far more so than the average Hollow, though their distinctively skull-esque heads gave them away. He felt his heart begin to race as he sized them up; from what he had learned from his fellow captains, the closer to human a Hollow looked, the stronger they were. Finding just one of these was said to be exceedingly rare, but two? Maybe it was his lucky day!

“Stand down!” one of the armored men commanded, distorted voice wavering noticeably at the sight of the crazed Prime drawing his sizable blade as he sprinted headlong toward them. The speaker and his partner quickly broke rank and dashed in opposite directions, each turning their weapons on Kenpachi and letting loose a salvo of laser blasts.

“Get ‘em, Kenny!” Yachiru cheered gleefully, latching on to the towering shinigami’s left shoulder. The diminutive lieutenant giggled as she gripped tightly at handfuls of his haori, the rest of her tiny body flailing wildly behind like a flag in a windstorm.

Kenpachi pegged the leftmost attacker as his opponent, taking his time to allow his foe ample opportunity to land a few attacks as he closed the distance. The Death God’s grin widened at the feeling of the weapon’s projectiles burning through his ceremonial uniform and searing his flesh. It felt like forever since he’d had a real fight on his hands. “I hope you can do better than that!” he called, carving a wide gash across his foe’s breastplate with a wild swipe of his blade.

The shinigami’s smile faded as the wounded soldier staggered backward, a crimson band widening across his abdomen as blood began to trickle from the newly-opened breach in his armor. “C-call for back-up,” he urged his compatriot, nearly falling onto his rear as he fired wild potshots in the direction of his attacker. “The Emperor will want this one detained!”

“Emperor?” Kenpachi inquired, blinking. Last he knew, some female Arrancar had taken the throne.

“I don’t think these guys are hollows,” Yachiru whispered into the death god’s ear, somewhat dejectedly. “They just seem sorta like humans or something.”

The swordsman let out an exasperated sigh as he sheathed his sword, ignoring the storm of laser blasts from the two still-very-irate troopers. “Yeah, seems like it.” He paused, turning toward the soldier he had not yet wounded. ”Hey, what’re you two chumps doing in Hueco Mundo?”

“This is the Nexus,” the soldier answered, ceasing his blaster assault to allow his words to be heard. His lacerated companion offered no such courtesy. “Didn’t you get your speech when Omni pulled you here?”

Zaraki squinted at the speaker, his face otherwise blank. “Listen, I don’t know what any of that means. Where the hell are we?”

“...Are you serious?!” the nameless trooper asked, for the first time lowering his blaster. He turned to his bloodied ally, raising a gloved hand. “Stop firing at him for a second, I can’t hear myself think with you doing that.”

“He nearly cut me in half!”

“If you’re still standing, you’ll be fine,” the clear leader of the two replied, somewhat callously. “Now, ca-” he started, stopping short as the robed swordsman turned and began walking back toward the fountain. “...wait, where are you going?”

“Dunno,” Kenpachi called over his unoccupied shoulder. “But you two weaklings aren’t worth fighting.”

"You can't just assault agents of the Empire and think you can walk away!"

The shaggy shinigami waved a hand dismissively as he caught sight of something along the horizon. A door? "Shut it, unless you want me to kill you both. It's pretty cowardly to attack someone who can barely defend them self, but you're starting to piss me off."

"Hey Kenny," his pink-haired subordinate said, now seated more comfortably beside his head, feet dangling near his chin. "If we're not in Hueco Mundo, where are we?"

"Don't know," Kenpachi replied, ignoring the various shouts from the troopers he had left behind. "I keep trying to remember how we got here and it's giving me one hell of a migraine."